The Making of a Saint

  XIV

  I went to the Moratini Palace, and with beating heart looked round forGiulia. She was surrounded by her usual court, and seemed more livelyand excited than ever. I had never seen her more beautiful. She wasdressed all in white, and her sleeves were sewn with pearls; she lookedlike a bride. She caught sight of me at once, but pretended not to seeme, and went on talking.

  I approached her brother Alessandro and said to him casually,--

  'I am told a cousin of your sister has come to Forli. Is he hereto-day?'

  He looked at me inquiringly, not immediately understanding.

  'Giorgio dall' Aste,' I explained.

  'Oh, I didn't know you meant him. No, he's not here. He and Giulia'shusband were not friends, and so--'

  'Why were they not friends?' I interrupted, on the spur of the moment,not seeing the impertinence of the question till I had made it.

  'Oh, I don't know. Relations always are at enmity with one another;probably some disagreement with regard to their estates.'

  'Was that all?'

  'So far as I know.'

  I recollected that in a scandal the persons most interested are the lastto hear it. The husband hears nothing of his wife's treachery till allthe town knows every detail.

  'I should like to have seen him,' I went on.

  'Giorgo? Oh, he's a weak sort of creature; one of those men who commitsins and repent!'

  'That is not a fault of which you will ever be guilty, Alessandro,' Isaid, smiling.

  'I sincerely hope not. After all, if a man has a conscience he ought notto do wrong. But if he does he must be a very poor sort of a fool torepent.'

  'You cannot have the rose without the thorn.'

  'Why not? It only needs care. There are dregs at the bottom of everycup, but you are not obliged to drink them.'

  'You have made up your mind that if you commit sins you are ready to goto hell for them?' I said.

  'It is braver than going to Heaven by the back door, turning pious whenyou are too old to do anything you shouldn't.'

  'I agree with you that one has little respect for the man who turns monkwhen things go wrong with him.'

  I saw that Giulia was alone, and seized the opportunity to speak withher.

  'Giulia,' I said, approaching.

  She looked at me for a moment with an air of perplexity, as if shereally could not remember whom I was.

  'Ah, Messer Filippo!' she said, as if suddenly recollecting.

  'It is not so long since we met that you can have forgotten me.'

  'Yes. I remember last time you did me the honour to visit me you werevery rude and cross.'

  I looked at her silently, wondering.

  'Well?' she said, steadily answering my gaze and smiling.

  'Have you nothing more to say to me than that?' I asked in an undertone.

  'What do you want me to say to you?'

  'Are you quite heartless?'

  She gave a sigh of boredom, and looked to the other end of the room, asif for someone to come and break a tedious conversation.

  'How could you!' I whispered.

  Notwithstanding her self-control, a faint blush came over her face. Istood looking at her for a little while and then I turned away. She wasquite heartless. I left the Moratini and walked out into the town. Thislast interview had helped me in so far that it made certain that my lovewas hopeless. I stood still and stamped on the ground, vowing I wouldnot love her. I would put her away from my thoughts entirely; she was acontemptible, vicious woman, and I was too proud to be subject to her. Iwondered I did not kill her. I made up my mind to take my courage inboth hands and leave Forli. Once away, I should find myself attracted todifferent matters, and probably I should not live long before findingsome other woman to take Giulia's place. She was not the only woman inItaly; she was not the most beautiful nor the cleverest. Give me a monthand I could laugh at my torments....

  The same evening I told Matteo I meant to leave Forli.

  'Why?' he asked in astonishment.

  'I have been here several weeks,' I answered; 'I don't want to outstaymy welcome.'

  'That is rubbish. You know I should be only too glad for you to stayhere all your life.'

  'That is very kind of you,' I replied, with a laugh, 'but theestablishment is not yours.'

  'That makes no difference. Besides, Checco has become very fond of you,and I'm sure he wishes you to stay.'

  'Of course, I know your hospitality is quite unlimited; but I ambeginning to want to get back to Citta di Castello.'

  'Why?' asked Matteo, doubtfully.

  'One likes to return to one's native place.'

  'You have been away from Castello for ten years; you cannot be in anyparticular hurry to get back.'

  I was beginning to protest when Checco came in, and Matteo interruptedme with,--

  'Listen, Checco, Filippo says he wants to leave us.'

  'But he sha'n't,' said Checco, laughing.

  'I really must!' I answered gravely.

  'You really mustn't,' replied Checco. 'We can't spare you, Filippo.'

  'There's no great hurry about your going home,' he added, when I hadexplained my reasons, 'and I fancy that soon we shall want you here. Agood sword and a brave heart will probably be of good use to us.'

  'Everything is as quiet as a cemetery,' I said, shrugging my shoulders.

  'It is quiet above; but below there are rumblings and strange movements.I feel sure this calm only presages a storm. It is impossible forGirolamo to go on as he is now; his debts are increasing every day, andhis difficulties will soon be impracticable. He must do something. Thereis certain to be a disturbance at any attempt to put on the taxes, andthen Heaven only knows what will happen.'

  I was beginning to get a little vexed at their opposition, and Ianswered petulantly,--

  'No, I must go.'

  'Stay another month; things must come to a head before then.'

  A month would have been as bad as a year.

  'I am out of health,' I answered; 'I feel I want to get into a differentatmosphere.'

  Checco thought for a moment.

  'Very well,' he said, 'we can arrange matters to suit us both. I wantsomeone to go to Florence for me to conclude a little business matterwith Messer Lorenzo de' Medici. You would be away a fortnight; and ifyou are out of sorts the ride across country will put you right. Willyou go?'

  I thought for a moment. It was not a very long absence, but the newsights would distract me, and I wanted to see Florence again. On thewhole, I thought it would suffice, and that I could count on the cureof my ill before the time was up.

  'Very well,' I answered.

  'Good! And you will have a pleasant companion. I had talked to ScipioneMoratini about it; it did not occur to me that you would go. But it willbe all the better to have two of you.'

  'If I go,' I said, 'I shall go alone.'

  Checco was rather astonished.

  'Why?'

  'Scipione bores me. I want to be quiet and do as I like.'

  I was quite determined that neither of the Moratini should come with me.They would have reminded me too much of what I wanted to forget.

  'As you like,' said Checco. 'I can easily tell Scipione that I want himto do something else for me.'

  'Thanks.'

  'When will you start?'

  'At once.'

  'Then come, and I will give you the instructions and necessary papers.'