Take Three

  “The new little guy better be tough.” Bailey gave a mock look of exhaustion. “That Tommy’s a little terror.”

  Katy laughed. “He’s getting better. Becoming a little more like Ashley’s Cole. But his imagination is still stronger than all the other grandkids put together.”

  Next Jenny talked about summer football and how great Cody was working out as a coach for Clear Creek. At the mention of his name, a curiosity tugged at Bailey’s heart. Why had he really called her last night? He’d sounded so sincere, so much more like the Cody she’d known when he lived here. All day she’d thought about texting or calling him and asking what had triggered the call.

  A half hour passed quickly, and Katy and Sophie needed to leave—too soon for Bailey. She loved this, the chance to catch up with Katy again. They saw each other once in a while of course, but not like when she had lived with them, back when she and Dayne first met. It was one more reason Bailey was grateful Katy had come up with the idea. They made a plan to meet every Saturday, Monday, and Wednesday until the audition in August, and then Katy and Sophie headed home.

  Bailey checked the time on the microwave and her breath caught in her throat. “Oh, no.” She raced her glass to the dishwasher and hurried toward the stairs.

  Her mom was pulling cans of tuna from the cupboard. Football practice was earlier today, and she had promised the boys a platter of tuna salad sandwiches after practice. She watched Bailey run past. “What’s the rush?”

  “Tim. I forgot about him.” She groaned as she reached the stairs. “I’m so bad. We were supposed to meet for lunch at one.”

  Bailey flew to her room, fixed her hair, and grabbed her purse and was pulling out of the driveway in five minutes. Even then she pulled up at the restaurant fifteen minutes late. She grumbled at herself. “So rude…he’s probably gone by now.”

  She ran across the parking lot and burst through the back door of the diner, breathless. Tim was still there, sitting by himself in a booth by the windows. He was on his cell phone, and he looked relaxed. Bailey smoothed out her pale pink T-shirt and caught her breath. Then she calmly crossed the restaurant and took her place opposite him. She’d texted Tim earlier about the lesson with Katy, so he probably figured she was late because the lesson ran over.

  “Hi,” he mouthed. He pointed at the phone and held up his finger, letting her know he was almost finished. Then he turned his attention back to the call. “Well, hey…I’m glad I got hold of you. We’ve been worried, Andi.”

  Bailey sat back against the vinyl booth and stared at him. Andi Ellison? He’d called Andi and she’d actually answered? Bailey was torn between feeling grateful someone had gotten hold of her and wondering why she had taken Tim’s call but not hers.

  The call ended and Tim made a point of looking long and hard at the time on his phone before setting it on the table beside him. “Lose track of the day?” His smile told her he wasn’t too mad. “I mean, I figured the lesson would get intense. Katy’s a great teacher.”

  He figured the lesson would get intense? Bailey wrinkled her brow. What was that supposed to mean? She thought about asking but changed her mind. If she became angry every time they were together, there wouldn’t be any point. “So…that was Andi?”

  “I called her.” He winked. “Figured it would give me something to do while I waited.”

  Bailey nodded, anxious to get past the issue of her lateness. “How is she? Her mom and dad are worried sick about her.”

  “She sounded okay, a little confused maybe. She’s hanging out with friends in Indianapolis for a few days. She told me she wants to get back into acting.” Tim picked up the menu and absently looked at it. “I told her she definitely should.” His eyes met Bailey’s over the top of the menu. “She’s a natural.”

  His words settled in Bailey’s gut like a mouthful of thistle weeds. Again, she refused to react. “Definitely. Andi’s amazing.”

  “What I didn’t tell her,” he set the menu down again, “was that God could hardly bless her now. Not without a complete change of heart.”

  Bailey was losing her appetite. “Because of Taz, you mean.”

  “Of course. You give yourself to a guy like that and what do you expect? Taz is the Cody Coleman of Indiana University—leaving a trail of used girls in his path.”

  A seething anger bubbled quickly and completely to the surface of Bailey’s heart. “Cody’s not like that.”

  “He was in high school.” Tim acted like he had every right to defend the comparison. “That’s what I meant. Guys like that, I mean, what do girls expect?”

  Beneath the table, Bailey started tapping her foot. Her heart seemed to shout at her to leave the restaurant, find any other way to spend her afternoon. She exhaled, gathering what remained of her control. “Actually,” she lifted her napkin from her lap and set it on the table in front of her, “I have housework to catch up on back home.” She inched toward the edge of the seat. “Sorry I was late. I just…I don’t have time for this.”

  If Tim had been trying to push her, trying to punish her for being late, in that moment the instant remorse in his eyes told her he was sorry. Clearly he’d gone too far. “Hey, Bailey…I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No, it’s fine.” She studied him, searching her heart for any sort of feelings. Anything that would keep her here another hour. She remembered the conviction she’d felt the other day, that she’d let God down by not acting on how she truly felt about Tim. “You’re right.” She couldn’t defend Cody’s past. It was what it was. “Cody wasn’t a great guy back then.”

  “Yeah, but I shouldn’t have said anything.” Here, in his apology, was a little of the guy he’d once been, the one Bailey had fallen for so long ago. “I’m sorry, really.”

  Bailey forced herself to calm down, not to bolt from the restaurant and never talk to Tim again. She was still his girlfriend, after all. He deserved to know how she was feeling. She exhaled, knowing there was only one thing to do. “Tim…I think we need a break.”

  Tim’s expression went completely blank. “A break?” He blinked twice. “What sort of a break?”

  “You know…a break. Time apart.” Her eyes were dry, and she realized how wrong she’d been not to have this talk with Tim a long time ago. A modicum of compassion eased her anger. Tim clearly hadn’t seen this coming. “We both have a lot going on this summer. Maybe time apart would give us…I don’t know, a better sense of direction.”

  “So, you mean like break up?” He set down his menu and leaned back, dazed. “That’s what you want?”

  “I guess.” She’d never done this before, and it was harder than she thought. “It doesn’t have to be like some awful thing where we never talk. And maybe things will work out between us later. When we’re older.”

  Tim slouched forward and shaded his eyes with his hand. When he looked at her again, his eyes weren’t damp, but they were hurting. “So you’re serious? You want to break up?”

  “Yes.” She bit her lip, trying to feel appropriately brokenhearted. But even as she did, a hint of brilliant joy splashed light across the awkward moment. Suddenly Bailey knew this was what she desperately wanted. She needed a closer walk with the Lord, not with Tim Reed. “I think it’s best. For both of us.”

  “Is that why you agreed to meet today? To break up with me?” He allowed a weak laugh, as if he were dizzy and trying to remember which way was up. “Without even talking about it first?”

  There was nothing to talk about, but Bailey couldn’t say so. She didn’t want to come across heartless. Make my words kind, God…I don’t want to hurt him. She breathed the silent prayer and drew a steadying breath. “I wanted to be your girlfriend for a long time.” She smiled, hoping he could see that she truly cared for him. “Way before you ever saw me that way.”

  “But I do see you that way.” He let his hands fall to the table. “I still do. We have so much ahead.”

  “Maybe.” She was anxious to leave. “Right now I ne
ed to think about my life, the future. I want my faith to be stronger so I can tell where God’s leading me. Staying together now would only hurt our chances of a future. Don’t you see that?”

  The realization of what had just happened was hitting Tim harder, and the shock was wearing off. He was sad now, more sad than he’d ever looked before. “What about the audition? We’re supposed to go to New York together.”

  “We’ll still go.” She thought about reaching across the table and taking hold of his hand, just to show she still cared. But she didn’t want to confuse him. “We were friends before we dated…there’s no reason we can’t have fun in New York City.”

  He stared out the window, quiet for a long time. Finally he turned to her and shrugged one shoulder. “I guess this is it, then.”

  “No.” She gave him a sad smile. “Don’t say that, Cody, not when—” her hand flew to her mouth and she felt the color leave her face.

  “Cody?” The sorrow in Tim’s eyes was instantly replaced by a deeper hurt.

  “Tim, it was an accident…I’m nervous, that’s all.” Her mouth was acting on its own, because her heart was still too horrified to believe she’d just done the unthinkable. She’d actually called him Cody.

  “That’s what this is really about, right? The undying love you have for Cody Coleman.” He glared at her, but after a few seconds, his anger faded. In its place was a forced indifference. He stood and dropped his napkin on the table near hers. “You and Cody have a good summer. I’ll find my own way to New York.”

  “Tim…” she stood and grabbed her purse, working to keep up with him. They walked out the back door together and in the parking lot she took gentle hold of his arm. “Stop…don’t do this.”

  “Do what?” He groaned and crossed his arms, staring at her. “You’re not the only one who’s felt it, Bailey. Something’s been missing between us for a while. I know that. But I figured we just needed more time together, more chances to laugh and play at the lake. See a movie together.”

  “That would’ve helped.”

  “No.” He shook his head. His tone took on a deeper understanding. “You’ve never given me your heart. You’ve kept me at a distance. Even in the best times.”

  Bailey could hardly argue. She deserved some of the blame for why they weren’t closer, more connected. God had shown her that. But she wasn’t willing to argue with Tim. He deserved a better ending. “Can I say something?”

  He stared at the ground for a long while, and when he looked up the fight was gone for him too. “What?”

  “Thank you.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “You respected me, you treated me with honor.” It was partly why she’d stayed with him so long. “I’ll always love that about you.”

  The compliment hit him square in the heart, Bailey could tell. It softened the tension in the moment. “I care about you.” He wrapped her in a long hug, and when he released her his eyes were damp for the first time. “I’ll always care.”

  “See?” She smiled at him, remembering a hundred good times. “That’s why we have to stay close. We both care too much to walk away forever.”

  He searched her eyes a final time. “I’ll be in touch then? Before New York?”

  “Yes.” She gave him one last quick hug. “And you’re coming with us. We already have your ticket.”

  There was no need for him to respond, no need to do anything but slowly step back and go their own ways. As they did, they both waved, and then in a blur Bailey was back in her car headed home. Her emotions scattered wildly across the surface of her heart. She ached for Tim and the loss he was feeling. Clearly he hadn’t been expecting a breakup. But the truth was, Tim would be fine. He would have more time for his family and his lessons, more time to focus on his audition.

  But as sad as she felt for Tim, as final as it felt to be broken up after two years, Bailey couldn’t deny the greater joy bursting through her. Because this was a freedom unlike anything she’d ever felt. Her mom had asked if she felt tied down, and she’d said no. Just a week ago she’d said that. But she must’ve felt that way, and she must’ve been missing God’s leading in her life, because now she felt free and amazing! She didn’t have to think about Tim or worry about their relationship or wonder why she didn’t want to spend time with him. She was free! Free to be herself and free to be open to whatever future God had for her.

  She sang along to the radio as she drove, Five for Fighting’s song “100 Years,” about how short life was, with only a hundred years to live. Such a finite number of days. She couldn’t spend one more moment in mediocrity, not in love or life or any part of her future. She would never settle again, the way she’d settled these last months with Tim. Yes, he was a great guy, a strong Christian. And yes, he’d respected her. She would always be grateful to him for that. But he didn’t love her—no matter when he’d toyed with the word before. Even today he couldn’t quite say it. Just that he cared for her, nothing more.

  And that was fine. She cared for him too. But that didn’t mean they should be dating. Bailey felt lighter than she had in a year. Sure, she would have days when she would feel lonely, when the reality of what she’d just done would hit her hard. But it was the right choice—Bailey had no doubt. As she pulled into the driveway, she remembered her horrible slip-up. How could she have called him Cody? And at a time like that? The question hung in the early afternoon breeze as Bailey parked her car, and suddenly the answer was obvious.

  She pictured dozens of times when she and her brothers had said something they shouldn’t have said. A criticism or unkind word. And other times when the opposite was true, and one of them would compliment someone in the family, saying something that made the other person walk away smiling, his head higher. Always their parents would remind them of a Bible verse from Matthew 12—“Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” With that truth in mind, Bailey wasn’t surprised she’d called her first boyfriend Cody. Bailey knew what was in her heart, the feelings for Cody she’d carried for so long. Based on that, it wasn’t a question of why she’d slipped and said his name. It was a question of how she’d kept from saying it sooner.

  As she walked into the house, she felt the finality of the breakup with Tim. She couldn’t imagine getting back together with him, though only time would tell. For now it felt like a chapter in her life had ended—and for that reason she was more subdued as she found her mom in the kitchen, as she told her what happened, and as the two of them hugged.

  “God knows the plans He has for you, sweetheart.” Her mom still held her hand. “I’ve told you that since you were a little girl.”

  “I believe that.” Bailey frowned. “I’m not sad the way I thought I’d be. But I feel bad. God wanted me to do this sooner, and I didn’t listen.” She hesitated. “I feel bad about that.”

  “Well, you did the right thing now.”

  “Yes.” She gave her mom a crooked smile. “I’ll miss him.”

  “Mmm.” Her mom nodded, keeping the moment unrushed. “I’m sorry.”

  Bailey made a face. “I didn’t tell you the worst part.”

  “Worse than breaking up?” Her mom waited, listening with her whole heart.

  Bailey told her about calling Tim the wrong name. “I wanted to take it back as soon as it was out of my mouth…but it was too late.”

  “Ooooh.” Her mom bit her lip. “That must’ve been awkward.”

  “It was awful.”

  Again her mom waited, studying Bailey. “You know what I think?”

  “What?” Bailey still felt terrible. She hoped Tim wasn’t home reliving the moment the way she was.

  “I have a feeling next time around,” her mom pulled her close again, “if you find yourself calling your boyfriend by that same name—it won’t be awkward at all.”

  Bailey took a few seconds to realize what her mom was saying. Then, despite her conflicting emotions, she laughed just a little and hugged her mom tight. Her heart felt lighter than it had all day. Because o
ne thing she’d learned and come to count on being close to her mom all these years.

  Her mom was usually right.

  Twenty-Four

  ANDI’S WEEKEND HAD BEEN LIKE SOMETHING from a dream. That first night she’d gone home with the Kunzmanns, and since then they’d insisted that she stay. Lucia knew about Andi’s doctor appointment, and the fact that Sherry had let her down, never called her back. Of course, Andi hadn’t explained exactly what type of doctor appointment she’d missed.

  “You were planning to stay in the city for the weekend,” Lucia told her at breakfast that morning. “Now you’ll stay with us.”

  “Yeah, and we’re better!” Young Nathalie beamed a bright smile in her direction. The girl was so sweet and full of life—so much like Andi had been at that age.

  Everything about the Kunzmann family felt like Andi had stepped into another world, like the nightmare of her own life didn’t even exist. She loved the way the Kunzmanns did everything as a family, the meals and clean-up, their homework and reading time. And even though they didn’t know her, they included her like she’d been a part of them forever.

  Andi appreciated their welcome hearts, but she kept her distance, watching them, studying them. This was the sort of life she’d always wanted, and there were times with the Kunzmanns when she actually thought it was possible. She would go home and find her faith again, put God first and make her way back to innocence. But that’s when the reality of her situation would hit.

  She was pregnant, about to have an abortion Monday morning. She could never find her way back to innocence.

  A couple times since she’d come home with them, Lucia would find a private moment with her and try to learn more about her situation. Once she even asked about her doctor’s appointment. “You aren’t sick, are you?”