At Peace

  I closed my eyes.

  Things couldn’t get weirder or more messed up.

  It was now Thursday.

  On Saturday, during the day, I’d had to have the talk with the girls, telling them I was going out on a date. I couldn’t just trip out the door with an unknown man and call, “See you later!” as much as I wanted to. I had to do what I could to make this transition from Mom and Dad, to Mom no Dad, to Mom dating as smooth as possible even though that was impossible.

  I still had to try.

  So I stood at the kitchen counter while they both sat on stools at the bar opposite me and I told them I met a man named Lieutenant Mike Haines and we were going out on a date.

  I expected they’d both be pissed. They loved their Dad and I couldn’t imagine that, the time having come when I was moving on with life, dragging them with me, they’d be thrilled to bits.

  What I didn’t expect was Kate to say, “That’s great, Mawdy.”

  But I kinda expected Keira to snap, “What about Joe?”

  Which was what she did.

  I closed my eyes but opened them when Kate asked Keira, “What about Joe?”

  “Joe’s a hottie,” Keira replied to Kate.

  “Yeah, he’s a hottie, so? Mom likes the clean cut guys,” Kate returned and this was true, Tim was a clean cut guy and Tim had been the only guy who I’d liked. Then again, it was kinda untrue, Joe was anything but clean cut.

  “Joe bought us dinner, told Mom she looked great in her Lucky’s and gave us electric eyes,” Keira retorted and when Kate opened her mouth to speak, Keira finished, “and he likes her cupcakes.”

  “Maybe this Mike guy’ll like her cupcakes too,” Kate suggested.

  At this point, I was feeling weird about my girls talking about the men in my life liking my cupcakes so I waded in. “Girls –”

  Keira looked at me and declared, “I like you with Joe.”

  Kate leaned into Keira and declared, “She’s not with Joe.”

  Keira’s head twisted around to Kate and she returned, “She could be. He likes her, I can tell.”

  “All right,” I cut in, “enough. This is a date, just a date, with Mike. Joe, Keira baby,” I looked at my youngest, “let’s just let that lie for now.”

  “He likes you,” Keira stated stubbornly.

  “I like him too,” I agreed and it was the truth, surprisingly. “He’s been good to us but I’m kinda takin’ this one day at a time and I need you girls to let me do that.” I leaned both forearms on the counter and finished, my voice quieter. “I’ll do my best to make good choices, for you and for me, but I also need you to trust me to do that. Can you trust me to do that?”

  “Yeah, Mawdy,” Kate said instantly but she would say that instantly. She trusted me, like she trusted her Dad, she trusted us both implicitly.

  Keira glared at me. “I like Joe.”

  “Can you give it up with Joe?” Kate cried and Keira transferred her glare to her sister and then she said something that hit me like a punch in the gut.

  “He needs Mom and us more than we need him. He needs a family. He’s over there, all by himself, he has nobody. We have each other.” She looked at me and stated, “He needs somebody. I can tell.”

  “Baby,” I whispered, feeling the sting of tears in my eyes.

  She threw up a hand as she hopped off her stool. “Go off with your Mike guy, I’m cool with that,” she looked at me but her body was turned away, “but I still like Joe.”

  Then she walked down the hall to her room and I heard her close her door.

  I looked at Kate who was staring after her sister, her face thoughtful.

  “Katy honey?” I called and she turned to me. “Are you really cool with me goin’ out with Mike? I mean, you girls and your Dad –”

  Kate cut me off. “Can’t say I don’t wish you were goin’ on a date night with Dad to Rico’s and we were in our old house and Grams and Gramps were just down the street but…” she shook her head and looked away but I saw the tears glistening in her eyes before she finished, “whatever.”

  “Katy.”

  She slid off her stool not looking at me and muttered, “Gotta get ready for work.”

  “Kate –”

  She stopped and turned to me. “Can Dane come over while you’re out with Mike?”

  “Sure, baby.”

  I mean, what else could I say?

  “Thanks,” she mumbled and then headed down the hall.

  I dropped my head and looked at my midriff through my arms thinking that could have gone better.

  I was also thinking about what Keira said about Joe.

  Then the phone rang. I straightened, happy to have something to take my mind from my thoughts, walked to it, picked it up and put it to my ear.

  The minute I said “Hello,” whoever was on the other end hung up.

  * * * * *

  Mike called while I was at the garden center and told me that he got reservations at Costa’s and I should dress nice.

  This was a miracle. I’d heard about Costa’s, a lot about it, and everyone said it was great (Feb especially loved it, she’d mentioned it more than once, but then I noticed Feb liked her food) but it wasn’t easy getting a table there, especially at short notice.

  This was also nice, Mike thinking to call and tell me to dress up. He’d obviously had a wife and knew the drill (this was something I suspected that Joe didn’t know, considering Bonnie was his ex and they’d been over for at least seventeen years, if I read it right, though he could have five ex-wives as far as I knew). I was already panicking about my double decker night starting with Mike and ending with Joe. I didn’t need to worry about my outfit.

  And it felt good, going home, getting gussied up to go out on a date. I’d never actually done that as an adult, it was kind of exciting and scary at the same time. I wore my clingy lavender dress that Tim thought was hot and my new high-heeled sandals that hadn’t until then made it out of the box. I liked having a reason to wear them, it felt good.

  Even so, I’d kind of been hoping that the date would suck, which would make my life easier since I could call things off with Mike if it didn’t work out.

  But the date didn’t suck. Mike picked me up and I noticed yet again he was very good-looking but this time I also noticed that he dressed well (blazer, shirt and jeans, casual for what was supposed to be a dressy night but he pulled it off because he had a good body, broad shoulders, lean hips, long legs, he wasn’t as tall as Joe but he was taller than me, even in my sandals and that was saying something). And the date was good because Mike was like he was at the bar, easy to talk to, he smiled a lot, he teased, he flirted, he laughed and he made me laugh. He was into me and made no bones about it, which felt better than having a reason to wear high-heeled sandals.

  And the food was amazing.

  As easy as Mike was to be with at the restaurant was as anxious as I got on the drive home, which was to say by the time I got home I was a wreck. First, he told me he would kiss me which meant, second, I had kids at home who I didn’t want to see me kissing someone and, last, I had a booty call next door who I also didn’t want to see me kissing someone.

  But Mike had an answer for that too. He got out of the car and came to my side as I got out then he took my hand and he didn’t lead me to the door. He led me to the open stretch between my house and garage, out of sight of anyone but someone who really wanted to look.

  Then he took me in his arms and he kissed me.

  At first I was disappointed. Not long after, I realized that Mike didn’t kiss like Joe, hard and demanding right off the bat. He also didn’t kiss like Tim, hot but sweet and familiar. Mike was a stealth kisser. It started slow and soft and he built the heat. Before I knew it, his hand was at my ass, pulling me into his hips, his other arm was wrapped around my shoulders and I was plastered against him, feeling his hard body, his kiss, his arm and hand and what his tongue was doing in my mouth and I was feeling it everywhere.

  He
pulled away and I noticed my hands were in his hair, both of them, behind his ears and I didn’t realize I’d put them there to hold him to me.

  “Not gonna thank Colt,” he muttered. “After that, gonna buy him a bottle of bourbon.”

  “Mike –”

  “Wanna see you again, sweetheart.”

  For some reason I replied instantly, “Okay.”

  He smiled and he had a great smile, even greater close up.

  “When?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “When can I see you?”

  “Um… when do you want to see me?”

  “You’re comin’ to my house, Wednesday night. I’m makin’ you dinner.”

  “Okay,” I said again and again I said it instantly, even though it was beyond crazy talk to say okay to dinner at his house after a first date and with Joe on the hook.

  Then I stopped thinking of all this when he kissed me again. The second time, the fire only banked, he was able to build the heat a lot faster and he did.

  Then he walked me to my door, came in long enough to meet Kate (who tried to be nice and succeeded), Dane (who thought Mike being a cop was “way cool, dude”) and Keira (who studied him like he was a specimen under a glass and not a very interesting one).

  I showed him the door, apologized for Keira being a pain in the ass and he grinned, cupped my jaw and whispered, “Wednesday.”

  I nodded, my knees a little shaky, and he left.

  I told the kids not to stay up too late and went to my room.

  When I’d closed my door, thrown my purse on the bed and sat down to take off my sandals, my cell in my purse rang. I pulled it out and the display said “Joe’s Cell”.

  I closed my eyes, sucked in breath and felt like a slut. This was mainly because I was acting like one.

  I slid my phone open, put it to my ear and said, “Hello.”

  “Wear those shoes over here.”

  “Joe –”

  “The dress too.”

  My stomach dipped.

  “No,” Joe ordered, “lose the dress, just the shoes.”

  “Joe –”

  “Later, buddy.”

  I didn’t know what to think about Joe watching me go out on a date with Mike. I also worried that maybe he saw us making out. I did know what to think about me making out with one guy and barely sitting down before the next one called and told me what footwear to wear to his booty call.

  Nevertheless, I wore the shoes.

  And, being a slut, I was glad I did with the way Joe fucked me while I was wearing them.

  * * * * *

  The next morning before I had to go home and before Joe was leaving town, something new happened.

  He woke me earlier than I had to get up to be home well before the girls would know I was gone and he woke me with his hands and his mouth. He used them like he’d never used them before, not hard, not demanding, not greedy but gentle, tender, generous, taking his time and he let me do the same.

  And after we both climaxed, when all four of my limbs were wrapped around him and he was kissing me softly while gliding in and out of me, I realized that Joe Callahan just made love to me. For the first time, he didn’t fuck me, he made love to me.

  Honestly, I couldn’t say which was better, they were both fantastic, but it was a beautiful and welcome, albeit confusing change.

  I didn’t think he had it in him and it made matters far, far worse knowing he did.

  “I’ve gotta get home,” I whispered against his mouth.

  “I know,” he whispered back.

  I ran a hand through his hair and down his scarred cheek, my fingers halting there but my thumb gliding along his lower lip.

  “You’re scary beautiful,” I told him, unable to stop myself and his eyes went intense but he shook his head.

  Then he said, “You’re just beautiful, buddy.”

  Oh God.

  My hand tensed against his face and I breathed, “Joe.”

  “Go home, Vi.”

  “Joe –”

  He kissed me quiet then muttered, “Get to your girls.”

  I had no choice so I said, “Okay.”

  He pulled out of me, rolled off and I rolled out of bed.

  I yanked on my underwear, pulled on his tee from the night before (I was stealing that too, he wouldn’t miss it, he had a million of them), grabbed my dress, my shoes, went back to the bed, leaned in and kissed him.

  “Come home safe,” I whispered.

  “Later,” he replied.

  Then I forced myself to walk calmly out of his room.

  * * * * *

  Mike had called every day since our date. He didn’t say much, he was either busy at work and couldn’t talk long or he had his kids with him.

  But what he said was nice.

  Wednesday late afternoon, he called to say he had to cancel because he had to work. He didn’t seem happy about it.

  I didn’t know what to feel.

  Relieved, a little. Disappointed, definitely. Confused, absolutely.

  * * * * *

  Joe didn’t call at all.

  * * * * *

  But the person who hung up did.

  They called every day then hung up.

  It was when they called and Keira answered then they hung up that I got worried because Keira told me that wasn’t the first time and because Kate told me she’d had several hang ups too.

  So I called Colt and told him about the hang ups and he said he’d look into it.

  Daniel Hart had never called and hung up. He didn’t seem the type. And, for that reason, this scared me. There was no logic in being scared. It could be some kid from Kate and Keira’s school. Maybe Keira had an admirer who didn’t have the courage to say hello. Or maybe it was some idiot kid who thought it was funny.

  But I got a bad feeling about it.

  * * * * *

  So I didn’t need to be freaked out by what Daniel Hart would do next and hang up calls from psychos or maybe stupid kids.

  And I didn’t need to be dating a nice, handsome guy who made me laugh and laughed with me and who was good kisser, like Mike, while being Joe’s booty call.

  I was a mother. I needed to set an example. And I needed to get my shit together.

  Therefore, Joe being gone and not around to get under my skin, I decided Joe had to go.

  It was brilliant and I loved it, even fighting with him, I loved it, as crazy as that made me. He scared me but he also made me feel alive and I’d never met anyone like him and even with Tim, I’d never felt that alive.

  Tim was about contentment and happiness. We had our ups and downs, we fought, but mostly life was even and good. I believed in him, our life, our family and he believed in all that too and he never gave me any reason to doubt that he did. The girls and me, we were his world and he let us know it.

  It was steady, strong and beautiful. It wasn’t the wicked ride on a roller coaster that was Joe.

  But those roller coasters were always the best ride in the park.

  Even so, I knew it wasn’t right for me and it wasn’t right for my daughters.

  So he had to go.

  * * * * *

  I lay in bed with my hand curled around my phone and decided I needed to make the call to end things with Joe.

  I lifted the phone, slid it open and scrolled down to “Joe’s Cell”, took a deep breath that hitched in the middle, closed my eyes tight, opened them and hit go.

  I put the phone to my ear.

  It rang twice then Joe said, “Yo.”

  “Hey.”

  “Buddy.”

  I closed my eyes tight again.

  I really liked it when he called me “buddy”, maybe even better than when he called me “baby”.

  “What’s up?” he asked.

  “Um…” I could say no more. I wanted to… no, I didn’t want to, I needed to… but I couldn’t.

  There was a hesitation then, softly, “Baby.”

  Nope, I was wrong. I
liked “baby” more.

  “Somethin’ happen?” he asked, voice still soft.

  “What?”

  “He get to you?”

  “Who?”

  “Hart.”

  Damn, he was worried about me.

  “I don’t know,” I told him. “We’re getting hang ups.”

  “Shit,” he muttered. “You tell Colt?”

  “Yeah.”

  “He didn’t tell me.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’ll call him,” Joe said then he asked, “What’d Colt say?”

  “He said he’d look into it.”

  “That all?”

  “He didn’t go into specifics of what lookin’ into it would mean.”

  “I’ll get specifics,” Joe stated firmly.

  Yes, he was worried about me.

  Okay, yeah, I liked him. Shit.

  “The girls gettin’ the calls?” Joe asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Shit,” he clipped, sounding pissed now. “They freaked?”

  “I think they’re a bit worried, this is new, it’s never happened before.”

  “Not Hart’s style.”

  “That’s what makes it weird and scary.”

  There was a pause then he said quietly, “You’ll be all right, buddy.”

  “No alternative.”

  He laughed shortly before saying, “Right.”

  I didn’t reply.

  Surprisingly, Joe did. “That why you called?”

  No, it wasn’t.

  “Yeah,” I lied because I chickened out. I’d do it later, in a note I’d put in his mailbox before Kate, Keira and I went on vacation (not that I had money for us to go on vacation but maybe I could sell a kidney or something). “You’re probably busy, I should let you go.”

  “Vi, I’m drivin’ in LA. I don’t have a cell glued to my ear, they might arrest me.”

  I didn’t think. If I did I would have quashed it. So, not thinking, the giggle slid right out of me.

  Joe Callahan, rugged, tough guy, alpha male cracked a joke.

  And it was a funny one.

  When I stopped giggling, I told him, “I wouldn’t want you to get arrested.”

  “Me either, been there, it sucks.”

  This surprised me.

  “You’ve been arrested?”

  “Hard knock life, buddy, you saw my ex-wife crawlin’ drunk and whacked out of her mind on the floor.”