At Peace

  “Yeah,” Cheryl said gently, her hand covering mine which was resting on the bar. She gave it a squeeze then she said, “You’re probably drivin’ but I’m callin’ Reggie, gettin’ us a pizza. You fill your belly with pizza, you can also add a bit of vodka to the mix and you need vodka. Cheryl’s orders.”

  After she delivered that line, she walked away, heading toward the phone.

  I looked at Feb who was watching me but Dee spoke.

  “Sorry about all this Vi. On the face of it, lotsa women would think this was a great problem to have. But I can tell it’s eatin’ you.”

  That was an understatement. It was more than eating me.

  To communicate that, I nodded and said, “Yeah.”

  “You need to talk, get my number from Feb. Anytime, hon, yeah?” I nodded again and she leaned in. “I mean that, okay? Not fun, bein’ new in town and not havin’ your girls around you. So you need girls and I’m happy to be one of them. Cool?”

  I smiled at her because this felt good and she was right, I did need girls and I said, “Cool.”

  She smiled back, threw Feb a look and walked around the bar, lifting up the section that was hinged so she could go and collect empties.

  “Vi,” Feb called and I looked from Dee to her and she leaned in too, her voice quiet, almost a whisper as she said, “I needed fixing.”

  I swallowed and her hand came out, covered mine and held on tight.

  “If Colt gave up, thought I wasn’t worth the effort…” she shook her head, “God, don’t know what I’d do.”

  “Feb,” I whispered back.

  “My life was shit, Vi, absolute shit. I was breathin’ but I wasn’t livin’. I felt nothin’, just moved through life, empty. Colt filled me up. He didn’t give up on me until I was full. Now, honey, life is so full, every day I wake up next to him and I feel like I’m bursting.” Her hand squeezed mine and she whispered, “It’s beautiful.”

  “I’m so glad for you.” I was also still whispering.

  “You got it in you to give that to Cal, don’t give up on him. Man’s empty, he needs someone to fill him up.”

  I licked my lips and fought back the tears that sprung to my eyes.

  Her hand released mine and she said, “Mike’s a good guy too. Don’t get me wrong. Whatever you decide, you decide and I’m right there with you, yeah?”

  I nodded even though I knew, without a doubt, she liked Mike but she wanted me with Joe.

  Great, just what I needed, more contradictory advice.

  “What do you like on your pizza?” Feb asked. “If it isn’t olives and sausage, we’ll have to order another one. That’s all Cheryl’ll order, she never asks anyone what they want.”

  “That sounds good, I’m not picky,” I told her.

  “Great,” she replied. “Girls’ night at J&J’s on a Sunday, perfect. Best day of the week and one of the best things you can do, hangin’ with your girls.”

  She wasn’t wrong so I nodded at her and smiled.

  “Be back in a sec,” she told me and moved away.

  I took a sip of Diet Coke.

  I was glad I came to J&J’s, it was better than going to an empty house and eating dinner for one. It was lots better, especially since it turned into girls’ night.

  The problem was, I came to get their help to get my head straight and I was more torn than ever.

  * * * * *

  I heard the sliding glass door open and I rolled to look at the clock.

  Eleven twenty-three.

  I rolled to my back, wishing I wasn’t awake and waiting for Joe; wishing I hadn’t, a half an hour ago, done a new kind of walk of shame, checking on the girls to make sure they were asleep; wishing I had magic because I’d been lying in bed the last hour and a half, thinking of that scene with Bonnie, how Joe had been after it, knowing now that he was empty, like Feb said, because he wouldn’t be able to survive that scene without getting torn up inside unless there was nothing to tear up. And I wanted the magic to be able to fill him up like Feb was. Make him laugh and smile regularly like she did. Give him that look she had, where you knew life for her was good but she didn’t take it for granted because she knew how it felt when life could be bad and she appreciated what she had.

  I left my door open for him and Joe closed it then I watched his shadow walk to the bed. I saw him bend, his boots hitting the carpet, heard his clothes rustle as he moved then heard them fall to the ground. Then he reached in and my bedside light was on.

  I blinked and felt the covers being swept back and was able to focus when the wall of his body hit me.

  “Joe –”

  I stopped speaking because his lips were on mine, his tongue spiking in my mouth, his hands going up the tee, his tee that I wore to bed.

  He kissed me breathless then lifted his head, his hands still moving on my skin along my sides, hips, over my ass.

  “Talked to Tina,” he told me in that way of his where he started a conversation in the middle like we’d been talking for awhile not making out after him just getting to my bed.

  “Yeah?” I whispered because I still hadn’t gotten over his kiss and it wasn’t helping that his hands kept moving, lazy and light, on my skin.

  “Yeah. Think she got the message.”

  “What’d you say?” I asked, my hands drifting on his back, his sides, over his ass.

  “Told her she didn’t see what she thought she saw. I hear it from anyone that she told someone she saw what she thought she saw, shit would go down where she might not be able to see anything, since her eyes would be swollen shut.”

  My hands stopped moving and my eyes got wide. “You threatened her?”

  “She’s Tina.”

  “Yeah, but you threatened her?”

  “Buddy, I already lived here when she moved in with her husband and I watched her take her time, fuckin’ years, cuttin’ off his balls. It was painful to watch. She’s a bitch. I know you know that but I don’t think you know how big a bitch she is.”

  “She’s already scared of you,” I informed him.

  “Good, then she’ll keep her trap shut.”

  “Joe, you shouldn’t threaten women.”

  “She isn’t ‘women’, she’s Tina.”

  I couldn’t help it, even though I was horrified that he did what he did, my body started shaking with laughter because he was right.

  “Anyway, wouldn’t actually do it but I know she doesn’t know what to make of me because she doesn’t know what to make of a man she can’t lead around by his dick so she doesn’t know I wouldn’t do it. So I’m guessin’ our secret is safe.”

  My hands started moving again. “Well, thanks, I guess.”

  He grinned down at me. “You’re welcome, I guess.”

  My hands both slid over his ass and stopped, my fingers gripped and I lifted up to touch my mouth to his. “Turn out the light.”

  “Nope,” he replied and my head settled back on the pillows.

  “Nope?”

  “Nope.”

  “Joe –”

  “Got shit we gotta get outta the way before we play.”

  My hands flexed into his ass again but not for fun this time.

  “What?”

  “Talked to Dane,” he announced.

  “What?” I whispered.

  “Caught him before he went into the house to pick up Kate. Asked him over. We had words or I gave him some words. Don’t think you’ll be buyin’ any baby shit anytime soon.”

  My hands went from his ass to his waist and I held on.

  “Please, Joe, tell me you didn’t threaten a seventeen year old kid.”

  “Fuck no, Vi, Jesus.”

  “What’d you say?”

  “Let’s just say, he gets where I’m comin’ from,” Joe unusually evaded.

  “Where are you coming from?”

  “Kate’s off limits.”

  My stomach did a somersault.

  “Joe –”

  “He understands respect, I rec
kon he understood it before but I reminded him.”

  “Was he cool when he left?”

  “He’s into her, got the impression he was glad I was lookin’ out for her. He’s a good kid.”

  I didn’t know what to do with this. This was bigger than the rest. This was Joe out-and-out taking care of Kate, not for me, for Kate.

  “Joe –” I started again.

  “Still, gave him condoms.”

  My body went solid underneath him but my fingers dug into his waist.

  “What!” I snapped.

  Joe shrugged. “Shit happens.”

  I turned my head on the pillow, looked at the bed and breathed, “Oh my God.”

  His hand came to my face and he forced me to look at him. “Baby, it’s bein’ smart.”

  “It’s giving him ideas.”

  Joe smiled. “Buddy, he’s already got those ideas.”

  I knew this but I didn’t need to be reminded of it so I glared at Joe and his smile got bigger as his head lowered and he kissed me.

  I tried to be pissed off but when his kiss grew deeper and his hands up my tee got greedier, I forgot to be pissed off.

  “Turn off the light,” I repeated, not knowing why he turned it on in the first place. When we were at his house, we never turned on the light.

  “No, baby,” he said softly against my mouth, his hand leaving the tee, going to my arm, trailing down it as he slid off my body to the side.

  “Joe, why –”

  I stopped speaking because I knew why when his hand guided mine to my panties and then it guided it in.

  “Joe –”

  His finger pressed my finger against my clit and he murmured, his voice thick, “Gonna watch.”

  “Joe –”

  “When you’re done, you’re gonna watch me.”

  My hips bucked up and I felt my lips part in wonder.

  I liked this idea.

  “That made you wet,” he muttered, his finger guiding mine down and then both his and mine slid in and I moaned as he finished, “or wetter.”

  “God, Joe,” I breathed, grinding down on our fingers.

  He slid them out and took them back to their original position.

  “Make yourself come, baby.”

  “Okay,” I whispered and he left his finger where it was so he could feel it as I did as he asked.

  This wasn’t hard because his head came down and his mouth went to my ear and he encouraged me by whispering stuff to me that turned me on so much I was squirming. His head came up and his eyes moved to my legs and I watched him, his face openly hungry and I knew, in the moment right before I came, he felt that hollow feeling, that hungriness for me that I felt for him

  The moan tore from my throat and his mouth slammed down on mine, swallowing it, drowning it out so the girls couldn’t hear.

  He cupped his hand over mine around my sex and kissed me until I came down. Then he pulled our hands free, rolled to his back, positioning me at his side and he guided my hand over his at his cock as his other hand forced my head close, my mouth on his.

  “Hold on, baby,” he muttered and I wrapped my hand around his on his shaft and held on.

  I alternately kissed him and watched him, liking both but liking watching him better.

  I returned the favor when he came, swallowing his growl.

  His hand moved away but I stroked him while he came down. Then he lifted his head and kissed my shoulder, left the bed and went to the bathroom. He came back, turned out the light and settled in on his back, again positioning me beside him.

  His hand sifted through my hair and he whispered, “You like that, baby?”

  “I like everything with you, Joe,” I whispered back and twisted my neck to kiss his chest.

  At my words, his hand fisted in my hair then he used it to pull up my head and hold it steady for his mouth to take mine in a deep, heady kiss.

  He settled us back to where we were and I stared at his shadowed chest in the dark.

  Then I took a chance.

  “I know it isn’t why you’re here but I don’t care,” I said to Joe in the dark, my arm moving around his waist, closing in, going tight. “I’m glad you’re here because I like what we just did and because I like you in my bed and because I feel safe and I feel my girls are safe. I don’t want you to go all Joe on me and remind me that isn’t what we are. I don’t care it isn’t. You should know that’s how I feel and I haven’t felt safe for a year and a half and you cannot know how much that sucks. So,” I twisted my neck and kissed his chest again then murmured into his skin, “thanks for makin’ us safe.”

  Then I settled back, cheek to his shoulder and gave him a squeeze.

  His body had gone still while I talked, still and tense. I felt it but I ignored it and decided to go for the gusto.

  “And, by the way, I liked having you at my table and the girls did too. I know that isn’t what we are but you’re welcome there anytime you get hungry and I’m cookin’.”

  “Vi –”

  “Shut up, Joe.”

  “Buddy –”

  “I said, shut up.”

  Surprisingly, he shut up.

  And he didn’t do what I worried he’d do, retreat, not in any way. He turned into me, slid his knee between my legs, forcing my thigh to hook on his waist and he gathered me close in his arms as mine went around him.

  He didn’t say anything, not a word, he was silent.

  I fell asleep before him, I knew I did because his weight didn’t settle but his arms kept me locked tight.

  But I fell asleep hoping that maybe I just gave him a little something that would make him feel less empty.

  And I was hoping hard.

  Chapter Twelve

  The End

  Cal left Nadia and went to his truck.

  He didn’t fuck her, she wanted it but he wasn’t in the mood and he had to get home.

  It was going to end with Vi tonight.

  He knew it because when Nadia got dropped at his place, Vi, Kate and Keira were saying good-bye to Sam and Melissa in their front drive.

  The timing couldn’t have been better. Tina was also getting in her car and Colt, Feb and Jack were just getting back from somewhere. They all saw Cal greet Nadia in his drive with a kiss, they saw him put her in his truck and they saw him drive away.

  He’d looked through them. Tina looked smug; he could see it two yards away, the fucking bitch. Colt looked pissed, Feb worried. Sam and Melissa looked confused.

  But it was Vi, Kate and Keira that hit him, straight in the left chest, a twist and squeeze so brutal it was a wonder he didn’t drop to his knees.

  Kate looked shocked but in that way someone looks when they just got hit with a surprise attack, not expecting it and then, all of a sudden, they get socked in the gut, the wind knocked clean out of them.

  Keira looked betrayed. It was plain on her face, betrayal and pain.

  But Vi looked like he’d inflicted a mortal wound, face pale like he’d shoved a knife in her and twisted it, letting her blood leak out.

  He just got in his truck and drove Nadia to her place.

  * * * * *

  The last week with Vi and the girls had been good.

  He’d stayed home. After the gift had come, he’d had Lindy rearrange his appointments, telling his clients he had an emergency.

  The gift had been an enormous, expensive vase. No card, no prints that came up in the system, just some random message from a dickhead who liked fucking with people’s minds.

  Cal checked Vi’s front steps before joining her in bed at night and he checked them after he got up and went home in the morning. Nothing more.

  But Vi had changed, after that night she found him on his deck drinking beer, she’d changed. She wasn’t unconsciously getting under his skin just by being Vi. Now, she was digging her way in.

  And he was letting her.

  He knew she went to dinner with Mike because she let him know.

  But when he hit her bed,
every single night for a week, she was all about him, all about finding that opening, tearing it wider, forcing more of herself in.

  Fucking her had always been great but it got better. She didn’t lie when he’d made her make herself come and she watched while he did the same, she liked everything they did together. He thought he had her, she was all his when they were fucking but she proved differently. When he was in her bed, she opened something up in herself and there was so much of it flooding out, if he wasn’t careful, he’d get washed away.

  And she talked to him in whispers either before he fucked her or after or in between. She talked about work, about the side job she got doing up someone’s yard, about maybe starting her own business the next summer if that worked out. She talked about Keira’s new dog who was creating havoc in the house. She talked about the girls, their friends, the crazy shit they did and said, laughing softly against the skin of his shoulder, by his ear, her face pressed into his neck.

  He laughed with her because the crazy shit they did and said was funny. And he liked the idea of her setting up her own business designing people’s gardens, by the look of hers, she’d be good at it. He liked hearing the hint of excitement in her voice, as if that was something she never thought of but something she really wanted to do, a dream that snuck up on her. He liked listening to her share pieces of nothing, scraps of life that somehow measured up to a full meal.

  And he also liked that both Keira and Kate had taken to popping by his house when their Mom was at work, just to say hi or ask him to dinner or tell him they were going to a movie and seeing if he wanted to come (he never went, but then again, they didn’t figure he would, they were just using it as an excuse to talk to him). He liked it because, when they did he knew they were okay, just being kids having a good time over the summer and not touched by Daniel Hart’s madness. He liked it because, each time, they grew more comfortable with him, less hesitant, more sure of themselves, and they stayed longer and longer. They were opening themselves to him too, giving just by talking, letting him know they liked having him around.

  He didn’t eat at Vi’s table, not after the pancakes, so no more family time that felt too good but was pretend. He was a stand in, not who they wanted to see in that chair, so it sure as fuck was not something he needed.