Tish: The Chronicle of Her Escapades and Excursions

  IV

  The next morning we found more fish awaiting us, and on the smooth sandof the beach was a message written with a stick:--

  If you will leave a wire hairpin or two on this stone I can get bigger fish. What do you mean to do with all those rabbit skins?

  (Signed) P.

  Tish was touched by the fish, I think. She smoothed off the sandcarefully and wrote a reply:--

  Here are the hairpins. Thank you. Do you want the rabbit skins?

  L.C.

  All day we were in a state of expectancy. The mosquitoes were very bad,and had it not been for the excitement of the P---- person I should havegiven up and gone home. I wanted mashed potatoes and lima beans withbutter dressing, and a cup of hot tea, and muffins, and ice--in fact,I cannot think of anything I did not want, except rabbits and fish andpuffballs and such blackberries as the birds did not fancy. Although wewere well enough--almost too well--the better I felt the hungrier I got.

  Tish thought the time had now come to rest and invite our souls. Sheset the example that day by going out on a flat rock in the lake andpreparing to think all the things she'd been waiting most of her lifeto consider.

  "I am ready to form my own opinions about some things," she said."I realize now that all my life the newspapers and stupid people andbooks have formed my opinions. Now I'm going to think along my ownlines. Is there another life after this? Do I really desire thesuffrage? Why am I a Baptist?"

  Aggie said she would like to invite her soul that day also, not to formany opinions,--Tish always does that for her,--but she had to get someclothes in September and she might as well think them out.

  So it happened that I was alone when I met the P---- person's youngwoman.

  I had intended to wander only a short way along the trail, but after Ihad gone a mile or two it occurred to me as likely that the spring-wagondriver would come back that way before long out of curiosity, and Ithought I might leave a message for him to bring out some fresh eggs andleave them there. I could tell Tish I had found a nest, or perhaps,since that would be lying, I could put them in a nest and let her findthem. I'd have ordered tea, too, if I could have thought of any way toaccount for it.

  "I'm going to do some meditating myself to-day," I remarked, "but Ithink better when I'm moving. If I don't come back in an hour or sodon't imagine I've been kidnaped."

  Tish turned on her stone and looked at me.

  "You will not be kidnaped," she said shortly. "I cannot imagine any onesafer than you are in that costume."

  Well, I made my way along the trail as rapidly as I could. It was twentymiles there and back and I've seen the day when two city blocks wouldsend me home to soak my feet in hot water. But the sandals were easy towalk in and my calico skirt was short and light.

  I had no paper to write my message on, of course, but on the way Igathered a large white fungus and I scraped a note on it with a pin.With the fungus under my arm I walked briskly along, planning an omeletwith the eggs, if we got any, and gathering mushrooms here and there. Itwas the mushrooms that led me to the discovery of a camping-place thatwas prehistoric in its primitiveness--a clearing, surrounded by lowbushes, and in the center a fireplace of stones with a fire smouldering.At one side a heap of leaves and small twigs for a bed, a stump for aseat, and lying on top of it a sort of stone axe, made by inserting asharp stone into the cleft of a sapling and tying it into place with awild-grape tendril. Pegged out on the ground to cure was a rabbit skin,indifferently scraped. It made our aluminum kettle and canvas tepee looklike a marble-vestibuled apartment on Riverside Drive.

  The whole thing looked pitiful, hungry. I thought of Tish sitting on astone inviting her soul, while rabbits came from miles round to sticktheir heads through our nooses and hang themselves for our dinner; andit seemed to me that we should share our plenty. I thought it probablethat the gentleman of the woods lived here, and from the appearance ofthe place he carried all his possessions with him when he wore hisbathing-trunks. If I had been in any doubt, the sight of Aggie's wirehairpin, sharpened and bent into a serviceable fishhook, decided me. Iscratched a message for him on another fungus and left it:--

  If you need anything come to the Indian tepee at the lake. We have no clothing to spare, but are always glad to help in time of trouble.

  (Signed) ONE OF THE SIMPLE LIFERS.

  I went on after that and about noon reached our point of exodus from thewagon. I was tired and hot and I kept thinking of my little dining-roomat home, with the electric fan going, and iced cantaloupe, and nobodyworrying about her soul or thinking her own thoughts, and no rabbits.

  Our suitcases were safe enough in the hollow tree, and I thought thespring wagon had been back already, for there were fresh tracks. Thisdiscouraged me and I sat down on a log to rest. It was then that I heardthe girl crying.

  She was crying softly, but in the woods sounds travel. I found her onher face on the pine needles about twenty yards away, wailing her heartout into a pink automobile veil, and she was so absorbed in her miserythat I had to stoop and touch her before she looked up.

  "Don't cry," I said. "If you are lost, I can direct you to asettlement."

  She looked up at me, and from being very red and suffused she went quitepale. It seems that with my bare legs and sandals and my hair down,which was Tish's idea for making it come in thick and not gray, and whatwith my being sunburned and stained with berries, she thought I was awild woman. I realized what was wrong.

  "Don't be alarmed," I said somewhat grimly. "I'm rational enough; if Ihop about instead of walking, it's because I'm the tomb of more rabbitsthan I care to remember, but aside from that I'm all right. Are youlost?"

  She sat up, still staring, and wiped her eyes.

  "No. I have a machine over there among the trees. Are there--are thereplenty of rabbits in the woods?"

  "Thousands." She was a pretty little thing, very young, and dressed in awhite motor coat with white shoes and hat.

  "And--and berries?"

  "There aren't many berries," I admitted. "The birds eat 'em. We get theones they don't fancy."

  Now I didn't think for a moment that she was worried about my diet, butshe was worried about the food supply in the woods, that was sure. So Isat down on a stump and told her about puffballs, and what Tish had readabout ants being edible but acid, and that wood mice, roasted and notcooked too dry, were good food, but that Aggie had made us liberate theonly ones we had caught, because a man she was once engaged to used tocarry a pet mouse in his pocket.

  Nothing had really appealed to her until I mentioned Mr. Wiggins. Thenunexpectedly she began to cry again. And after that I got the wholestory.

  It seems she was in love with a young man who was everything a young manought to be and had money as well. But the money was the barrier really,for the girl's father wouldn't believe that a youth who played polo, anddid not have to work for a living, and led cotillons, and paid calls inthe afternoon could have really good red blood in him. He had a man inview for her, she said, one who had made his money himself, and had tohave his valet lay out his clothes for fear he'd make a mistake. Oncethe valet had to go to have a tooth pulled and the man had to declinea dinner.

  "Father said," finished the little girl tearfully, "that ifPercy--that's his name, and it counted against him too--that if Percywas a real man he'd do something. And then he hap-happened on a book ofmy small brother's, telling how people used to live in the woods, andkill their own food and make their own fire--"

  "The 'Young Woodsman,' of course," I put in.

  "And how the strong survived, but the weak succumbed, and he said ifPercy was a man, and not a t-tailor's dummy, he'd go out in the woods,j-just primitive man, without anything but a pair of bathing trunks,and keep himself alive for a month. If he s-stood the test father waswilling to forget the 'Percy.' He said that he knew Mr. Willoughby coulddo it--that's the other man--and that he'd come in at the end of thetime with a deed for the forest and mortgages on all the surroundingcamps."
/>
  "And Percy agreed?"

  "He didn't want to. He said it took mentality and physical endurance aswell as some courage to play polo. Father said it did--on the part ofthe pony. Then s-some of the men heard of it, and there were bets onit--ten to one he wouldn't do it and twenty to one he couldn't do it. SoPercy decided to try. Father was so afraid that some of the campers andguides would help him that he had notices sent out at Mr. Willoughby'ssuggestion offering a reward if Percy could be shown to have asked anyassistance. Oh, I know he's sick in there somewhere, or starvingor--dead!"

  I had had a great light break over me, and now I stooped and patted thegirl on the shoulder.

  "Dead! Certainly not," I said. "I saw him last night."

  "Saw him!"

  "Well, not exactly saw him--there wasn't much light. But he's alive andwell, and--do you really want him to win?"

  "Do I?" She sat up with shining eyes. "I don't care whether he ownsanything in the world but the trunks. If I didn't think I'd add to histroubles I'd go into the woods this minute and find him and suffer withhim."

  "You'd have to be married to him first," I objected, rather startled.

  But she looked at me with her cheeks as red strawberries. "Why?" shedemanded. "Father's crazy about primitive man--did primitive man takehis woman to church to be married, with eight brides maids and areception after the ceremony? Of course not. He grabbed her and carriedher off."

  "Good Heavens! You're not in earnest?" "I think I am," she said slowly."I'd rather live in the woods with Percy and no ceremony than livewithout him anywhere in the world. And I'll bet primitive man would havebeen wiped off the earth if he hadn't had primitive woman to add herwits to his strength. If Percy only had a woman to help him!"

  "My dear," I said solemnly, "he has! He has, not one, but three!"

  It took me some time to explain that Percy was not supporting a harem inthe Maine woods; but when at last she got my idea and that the other twoclassed with me in beauty and attractiveness, she was overjoyed.

  "But Percy promised not to ask for help," she said suddenly.

  "He needn't. My dear, go away and stop worrying about Percy--he's allright. When is the time up?"

  "In three weeks."

  "I suppose father and the Willoughby person will come to meet him?"

  "Yes, and all the fellows from the club who have put money up on him.We're going to motor over and father's bringing the physical director ofthe athletic club. He's not only got to survive, but he's got to be ingood condition."

  "He'll be in good condition," I said grimly. "Does he drink and smoke?"

  "A little, not too much. Oh, yes, I had forgotten!" She opened up alittle gold cigarette case, which she took from her pocket, andextracted a handful of cigarettes.

  "If you are going to see him," she said, "you might put them where he'llfind them?"

  "Certainly not."

  "But that's not giving them to him."

  "My dear child," I said sternly, "Percy is going to come out of thesewoods so well and strong that he may not have to work, but he'll wantto. And he'll not smoke anything stronger than corn-silk, if we're totake charge of this thing."

  She understood quickly enough and I must say she was grateful. She wasalmost radiant with joy when I told her how capable Tish was, and thatshe was sure to be interested, and about Aggie's hay fever and Mr.Wiggins and the rabbit snares. She leaned over and kissed meimpulsively.

  "You dear old thing!" she cried. "I know you'll look after him and makehim comfortable and--how old is Miss Letitia?"

  "Something over fifty and Aggie Pilkington's about the same, althoughshe won't admit it."

  She kissed me again at that, and after looking at her wrist watch shejumped to her feet.

  "Heavens!" she said. "It's four o'clock and my engine has been runningall this time!"

  She got a smart little car from somewhere up the road, and the last Isaw of her she was smiling back over her shoulder and the car running onthe edge of a ditch.

  "You are three darlings!" she called back. "And tell Percy I lovehim--love him--love him!"

  I thought I'd never get back to the lake. I was tired to begin with, andafter I'd gone about four miles and was limping with a splinter in myheel and no needle to get it out with, I found I still had the fungusmessage to the spring-wagon person under my arm.

  It was dark when I got back and my nerves were rather unstrung, whatwith wandering from the path here and there, with nothing to eat sincemorning, and running into a tree and taking the skin off my nose. When Ilimped into camp at last, I didn't care whether Percy lived or died, andthe thought, of rabbit stew made my mouth water.

  It was not rabbit, however. Aggie was sitting alone by the fire, wavinga brand round her head to keep off mosquitoes, and in front of her,dangling from the spit, were a dozen pairs of frogs' legs in a row.

  I ate six pairs without a question and then I asked for Tish.

  "Catching frogs," said Aggie laconically, and flourished the brand.

  "Where?"

  "Pulling them off the trees. Where do you think she gets them?" shedemanded.

  A large mosquito broke through her guard at that moment and she flungthe torch angrily at the fire.

  "I'm eaten alive!" she snapped. "I wish to Heaven I had smallpox orsomething they could all take and go away and die."

  The frogs' legs were heavenly, although in a restaurant I loathe thethings. I left Aggie wondering if her hay fever wasn't contagiousthrough the blood and hoping the mosquitoes would get it and sneezethemselves to death, and went to find Tish.

  She was standing in the margin of the lake up to her knees in water,with a blazing torch in one hand and one of our tent poles in the other.Tied to the end the pole was a grapevine line, and a fishing-hook madeof a hairpin was attached to it.

  Her method, which it seems she'd heard from Charlie Sands and which wasnot in the "Young Woodsman," was simple and effectual.

  "Don't move," she said tensely when she heard me on the bank. "There'sone here as big as a chicken!"

  She struck the flare forward, and I could see the frog looking at it andnot blinking. He sat in a sort of heavenly ecstasy, like a dog about tobay at the moon, while the hook dangled just at his throat.

  "I'm half-ashamed to do it, Lizzie, it's so easy," she said calmly,still tickling the thing's throat with the hook. "Grab him as I throwhim at you. They slip off sometimes."

  The next instant she jerked the hook up and caught the creature by thelower jaw. It was the neatest thing I have ever seen. Tish came wadingover to where I stood and examined the frog.

  "If we only had some Tartare sauce!" she said regretfully. "I wish you'dlook at my ankle, Lizzie. There's something stuck to it."

  The something was a leech. It refused to come off, and so she carriedboth frog and leech back to the camp. Aggie said on no account to pull aleech off, it left its teeth in and the teeth went on burrowing, or laideggs or something. One must leave it on until it was full and round andcouldn't hold any more, and then it dropped off.

  So all night Tish kept getting up and going to the fire to see if it wasswelling. But toward morning she fell asleep and it dropped off, and wehad a terrible feeling that it was somewhere in our blankets.

  But the leech caused less excitement that evening than my story of Percyand the little girl in the white coat. Aggie was entranced, and Tish hadmade Percy a suit of rabbit skin with a cap to match and outlined a setof exercises to increase his chest measure before I was half throughwith my story.

  But Percy did not appear, although we had an idea that he was not faroff in the woods. We could hear a crackling in the undergrowth, but whenwe called there was no reply. Tish was eating a frog's leg when the ideacame to her.

  "He'll never come out under ordinary circumstances in that--er--costume,"she said. "Suppose we call for help. He'll probably come bounding.Help!" she yelled, between bites, as one may say.

  "Help! Fire! Police!"

  "Help!" cried Aggie. "Percy,
help!" It sounded like "Mercy, help!"

  It worked like a charm. The faint cracking became louder, nearer, turnedfrom a suspicion to a certainty and from a certainty to a fact. Thebushes parted and Percy stood before us. All he saw was three elderlywomen eating frogs' legs round a fire under a cloud of mosquitoes. Hestopped, dumbfounded, and in that instant we saw that he didn't need thephysical exercises, but that, of course, he did need the rabbit-skinsuit.

  "Great Scott!" he panted. "I thought I heard you calling for help."

  "So we did," said Tish, "but we didn't need it. Won't you sit down?"

  He looked dazed and backed toward the bushes.

  "I--I think," he said, "if there's nothing wrong I'd better not--"

  "Fiddlesticks!" Tish snapped. "Are you ashamed of the body the Lordgave you? Don't you suppose we've all got skins? And didn't I thrash mynephew, Charlie Sands, when he was almost as big as you and had less on,for bathing in the river? Sit down, man, and don't be a fool."

  He edged toward the fire, looking rather silly, and Aggie passed him afrog's leg on a piece of bark.

  "Try this, Percy," she said, smiling.

  At the name he looked ready to run. "I guess you've seen the notices,"he said, "so you'll understand I cannot accept any food or assistance.I'm very grateful to you, anyhow."

  "You may take what food you find, surely," said Aggie. "If you find aroasted frog's leg on the ground--so--there's nothing to prevent youeating it, is there?"

  "Nothing at all," said Percy, and picked it up. "Unless, of course--"

  "It's not a trap, young man," said Tish. "Eat it and enjoy it. There arelots more where it came from."

  He relaxed at that, and on Tish's bringing out a blanket from the tentto throw over his shoulders he became almost easy. He was much surprisedto learn that we knew his story, and when I repeated the "love him"message, he seemed to grow a foot taller and his eyes glowed.

  "I'm holding out all right," he said. "I'm fit physically. But the thingthat gets my goat is that I'm to come out clothed. Dorothea's fathersays that primitive man, with nothing but his hands and perhaps a stoneclub, fed himself, made himself a shelter, and clothed himself in skins.Skins! I'm so big that two or three bears would hardly be enough. I didfind a hole that I thought a bear or two might fall into, and got almoststung to death robbing a bee tree to bait the thing with honey. Butthere aren't any bears, and if there were how'd I kill 'em? Wait untilthey starve to death?"

  "Rabbits!" said Tish.

  He looked down at himself and he seemed very large in the firelight."Dear lady," he said, "there aren't enough rabbits in the county tocover me, and how'd I put 'em together? I was a fool to undertake thething, that's all."

  "But aren't you in love with her?" asked Aggie.

  "Well, I guess I am. It isn't that, you know. I'm a good bit worse thancrazy about her. A man might be crazy about a mint julep or a powerboat, but--he'd hardly go into the woods in his skin and live on fishuntil he's scaly for either of them. If I don't get her, I don't want tolive. That's all."

  He looked so gloomy and savage that we saw he meant it, and Aggie wasperceptibly thrilled. Trish, however, was thinking hard, her eyes on theleech. "Was there anything in the agreement to prevent your acceptingany suggestions?"

  He pondered. "No, I was to be given no food, drink, shelter, or anyweapon. The old man forgot fire--that's how I came to beg some."

  "Fire and brains," reflected Tish. "We've given you the first and we'veplenty of the second to offer. Now, young man, this is my plan. We'llgive you nothing but suggestions. If now and then you find a cooked mealunder that tree, that's accident, not design, and you'd better eat it.Can you sew?"

  "I'm like the Irishman and the fiddle--I never tried, but I guess Ican." He was much more cheerful.

  "Do you have to be alone?"

  "I believe he took that for granted, in this costume."

  "Will it take you long to move over here?"

  "I think I can move without a van," he said, grinning. "My sole worldlypossessions are a stone hatchet and a hairpin fishhook."

  "Get them and come over," commanded Tish. "When you leave this forest atthe end of the time you are going to be fed and clothed and carry atent; you will have with you smoked meat and fish; you will carry underyour arm an Indian clock or sundial; you will have a lamp--if we canfind a clamshell or a broken bottle--and you will have a fire-makingoutfit with your monogram on it."

  "But, my dear friend," he said, "I am not supposed to have anyassistance and--"

  "Assistance!" Tish snapped. "Who said assistance? I'm providing thebrains, but you'll do it all yourself."

  He moved over an hour or so later and Tish and I went into the tent tobed. Somewhat later, when she limped to the fire to see how the leechwas filling up, he and Aggie were sitting together talking, he ofDorothea and Aggie of Mr. Wiggins. Tish said they were both talking atthe same time, neither one listening to the other, and that it soundedlike this:--"She's so sweet and trusting and honest--well, I'd believewhat she said if she--"

  "--fell off a roof on a rainy day and was picked up by a man with ahorse and buggy quite unconscious."