Deklan

  “Pack,” he says.

  “Pack what?”

  “Everything. We’re moving.”

  “Moving where?”

  “Elsewhere.” He goes back to his call. “No, not there…Because it’s too close to the railroad tracks. I’ll figure it out. Mac just got here. I want you and him to go pick up the stuff we moved last week. I’ll let you know where to bring it tomorrow.”

  Deklan looks over at me, sees I’m not doing anything, and then points from the suitcase to the bedroom. I cross my arms and tap my foot but don’t move. He rolls his eyes and disconnects the call.

  “Pack,” he says again.

  “Deklan, why are we moving?”

  “Too many people know where we live,” he says. “The cops have been here. That guy has followed you here. Mac has been here now, too. It’s not safe for you. We’re moving.”

  “And you think I can get all my stuff in this thing?” I point at the carryon-sized luggage.

  “Get what you need for now. I’ll get the rest after I find a place.” He drops down on one knee and grabs another suitcase from the back of the closet before turning to Mac. “Go find Brian. I’ll call you later.”

  “Sure, boss,” Mac says.

  “Stop calling me that.” Deklan glares at him.

  Mac just grins and heads out the door as Deklan heads to the bedroom and starts loading the suitcase with clothes.

  “What did you do with that guy?” I ask as I follow him. “You said you would explain later.”

  “I will,” Deklan says. “Later. Pack!”

  “Ugh!” I grab the suitcase and toss some clothes in it, still grumbling, but I can see Deklan is a man on a mission. There is no point arguing with him now.

  As soon as our necessities are in the suitcases, we leave the apartment. I’m overwhelmed and feeling pissy about having to quit the coffee shop, so I say nothing as Deklan drives us to a motel just out of town. He books a room for the night, and I flop down on the bed and glare up at him.

  “I’m sorry about all of this,” Deklan says with a sigh. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I swear it’s temporary. I’ll find a place tomorrow. I’ll find a really nice one—there are a lot available. I just need to find the right one.”

  “I could help.”

  “I really don’t even want you out and about by yourself.”

  “And I really just wish you’d tell me what the fuck is going on!”

  Deklan puts his hands over his face and rubs his eyes. He hauls our suitcases over to the chest of drawers and leans against it for a moment, running his hand through his hair. He stares at me before he sits on the bed, still tugging at the hair on the top of his head.

  He needs a haircut.

  “Have you remembered anything else about your kidnapping?”

  “No, not really.” I consider accusing him of changing the subject, but I fear he hasn’t. “I’ve thought about it, and I remember a bit more about you taking me away from the boat, but that’s about it.”

  “Do you remember seeing the creeper guy at all?”

  “He was involved, wasn’t he?” The look on Deklan’s face confirms my suspicions. “Who hired him, Dek? You have to tell me, and don’t you dare say ‘later!’”

  “I’m pretty sure he was,” Deklan says. “Exactly how, I haven’t figured out yet. I was hoping you might remember something else—something I could use against him—but I don’t want to push you.”

  “Miss Jolly said she could help me remember if I wanted to.”

  “That therapist?” Deklan wrinkles his nose at the idea. “I don’t want her in our business.”

  “But she said if she hypnotized me, I might remember it.”

  “Seriously?” Deklan shakes his head. “What a crock of shit.”

  “It might work, Dek.” I sit up and place my hand on his leg. “I might remember him. I might remember all kinds of stuff.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” Deklan mumbles. “You don’t want to remember. You’ve said that many times.”

  “Maybe it’s different now.”

  “What’s different? What could possibly make you want to remember it now when you have kept that shit out of your head for years?”

  I think carefully before I answer.

  “I kept it out because I didn’t want it to interfere with my life. I didn’t want to dwell on bad memories. Remembering doesn’t change anything that happened, and not knowing the details might save me some grief. But now…now it’s interfering with my life anyway. I’m getting escorted around by some goon; you’re worried, and I can’t even go to work. If I remembered, maybe I would know who else was involved, and you wouldn’t have to worry about me.”

  I refrain from saying why Deklan wouldn’t need to worry. Pointing out that I know he’s going to kill anyone involved isn’t going to make me feel better about remembering.

  “If you aren’t worried, maybe I can keep my job.” I look up at him pleadingly. “I like my job, Dek. I know it’s mundane and kind of silly, but I like it. I don’t want to quit.”

  “Even if that means remembering the other shit?” he asks quietly. “Maybe shit you don’t want to know?”

  I think about it for a long moment, but my mind is already made up. I just want him to know that I’m considering everything before I answer.

  “I want to remember, Dek. I want to remember it all.”

  Chapter 29

  “Correct me if I’m wrong, but this isn’t the man you told me you were going to marry.”

  Jennifer Jolly has been my therapist since I was released from the hospital after the kidnapping. Though she has heard much of my innermost secrets over the years, she doesn’t know about my family’s business, and I’ve never told Miss Jolly about the deal my father made with the Foleys. I had told her about my plans to marry Sean, and Deklan’s appearance at my therapy session has surprised her.

  “He isn’t,” I say with a slightly embarrassed smile. “Deklan works for Sean. Sean”—I struggle for a moment to come up with the wording—“well, Sean dumped me, and Deklan and I just hit it off.”

  Miss Jolly raises an eyebrow and purses her lips but chooses not to question my lame explanation.

  “Well, however this came about, I’m glad to hear you finally want to try to recover your memories. It sounds like Deklan has helped you come to this decision.”

  “He has.” I reach for Deklan’s hand. “He already helped me remember a little. You see, Deklan is the man who found me on that boat and took me to the hospital.”

  He doesn’t say anything. We’d discussed the story we would relate to my therapist and had enough detail to keep her from asking further questions. I get the idea he’s not completely comfortable being in a room with a therapist, but he insisted on coming along.

  “Really?” Miss Jolly tilts her head and looks at Dek more closely. “How did that happen?”

  “I had a fishing boat on the dock.” Deklan’s voice is monotone. “I was about to go out on the boat when I heard two guys talking about a girl. I listened in, figured out they had someone tied up in the bottom of the boat, and chased them off. She was pretty out of it, so I took her to the hospital.”

  “There was no report of who brought her in,” Miss Jolly says.

  “Yeah, I guess not though I don’t know why. I brought her in, told the nurse I found her, and then I left. I guess no one ever reported it. They didn’t take my name.”

  “Interesting.” I’ve spent enough time with Miss Jolly to know she’s not buying it, but again, she doesn’t push. “We’ve talked about hypnotherapy before. You know it isn’t always one hundred percent, but considering the dreams you’ve had since that time, I think we have a good chance at being successful.”

  Miss Jolly has me lie back in a reclining chair while Deklan sits off to one side. She instructs him to remain quiet as she closes the blinds and dims the lights.

  “Close your eyes,” she says. “Do you hear the clock ticking on the w
all?”

  “Yes.” I hadn’t even noticed the large clock before or heard the ticking of the second hand, but now that the room is quiet and the sound has been brought to my attention, it’s very loud.

  “Focus on the clock’s ticking. Relax into the rhythm and breathe slowly—in through your nose, out through your mouth. Take yourself back to that day.”

  I do as she says. I remember going to school and being worried about an English test, but it ended up being pretty easy. We had a pep rally that day, so the last bell was cut off early.

  “Picture yourself leaving school.” The ticking of the clock fades, and Miss Jolly’s soft voice is the only thing I hear. “Remember getting on the school bus. Think about who is around you, what you see and smell.”

  “The bus is mostly empty,” I say as the image comes into my head. “We are the second to last stop. Heather is with me, and she’s going on about some guy she likes. I’m glad when we get to our corner because I can’t stand the guy she’s head over heels about.”

  “What happens when you leave the bus stop?”

  “I wave at Heather, and she goes off down the street. I’m walking home, listening to a new playlist.”

  “What song?”

  “‘In One Ear’ by Cage the Elephant.” The song plays through my head.

  “There’s a man standing against the wall near the alley.”

  “Do you know him?”

  “I don’t know his name, but I’ve seen him before.”

  “Where?” Deklan’s voice startles me.

  “Please, Mr. Kearney, try not to speak. Go on, Kera. Tell me where you have seen the man before.”

  “He’s been to our house. He didn’t come inside, but he was out on the porch when my father was talking to one of his clients. He kept puffing on one of those e-cigarette vaporizer things. He has it with him now.”

  “Can you describe him?”

  “His hair is blond, and he has high cheekbones. No, his cheeks and eyes are sunken; it just makes him look like his cheekbones are high. His teeth are really yellow.”

  “That’s good, Kera. Keep going.”

  “He says hello when I walk past, but I ignore him. He calls to me again, and I tell him to leave me alone, or I’ll tell my father he was bothering me. That’s when the van pulls out of the alley. The door opens, and another guy jumps out.”

  My breaths become short and sharp, and I start feeling dizzy.

  “What’s happening, Kera?”

  “The first guy blocks my way, and the other one grabs my arms. I drop my book bag and try to turn to kick him, but he’s holding too tight. The other guy grabs my leg, and they push me into the van. Something’s placed over my eyes. I can’t see!”

  “That’s all right, Kera. What do you hear? What do you smell?”

  “The engine of the van is loud. It’s clicking like it needs an oil change. The van smells like grease. I scream, but I get punched in the head. It hurts and makes my ears ring. I get hit again…”

  “What’s happening, Kera?”

  “I…I don’t know. I think I got knocked unconscious.”

  “When you wake up, what do you hear?”

  “Water. It sounds like water washing up against something—boats or maybe the shore. I can’t tell. I’m being carried, and I can hear their footsteps. We stop, and I’m pushed down on my knees. The floor is wood. It smells bad.”

  “What does it smell like?”

  “Like dead fish and mold. Everything feels damp. Someone’s standing over me, tying my hands behind my back. I can’t move!”

  “Take a deep breath. Can you hear anyone talking?”

  “Yes.”

  “What are they saying?”

  “I…I don’t know!”

  “Relax, Kera. You’re safe here. Focus on what they’re saying.”

  “They’re…they’re talking about my dad. One of them says he’s finally going to get his payment and that this is a great plan, but the other one’s not sure. He thinks my father will double-cross them, and they won’t get paid.”

  “Do they say anything else?”

  “I…I can’t hear them. They moved away, and I’m alone. I try to scream, but my mouth feels so dry…there’s something tied around my head and in my mouth. I…I think it’s a bandana. They leave me alone for a long time.”

  “What happens when they come back?”

  “Someone takes out the gag. He tells me not to scream, then gives me water. He shoves something else in my mouth—bread with peanut butter on it. It smells nasty, and I spit it out. He smacks my face.”

  “Do you know if it’s the same man? The one you saw at your parents’ house?”

  “I don’t know. He never takes off the blindfold.”

  My limbs are tense, and my chest feels tight. I can feel the thrumming of my heartbeat in my neck and temples.

  “Remember that you’re safe now, Kera. Take a deep breath…There you go. Can you tell me what happens next?”

  “I’m…I’m alone again. I can’t see, and no one comes close to me. I don’t know how long. I keep trying to sleep, but my shoulders hurt so badly, I can’t get comfortable enough. Someone comes in and gives me more water and a piece of a sandwich. I’m too hungry to spit it out this time. I try to talk to him, but he doesn’t answer me.”

  “Can you tell me what you feel?”

  “It’s cold,” I say. “I can tell when it’s daytime because it gets a little warmer but not much. I try to remember how many times that’s happened, but I’m not sure. I don’t know how long I was knocked out. I’m so hungry and thirsty, and I’m just waiting for someone to bring me food and water again.”

  A shiver runs through my body.

  “They’re talking about me,” I whisper. “They’re saying it’s past the deadline my father was supposed to pay the ransom. I think…I think they’re going to kill me. When I hear footsteps on the stairs, I try to struggle against the ropes, but it doesn’t help. They say they’re going to…going to…”

  I choke back a sob. I can’t say the words.

  “He…he’s holding my mouth open and shoving something inside. I…I can’t close my mouth. Oh, God! He’s…he’s…”

  “Kera! Kera, listen to my voice. You aren’t there. You are not on that boat. You are safe, here in my office. Do you understand? Come back here now.”

  “Yes.” Tears are streaming down my face when I open my eyes. The room is still dim, but even the small amount of light hurts my eyes. “They raped me, didn’t they?”

  I sit up and look at Deklan. His hands are clenched into fists against his thighs, and his jaw is clenched. My heart beats in my chest as I wait for him to explode, but he doesn’t. Something isn’t right about his reaction. I can see his anger, but I expect more from such a revelation.

  “You already knew about it.”

  Deklan drops his gaze to the floor and nods.

  “When I found you, there was a ring gag in your mouth,” he says quietly. “There really isn’t any other reason to gag you like that.”

  My heart is pounding too fast. I can’t catch my breath, and I’m starting to feel dizzy.

  “Kera?” I hear Miss Jolly, but I can’t respond.

  What did they do to me? How many of them? What else did they do that I still don’t remember?

  “Kera!” Deklan’s voice and his hands on my arms pull me from my thoughts. “Kera, listen to me! They didn’t do it. You hear me? They didn’t.”

  I stare at him and try to comprehend what he’s saying. Deklan doesn’t take his eyes off mine as he addresses Miss Jolly.

  “I need a minute with my wife.”

  Miss Jolly nods and leaves the room, closing the door behind her. Deklan immediately takes my face in his hands.

  “They did not rape you,” he says as he stares deep into my eyes. “They were going to. They were about to, but I got there first.”

  “You didn’t tell me that.”

  “I didn’t want you to think about it. I s
till don’t want you to think about it.”

  I close my eyes for a moment, and it all floods back.

  The hands on my head, holding my face tightly as the gag is shoved in my mouth. The sound of laughter and then a loud burst of gunfire. Laughter turns to screams. I have no idea what’s happening as I’m left alone again. I hear scuffling above me, screams, and more shots.

  I begin to understand the rest of the story that Deklan didn’t want me to remember.

  “What did you do?” I whisper.

  Deklan is silent for a long time. He grits his teeth, and his eyes flash with a fury I have never seen before. When he finally speaks, each word is slow and deadly.

  “I made them suffer.”

  I swallow hard. He’s right—I don’t want to know any more.

  Miss Jolly comes back in. She and Deklan talk softly, but I don’t listen to them. I’m trying to remember with more clarity.

  “It’s past the deadline. He ain’t gonna make it.”

  “What now?”

  “Kill her, that’s what.”

  “We ain’t gonna kill her. Not yet, anyway. This is his deal, and we’re gonna get our money. Just be patient.”

  “Fuck being patient. If we’re stuck waiting on O’Conner, we should at least have a little fun with her.”

  “Gotta keep her a virgin. That’s part of the deal.”

  “So? Her mouth works, don’t it?”

  I feel pressure against my face, and my mouth is forced open. Whatever he’s put inside keeps me from closing it again. I smell sweat and hear chuckling. Tears are pouring out of my eyes, soaking the blindfold. I wait for it to happen, but I hear the gunshots first.

  Deklan did get there in time. If he had obeyed Fergus Foley’s orders, he wouldn’t have. If he had waited, it would have been too late. They would have raped me, and I might have ended up dead.

  I grip Deklan’s fingers tightly, and he reaches over to rub at the back of my wrist. I place my head against his shoulder, suddenly exhausted though it can’t be much past noon.