Three Degrees of Passion

house but by the time Ron got home at night from work all she wanted to do was get pissed off and yell at everyone usually taking off in the car or for a long walk in a flaming rage over something meaningless like the kids not eating all of the food on their plate or Ron leaving the evening paper on the coffee table. She seemed to look for any excuse to get angry at someone and take it out on them whether they deserved it or not. God forbid she get a cold or sore throat. Those instances really sent Ron into anxiety mode because she would expect him to stay home and take care of the kids for a week while she recuperated, even when the kids were not there for most of the day. She just wanted to sleep and literally do nothing during those instances and got even more demanding than usual on how she thought Ron should take care of her and do things the way she wanted. She would frequently accuse him of loving the kids more than her because he gave them more of his attention. He would usually downplay her illness during those times and do what he could in the morning before going to work to be helpful but when he got home at night he paid for his

  Ron never knew what he would be confronted with when he got home at night. Sarah was spontaneous about how she took care of the kids and chores like laundry and vacuuming. Some days the house would be spotless and well organized while others he’d get home to Sarah quickly backing out the driveway the instant his headlights hit the garage, three hungry kids and no food in the cupboards because Sarah didn’t feel like shopping and didn’t believe it was her responsibility to tell Ron claiming he should have been paying attention.

  Then there were also the times she’d go off on expensive shopping trips or vacations all by herself that they could not afford all. There was no stopping her. He tried to talk to her about them numerous times at first but she’d just fly into a scary rage full of unwarranted accusations and threats that caused Ron to get scared for his safety and eventually he backed of and stopped trying to reason with her because he couldn’t. She at least told him when she planned on going so he could arrange for the care of the kids with friends and family while she was gone, but sometimes she wouldn’t let him know how long she’d be gone which often caused a few raised eyebrows. Ron’s father told him more than once to grow a set of balls and put Sarah in her place. Ron would always try to deny a problem, smooth things over and justify her behavior rather than stand up to her. It was easier to do that than risk another scene. Sarah was adamant about her vacations even if it wasn’t something her and Ron could afford, if there was no cash she spent the money anyways putting it all on a charge card she took out in just her name and not telling Ron how much she spent thus leaving Ron behind with yet another worry, praying that Sarah didn’t charge their savings away, which she came close to doing a number of times over the years, even when not on vacation. She claimed that these trips were necessary for her to keep her sanity because they never did anything like this together as a family and that she was entitled to them because she took care of HIS kids all day while he got to go to work and get away from the stress of home. In his head he always thought back during these instances was that the reason we don’t go on vacations, out for dinner, amusement parks, camping or movies is because she spends all the money on herself and he does not want to fight with her about what do or where to go when on vacation. He just wants to relax. Its cheaper to be stressed out by her at home than to pay money for it while on vacation.

  He often feared about how she would respond to anything he did or said making it very difficult to make important decisions and take care of things. Everything had the possibility of causing yet another argument, fanatical rant or personal criticism. Sex was defiantly out of the question for him, especially after the birth of their last kid, He stopped initiating that a long time ago. He didn’t want to damage his ego anymore than it already was. Sarah couldn’t look at him in the shower or changing anymore without giving him a disgusted look. Not that they did it that much anyways. She would push him away in bed at night when he tried to cuddle then accuse him later on of not being intimate with or attracted to her. Ron just bit his lip and accepted the awful treatment as a normal part of marriage because he didn’t know any different and thought it was not half as bad as his parent’s marriage, noting that Sarah never hit him or the kids (that he knew about)..

  He even lost the ability to lust or fantasize over time because if Sarah saw him gaze at her or another women letting his thoughts stray for just an instance, she would accuse him of having an emotional affair, being abusive or demeaning women. God forbid he even try masturbating once in a while because then he might be thinking of something inappropriate. He reserved those far and few quick moments of blissful indiscretion to the shower and made extra sure that no evidence was left behind for Sarah to find.

  Ron spends a lot of his energy keeping the boat from rocking and preventing others from doing it too. One less outburst from Sarah is one less instance he has to deal with. He does not trust Sarah’s judgment or ability to make decisions. They don’t talk about anything beyond simple yes or no answer type communication and they have no common interests.

  Over the years Sarah’s crazy making took its toll on everyone, especially Ron. The kids never knew the difference. Both Ron and Sarah claim to still love each other but have obviously lost all passion for the relationship, especially Ron.

  Second Degree