Like You Mean It

  “As long as I can remember. I was a year old when we moved here.”

  “That’s nice. We’ve had our house forever,” Danni said. “My mom got it in the divorce, not that my dad cared since he didn’t bother hanging around.”

  “Do you miss him?”

  It was Danni’s turn to shrug. “Not really. I don’t know him at all so I guess I miss what we’re missing out on if that makes sense.”

  “Yeah, it does.”

  “So, when do you think you’ll come back to school?”

  “I’m not sure,” Darren replied. “It’s going to be hard for me. I’ve missed almost a month. I feel like I’ll never catch up.”

  “That’s even more reason to hurry up and come back.”

  “I don’t know how I’ll be able to wear a backpack.”

  “A lot of people sling them over one shoulder.”

  “I can’t even write my name, let alone take any notes.”

  “You could photocopy someone else’s,” Danni suggested.

  “What about tests?”

  “Have your parents talk to the school and see if you can take your tests some other way.”

  Darren blanched. “You have an answer for everything.”

  The trace of irritation in his voice put Danni on edge, but she didn’t want to give up. Something told her that the longer Darren hid out in this house, the slimmer the chance he would ever leave it, and she wasn’t going to let that happen.

  “I just think you’re focusing too much on the bad things,” Danni said. “There are a lot of good things about going back to school.”

  “Like what?” Darren asked.

  “I’ll bet you can get handicapped parking now,” Danni replied, and exhaled when he cracked a smile at her joke.

  “I have to learn to drive again first.”

  “That shouldn’t be too hard. A lot of people drive one handed.”

  “Yeah, but a lot of people don’t get freaked out by the thought of being in a car let alone driving it,” he explained.

  “Oh, okay. Well, you also have the perfect excuse to get out of P.E.”

  “I liked P.E.”

  “That’s because you’re athletic.” Danni grimaced at her own hatred of sports. “Not all of us are born with natural talent and a perfect body.”

  “I’m not so perfect now,” Darren retorted with a bitter laugh. “Besides the fact that I only have one arm, I haven’t been this out of shape in years.”

  “You look pretty good to me.”

  “Feel this if you think so,” Darren said, and her eyes widened when he grabbed her hand. “What’s wrong? Are you afraid to touch me?”

  “Depends on what you want me to touch.”

  “You can trust me, Danni.”

  Danni relaxed her hand in his and allowed him to slide it under his shirt and rest it on his stomach. His hair bristled against the palm of her hand.

  “I used to have a solid six pack,” Darren explained. “Now I’m as soft as the Pillsbury dough boy.”

  “I think you feel good,” Danni said as she ran her hand over his stomach.

  Darren leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. “I think that feels good.”

  Danni glanced across the family room. From where she sat, she could see his parents watching television in the living room. “Should I stop?”

  “No, I want you to touch me all over.”

  Danni swallowed. “What do you mean?”

  Grabbing her hand, Darren slid it even lower. “Touch me here.”

  Her heart banged hard against her ribs. “I, I don’t know what to do.”

  “Unzip my pants and touch me.”

  Danni tried to be quiet as she opened his zipper and slid her hand inside. Darren was already hard.

  “You wear boxers,” she said.

  “Yeah, but it feels weird to be wearing underwear again after almost a month of going commando,” Darren said, and she giggled.

  Still not sure what to do, Danni ran her hand over his boner, which was obstructed by the thin cloth of his boxer shorts. As she did, he thrust his hips under her touch.

  “Sorry,” he said as his ears reddened. “It’s instinct. It happens before I can think about it.”

  “Tell me what to do now, D.J.,” she whispered in his ear.

  “There’s a button at the front of my boxers. Open it and put your hand inside.”

  Danni found the button and opened it, sliding her hand inside. While she marveled at his warmth, Darren sucked in his breath.

  “Am I hurting you?” she asked.

  “No, it feels good.”

  “I can’t believe how hard it is. It really does feel like a bone.”

  “Now you know where the name comes from,” Darren said with a slight grin as he bucked his hips against her hand once more.

  Though her hand was a tight fit inside his boxers, Danni did her best to keep time with the rhythm of his hips. The intensity of the moment made her heart feel as if it were beating as hard between her legs as it was in her chest.

  “Don’t stop, Danni,” Darren breathed. “I’m so close.”

  “Are you kids okay in there?” Ann suddenly called out, and Danni froze.

  With her hand still wrapped around him, she felt the twitching of his release. Danni held her breath as her hand filled with its heat.

  “We’re fine, Mom,” Darren called back, and Danni hoped his mother didn’t notice how choked his words sounded.

  “That was close,” Danni murmured as she pulled her hand from inside his pants.

  “Sorry about the mess.”

  “It’s okay. I have some tissue in my purse. It must be worse for you.”

  “No way,” Darren replied. “It’s definitely worth it.”

  He waited until Danni retrieved the tissue from her purse and cleaned her hand before pulling her against him and wrapping his arm around her. As he held her, Danni made sure she zipped his jeans. The last thing she wanted was for his parents to walk in and catch her that close to their son with his fly down.

  “You have no idea how good that felt,” Darren said. “I haven’t been able to get that right for a month.”

  Danni giggled. “That’s because you were left handed.”

  “Man, if we ever break up I’m in big trouble. You have a lot of dirt on me.”

  “I think you’re safe. You dated Whitney for a year and I never heard a word about anything like this.”

  “That’s because I never told her what I just told you.”

  “Okay, but I never knew you two, you know.”

  “We only did it once, that night we broke up.”

  “What was it like?” Danni asked.

  “It was weird, but I felt kind of shy about her seeing me naked,” he said with a half shrug. “I was wondering if she thought I was, you know, big enough and stuff.”

  So guys worried how they looked too? That didn’t surprise Danni as much as the fact that Darren Jacobs, the hottest guy in the whole school, was self-conscious about it.

  “I still can’t imagine you two together like that,” Danni said.

  “Then don’t,” Darren suggested. “Forget about me and Whitney, and think about me and you.”

  “I can’t. You have all this experience I don’t have.”

  “I don’t have that much.”

  “Is she the only girl you’ve ever done anything with?” Danni asked.

  He laughed. “You mean besides you?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, she’s the only one. I’ve been on dates with other girls though.”

  “You’re the only guy I’ve done anything with, and that includes dating,” Danni admitted. “You know how to do all this stuff. I don’t.”

  “Not really. Besides, without my arm it’s probably totally different.”

  “Maybe we can teach each other then?”

  “I’d like that.” Darren kissed the top of her head. “By the way, you forgot one very important th
ing about being back at school.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Everyone will see me with the most beautiful girl in school.”

  “I thought you were dating me.”

  “You are the most beautiful girl in school, Danni,” Darren insisted.

  “Thanks.” Danni smiled at him, but taking compliments about her looks still felt strange. “So, did you want me to pick you up tomorrow?”

  He shook his head. “No, I’ll have my mom take me. I think I need to see a school counselor or something. You can drive me home though.”

  “It’s a date,” Danni replied, tilting her head back to kiss Darren before snuggling her body against his.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Why are you so happy today?” Marcy asked.

  “Darren’s coming back to school,” Danni replied. “So please try not to act weird around him.”

  “Are you sure he’ll even want to hang out with us?” Chelsea asked.

  Danni frowned. “Why wouldn’t he? You’re my best friends.”

  “Yeah, but he’s not dating us,” Chelsea said. “We’ll be like the third and fourth wheels.”

  “You don’t think much of him, do you?” Danni asked.

  “I’m not sure what you mean,” Chelsea said, but Danni heard the lie in her voice.

  “You still think he’s some stuck-up jock who wouldn’t give us the time of day,” Danni said.

  “Maybe,” Chelsea admitted. “No offense, but he ignored us for almost four years.”

  “He’s a great guy,” Danni insisted.

  “I’m sure he is,” Marcy agreed.

  “He is. I wouldn’t be dating him if he wasn’t,” Danni said.

  Chelsea nodded. “Okay, that makes sense.”

  When the first bell of the day rang, the girls headed toward their first period classes before Danni got the chance to tell them one other important thing about Darren; that losing his arm made him self-conscious and might make him act strangely around them. Since she missed her opportunity to tell them, Danni hoped her friends would figure it out on their own and not mistake his attitude for something else.

  * * *

  On her way out of first period, Danni’s cell phone rang. As soon as she extracted it from her purse, she recognized Darren’s number. “Where are you?”

  “In the office,” he answered. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”

  “I could meet you there if you want.”

  “Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

  “I’ll be right there.”

  As Danni approached the office, she could see Darren standing inside. He gave her a tentative smile but didn’t come out to greet her.

  “Hey,” she said, stepping inside. “Are you ready to go?”

  “No, but it’s not like I have a choice,” he replied, slinging his backpack over his right shoulder.

  “Does that hurt?” Danni asked.

  “Not bad.”

  The moment they stepped out of the office, the stares Darren received ranged from curious to blatant shock. Students passed, whispering things like ‘That’s him’ and ‘He did lose his arm’. At least no one said anything about him looking gross with only one arm, not yet anyway.

  “What did your counselor say about your classes?” Danni asked.

  Darren kept his eyes on the ground. “I can record the lectures on my phone if I want and get extra time in class for tests and stuff if I need it.”

  “What about making up the work you missed? How are you going to do that?”

  “I have to do a paper on how the accident changed my life,” Darren said and then snorted. “One paper and then all the teachers will give me extra credit.”

  “That’s good.”

  “It isn’t good. I can’t even write my name yet let alone a whole paper.”

  “I could help,” Danni offered.

  “Yeah, maybe. The counselor also said I have enough credits that it won’t keep me from graduating if I drop my last two classes and go to school for half days.”

  “Why would you do that?” she asked.

  “My last two classes were art and P.E., things I can’t do with one arm.”

  Danni didn’t know what to say; she hadn’t thought about that.

  When they reached their English class, Danni started to walk through the open door, but before she made it inside, Darren reached for her hand and pulled her back. The look on his face reminded her of the one he had given her outside the restaurant the other day.

  “We can’t stay out here forever,” she said.

  “We can’t?” Darren gave her a lopsided grin as the second bell rang. “Shit.”

  “What?”

  “We’re late. Everyone will be staring now.”

  “They were before.”

  Darren tightened his grip on her hand. “Promise you’ll stay with me the whole time, Danni.”

  “The whole time, D.J.”

  “Okay.” Darren took a deep breath. “Let’s go.”

  Still holding hands, they entered the classroom where all of the students regarded them with wide eyes. Danni tried to ignore the whispers around them. Keeping her head high, she walked toward her seat with Darren still clutching her hand.

  “Welcome back, Darren,” Mrs. Greenleaf said.

  Darren let go of Danni’s hand and slumped down in his seat without responding.

  “If there’s anything I can do to make things easier for you in the classroom, just let me know,” the teacher added.

  “I’m fine, thanks,” Darren said.

  “We were just discussing John Steinbeck’s book, The Pearl, which is what we started reading this week,” she explained.

  While Mrs. Greenleaf may have been discussing The Pearl, no one else in the class cared about it. From the way they were staring, everyone seemed more interested in Darren’s return, and Danni realized the day would be harder for him than she first thought.

  * * *

  “That sucked,” Darren said as he and Danni exited English class.

  “I know,” she replied.

  “I’m glad you were here though,” he said and stopped walking.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I just want to kiss the most beautiful girl in school.”

  “Where is she?” Danni laughed. “I’ll see if I can find her.”

  Taking her by the hand, Darren pulled her body into his. “She’s right here.”

  “Is she kissing him?”

  “That’s so gross.”

  “I know. I don’t think I could ever kiss a guy with one arm, even if that guy was Darren Jacobs.”

  Danni tried to pretend she couldn’t hear the whispered conversation of the girls behind them. Any hope that Darren hadn’t heard vanished when he let go of her and turned in the opposite direction.

  “Wait,” Danni called.

  “You sure you want to do that?” Darren asked when she caught up with him and reached for his hand. “Everyone in school will know you’re dating the one-armed man if you do.”

  “I don’t care what people think,” she said.

  Darren spun to face her. “You don’t care what people think?”

  “I mean, I don’t mind if people know we’re dating.”

  “I don’t mind if people know we’re dating either, but why would I mind? You’re not some kind of freak.”

  “Please don’t do this,” Danni pleaded, reaching for his hand again.

  “You did it.” Darren shook her off a second time. “You know what? If you’re just interested in me because you feel sorry for me, don’t bother.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Then what is it like? You’ve been all over me since the accident, taking care of me and doing stuff for me.”

  As Danni stood facing him, she couldn’t decide whether the tears misting her eyes were caused by anger and frustration or hurt and sadness. Either way, she just wanted to cry.

  “We should go to class, or we’ll be late
,” she said.

  “That’s fucking great,” Darren muttered as the bell rang.

  Danni knew Darren wasn’t happy to enter another class late and face all eyes on him, but she couldn’t do anything about it. Besides, Darren made it clear he didn’t need her help.

  * * *

  Though Danni did her best to concentrate on the test she needed to take in her third period economics class, she couldn’t stop thinking about her fight with Darren. As much as she wanted to be angry with him, part of her wondered whether he might be right about her reasons for going out with him. After all, she thought the same thing the first time she saw him in the hospital. While she was still thinking it over, her cell phone vibrated to let her know she’d just received a text message.

  Danni tried to be inconspicuous when she pulled the phone from her purse and read the message Darren had sent her: I need U.

  Holding the phone under her desk, she typed her reply: R U OK?

  Within seconds her phone responded with his answer: No. Can U come outside?

  Slipping her cell phone back into her purse, Danni crept to the front of the classroom and asked the teacher for a pass to use the restroom. Ms. Kirkland handed it over, and Danni tried not to look too anxious as she hurried out the door. Darren was standing at the end of the hall.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked him.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean what I said about you dating me because you feel sorry for me.”

  “Is that why you called me out of class?” Danni demanded.

  “That’s part of it,” Darren replied with downcast eyes.

  “So what’s the other part?”

  “I, uh, need your help with something.”

  “I thought you didn’t want me to help you anymore.”

  “Please don’t be mad at me,” Darren said. “I didn’t mean it. This is just harder than I thought it would be, and it’s kind of getting to me.”

  Danni’s anger disappeared at once. “What do you need help with?”

  “This is gonna sound kind of crazy. I just want you to keep in mind how embarrassing it is for me to have to even ask you.”

  “What is it?”

  “I, um, need to use the bathroom,” he said as his face turned beet red.

  “Why do you need my help with that?” Danni asked.

  “I don’t need help with that part,” he said with a slight grin. “I need you to button my jeans when I’m done.”

  Danni narrowed her eyes. “How’d you get them buttoned this morning?”

  “My mom did it. I can unbutton and unzip just fine. It’s getting them zipped and buttoned after that’s still hard.”