Like You Mean It

  * * *

  Tuesday afternoon, Danni made another trip to the hospital. Before entering Darren’s room, she stopped short. Justin was sitting at his brother’s bedside as usual, but today he had his head cradled in his hands, oblivious to her presence.

  “Um, hey,” she said.

  Justin jerked his head up. “Hi, Danni.”

  “Should I come back later?” Danni offered.

  “Nah, it’s cool. I was just spacing out for a second,” he replied. “Long night.”

  Danni stepped into the room. “Is Darren okay?”

  Justin frowned. “What?”

  “You said you had a long night. I thought you meant you had a long night with Darren.”

  “Oh, no, it wasn’t like that. I just worked late last night. It’s cool.”

  Until then, Danni hadn’t given any thought to Justin having a real life and a job he’d have to miss when he went to the hospital. For the first time since meeting him, she saw past Justin’s good looks and realized how worn out he was. Dark circles were beginning to show under his somewhat bloodshot eyes, and the stubble covering his jaw suggested he hadn’t shaved for days. She wondered how much sleep he was getting. If he was working nights and spending his days at the hospital, it couldn’t be much.

  “Are you sure you’re all right?” Danni asked.

  “I’m fine,” Justin replied as his eyes roamed over Darren. “D.J.’s the one who had a rough day.”

  “What happened?”

  “The coach came by with a couple of guys from his team.”

  “That’s a good thing, right?”

  “Yeah, I thought so, but D.J. had a tough time with it. I guess maybe he isn’t ready for visitors.”

  Danni stepped back. “Oh, okay, I’ll take off.”

  As she turned to leave, he reached out to catch her hand. His own was so large that Danni’s disappeared beneath his grasp.

  “Sorry.” Justin released his hold on her. “I just don’t want you to go.”

  Danni glanced back at Darren. “What about what he wants?”

  Justin grinned at her. “Guess you’ll have to wait for him to wake up and then you can ask.”

  “Oh, I can’t,” Danni said. “I should go. I have a lot of homework.”

  Justin raised his eyebrows. “You’ll be back tomorrow, right?”

  It was on the tip of her tongue to say no, but the pleading look in his tired eyes changed her mind. “Yeah, I’ll be back.”

  “Great, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Justin said.

  “See you tomorrow,” she echoed and scurried from the room.

  * * *

  Danni wasn’t sure whether Darren wanted her to visit, but she kept her word. Every day, for the rest of the week, she went to the hospital and sat with him while she talked to his brother. She never stayed long.

  While Danni told Justin that she kept the visits short because of all the homework waiting for her, it wasn’t true. The thought of facing Darren scared her. So far, he’d slept through all of her visits, but she dreaded the day when he’d wake up and ask why some strange girl insisted on hanging around him. Even her friends seemed baffled by it.

  “What do you and Darren talk about?” Marcy asked over lunch on Friday.

  “We don’t talk,” Danni replied. “He’s never awake.”

  “So, you just sit there and watch him sleep?” Chelsea asked.

  “Most of the time I talk to his brother,” Danni said.

  “Darren has a brother?” Marcy asked. “Does he look like him?”

  “Yeah, he looks just like Darren,” Danni answered. “His name is Justin and he’s twenty-five.”

  Chelsea laughed. “Now we know what’s got her spending so much time at the hospital.”

  “I guess he is the reason I keep going,” Danni admitted. “When I went the first time, Justin asked me to keep coming back because no one else visits Darren. He told me not even Spencer or Matt or Lee has been to see him.”

  “That sucks,” Chelsea said.

  “Yeah, it does,” Danni agreed. “Hey, maybe you guys could visit.”

  “No way,” Marcy said.

  “Why not?” Danni asked. “It’s not like you can avoid him forever. He’ll be back at school sometime.”

  “And when he does come back, I’ll deal with it then,” Marcy said. “Just because you get off on flirting with a guy with one arm doesn’t mean the rest of us do.”

  “What? I’m not flirting with him,” Danni insisted. “I can’t believe you’d be that mean. It’s not his fault he lost his arm.”

  “It is his fault, Danni,” Chelsea said. “They were drinking and driving.”

  “There’s no proof Darren was drinking,” Danni said.

  “If he wasn’t drinking, he should have been driving,” Chelsea argued.

  Danni couldn’t believe her best friends, two girls who’d been picked on their entire lives, could be so insensitive. It made her more determined than ever to be his friend.

  * * *

  After school, instead of going straight home, Danni went to the hospital first. Usually, it was the other way around; home for a quick snack and then to visit Darren.

  As soon as she stepped into the room, she spotted what the leadership kids called the world’s biggest get well card. It wasn’t a card at all. It was a big piece of blue butcher paper. The words ‘Get Well Soon, Darren!’ were written in large letters of every color, and it was crammed full of messages.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” Justin said. “I need a huge favor.”

  Danni frowned at him. “What’s wrong?”

  “Would you mind hanging out with D.J. until eight tonight?”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “A couple of guys called in sick at work and I need to go in.”

  “What do you do?” Danni asked.

  “I’m the night manager at Tahoe’s restaurant.”

  “I love that place.”

  “Yeah, well, it isn’t where I planned on using my business degree, but I took what I could get,” Justin said. “So, can you stay? I know it’s a long time, but I don’t want him to wake up alone.”

  Danni’s heart leaped to her throat. Stay all night so Darren didn’t wake up alone? That sounded dangerous.

  “Um, yeah, I guess I can stay,” Danni gave in. “I just need to make a few calls.”

  Danni knew her mother wouldn’t be home and Nick never cared what she did, but dealing with her friends wasn’t as easy. They couldn’t believe she would ditch them in favor of babysitting Darren. Danni didn’t expect them to understand, but there was no way she could say no to the desperate look in Justin’s eyes.

  “Thanks, Danni,” he said. “I owe you big time for this.”

  “I’ll take a free dinner at Tahoe’s,” Danni joked.

  Justin grinned at her before turning to give Darren a kiss on the forehead. “Okay, D.J., I’ll be back tomorrow. See you tomorrow, Danni.”

  “Uh, okay,” she said as Justin rushed out the door.

  The minute he left, Danni felt swallowed up by the quiet of the room. She contemplated calling one of her friends back or at least turning on the television for some background noise, but she didn’t want to wake Darren. If that happened she would have to explain her presence, and she still wasn’t sure how to do that. Instead, she turned on the television, but muted the sound, in order to have something to pass the time. During the commercials, she studied Darren. He looked a lot better now than the first time she visited.

  “You sure sleep a lot,” Danni observed after she watched a silent afternoon talk show, followed by the first round of the evening news.

  “Sorry,” Darren mumbled, and Danni almost jumped out of her skin.

  “It’s okay. Go back to sleep,” she said.

  Instead of doing as he was told, Darren had the nerve to crack his eyes open and look right at her. “Where’s J.J.?”

  “He went to work. I think a couple of people called in sick
,” Danni explained.

  In the moment of silence between them, she blushed under Darren’s intense gaze. His blue eyes looked as beautiful as she remembered. At long last, she could see a hint of the guy she’d liked since freshman year.

  Unable to take the silence any longer, she asked, “Do you like the card?”

  Darren frowned. “What card?”

  Danni nodded toward the banner. “The one the leadership kids made for you.”

  “It’s all right.”

  “I tried to sign it, but the lines were really long, like every day, and I’m talking during breaks and lunches. I’ll bet there are more than a thousand signatures on there, and most of them are from girls.”

  Darren raised his eyebrows. Danni didn’t have to know him to recognize that look. ‘You’re crazy’ was written all over his face.

  “J.J. says you come every day,” he said.

  “Um, yeah.”

  “How come?”

  “I don’t know.”

  The way Darren’s eyes drilled into hers made Danni squirm, and her blush deepened. For the second time, an awkward silence fell between them. As she stared back at him, Danni wondered how he could be covered in cuts and bruises and still look so good.

  “What are you thinking about?” Darren asked.

  “Why’d you have to ask me that?” Danni said and then wished she had come up with a better response.

  “I just wondered why you’re staring at me.”

  “I’m not sure I should tell you.”

  Darren’s gaze drifted to his missing arm. “Does it look bad?”

  “It’s not that at all. I was just wondering if it bothered you that I’ve been coming.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “Maybe I should go.”

  “Please stay, Danni. I hate being alone here.”

  Her eyes widened. “You know my name?”

  “You’re in my English class, right?”

  Danni giggled. “Did J.J. tell you that?”

  Darren grinned at her. “Maybe, but in my defense these drugs I’m on have me out of it a lot.”

  “Do they help?”

  “Sometimes,” Darren said, dropping his eyes.

  “Does it hurt bad?” Danni asked.

  “Like hell.” He looked up at her again. “You want to hear something weird though?”

  “Sure.”

  “Sometimes I can still feel my arm. Sometimes it hurts too. The doctor said it’s phantom limb pain.”

  “I’ve never heard of that.”

  “I wish I hadn’t either.”

  Danni wished she could think of something to say that would make him feel better. If only they knew each other better. Then there wouldn’t be such a weird tension between them.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Darren said. “No one else has come.”

  Danni furrowed her brow. Didn’t Justin say the baseball coach came by with a couple of guys from the team? Maybe the painkillers Darren took made him forget that, but that get well card was kind of hard to miss.

  “Didn’t the leadership kids bring the banner?” Danni reminded him.

  Darren blanched. “Yeah, a couple of them came at lunchtime, but they only hung out long enough to put up that piece of shit.”

  “You don’t like the card?”

  “It’s okay, but it isn’t the same as having your friends around,” he replied.

  “Maybe your friends don’t know you can have visitors,” Danni said. “I could tell them if you want me to.”

  As soon as the words left her mouth, Danni wanted to kick herself. There was no way she could walk up to the popular kids and tell them to visit Darren at the hospital. They would probably laugh her away before she got the chance.

  “Thanks, but you don’t have to do that,” Darren said. “If people want to come see me, they know where I am. It’s not like it’s a secret.”

  A woman dressed in a pink smock pushed a cart into the room. “Who’s this, Darren?”

  “This is Danni,” Darren answered.

  “I’m Sally,” the woman announced. “I swear every nurse on this floor just loves this guy and his gorgeous blue eyes.”

  “Please stop,” Darren said, his eyes darting toward Danni.

  Danni considered agreeing with Sally, but that would have meant telling Darren about her huge crush on him. If she did that, it might make him sick.

  At least he’s already in the hospital, she thought and almost laughed out loud.

  “That brother of his is pretty cute too,” Sally added. “Are you okay, hon? Can I get you anything else, or do you want me to leave you alone with your girlfriend?”

  “Oh, I’m not his girlfriend,” Danni said.

  Darren stiffened. “I’m fine.”

  “Well then, I’ve got a few more deliveries to make,” Sally said and breezed out of the room.

  “She’s nice,” Danni said.

  “Yeah, whatever,” Darren said.

  “What’s wrong? Why do you sound so mad?”

  “You were pretty quick to say I wasn’t your boyfriend.”

  “But you’re not my boyfriend.”

  “And you want to make sure everyone knows that, right?” Darren accused. “You want to make sure no one thinks you’re dating a guy with one arm.”

  “You don’t even know me,” Danni pointed out.

  Darren’s face reddened. “I don’t have to know you to know how disgusted I make you.”

  “Who do you think you are?” Danni demanded. “I’ve been going to school with you for almost four years and you’ve never said a word to me.”

  “Have you ever talked to me?”

  “Of course not! You’re Darren Jacobs, the most popular guy in school, too good to be spoken to by a nobody like me.”

  “So, now that I’m crippled you thought you had a chance?”

  “I don’t get you,” Danni said. “One minute you’re begging me to stay and the next minute you’re accusing me of being ashamed that people might think you’re my boyfriend.”

  “That’s because you didn’t waste any time saying you’re not my girlfriend,” Darren snapped.

  Danni rolled her eyes. “Oh, please.”

  “Is that all you can say?”

  “I can say I’m leaving,” Danni said, rising from the chair and slinging her purse over her shoulder.

  “Fine!” Darren shouted.

  “Fine!” Danni shouted back as she stomped toward the door.

  Danni couldn’t believe Darren Jacobs! Four long years he had ignored her, oblivious to her hopeless crush on him. So what if he knew her name now? That just meant he knew what to yell when he picked a fight with her.

  Well maybe I just won’t come back anymore, Danni thought.

  The moment the thought crossed her mind, Danni knew she didn’t mean it. She would keep coming back, at least until his real friends came around.

  Chapter Four

  In spite of her fight with Darren the day before, Danni kept her promise to herself and went back to visit him. For the entire drive to the hospital, she tried to convince herself she could handle it. Instead of making her feel better, the pep talk made her more nervous.

  Danni wondered what she would do if Darren yelled at her again. While she told herself to scream back at him, she knew she wouldn’t be able to. When she walked into his room and spotted Justin, her stomach did a back flip. With his brother there, maybe Darren would be nicer.

  “I didn’t think you’d be back,” Justin said.

  Danni smiled through her nerves. “I’ve heard that from you before.”

  “D.J. told me about the fight.”

  “I know. Can you believe it? I come to visit every day for over a week and he sleeps the whole time. Then the one time he does wake up, he picks a fight with me.”

  “You’re not the only one he does that with,” Justin said, lowering his voice. “And he’s not mad at you. It’s the situation he’s mad at.”

  “Yeah, maybe, but it did
n’t seem like that to me.”

  “That’s the idea,” Justin said. “He’s hurt because no one else who comes to visit ever comes back, and he’s also scared of facing the only person who does.”

  Danni’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same guy?”

  “I know he can be stubborn, but he’s been through a lot and he’s got a long way to go.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because I don’t want you to give up on him. He needs a good friend now and maybe even a girlfriend.”

  Danni’s face grew hot. Didn’t this guy know his own brother? He only dated girls like Whitney Wheeler. If Danni happened to be lucky enough to be noticed by guys like Darren, she got stuck in the friend category. Most of the time, cute guys didn’t pay attention to girls like her unless they wanted something. ‘Hey, did you do the algebra homework? Oh, great, can I borrow yours? I didn’t have time to do it, with practice and all.’

  “Please give him another chance, Danni,” Justin said, flashing a winning grin. “Come on, come sit with D.J.”

  Danni smiled at Justin as she eased into the room. He was in the wrong business. Instead of being a restaurant manager, he should have been a car salesman or politician. Anyone would believe anything Justin said as long as it was accompanied by that smile.

  Darren rolled his eyes open and rested them on Danni. “You came back.”

  Her stomach hitched under his gaze. “Yeah, I did,” she said, reaching for his hand.

  “J.J. said you would,” Darren said.

  “I think I’ll go grab a soda,” Justin said. “You want anything, Danni?”

  “No, thanks,” she replied.

  “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

  “What about me?” Darren asked.

  “Sorry, D.J., but I don’t know if the doctors would like that,” Justin told him. “Maybe next time if the doctors tell me it’s okay.”

  Darren scowled after his brother as Justin exited the room. “He thinks he’s my mom.”

  “He’s a good brother,” Danni countered. “My brother, Nick, is nineteen and he couldn’t care less about me.”

  “Yeah, he’s okay.”

  “Are you still mad at me?”

  “Nah,” Darren replied, darting his eyes toward the wall.

  Danni smiled at him. “That’s good.”

  “I think this is good. I mean, it feels good.”

  “What does?”

  “Holding your hand. You have soft hands.”

  Danni couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “No offense, but you don’t.”