The Will

  “This shit, these tears, they mean nothing to me, Donna. We’ve been done so long, I don’t even think about you unless I look at my girl when I know she needs a woman for whatever shit that’s fuckin’ with her head and I do it pissed way the fuck off that her mother is not there for her. She’s got Josie now and you need to wake up. A girl, I would expect, can’t have enough good women in her life. But it blows my goddamned mind you’d walk up to Josie at Wayfarer’s feelin’ funny for her that she’s got somethin’ good you think she’s gonna lose when she’s got everything and she takes care of it in a way she’s never gonna lose it. Everything you lost because you didn’t take care of it, you aren’t takin’ care of it, and if you don’t sort yourself out, you’re never gonna get it back.”

  He paused to take a breath but kept right on going.

  “Now, we’re done. Think on this shit, Donna, and please, God, fuckin’ wake the fuck up.”

  He was indeed done for he disconnected and shoved his phone in his pocket.

  His eyes were still on me and before I could say a word, he did.

  “You got any understanding of that bitch now?” he bit out.

  “Would you, perhaps, like a hot fudge sundae to calm you down before we discuss this matter further?” I offered.

  “We walk back into that house, babe, this shit is behind us and we eat hot fudge sundaes enjoying them, not thinkin’ about Donna’s ridiculous bullshit.”

  As this was what he wanted, and I wanted Jake to have everything, I gave it to him.

  “I would assume that most of her lovers look like you or, perchance, behave like you,” I stated.

  He jerked up his chin in an affirmative even as his jaw clenched but said only, “Least the ones I’ve seen.”

  I nodded.

  “Then she’s attempting to live the glory days with these men who matter very little to her, thinking inaccurately that those glory days will return when the real thing does.”

  “That’s whacked,” Jake declared.

  “Yes, it is,” I agreed.

  “She’s whacked,” Jake went on.

  “Yes, she is,” I again agreed.

  He studied me a moment before asking, “She get in there with you?”

  “Pardon?” I asked back, confused.

  “She fuck with your head with this shit?’

  My brows drew together as I informed him, “Certainly not.”

  “She and I are done,” he announced.

  “I know that, Jake,” I assured him.

  He studied me another moment before his expression cleared and his voice gentled to say, “Sorry that shit happened to you.”

  “I’m not,” I returned immediately. “If this is the precursor to her getting her finger out of her ass, then I’m delighted it happened. Those children need their mother. Perhaps she’ll deal with her shit and finally give them one.”

  I got another moment of study before a slow, attractive grin spread on Jake’s face and he moved so he could wrap his arms around me.

  “Deal with her shit?” he asked.

  “Indeed,” I answered.

  His grin got bigger and his arms got tighter. “As much as this pisses me off, wish like fuck I was at Wayfarer’s watchin’ you give her the honesty.”

  “I can’t imagine why,” I replied. “It was most irksome.”

  “Irksome,” he murmured, still grinning but now doing it looking at my lips.

  My belly fluttered, but my lips said, “Yes. Irksome.”

  His arms got tighter as his face got closer. “Irksome,” he repeated in a whisper, his word sounding on my lips since his were that close.

  “Yes,” I breathed right before he kissed me.

  Delightfully, he did this thoroughly and I melted into him as he did it, wrapping my arms around his neck, gliding my fingers over his hair to hold him to me and kissing him back.

  We did this for some time before we were forced to break the kiss when a loud knock sounded at the door right before Ethan shouted through it, “Jeez! What’s the deal? Hello? Hot fudge sundaes?”

  I smiled up into Jake’s smiling eyes just as Ethan went on, still shouting (albeit no longer through the door), and he did it sounding like he was telling on us.

  “Con! Dad and Josie are makin’ out in the garage!”

  I didn’t hear Conner’s reply but did hear Ethan’s shouted one.

  “I don’t care! But I want a sundae!” He knocked on the door again and his next comment was directed through it. “Hurry up!”

  “Gotta get a sundae in my kid,” Jake said softly.

  “You do,” I replied.

  “Soften him up before I let him know his ass is in church in about an hour and a half,” he went on.

  “Good plan,” I approved.

  His eyes warmed, his neck bent, he touched his forehead to mine then lifted his lips to kiss it.

  After that, he let me go but grabbed my hand and we went in to finish the sundaes. Ethan was not in the kitchen but he was the first one I went to where he was sitting on the couch in the family room and I handed him a bowl.

  He tucked in immediately and was lifting the spoon to his mouth but doing it with his mouth moving in order to declare, “When I get a girlfriend, we’re just holding hands. None of that kissing stuff.”

  I pressed my lips together in an effort not to laugh.

  The Taylors and Amber didn’t bother.

  It was Conner who spoke. “You are so full of it.”

  Ethan swallowed an enormous bite of sundae and turned his eyes to his brother, “I’m not.”

  Conner’s eyes were twinkling when he replied, “Bud, trust me. You so are.”

  “Am not,” Ethan returned.

  Conner grinned at his brother, turned his attention to me and winked, then looked back to the game.

  I gave the other bowl I had to girl Taylor before I went back into the kitchen to get more bowls that Jake was assembling.

  I did it smiling.

  I also did it feeling sad for Donna.

  She was very much missing out.

  But even sad for her, I was delighted for me.

  For I was absolutely not.

  * * * * *

  “At this very minute, the Colts are playing,” Ethan, sitting in the pew on the other side of his dad, groused.

  “Shut it, bud,” Jake, sitting in the pew next to me, muttered.

  Ethan didn’t “shut it.”

  He declared, “We’re missing it.”

  “Eath, it’s taping,” Conner, on the other side of Ethan, pointed out.

  “I better not find out the score before we get home,” Ethan warned.

  “Ohmigod,” boy Taylor, sitting next to Amber who was sitting on my other side, whispered excitedly. “There’s Kieran Wentworth.”

  “Where?” girl Taylor’s fabulous sheath of shining black hair flew this way and that as she looked around.

  “Four pews back, on the other side,” boy Taylor told her and went on to note, “He must be home from school for the weekend or something.”

  I leaned into Amber and murmured, “Who’s Kieran Wentworth?”

  She leaned into me and murmured in reply, “He was a junior when we were freshman. He’s so hot, he’s a legend. He’s at Boston College now. Taylor has been in love with him since forever.”

  I looked over my shoulder and four pews back on the other side I spied a highly attractive young man with short-clipped dark sandy blond hair, an exceptionally square jaw and cheekbones that would be immensely photogenic.

  He also had very broad shoulders.

  Further, he was wearing a rather stylish dark blue tailored shirt and wearing it quite well.

  I turned back and leaned back into Amber. “He’s most attractive.”

  “Yep,” she agreed.

  “I cannot imagine he hasn’t noted Taylor’s charms,” I remarked.

  “Uh…Josie, he’s nineteen and in college. She’s sixteen. That’s not gonna happen.”

  Hmm.
r />   “Give it two years,” I stated.

  “He’ll be snapped up in two years,” Amber returned.

  “Not if he has something to wait for,” I told her and felt her eyes turn to me so I turned mine to her.

  She was smiling.

  I winked.

  Her smile got bigger.

  I felt Jake lean into me and I turned my attention to him when he said, “I know Taylor’s father. Don’t go there.”

  I looked into his eyes then looked away and murmured, ‘Hmm.”

  “Babe, the kid’s nineteen,” Jake stated something Amber had just told me.

  “And?” I asked.

  “He’s also in college.”

  “Yes?”

  He stared at me.

  The choir started singing so I grinned to myself and stood with the rest of the congregation.

  I did not miss it when, several minutes later, Reverend Fletcher came out, looked amongst his flock, saw me with the Spear family in our pew and he smiled at me.

  Further, I absolutely did not miss it when, some time after that, Reverend Fletcher asked us all to pray for Arnold Weaver and his family as they had, just hours earlier, lost their beloved Elizabeth.

  And I completely did not miss it when this was announced and Jake’s arm, already extended behind me to rest on the back of the pew, curled around me to pull me tight to his side at the same time Amber reached out and grabbed my hand.

  I was devastated for Arnie and his family.

  Even so, I couldn’t help but be happy for me as I’d finally found one.

  Last, not too long after that, I made certain one Kieran Wentworth did not miss it when we were exiting the church and I maneuvered myself, Amber, Jake, Ethan, Conner and most especially the Taylors close to him. He was standing somewhat removed from a woman and man who must have been his parents. I then faked tripping, and as I’d done it so often in my life, I was good at faking it.

  Of course, I wouldn’t have wanted to fall to the floor so I had to grab something. The something I grabbed was girl Taylor, thus swinging her with me and directly into one Kieran Wentworth.

  Jake caught me.

  Kieran Wentworth caught Taylor.

  He blinked when he looked into the exotically beautiful face of the girl curled in his arm.

  I grinned as he did it.

  Jake’s arm tightened around my belly as he did it and his lips went to my ear.

  “Seriously?” he asked and his tone sounded both amused and perturbed.

  I had no answer to this question for I didn’t understand it as I often didn’t understand it when Jake, his children or others around us used this same word frequently. So I decided to ignore it and moved forward, pulling Jake with me.

  “I’m so sorry. I’m quite clumsy,” I shared, grinning innocently (I hoped) in Kieran Wentworth’s face.

  With obvious effort, he tore his gaze from girl Taylor and looked to me.

  “Uh…not a problem,” he replied.

  I noted he still had a hand on girl Taylor’s waist.

  I nodded to him, smiled at him, pried Jake’s arm from around my belly but did it taking hold of his hand and then I dragged him away in order to let nature take its course.

  “That was epic,” boy Taylor, trailing us, decreed.

  “It’s Josie who’s epic,” Amber, also trailing us, contradicted.

  At her words, so much warmth washed through me, I couldn’t handle it all and I tripped, genuinely this time.

  Jake hauled me close and clamped an arm around me.

  He said nothing but when I looked up at him, he was grinning.

  We waited at the cars for a full ten minutes before girl Taylor finally joined us.

  And I was delighted to see when she did, she looked dreamy.

  * * * * *

  In the afternoon two days later, I leaned into Arnie, my hand on his arm and touched my cheek to his.

  When I had it there, I whispered, “She will be missed.”

  “She will, my dear,” he replied. I leaned back and he said, “I’ll see you at the house.”

  I nodded, gave his arm a squeeze and moved away. Jake moved in, shook Arnie’s hand and murmured his condolences. He did not take a great deal of time doing this and shifted away quickly to allow others to approach.

  He got close to me, slid an arm around me and commandeered the umbrella I was holding, pulling me even closer and holding the big black umbrella over our heads as he moved us to his truck.

  I walked through the sodden grass of the cemetery trying not to let the spike heels of my black boots sink into the turf, and failing.

  They would need to be cleaned, air dried and shined and hopefully, in the end, they would not be ruined.

  Jake performed somewhat of a miracle both holding the umbrella over me even as he helped me climb up in the truck, a difficult task in my black pencil skirt.

  Once I was in, he closed my door, folded the umbrella, tossed it in the backseat and moved around the hood of the truck with the drizzle falling on his unguarded head and fantastic Hugo Boss suit.

  Once he’d climbed in beside me, I noted, “That suit becomes you, Jake.”

  “Thanks, baby,” he muttered as he turned the ignition.

  He glided us out onto the lane and as we were approaching the exit to the graveyard, he said, “We don’t have to go to the open house if it’s too much for you, babe.”

  “Gran would go,” I replied.

  “You’re not Lydie,” he stated.

  I turned my head to look at him as he stopped before taking the turn on the main road.

  Even with the mist of rain in his hair and on the shoulders of his suit, he was most handsome.

  “Yes I am, Jake,” I whispered.

  He looked to me, studied me, his eyes warm, his face soft, then he nodded.

  He looked back to the road and turned onto it. Once on our way, he reached out and took my hand, pulling it his way and holding it against his thigh.

  And he continued to hold it all the way to the Weaver’s.

  * * * * *

  It was afternoon the day after Eliza’s funeral when I looked out the window of Jake’s office at the gym and saw him standing with one of the many boys who were there for junior boxing league.

  The boy was staring up at Jake with a rapt expression on his face, like I would assume one would stare at Superman if he was real.

  “Seriously?” Alyssa’s voice asked. “How does he find anything in here? I mean, his membership isn’t even computerized. It’s all on paper.”

  I said nothing.

  My eyes moved through the gym to Mickey, who was standing ringside, calling out to the two boys in it. They then moved to Junior, who had three boys working punching bags. Finally, I shifted my eyes back to Jake, who had his hands up in front of his face. They were curled into fists and he quickly dropped one, punching it in the air, then the other one dropped and he punched the air then he brought his right one up and jabbed it, also into the air, directly bringing his fists back up to mostly cover his face.

  Then he dropped his hands and jerked his chin up to the boy.

  The boy lifted his hands in front of his face, changed his stance and mimicked what Jake did.

  When he finished, Jake smiled down at him and clapped him on the shoulder.

  The boy beamed.

  Already lost in that man, seeing all this, all he’d wrought for these kids who clearly loved it, I sent a prayer to God that He’d never let me be found.

  “You need to sort his shit out, Josie. How he gets anything done is anyone’s guess. This place is a disaster zone,” Alyssa announced and I turned my eyes to her, taking in Jake’s office as I did.

  It was, indeed, a disaster zone.

  And the day before, when I informed Jake of this (however, I didn’t use the words “disaster zone” but instead “colossal mess”) after fully taking it in for the first time when we opened, I also informed him that I could organize it for him if he wished.

&
nbsp; His reply was, “I am not a desk jockey, honey. You sort that shit, I’ll feed you so many tacos and give you so many orgasms, you won’t be able to move.”

  Although both options (primarily the latter) sounded very good to me, I’d returned, “It’ll be difficult to sort your office if I can’t move.”

  This got me a very long, very ardent kiss that was only interrupted when a member came in and shouted jovially, “Yo! Get a room!”

  Thus, now I was in Jake’s office, sorting it with Alyssa who was there not only because Junior was but also because two of her sons were in the league.

  “Josie?” she called when I said nothing.

  “Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with a man knowing him only a few weeks?” I asked.

  Her expression went from questioning to soft when she answered, “Yes.”

  “I’m in love with Jake,” I announced.

  “No shit?” she strangely replied.

  “No shit,” I decided to answer.

  Her lips curved up and she shifted so she was leaning against the desk close to where I was sitting in Jake’s rather tattered office chair.

  She bent to me and shared, “Do you know how long it took me to fall in love with Junior?”

  I shook my head.

  “Thirty minutes,” she declared.

  “Thirty minutes?” I asked, surprised for that was no time at all. In fact, that made my falling in love with Jake seem like it took years.

  “He picked me up for our date, took me to The Eaves, sat across from me, and after I ordered, I looked at him and he said, straight out, that I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. That did it for me. He put that right out there. He took me to a great place. He didn’t piss around with letting me know he was happy to be there with me. I looked into his eyes, saw how he was looking at me and knew right then that that was just the beginning. We’ve been together for nineteen fan-fucking-tastic years. So I wasn’t wrong.”

  “That’s beautiful, Alyssa,” I told her.

  “It totally is, Josie,” she agreed.

  “I’m happy you have that,” I went on.

  “And babelicious,”—she lifted a hand and cupped my cheek, bending even closer—“after your totally fucked up life, I’m freaking thrilled you finally have it too.”

  So was I.

  I was delighted.

  Over the moon.

  Walking on air.