The Will

  “Are you honestly standing here plotting to get my boy alone with your girl?” Jake asked disbelievingly and Alyssa shrugged.

  “He’s got the goods this afternoon, won’t have to bother and they’ll be cozy by Saturday anyway,” she replied.

  “I’ll ask again. Can we stop talking about this?” Jake repeated.

  Alyssa looked him in the eyes. “Yeah, Jake. But I’m gonna tell you one more thing. I know your never forget your first kiss and, you get a good one, you never forget your first boyfriend.” She then turned to me. “And landing a Spear as your man is bound to be unforgettable.”

  That was sweet.

  And so very true.

  Jake said nothing.

  I didn’t either.

  “Right, gotta dash,” she announced. “I left a client in foils and hope like fuck Lindsey got her sorted out like I asked or she’s not going to have any hair left when I get back,” She gave us a finger wave and then jogged gracefully on the toes of her high-heeled boots to her car.

  I watched her do this until I couldn’t watch anymore because Jake’s chest was in my vision.

  This was it.

  Either he was angry or something else.

  I held my breath and looked up.

  “Got your call when I was in the principal’s office, honey. Couldn’t take it.”

  I let out my breath.

  He was something else.

  That something else being Jake.

  “That’s okay,” I replied.

  “You ready to talk?” he asked.

  Good God.

  I so…fucking…loved him.

  That was why I said, “No.”

  His brows knit even as I saw his frame stiffen.

  “It’s important that you don’t share,” I stated. “What’s important to you is important to me so if you don’t wish to share, you don’t have to. However, if you’re not talking about that but instead want to talk about what I’m making for din—”

  I didn’t finish.

  And I didn’t finish because Jake was kissing me.

  There were classrooms facing where we were on the sidewalk so it was likely students and teachers could see us.

  This was unseemly.

  But I didn’t care.

  I kissed him back with everything I had.

  This went on for some time before Jake lifted his head nary an inch and stated, “You know I’d make out with you anywhere, anytime for as long as I can get that mouth. But my son needs to be picked up from school. Now, who’s gonna be doin’ that, you or me?”

  “Me,” I answered immediately.

  And that was when I got Jake’s smile back.

  It had only been two days.

  But, goodness, how I missed it.

  * * * * *

  Amber, who had arrived home ten minutes ago after doing her homework at girl Taylor’s, walked into the kitchen and when she did, I looked at her.

  When she’d come home, she’d come in from the garage, saw me cooking, gave me a look of surprise, then hope, then something I couldn’t read that was not nearly as good as the former two before she’d mumbled, “Gotta dump my bags,” and rushed to the stairs.

  In the last two days it had not been lost on me that in having my drama and carrying it out to its ridiculous and inappropriate fullest, the consequences were not simply mine and Jake’s but also the children’s.

  Ethan, when I showed up at his school to pick him up, had simply climbed into the Cayenne, looked at me and declared, “Lunch sucked. I need pizza.”

  So that was good.

  And Conner had seen me with his father in the principal’s office. He’d shown signs of relief when he did, but he was more interested in what was going on with Sofie than his father and me.

  Conner had not returned. Then again, he had a shift at Wayfarer’s and wasn’t due to return for half an hour.

  Now, with one look at her, I knew I had to deal with whatever consequences I’d earned with Amber.

  “Dinner’s done. And there is no way Ethan can wait for it to be served and your brother isn’t going to be home for a bit,” I told her quietly. “So could you do me a favor and prepare a plate for him, put foil on it and put it in the oven to keep warm?”

  Not looking at me, she muttered, “Sure.”

  I did not take this as a good sign. She had not been muttering or mumbling since we made our deal weeks ago.

  I went to the cupboard to get plates, wondering how to handle this situation.

  I stopped wondering when Amber instigated the discussion herself.

  She did this by saying, “Don’t screw Dad over.”

  I looked to her to see her standing at the other side of the island, her eyes on me, her pretty face slightly pale. I could also see she was struggling.

  I did that to her and my heart took a beating in knowing it.

  “Sweetheart—” I started.

  “I love you, Josie,” she declared and my heart stopped beating altogether when she did. “You’re awesome. We all think you’re the bomb. Me, Con, Eath. We do. You’re cool. You’re cool with us. But the most important of all that is you make Dad happy.”

  I held her gaze, loving what she said but hating the look in her eyes.

  She kept speaking.

  “The last couple of days, Dad wasn’t happy.”

  “Amber—”

  “That stupid skank Mandy took off on him. Ethan’s stupid mom Sloane took off on both Dad and Ethan. Crazy. Dad’s the best guy there is. But we know. Me and Con, we know the reason they did is because of us.”

  “That may not be true,” I told her gently.

  “It’s true,” she returned swiftly. “They wanted Dad. They didn’t want us.”

  I closed my mouth for I knew from Jake this was not wrong.

  It just pained me to know Amber and Conner knew it.

  “But we all come together,” she stated.

  “I know that, my lovely.”

  She didn’t nod. She didn’t give any indication she believed me.

  She just repeated, “Don’t screw Dad over, Josie.”

  I drew in a breath, pulled up my courage and walked to her.

  She didn’t draw away so I lifted my hands, framed her face and moved mine close to hers.

  “Your father and I had an unpleasant discussion,” I shared carefully. “I reacted to this badly. I have not had a good deal of experience with relationships, my lovely girl, but that’s no excuse. When I say I reacted to it badly, what I mean is that I overreacted. But I’ve thought things through since then and I love your father, I love you kids, and I’ve learned not to do that again.”

  She didn’t touch me, didn’t say anything, but she did keep her gaze steady on mine so I felt it safe to continue.

  “Things will not be smooth sailing, Amber. Life is life and we’ll all have issues crop up out there as well as amongst ourselves. But I’m hoping we’re building a foundation where we’ll weather all those storms. The last two days, I learned that I need to stand strong and weather those storms. I’m so sorry I went away. It was the wrong thing to do. The only thing I can promise is that I won’t do it again.”

  “Ever?” she asked.

  And when she did, I thought about it for I knew my answer was crucial and it also had to be completely honest.

  But even as I thought about it, I knew.

  I knew Jake would not hit me. Jake would not wound me with words. Jake would not cheat on me. Jake would not lie to me. Jake would not gamble or steal or throw away money or go out and rape and pillage.

  So I knew.

  “Ever,” I promised her.

  When I did, she closed her eyes and dropped her head forward so her forehead rested on my mouth, her hands coming up so she could wrap her fingers around my wrists.

  “I love you, my sweet girl,” I whispered against her skin, pressing in with my hands.

  She pulled away, caught my eyes and squeezed my wrists. “Back at cha, Josie.”

  I
smiled.

  She smiled back.

  Thank goodness.

  We let each other go and I went back to the plates. I handed her one and she got down to the business of preparing it for Conner as I went to the drawer to get the cutlery.

  I was counting out forks and knives when her phone in her back pocket sounded the alert she had a text.

  I looked to her and saw her pull out her phone, look at it, then shove it back into her pocket.

  Unusual.

  Amber usually responded to texts immediately unless she was at school.

  “Everything okay?” I asked.

  “Yep,” she answered.

  “Amber,” I called, seeing the stiffness in her frame.

  She looked to me.

  “Is everything okay?” I repeated.

  “Mom keeps bugging me,” she told me.

  I was uncertain how to proceed so I did it cautiously, “Bugging you how?”

  “Wants to go to a movie this weekend.”

  “Ah,” I murmured.

  “Said no and it’s like she doesn’t get it. But she hasn’t asked about the movie again. She just texts and asks how it’s going. Wants to know if I wanna get a coffee. She even sent me a picture of a sweater at Lucky she thought would look good on me and asked if I’d like to have it.”

  “You said?” I prompted when she spoke no more.

  “I texted back, ‘whatever,’” she shared.

  “Did you like the sweater?”

  She focused on preparing Conner’s plate and answered, “It was kind of kick-butt.”

  I grinned as I moved to the pantry to get napkins.

  “She’s bugging Con too,” she told me while I was on the move.

  “Is that so?” I asked from inside the pantry.

  It was when I came out that I felt her eyes on me so I looked to her.

  “You did this,” she stated.

  It wasn’t an accusation even when it kind of was.

  “Yes,” I confirmed honestly.

  Her face set stubbornly. “I’ll take the sweater, Josie, because it was cool. But I’m not goin’ to a movie with her or coffee or whatever.”

  “Your choice, my lovely,” I replied, moving back to the island.

  “You see her, you can tell her that,” she said.

  I would do no such thing.

  Therefore, I didn’t answer.

  “Josie?” she called.

  I looked to her.

  “Love you, but you can be a pain in the butt.”

  I smiled.

  Amber stared at me a moment.

  Then she smiled back.

  * * * * *

  Jake’s voice was low and gruff in a way I liked very much when he warned, “You don’t want the results of that work in your mouth, baby, you best get up here.”

  My eyes lifted to him as I slid my mouth up his cock, sucking as I went, then rolling the underside of the rim of the head with the tip of my tongue.

  I felt his legs tense at my sides as I saw a muscle jump in his jaw, his heated eyes that were on me firing.

  I knew these signs very well, so I released him with my mouth, gliding my fist that was wrapped around it up after I did so. I let him go and then moved. Crawling on all fours over him, I took my time at the ridges of his stomach. I took more time at his nipples. I then moved to take time at his throat, his neck and behind his ears.

  By the time I got to the last, I was straddling him so I worked at his ear as I felt him glide the tip of his cock in the wet between my legs.

  He rubbed it over my clit and I gasped against his skin just as he wrapped an arm around my waist, slid his cock back and pushed me down, filling me.

  My neck arched.

  Jake’s other hand sifted into my hair at the back of my head and he kept us connected as he rolled.

  Then he was on me, thrusting slow and sweet, his mouth to mine, his tongue inside, tasting, drinking, but giving…slower and sweeter.

  My hands moved over his skin and I wrapped a leg around his hip, the other one around his thigh as I kissed him back.

  His thrusts started to get faster, but no less sweeter, building it beautifully as he broke our kiss but didn’t lift away, his lips brushing mine, his breaths mingling with mine, his eyes holding mine.

  I held his gaze and I saw it smoldering there, the heat he was creating, what he was building in me, what I was building in him, but there was more. A flame that would never extinguish.

  The love he had for me.

  Seeing it, I tightened my legs around him, tipped my hips for him and glided a hand into his hair.

  “I love you, Jake,” I whispered and the instant I did, his thrusts got even faster, much sweeter, our breath coming heavier.

  “Fuck, baby,” he whispered back.

  “I love everything about you.”

  “Fuck, Josie,” he groaned.

  It was building higher and my body tensed all around him, my eyes going unfocused as it started to engulf me and I was ready to feel the burn.

  “Josie,” he called.

  I tried to focus but found it hard. I wanted to give in. I wanted what he could give me, every time, some harder, some faster, some slower, some sweeter, some longer, but I always got it because Jake always gave it to me.

  And I wanted it now.

  “Darling,” I whimpered.

  “Look at me when I tell you I love you,” he ordered.

  I focused on the man I loved who loved me in a return for an instant before he said the words.

  “I love you, baby.”

  I heard them in a way so profound, I felt them, the feeling taking me there and I cried out, the sound drowned when his mouth took mine in a deep kiss.

  Minutes later, he drove deep, planted himself and smothered his groan in the same fashion.

  I knew when it left him because he again started kissing me.

  And again, I kissed him back.

  It was slow. It was lazy. It went on for a long time, even after Jake slid out. Then he branched out, kissing my neck, my collarbone, between my breasts, my ribs, my midriff, my belly.

  Showering me with kisses. Spreading his love everywhere.

  I closed my eyes and did my best to stay connected, my fingers in his hair, my hand at his neck, as he gave me everything.

  Finally, he covered me with his big body and looked into my eyes.

  “I gotta tell you something,” he said, his voice thick but firm and I knew what he was going to say.

  I knew what he was going to give me.

  And I knew I didn’t need it.

  “No you don’t,” I told him quickly.

  “Babe.—”

  “You don’t, Jake.”

  “Right now, you under me, your hair spread on my pillow, your clothes on my floor, I’ve had it time and again and I still can’t believe it.”

  My mouth closed, my throat closed and my eyes stung with tears.

  “It was me who refused to meet you,” he stated.

  Oh God.

  “Darling—”

  “Lydie asked me…fuck, don’t know how many times. Every time you came to visit, for certain. And she’d even make up shit to get you to visit so we could meet. Tried everything she could to make it happen. She gave me your email. She even gave me your Skype account and said she’d introduce us on the fuckin’ computer.”

  “Darling, you don’t have to—”

  “First time I walked into Lavender House, looked left, saw that photo of you behind the couch…” He shook his head. “I was with Sloane, shit was not good with her, but it still makes me a dick because I took one look at that picture and fell in love with you.”

  Oh…my…

  God.

  A tear slid out of the corner of my eye and Jake caught it with his thumb but he didn’t quit talking.

  “Every word Lydie said about you, it got worse. I fell further. ‘Cause of that, I knew, if I saw you, shook your hand, you didn’t want what I could offer, it’d gut me. So I coul
dn’t let that happen.”

  I slid my hands up his back, in and up his chest and further to curl them around his jaw.

  “She pushed,” he went on. “But she didn’t force it. She got me. I knew it. I also knew it bothered her. So she didn’t give up. She gave me your picture. Then she gave me your letters.”

  “Jake—”

  “I got you. I knew you. She gave me all of you. And having it, I wanted you to find better.”

  Oh God.

  “Please, darling,” I begged.

  “I wanted you to have what you wanted. Someone gentle, patient, sophisticated, successful. And that was not me.”

  I closed my eyes and tears escaped both sides, rolling down my temples.

  Jake caught them with his thumbs and I opened my eyes.

  “I wasted years,” he whispered, his voice now hoarse, regret etched in every feature.

  “Don’t,” I whispered back.

  “I didn’t fuck that up, coulda tried to make a baby with you.”

  “Don’t,” I pleaded, pressing into his jaws with my hands.

  “Had no clue you’d want me.”

  “You’re everything,” I told him.

  He shook his head. “I’m not everything. I got three kids by two women, three ex-wives, a gym that struggles to stay in the black, and a fuckin’ strip club that makes it so I can breathe easy, my kids can have cars and clothes and shit. I know from experience not a lotta women want to buy into any of that. Me, yeah, they’ll take me. The rest of it, they want nothin’ to do with. But with you, it was more. I can’t put your ass in a first class seat on a plane and take you wherever you wanna go, whenever you wanna go there.”

  “Why would I need to go anywhere when I can be here with you?”

  He blinked.

  “I never wanted anything but you, Jake,” I told him and he simply stared at me so I went on. “And I wanted you before I even knew you. Someone handsome and strong and protective and fierce. You’re everything I ever wanted, darling.”

  “Baby,” he dropped his forehead to mine, lifted it and continued, “Look at your life the way it was. Look at mine the way it is. Can you see how that’s where my head would be at?”