Your Change is Coming

mankind to worship them."

  "What's your point?" and "How relevant is Eve to you not being a father to us?"

  "Jill, you have always been in haste."

  "Jill was right. It is a waste of time speaking to you, dad."

  "Let your dad finish the story, Naomi."

  "Thank you, Jeff."

  "My point is that I wanted to be more like Eve and I wanted the church members to praise me. I lost the purpose of my calling and things which were most important to me, such as, serving my God and looking after my family.

  "I got carried away when people started to put me on a pedal stool. They told me I was great. I was walking on water. The congregation took in my every word as the gospel of truth. They worshipped and adored me. I was God's spokesman. God spoke only through me. In my eyes I could do no wrong."

  "How did you get away with assaulting the ladies for years before you were caught?"

  "The deacons of the church supported my infidelities because they were on the pay roll. What I did was so wrong and I am so sorry for hurting the people I loved most. I thought I had everything I needed but the truth is I had nothing, absolutely nothing. Without my wife and my daughters I am nothing."

  "Mum believed in you, dad and so did we. You destroyed her life."

  "I can't bring your mother back to her former self or change the past. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me for the things I have done. I have had to live with the consequences of what I have done. I have taken responsibility for my own actions and the lack of them."

  "It will take us time to forgive you, dad. You were not there when we needed you. You have let us down badly."

  "I am truly sorry for letting you both down. I beg you both for your forgiveness."

  "We were both upset and angry with you when our mum went into a care home."

  "I wanted to kill myself. I was confused and lethargic about everything."

  "When I was in prison I was very depressed and I was a total mess. Your mother was my best friend, my soul mate and the love of my life. I didn't know how much she meant to me. Part of me died with her. I wanted to die. I tried to kill myself. The Governor of the prison placed me on suicide watch for months."

  "How did you overcome suicide?"

  "Letters from an old friend of mine gave me hope for the future."

  "What was the letters about, dad?" and "Who send them to you?"

  "An old school friend of mine wrote letters inviting me to help them out in their ministry. At first I thought the letters were all a hoax and were written by the prison officers. The prison officers knew I was a pastor. They liked to play tricks on us prisoners. I ignored the letters."

  "They weren't hoax. Were they, dad?"

  "Yes. My old friend kept on writing to me stating that God's grace was sufficient and there was nothing I did that was outside of God's love and His forgiveness towards me. I was so touched by those letters that I had learned to forgive myself. Eventually, I came to realise that the ministry was not a fake but it was genuine. My hope and joy in the Lord was completely restored. I had a purpose for living again."

  "When I left prison I went on to stay with my old friend in Jamaica and we worked together in the ministry. I have made a new life for myself in Jamaica."

  "If you are telling us the truth, then we are truly happy for you, dad."

  "Can you both please forgive me?"

  "Dad, we need to see evidence of you being a changed person?"

  "I am praying every day to be more Christ like. Again, I can't change the past nor bring back your mother. I am truly sorry for the way I have treated you girls. Your mum's memories are alive within me. She was my true love."

  "When we were kids we admired you dad but in the past few years you have brought shame and disgrace to our household. Because of you, we were teased and insulted in our neighbourhood and on the streets."

  "I'm sorry I've let you both down."

  "If Jesus Christ can forgive one of the dying thieves on the cross then surely Jill and Naomi can forgive you too, Fred," said Mantel.

  "I hope they will. I haven't seen my daughters for years. We have lots to catch up with. Tell me Naomi how is your social work job?"

  "I have been suspended from work pending investigation."

  "Why don't you get a lecturing job at Mona University? I have a number of contacts there."

  "I don't want to run away from social work yet, dad. I have to challenge the Investigation first" and "I don't want to make any rush decisions that I will regret later."

  "It's the right thing to do. I'm so proud of you both for facing up to your fears. Your mother had a fighting spirit and I am pleased to see that you are just as resilient as she was. You are both carbon copy of your mother personality and what is Jill doing with her life nowadays?"

  "I am still working at Shepherd Bakery."

  "How long have you been working there?"

  "I have been working at the bakery ever since I returned from Jamaica."

  "I am so proud of my girls. I have a confession of my own."

  "We love confessions. What is it?"

  "I am getting married to my old friend."

  "How can you be thinking of getting married when we have recently placed our mum in care?"

  "Your mum hasn't been sane over two years ago. I loved your mum with all of my heart. I missed her constantly. There was a period in my life when I needed sleeping pills to get over her. I wanted to end my life. I now need to move on with my life."

  "I thought mum was your partner for life."

  "She was my soul mate. But I'm in love with another person."

  "How can you fall in and out of love so easily, dad?"

  "Don't you think it is possible to love another person?"

  "Yes. But there is no one like our mum. How could you betray her, dad?"

  "You have discarded our mother like wrapping paper."

  "I will always be fond of your mother but I can't live on my own. I am no good on my own. I get lonely at nights."

  "Why don't you buy yourself a cat or a dog like other older people of your age do?" Don't they say that no animal is more loyal to man than a dog?"

  "I am fond of animals as much as anyone else. But I don't want to be taking them out for long walks early in the morning and late at nights. I want human company and a dog cannot cater for my emotional and intellectual needs."

  "We all know what needs you are talking about, dad."

  "We are all adults here. I am a very passionate man in every respect."

  "Let's not go there, dad. How is the Church of Jamaica reacting to your forthcoming marriage?"

  "The church has approved of it. I am old enough to make my own decision and it's my life."

  "Has the Church of Jamaica liberalized its theological teaching?"

  "The church has always been evangelical in its teaching. Anyway, what are you both implying?"

  "It begs the question why the church is approving your forthcoming marriage to a gay friend?" and

  "We all know that the Jamaican society is one of the most homophobia places on planet earth."

  Twenty-five

  "You are all jumping to the wrong conclusions. My old friend is a female."

  "We're not sorry that we have made presumptions about your sexuality."

  "No problem."

  "What is the name of your lady friend, dad? We presume she is a lady."

  "Off course she is a lady. Her name is Sara and she will be joining us shortly."

  "We can't say that we are looking forward to meeting her."

  "You'll get to like her over time, Jill."

  "We are still not happy with how you shamed the family and you treated our disgracefully. How did you meet her?"

  "When I arrived in England from Jamaica I wanted to start a new life. I rented a bed for one shilling and six pence in a private lodging owned by Mr. White, a black elderly gentleman who fought in the World War II. Mr. White was a pilot in the RAF and he brought a large Vic
torian terrace house in Lower Ashworth. In those early days we shared a large room with other males from the Caribbean."

  "Thank you for giving us a historical account of the fifties. Please tell us how you met Sara?"

  "Well, Sara was the daughter of Mr. White" and "We have remained friends ever since."

  "Sara and I had a brief relationship but it didn't work out. It happened before I met your mother."

  "Was mum the reason why you broke up with Sara?"

  "No, we were both too young and Sara wasn't ready to settle down with me."

  "Were you playing the field?"

  "No. I was an old fashioned gentleman and there is no skeleton in my cupboard. Thank you."

  "We thought you were a Casanova."

  "I was a Christian man serving God."

  "How did you meet our mum, then?"

  "I have told you time and time again."

  "We want to hear it again."

  "I had a calling for the ministry and your mum came into my life whilst I was preaching the gospel in her father church and the rest is now history. Your mum was an incredibly beautiful looking girl and she was so gentle in spirit. I knew the first time I saw her that she was the woman of my dreams. I used to write to your mum every day. When we went out on a date we found it almost impossible to be separated from each other."

  "It is ashamed she never stayed in your dreams."

  "You both wouldn't have been born."

  "And mum wouldn't have suffered shame and insults from the community when you neglected your ministry and sexually harassed those young ladies in church."

  "Wasn't our mum meeting your carnal needs, dad?"

  "I can see that you are both still angry with me."

  "Why don't you answer the question dad?"

  "Your mum and I grew apart. We became more like brothers and sisters. That happens when you don't spend adequate quality time with each other."

  "You took our mother for granted and you thought she would always be there for you, dad."

  "So did you, Jill."

  "We were kids. We couldn't fend for ourselves. What's your excuse?"

  "I haven't got one."

  "Is Sara meeting your needs?"

  "Your mother was exhausted from working a full time job and looking after you and Jill whilst I was far too busy building the church. We had no spare time to have fun."

  "You couldn't be all that busy because you spent time romancing the church sisters. Didn't you, dad?"

  "I am sorry for all the things I've put you both through."

  "We haven't seen you for years, dad and you walked into our lives today and you expect us to say everything is okay. You must be joking."

  "Are you finding time for Sara in your busy schedule?"

  The atmosphere in the living room was edgy and there was a period of deadly silent. Naomi and Jill were extremely unhappy with their dad. They looked at him with sheer disgust. They found it increasingly difficult to move on with their lives since their mum went into a care home and they found their dad marriage proposal as an insult to the living memory of their deceased mum.

  "What was Sara like in those days?"

  "Sara was a free spirited woman. She wanted to travel the world without being tied down to the kitchen sink."

  "She is not a work horse like our mum."

  "She is a hardworking individual."

  "Over the last few years we've spent a great deal of time together ministering to the multitudes and as the years passed by our appreciation for each other grew into love."

  "Does Sara have children from her previous relationships?"

  "Yes. She has a grown up son."

  "Where will you live?"

  "Jamaica is now my home."

  "You're not returning to England then."

  "No. It's too cold in England and the sunshine in Jamaica is good for my joints pains."

  "You're not the same Fred that we knew .You have changed."

  "When you get older Jeff, rheumatism and arthritis will attack your joints."

  "Besides, the fuel bills are far too expensive in England. I don't know how older people can afford to live here. The council tax is far more expensive than the poll tax."

  "How long are staying, Fred?"

  "I'm here for four weeks, Mantel."

  "Where will you be staying?"

  "I'm staying at a local bed and breakfast establishment in upper Ashworth."

  "Oh you are posh."

  "You are always welcome to stay here, Fred."

  "Thank you, Jeff."

  "Where is my beautiful granddaughter?"

  "She is sleeping in her bed."

  "Tell her granddad is here to see her."

  "Can you wait to see her the morning, Fred."

  "No. I have waited far too long to see my granddaughter."

  "She doesn't know who you are."

  "I want to get to know her."

  "You were ashamed of me when I was pregnant with Jayne. You send me off to live in Jamaica and I stayed with my grandmother. I was heartbroken. You separated me from mum and Naomi and all that you cared about was to protect your image and your status within the church community."

  "I was wrong then, Jill. I was consumed with my own self-importance in the community. I was blinded by other people's expectation of me. I can now see it from your point of view."

  "I was hurt by your rejection of me, dad. I hated you for sending me abroad. I felt guilty for being pregnant. I needed mum to support me throughout the pregnancy because you were cruel and unkind to me."

  "I am truly sorry Jill. I want to put things right. It will take time for all of us to heal and to forgive each other."

  "When I was younger I was awakened from a nightmare and I crept into our mum's bed. Like Naomi, I didn't recognize the scent. It was not mum in your bed. Who was it, dad?"

  The whole room went quiet in anticipation of Fred's answer.

  Twenty-six

  "It was a long, long, time ago, Jill."

  "It was still fresh in my mind, dad."

  "I am not going anywhere until you give me an explanation. I want a straight and honest answer from you."

  "Your mum visited your grandma who was sick in Jamaica. We were living like brothers and sisters. There was no intimacy between us. She didn't pine for me when she went away. The first miscarriage made her emotional numb. She became mentally unstable. She recovered through prayer and support from friends and family but our relationship was never the same again."

  "Marriage is for life, dad."

  "I know that love. I had a relationship with a church sister. Anyway, your mum was mad and I wanted to put her away."

  "I don't care if mum was potty. It is not an excuse to be unfaithful. It's our mom."

  "I loved your mum to death do us part but I couldn't look after her. I am not good at providing personal care."

  "What if Sara needs personal care. Would you help her or abandon, dad?"

  "Nowadays there are much more care and service support for people with mentally illness."

  "Shame on you, dad."

  "It's about time I see my granddaughter."

  "Okay Jeff, wake up our daughter just for a few minutes for me to say hello to her granddad before I throw him out."

  Jayne heard footsteps creeping up the stairs. A few seconds later her bedroom lights were switched on.

  "Get up, Jayne!"

  "What's wrong, dad."

  "It's your grandfather, he wants to see you. Hurry up and come downstairs."

  She slowly dragged herself out of her bed and walked down the stairs listening to the raised voices travelling across the lounge. They talked about the past but their conversation ended sharply as soon as Jayne entered into the lounge.

  "How are you doing my favourite granddaughter?" laughed granddad.

  "Fine," said Jayne.

  "She is your only grandchild."

  "Give your granddad a big hug then."

  At first Jayne was reluctant to show
any form of physical affection to her granddad. She didn't know him. He is a stranger to her and girls don't normal want to hug men with overbearing scent of aftershave. She was a toddler when she last saw her granddad.

  Granddad was sitting on the single armchair in the lounge. He was tall and stoutly built with dark brown complexion and a bulging belly.

  "Okay then," she mumbled.

  "Hello granddaughter, I have a surprise for you."

  "What is it, granddad?" she said.

  Granddad pulled out of his pocket a set of ivy coloured dominoes with black spots on them. The appearance of the dominoes looked supreme. Jayne eyes lit up brightly as the dominoes were pressed into her hands.

  "I love them granddad. They are my favourite."

  Jeff and Jill glanced at each other and Jayne sensed they were thinking the same thoughts. The expressions shown on their faces were glum. Jeff and Jill felt that Jayne did not appreciate them as parents and all of their effort to provide for her a loving and stable home was not in vain. Jayne sensed her parents' pain and was uncomfortable.

  "Mum and dad I love you both," said Jayne.

  "We know you love us, Jayne. There is something important we want to tell you. We wanted to tell you some time ago but it was difficult for us to share this information with you whilst I was mourning the loss of my mum."

  "Mum, what is it?"

  Jill was rather upset and her eyes were filled with tears. Jeff held her hand to comfort and reassure her that everything would be alright.

  "You know Jeff will always love you no matter what."

  "What is it, mum?"

  "Jeff has always been a dad to you. Jeff is not your real dad."

  "Who is my dad, mum?" shouted angrily Jayne.

  "Mr. Bates is your dad."

  "I hate you, mum," cried Jayne.

  Jayne was angry with her mum for keeping this secret from her since birth. Her whole world was turned upside down. She has been living a lie for far too long.

  "I hate you, mum and I will never go back to school again."

  "Why mum?" and "How could you not tell me?"

  "It happened when I was young. I was learning about relationships and made a huge mistake."

  "Are you saying I was a mistake?"

  "No. You are the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me."

  "I hate you mum for making my whole life a lie" and" Who else know about this?"

  "All of your family members who love you."

  "Do you mean everyone in this room knew I was illegitimate except for Mantel?"

  "Yes."

  "Jayne turned her back away from Jill and she kissed her teeth in defiant."

  "You're a big fat whore, mom."

  "Don't you dare call your mother a whore?"

  "I don't care."

  "I have always loved you as my own daughter and nothing will ever change that."

  Jayne ran upstairs in tears. She was somebody else's daughter. Her identity took on a new meaning and dimension. Jayne was definitely unhappy with everyone for keeping the secret hidden from her. Everyone felt guilty for not declaring Mr. Bates as her real father. But, they all made a promise to Jill not to tell Jayne the true identity of her father. Jill went after Jayne to comfort and reassure her that she was still special.

  "Lets us not discuss this anymore and I am sure that she will come around sooner than later," argued granddad.

  They all agreed with Fred. Jeff took out his family album to show Mantel pictures of his dad and mum. It was his way of defusing the awkward atmosphere inside of the lounge.

  "Is that your mother?" asked granddad.

  "Yes."

  "I haven't laid eyes on her for years. How is she doing?" enquired Fred.

  "Mum died in hospital of pneumonia. She lived in a nursing home for a number of years. She had dementia and had been involved in a creative writing group as an alternative form of therapy."

  "When I was in prison there were older people at the early stage of Alzheimer. They can't remember where they lived or even their own name at