Fractured

  “Yes, because it makes my fucking cock throb.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I can’t say I know many guys who would—” She quieted as I closed the distance between us and put a finger to her mouth.

  I spoke softly. “I don’t want to hear about other guys.” And I didn’t want to be compared to them, because I’d definitely come up short. “I am who I am. Fucked up in a lot of ways. Too many ways.” She deserved better, but she was stuck with me. “I’d change if I could.”

  She frowned. “You don’t need to change. You’re not a bad person.”

  I wasn’t sure I believed that, but I was glad that she did. I splayed my hand around her throat, feeling her pulse beat beneath my thumb. It made my mouth water. “Has anyone fed from you since me?” I didn’t like thinking of anyone else’s teeth sinking into her skin. We’d exchanged blood many times. I liked having something of her in me, just as I liked knowing there was a part of me inside her.

  Her fingers curled around my wrist, but she didn’t pull my hand away. She also didn’t answer.

  “The last person to feed from me was you,” I admitted. She didn’t look at all convinced. “You thought me a cold bastard who saw you as nothing but a good fuck I’d easily replace?”

  She blinked. “I never thought of you as cold.”

  Well, she’d be the only one.

  “And I’m not a good fuck, I’m a great fuck. Let’s just be clear about that.”

  My mouth curved. “Yes, you are.” She was the best I’d ever had. And I’d have her again. The wait would be torture. It would also be worth it.

  “Why do you think you need to change?”

  “I know myself, Imani. I know my strengths and I know my faults.”

  “Everybody has faults.”

  “But not everybody finds it easy to kill,” I pointed out.

  “But you don’t kill for killing’s sake. You kill to protect our kind, to defend your squad, and to serve Sam and Jared. You don’t do it because it’s a way to get your jollies.”

  “I’m no model soldier, baby.”

  “But you’re not a monster either.”

  I lifted a single brow. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. You’ve saved my ass a number of times.”

  “That’s because it was you. I always protect what belongs to me.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “I belong to me.”

  “Wrong.” I shook my head. “Very, very wrong. Don’t try to fight this. There’s no point.”

  She blew out a frustrated breath. “I find it too hard to accept that you’ve suddenly gone from wanting sex to wanting everything.”

  “It wasn’t sudden, Imani. It happened over the course of almost a year. It just seems sudden to you because you didn’t know until recently.”

  She was silent for a few moments. “You’re asking a lot from me.”

  I tucked her hair behind her ear. “I know.” She’d be dumb not to be wary.

  “I can’t give it to you.”

  “You can.” And she would.

  “I don’t know you well enough to give you everything.”

  “Then we’ll fix that. But you might not like everything you hear.” But I wouldn’t lie to her. We couldn’t build something that was based on untruths.

  “You’re saying you’ll share stuff?”

  I couldn’t blame her for sounding dubious, since I’d dodged every personal question she’d ever asked me in the past. “If that’s what you need.”

  “I have a lot of questions,” she warned me. “You don’t like questions.”

  “I like being without you even less. So I’ll give you what answers you want, but I won’t give them to you all at once.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re incredibly curious; you like puzzles. If I drip feed you the things you need to know, you’ll be more likely to come back to me again and again.”

  She scowled, but there was a glint of humour in her eyes. “You don’t think that’s a little devious?”

  “I think it’s extremely devious.” But I’d do it. Besides, only a dumbass would lay out his dirty laundry in the early stages of a relationship. Only once he was sure that she was happy and as attached to him as possible did he dump it all on her. Otherwise, he’d risk losing her. There was no way I’d risk losing Imani. I’d done it before, and I wasn’t keen on doing it again.

  “Will you answer me one question now?”

  Liking her curiosity, I said, “Ask.”

  “You said you don’t do ‘more.’ I always wondered if that was because you tried it and it was so bad that you didn’t want to try again. Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

  “Yes. Twice. Both relationships fucked up because, like I told you, I’m not good for people.”

  “Or maybe they weren’t good for you. Two people can be good but be absolutely shit when together.”

  “True,” I allowed.

  “Were they both human relationships?”

  I tutted. “That was another question. We agreed on one. But…I’m willing to bargain.”

  Suspiciousness flickered across her face. “Yeah?”

  “I’ll answer your question”—I tapped her lower lip—“if you give me a little taste of this mouth.”

  She swallowed. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  It was a fucking great idea. I pressed a kiss to the side of her neck, inhaling her tantalising scent. “I just want one little taste of what’s mine. A kiss, nothing more.”

  “Butch—”

  “You know how good it will feel.”

  “You really think you can just walk out after a single kiss, without pushing for more?”

  “I give you my word that I won’t push.” Even though all I wanted was to strip her naked and feast on her. It took extreme effort to shove that thought from my mind. “One taste and I’ll stop, I promise.”

  I could see that she was warring with herself. Eventually, she said, “Answer my question first.”

  I hid my satisfaction. “Both were human relationships.” As curiosity again lit her eyes and she went to speak, I shook my head. “No more questions. We had a deal. Now you have to live up to your end. Of course, I’ll answer another question if you’re willing to give me more than a kiss.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Just one kiss.”

  “One.” I tugged her lower lip with my teeth, her lips parted on a gasp, and I thrust my tongue into her mouth. I groaned at the addictive taste of her. It was just as sweet as her scent, and it was a punch to my senses. I’d missed it. Been without it for too fucking long, and hadn’t expected to have it again.

  I needed more.

  Sliding my hands into her hair, I angled her head; allowing me to go deeper. I took. Feasted. Sank into her. Gorged on what I craved day and night. She had no idea what she did to me. No idea how much I needed this, needed her. No idea how far I’d go to keep her.

  Once I’d tasted her a year ago, there had been no going back. I’d just realised that too late.

  My cock throbbed as her scent changed, ripening with need. Growling low in my throat, I pulled back before I broke my promise, bent her over the arm of the couch, and fucked her until neither of us could walk. She took a steadying breath, licking her lips. I nearly groaned. “Three nights, baby. Then I’m coming and we’ll talk it all out.”

  “You know that no one on this island would give us their blessing, don’t you?”

  “Can’t say I’d blame them.” I had a reputation as a hit and run, and I’d let her go once before.

  “Your squad is very protective of mine, which means they really won’t like it. Do you want to be at odds with them?”

  She just wasn’t getting it. “Nothing is going to keep me away from you, Imani. Not them. Not you.” I brushed a kiss over her forehead. “Sleep well.” With that, I left.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  (Imani)

  Settling in the luxury cabana, I sighed happily. I loved the beach at night. Contrary to popular b
elief, sunlight didn’t harm vampires. But we were nocturnal creatures that preferred the cover of darkness for hunting.

  After the conference and a grueling training session, I went to the beach with Paige, Ava, and Alora. At the meeting, Sam and Jared had announced two things. Firstly, dealing with the ever-so-chatty blogger wasn’t going to be easy. Their attempts to crash the blog weren’t working any better than their attempts to electronically track the IP address. Their theory was that he could have an affinity to technology and was using it to hide and protect himself. In any case, they intended to keep working on the problem.

  Their second announcement was that Lazarus had issued an invitation for them to visit. He’d also subtly hinted that I join them, to which Sam had consented. It was concluded—after much deliberation—that Ava, Salem, Max, Paige, and Butch would come along.

  It made a good entourage. Paige, Butch, and Ava had amazing abilities. Salem had a psychic punch, and Max could cause sensory paralysis.

  Jude had complained that she wanted to come along and had suggested that Butch remain behind. Personally, I thought she was just messing with Butch to get a reaction. But I was hoping that just maybe Sam would agree to the switch. I didn’t have the emotional patience for him right now. I was still finding it difficult to digest the things he’d told me. However, I hadn’t been able to argue with Butch’s point that he was the logical choice.

  He’d said, “In terms of protection, there’s no better person to go with Imani than me; I’m a living fucking shield.” That meant he could protect me without having to actually kill or hurt anyone, and he could do it fast and easy. Still, I needed space to think. Butch didn’t like giving me space.

  He must have sensed that I was ready to object because he’d pinned me with his gaze and said, “If you think I’ll stay here while you face your Sire again after all this time, think again. This won’t be easy for you, so I’m going to ensure it goes as smoothly as possible.”

  It was sweet in a Butch-like way.

  “Something you want to tell us?” Alora’s voice snapped me back to the present. It took a moment for me to realise that she was speaking to Paige.

  Having exchanged a baffled look with me, Paige replied, “Nope.”

  The redhead arched a brow. “You sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “Not even that Stuart and Max had some kind of argument over you last night?”

  Paige’s head jerked back. “Argument?”

  “You haven’t heard about it yet?”

  Ava held up a hand. “Wait, wait, I thought you and Stuart broke up.”

  “We did,” confirmed Paige. “Months ago. He’s a good guy and all, but he just…he doesn’t get me. And I need that, you know?”

  Ava nodded, unusually solemn. “I totally do know. Salem gets me, and he lets me be. Which is important because I’m a fucking nutcase.”

  “Tell me about this argument,” I said to Alora.

  “Oh, right. Well, Evan heard from one of his squad members, who heard it from his brother, who heard it from his friend, who—”

  “Oh my God, just tell us,” Paige burst out.

  Alora held up a placating hand. “Now don’t get upset. But apparently Stuart, well, talked a little smack about you; said you’re made of ice and you’re closed off and…and you don’t look surprised.”

  Paige sank into the cream cushion, one arm above her head. “I told you; he doesn’t get me. Stuart, well, he likes people to need him. Which is fine. It’s not a bad thing if being a rock for people makes you feel good. But I’ve always relied on myself. I like doing things for myself. That makes me feel good. I don’t want a guy to complete my life. I want him to enrich it. That wasn’t enough for Stuart.”

  I nodded, understanding. “He didn’t respect your need for independence.” I knew her well enough to know how much she needed that.

  “He took it personally,” said Paige. “Like I do things for myself to spite him. He doesn’t see that I’m just being me. It quickly became clear to me that I’m not right for him. He needs someone different.”

  I pursed my lips. “So calling you cold as ice…that was his ego talking. It took a beating when you didn’t make him the centre of your world.” What a little shit.

  Paige shrugged one shoulder. “I guess so. I mean it when I say he’s not a bad guy. He’s just not for me.”

  Ava put a hand on Alora’s arm. “Hang on, what did Max have to do with this?”

  Eyes brightening, Alora smiled. “Ah, well, Evan heard that—”

  Paige waved a hand. “Alora, seriously, just get to the important part.”

  “Well apparently, Max told him that badmouthing you was immature, shitty, and disrespectful. Stuart’s drunken response was a snort followed by, ‘It’s not like she’ll care; she’s stone cold…until she’s in bed; then she’s all fire.’ Max didn’t like that. He told Stuart to zip his mouth shut before he said something he’d regret but couldn’t take back. Stuart accused him of ‘having a little thing’ for you.”

  Ava flashed a megawatt smile. “Ooh, this is getting really good.”

  Nodding, Alora went on, “Max just shrugged and said, ‘Some guys like strong, independent women. Others feel threatened by them.’ The implication was clear. Stuart lunged for Max, but the bystanders intervened before anyone could even throw a punch.

  “Hmm, maybe Max does have a little thing for you, Paige,” said Ava.

  My BFF snorted. “Max has a little thing for everyone.”

  Alora’s smile dimmed. “Okay, I can’t deny that his dick doesn’t seem to be very discriminating. But that’s only if the rumours are to be believed. What about you? Do you like him?”

  “What’s not to like?” said Paige. “He’s cute, strong, fun, and he’s got a great body.”

  “I sense a ‘but’ coming,” said Alora.

  “But I don’t want to be with a slut.”

  “Like I said, they could be just rumours. There are always rumours about guys who are that hot.”

  Ava turned her smile on me. “Speaking of rumours, I heard Butch is kind of wild in bed. All dark and dominant. That true?”

  I gave her my best mysterious smile. “A lady never tells.”

  “So is it true?”

  “Are you implying that I’m not a lady?”

  “I thought you already knew that.”

  “Bitch,” I chuckled.

  Imani, Jared called telepathically. Come to the beach house. Sam would like to see you.

  Blinking in surprise, I replied, Sure thing. “Girls, I’m done for the night. According to Jared”—I tapped my temple—“Sam wants to see me about something.” Maybe she had more questions about my nest. That wasn’t a pleasant thought.

  After saying my goodbyes, I headed for Sam and Jared’s home. I’d been inside the beach house a few times before, and I loved it. The place had such a cosy, relaxing feel to it. They must have heard me coming up the steps to the porch, because Jared opened the door before I had a chance to knock.

  As we passed the noisy living area, I asked, “Is that Sebastian and Luther I can hear grumbling at each other?”

  Jared’s lips pressed together. “Yes. They’re playing on Sam’s PlayStation.”

  The image made me laugh as I entered the kitchen, where Sam was sitting at a table, drinking an NST. “Imani, come sit.”

  Accepting her invitation, I pulled out the chair opposite hers. “So, what’s up?”

  “In the interests of full disclosure, I’m letting you know upfront that we’re going to forewarn Butch about your past with Marco,” she told me. “He knows that Marco is your Sire, but he doesn’t know the arsehole was also once your boyfriend. If he finds out another way, he might go ape-shit. It will be hard enough to stop Butch from killing Marco on this trip.”

  I shook my head. “If you order him not to hurt Marco, he’ll follow that order.” Regardless of what Butch said, he was a good soldier.

  “He would if this was about anyone o
ther than you,” said Sam. “Look, I’m not going to pretend I don’t know that Butch is suddenly all up in your space.” When I didn’t comment, she added, “I heard he went to your apartment last night.”

  I should have remembered that nothing that happened on this island stayed secret for long. “We just talked.”

  Sam cast me an impatient look. “You know you’re crap at lying, right?”

  “I can so lie.”

  Jared snorted a laugh. “Um, no, you can’t.”

  “Well, seven of the eight voices in my head say you’re wrong.”

  He laughed. “Back to the subject of Butch…he looked really concerned for you in the arena. He even asked me to tell you to take a break. I thought about it, but you seemed to need to escape your thoughts for a while.”

  It was exactly what I’d needed.

  “So, why is he back in your space?” Sam asked me.

  I couldn’t tell her. Not when I hadn’t even told my best friend, and not when I wasn’t even sure how I felt about it. I didn’t want other people’s opinions to colour what decision I made. And Sam no doubt intended to tell me that I should stay clear of Butch. “If you’re going to warn me that it’s in my best interests to stay away from him, you don’t need to. He already told me he thinks he’s not good for me.”

  “He probably isn’t,” said Sam. “I don’t mean it in a bitchy way. But we have to be straight here. Butch is…he’s not broken, but he’s fractured.”

  I could agree with that.

  “He’d be a difficult mate. He’s an alpha, which automatically makes him a bloody handful. He has qualities that make him great at his position. He’s confident, disciplined, forever alert, and loyal to a fault. He’s got a brilliant, strategic mind. And he doesn’t let fear hold him back; never flinches at anything.

  “But he’s also very dominant. And he’s so direct, his words often come out cold. That means he’ll be overbearing and absentmindedly hurtful in a relationship. He needs a mate who’ll be careful not to take things too personally and to give him a lot of room to fuck up. But she’d also have to push back or he’d walk all over her.”

  She wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know. Not wanting to hear any more reasons a relationship with him would be hard, I said, “You really think he needs to know that Marco’s an ex of mine?”