A Song of Snow and Ashes

offered to talk with her about, she declined. As she finished up the day's work, she heard a knock at the door and jumped slightly.

  "Come in," she called, thinking, "It can't be Izak. It's only been a week."

  "Hello, Eliora," answered Zeki.

  "Oh, good, it's you," she replied with relief.

  "Did you miss me?" he asked, sounding a little puzzled.

  "It's not that. Well, there is that. No, I was afraid it was Izak coming into tell me I got turned down for promotion."

  "That's silly. There's no reason you shouldn't get your promotion. And anyway, Ofira tells me that you've got at least another week before you know anything."

  "Oh, Ofira told you about that," she responding, feeling annoyed. "Well, I'm still nervous. This means a lot to my family. The twins just keep growing and growing. You know how boys are at that age."

  He smiled. "I may know a little something."

  "Why are you here?" she asked.

  "I wanted to talk to you. I haven't seen you in nearly a month."

  "Alright. You can walk me home." She gathered her things up and they left the Council Hall. "There's not much to say. Did Ofira tell you I'm being courted by Basir?" she asked as soon as they left the din of noise from the bazaar.

  "She did. Good for you. He seems like a good man." There was no trace of bitterness or insincerity in his voice.

  For some reason, her annoyance intensified. "Yes, he is a good man. We can talk for hours about politics and trade."

  "That's good. Honestly, I could never follow you when you starting talking about those things."

  "Really? Why didn't you ever say so?"

  He shrugged. "It's your job. You talk about what you do."

  "Ofira says you don't talk to her about accounting."

  He gave Eliora a sharp look, catching the vague accusation in her voice. "Accounting is boring, and I say that as an accountant. I find art fascinating."

  "Even when she's going on about the finer points of firing glazes?"

  "Yes, even then. Are you alright? You sound a little angry at me."

  "No, I'm not angry. I was just really surprised to find out you were courting Ofira," she replied. She was angry, and annoyed at herself for being angry.

  "It is that surprising? We've known each other for six years now."

  "We've known each other since primary school."

  "Well, yes, that's true," he replied, eying her suspiciously. "Are you sure you're not angry?"

  "I'm fine. So why did you ask Ofira?"

  "I like her. What else can I say? I think she's beautiful, I think what she does is fascinating, she's been a good friend to me, and I think if this works out, she'll make a good wife."

  "Oh, I see." She tried to collect her thoughts. "Why am I upset? He seems happy enough with his choice."

  "Are you sure you're alright with this?" he asked again.

  "Yes, of course." She fiddled with the strap of her bag thoughtfully. "She said you asked about a month ago, now. Was that after our talk?" she asked.

  He nodded. "You made some good points. She's a popular woman. I've met her family, and some of her other friends. Some of them are really crazy, but a lot of fun. Apparently she's quite the up and coming talent in the art world of pottery. I'm not the first man to court her."

  "I didn't know that," she replied, surprised.

  "She's been courted twice before, and both were matches set up by her family. Neither lasted very long. Apparently both wanted her to give up her art career and just settle down to make utilitarian pottery. That was before she started to get noticed in the art world. So you were right to encourage me to just make my move."

  "Oh. I see."

  "Eliora, what's wrong with you?"

  She stopped. "Nothing. Nothing should be wrong. You're happy, she's happy, everything is working out. I'm happy for you both. Really."

  "You were never good at lying. Not to me, and not to Ofira. She knew you were upset, and sent me to talk to you." He pulled her into an empty side street. "Talk to me, Eliora. I've known you long enough to know when you're upset."

  "No, Zeki, it's stupid. Just stupid."

  "Talk to me," he pressed.

  "I don't want to ruin our friendship," she replied, looking down.

  "Just tell me what's gotten you so upset."

  She looked at him with tears in her deep brown eyes. "When I told you to just start courting, I thought-I thought you were going to ask me."

  "You did?" he replied, sounding surprised.

  "Yes. We've known each other so long, and you said it was a woman you knew, and I thought it was going to be me. And I-I was going to say yes," she finished, stifling a sob.

  "Then why did you say yes to Basir?" he asked, startled.

  "Because he came out and asked me," she answered, a little more sharply than she intended.

  He looked sheepish and sighed. "Yes, well, you do have a point there. But you didn't have to say yes."

  "I do like his company, and I thought there'd be no harm in it. I've known many women who were courted by more than one man at a time."

  "Gods, Eliora. Why do you have to tell me now?"

  "You asked. I told you it was stupid. I want you to be happy. I want Ofira to be happy. But I didn't expect you to ask anyone but me. I thought you liked me."

  "I did. I do. But I've been giving you subtle hints for the better part of two years now. You've never done anything or said anything to show me that you reciprocated my feelings for you. Come on, you're flighty. You're not dense."

  "I know. I know. I'm sorry. But what changed in the past month? I don't understand."

  "I've always like Ofira too, as a friend. When Basir joined us, it was clear to me that you were pretty smitten with him. I made some less subtle hints, and you still didn't seem interested, so I considered my other prospects. Then Ofira invited me over to her art studio."

  "She what?" Eliora exclaimed.

  He sighed. "You weren't there that night. The group had a big argument over art and broke up early. Ofira noticed that I seemed lost during the whole argument, so she offered to show me the conservatory and teach me some basics. We started talking art, then started talking about life in general. We talked until dawn and I realized just how great she is. She's passionate and witty but still practical and pragmatic," he explained with a dreamy look on his face.

  "And I'll bet she never forgets anything," she replied glumly.

  He snapped back to the present and sighed. "No, not usually. I'm sorry things didn't work out. You never seemed to want anything but friendship."

  "I know. This is all my fault. I knew you were interested, but I waited too long to respond."

  "No, it's my fault too. I was the one who waited too long. I should have asked you a year ago. I should have been braver. But I wasn't, so I didn't. I've grown to care a lot for Ofira, and I can't court both of you without wrecking all of our friendships." His eyes were preternaturally bright. "I'm sorry. I think I've really messed things up. I really care for you. I-" He stopped himself.

  She could read the emotion in his eyes. "We both messed things up. I was too coy, and you were too shy." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Zeki, I think I..."

  "Eliora," he warned, cutting her off abruptly. "Don't say it. You can't take those words back. If you say it, I'll have to take back my courtship offer to Ofira, and then a lot of people are going to end up hurting. I don't want that. Do you?"

  She shook her head. "No, no. Of course not. But now what do we do? I don't know about you, but I feel terrible," she said, wiping a few stray tears from her cheeks. "I don't like being jealous. I don't like being angry. I don't like feeling stupid."

  "I don't know. We probably won't see much of each other over the next few weeks anyway. Maybe we'll both feel better by then."

  She nodded. "I'm going home now. Alone."

  "I unders
tand." He kissed her gently on the lips, then rushed off.

  Feeling stunned, she stood in the alleyway for a minute, then practically raced home. She entered the house and was barely aware of her mother greeting her. She headed straight upstairs, threw herself down on the bed, and let the tears flow freely.

  "Eliora?" called Adiva worriedly.

  She just kept crying.

  Her mother entered her tiny room. "My daughter, what's wrong?" she asked, joining her on the bed to comfort her.

  "I'm so stupid, Mother. So stupid," she sobbed. She proceeded to tell her the whole story. By the time she was finished, her tears were exhausted. "I was so stupid. I fell in love with my best friend, and never did one godsdamn thing about it. It can't work out now. It would break up the group, and I don't want to hurt Ofira or Basir."

  "I understand," Adiva sighed. "Trust me, you two aren't the only ones who've had this problem."

  "I know. I feel so stupid. I do like Basir an awful lot. But the thought of Zeki with someone else just made me so angry and jealous. Then to find out he's courting Ofira? It's like they both betrayed me. But I know they really didn't because he never said anything and I never said anything so they both ended up liking each other and gods now I'm just blathering on and on."

  "Quite alright. I'm guessing you're still angry and confused. That's to be expected. Especially when you come to realize you love someone in such a jarring way. Take comfort, though. Your feelings for each other will fade, in time. They will probably fade faster since the both of you seem to be getting attached to someone else."

  She sighed. "And when do I stop feeling so stupid?"

  "You're too hard on yourself, my daughter. Both of you made mistakes.