Come As You Are

Without thinking, I kicked off my shoes as quickly as I could, not even bothering to remove my cell phone or wallet from my pants pockets, and pulled myself onto the railing Ezra had just plummeted from. Though the water below was nearly black in the dark, I could make out ripples telling me approximately where he had hit. If I was lucky, he had missed the protruding wooden planks sticking out of the river. If I was lucky, I might be able to do the same.

  Hesitating for only a moment, I tried to triangulate where I would hit the water, and leaned forward into a diving position.

  As I flew through the air, I felt a momentary sense of calm that was shattered only by the cold and painful splash I made as I entered the Wishkah River. It was freezing, and my body wanted nothing more than to tense up and stop functioning, but I knew I had to find Ezra. Looking around in the dark, my breath making steam in the air, I realized it would be nearly impossible to see him.

  I took as deep of a breath as I could and plunged my head below the surface of the water, opening my eyes and trying to make out any sign of a body in the area, but there was nothing but black. It was as if I was floating through space, unable to see, hear, or breathe in its dark and murky vacuum.

  I came to the surface, pulling painful air into my lungs, kicking my legs and arms in an attempt to stay afloat. From above, the water looked calm and placid, but once floating in it, I felt as if I was being beaten from every direction.

  “Ezra!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping he might be able to call back to me. With any luck, he was conscious and could hear my calls. Yet, as I waited momentarily, I heard no response.

  I grabbed one of the wooden posts and held on with all my strength so as to not be pulled further downstream, but knew if Ezra was unconscious; it wouldn’t be long before his body was washed away from me. I knew that, even if he had drowned in these past few moments, I still had to find him and bring him to shore.

  He had done the same for my brother.

  And that’s when I felt it. It was subtle, at best, but I knew as I clung to the wooden post, shivering and trying to spot any sign of life, something had bumped against my leg. Seconds later, I felt the same sensation again and prayed it was Ezra and not some kind of debris in the water. My legs were going numb, and feeling anything was almost impossible.

  I knew letting go of the post would mean I would begin to float downstream, becoming less likely to find Ezra in the water, but if he had brushed against my leg, then I had only seconds to locate him before he, too was swept far away from me. This kid, who I had never met twenty minute ago, was depending on me to make the right decision to save his life. If I made one small mistake, we were both as good as dead.

  As the water pushed against me, I steadied my legs against the wooden post as best I could and let go with my arms. I knew I couldn’t hold myself in that position long, so I took another pathetically deep breath and dove beneath the surface, trying to keep my feet against the log as I felt around the area with my arms for Ezra. The pain was unimaginable.

  At first, I felt nothing but the ice cold river flowing around me, but as I continued flailing around, fighting my own lungs for the right to stay beneath the surface as they burned and pleaded for me to come up and breath, I felt Ezra’s arm floating near me.

  Knowing I had no time to resurface and take a breath, I grabbed the arm with both hands and kicked off from the wooden post, towards the body, hoping I wasn’t too late. The skin was slick, and I feared I might lose my grip on it easily if I wasn’t careful, but at that moment, all I cared about was saving Ezra’s life. I couldn’t let him die the same way August had, in the cold, swirling waters of the river. Alone.

  Under the water, I wrapped both arms around Ezra’s waste and kicked towards the surface. The air in my lungs had expired itself already, and my main concern became reaching the surface before I passed out, causing Ezra’s death, along with my own.

  As my head emerged from the water, I rang out a cry of both fear and relief as my lungs pulled in as much oxygen as they could. The air was frigid and breathing had become physically painful, but at the same time, I felt as if I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. As I looked over to Ezra, who I still held in my arms, I could tell he wasn’t breathing.

  “Ezra! Ezra, wake up!” I yelled frantically, my voice hoarse and raspy, hoping it might snap him out of his unconscious state. It didn’t work, however, as we continued to bob in the water, his head tilted to one side, partially obscured by the current flowing around it.

  I began kicking as hard as I could, trying to swim the two of us closer to the shore. We were directly in the center of the river, between the two banks, but a minute later, I had successfully paddled us to shore. I climbed out of the water and began to drag Ezra’s limp body up the small incline and away from the water’s edge. He still wasn’t breathing, and I feared how long had passed since he had last taken a breath. Even if I could save him, how much damage had already been done due to lack of oxygen and exposure to the cold water? What if, at this point, he was better off dead?

  I was shaking all over, in part due to the cold temperature, but also because I was terrified. I placed my ear to Ezra’s chest and though he was still not breathing, I could feel a faint heartbeat coming from beneath his shirt. I immediately placed my hands together and began pumping on his chest, trying as best I could to recall how to perform CPR. I’d been trained before, but all that knowledge flies out the window the minute you actually have to use it.

  I tilted his head back and pinched his nose closed with my fingers, placing my lips onto his and breathing slowly into his mouth. His chest rose slightly, and I began to pump again, waiting for that dramatic moment in the movies where the unconscious person begins to cough and spit up water, quickly realizing you’ve saved their life, and begins hugging you for so easily swooping in and saving them from death’s door.

  Ezra’s body laid still on the muddy ground.

  The cold air and amount of energy I’d used not only in the river, but also while trying to save Ezra began to catch up with me. I felt myself staggering, even as I continued to press on his chest with my palms. I knew at this point that I couldn’t be doing much good, but I also knew I would keep trying until I passed out or died.

  In the distance, I could hear faint shouts and the area around me seemed to be doused in red and blue light.

  In the distance, I could see the words “Come as You Are” still freshly painted onto the bridge’s understructure. Though the situation was dire, it pleased me to see I really had painted the line onto the wall and that it hadn’t been another figment of my mourning imagination.

  The world was spinning, and before I knew it, I found myself clutching onto Ezra’s soaked body to keep from flying away. The multi-colored lights created a whirlwind around me and for some reason I knew this was the end. This must have been what death was like, feeling like you’re floating and falling at the same time.

  I heard, “There he is! There he is!” in the distance and could see feet running towards me. My head was on Ezra’s chest, and the world was sliding away from me. I could have sworn I heard my mother’s shouts and could even see her face as she threw herself onto the ground before me, shaking me by the shoulders. She was a blur, but this was the most emotion I’d seen her exhibit since we’d arrived in Aberdeen.

  And then, seconds later, the world was muted, and the red and blue lights faded away. I could no longer see my mother crouched in front me, shaking me to keep me awake. I knew she was still there, but I couldn’t hold on any longer. I distinctly remember letting out a sigh of relief as my world faded to black.

  Chapter 10