Diary of a Teenage Murderer
I still hadn’t left the fucking light on in that fucking room! It still annoys me today. I had to start doing a paper round for this day’s work. Not too sure that I ever did get around to paying the whole thing off! The newspaper shop owner also sacked me after two months for getting papers mixed up and some days just not bothering to deliver them at all.
Back to normal tomorrow hopefully, the ‘Unit’ has had the desired effect on me. Being cooped up with a bunch of idiots and a teacher with little, if any, regard for their own personal hygiene in a very hot and small room is not really my idea of fun. We had to go to break and lunch at different times to everyone else as if we were lepers and started the day earlier and finished later. I don’t mind finishing later, but I can really do without the early start! I think we have now fully established the fact that I love my sleep!
Other than being in isolation, today was a pretty dull day. Oh, but I did get kicked in the bollocks at karate, surely nothing is worth that! I really don’t think I will go next week, or ever again for that matter.
Halfway through Hitchhiker’s now and loving it. I wish I could write like that. Maybe I will give it a go one day…
Who the hell am I kidding; I’m far too lazy!
Wednesday, January 25th
Results of the mocks today. Far worse than I anticipated! How the hell am I going to worm my way out of this one?! I have hidden the results slip under my mattress while I weigh up my options. The way I see it I have the following four choices:
1. Keep very quiet and hope my parents forget I ever did mocks.
2. Try to change the grades on my sheet (E’s to B’s is particularly easy to do so I’m told!).
3. Borrow Martin’s result (which to be fair are stupidly good) and cut his name of the top. He doesn’t quite do all the same subjects as me, but I don’t think my parents really know what I do anyway.
4. Run away to South America.
I am not going to write my results in here, they are far too embarrassing. Plus I can’t risk writing them somewhere that may fall into enemy hands. I am really unsure what to do about this one.
I will sleep on it… literally.
Oh, there is a fifth.
5. Tell the truth and face the consequences.
Ha ha, like that’s going to happen!
Thursday, January 26th
Today was a first. I was actually waiting outside my front door for Martin to arrive. I have decided that today is the start of great things and that I am officially turning over a new leaf (as clichés go, I kind of like this one).
In school I sat on my own, put my hand up and answered questions, completed all my work and stayed behind at the end of my Chemistry lesson to ask more questions about covalent bonding. I am a reformed character and well on my way to passing these god awful GCSEs.
At home I completed my homework, did some extra Chemistry notes and tidied my desk.
What a great day, I feel almost grown up.
Although I still haven’t told my parents about the shocking mock results.
Friday, January 27th
Woke up at 8:30, completely missed Martin. Got into school late and received a late detention. Todd spotted me in the corridor, threw an egg sandwich at me and called me a wanker, which was nice. I failed to hand in my Chemistry homework and received another detention (I left the fucker on my desk!). I got home and received a bollocking from my mum and dad who had received a phone call from my Head of Year, Mrs Pearce (twisted and evil woman who is blatantly jealous of youth!). Old slag wagon Pearce has truly rumbled me and told my parents everything. Report, fights and lateness. I appear to be grounded forever!
What a shit day! Does not really get much worse than this, I will probably die in my sleep to top it all off. It’s amazing what a difference a day makes.
Saturday, January 28th
Today was hell. I am basically being held prisoner in my own home. Fair enough, I have been very slack and not done a great deal of work this year, but truthfully I was going to.
Who am I kidding? I can’t even lie to myself. I tried to change and failed, so this is probably for the best. Sucks though. My dad has taken all my mod cons out of my room. No TV, no hi-fi, no PS Vita, no nothing – if it’s fun, he took it. I asked him, “Do you want to take my soul as well?” He shot me a cruel look and said, “If you do not pass these exams you are out of my house!”
Fuck, I think he meant it.
I consoled myself by going to bed early and finishing off Hitchhiker’s. It really has to be up there with my favourite books of all time now. Perhaps I will have a go at writing something, maybe when the exams are over.
Sunday, January 29th
Day two of prison. Basically sat at my desk for 10 hours today trying to balance things on other things. Rulers on rubbers. Rubbers on rulers. Rulers on my nose. Rulers on rubbers on my nose. God I am bored, and my ass is killing from sitting so much. This is only January, I have another four and a half months of this bullshit.
I am thinking of starting to mark the days off on my bedroom wall like in prison, but I would probably get grounded through the summer too.
I am even thinking of getting another goldfish as a partner to share in my misery.
I can safely say that this has been the longest and shittiest weekend I have ever had. I have just climbed into bed with my copy of Viz; let’s just hope that goes some way to cheer me up, god knows I need it.
Monday, January 30th
I have never looked forward to school so much in my life. It was like being freed after a 20-year jail sentence! I walked into school with Martin, not saying a word, just savouring the cold morning air and the taste of freedom.
I spent most of my lessons today with a smug grin on my face staring absently out of the window. Teachers pretty much left me to it and I did very little work all day.
I got home late after a very casual walk. I usually cut through the lanes on my way home, but opted to take the long way home today, over a playing field and through the park enjoying every step of the way. Today was a cold but bright winter’s day and I was savouring every moment of it. My father was home early and gave me grief about being late and pretty much escorted me to my room to ensure I started my revision.
It is a bit difficult to be ‘forced’ to revise, so instead I spent the evening firing paper balls into the bin and constructing a stationery bow and arrow set from a pencil and elastic band. I fashioned an arrow from a pin from my notice board and a paper clip with a feather made from some paper stuck on with Blu-Tack I scraped from behind my John Lennon poster. I did no work whatsoever, more out of defiance than anything else to be fair. The bow and arrow was a complete success, however.
Tuesday, January 31st
Ahhh, the sweet smell of freedom!
Again Martin was amazed to see me waiting for him at the front door. We actually spoke on the way into school, which was a bit weird for us; we usually stomp to school in a kind of miserable silence. Martin wanted to know what I was thinking of doing next year, he was thinking of going to a sixth form college in Brighton and wondered if I was too. I explained that my head wasn’t really tuned to studying and I didn’t think that I would be able to cope and didn’t really know what to do. Martin said, “You are one of the brightest in our year group, but you are just so lazy. If you just did just a bit of work I think you would be surprised by what you could do.”
In all my years at school and countless bollockings from my teachers and parents, no one has ever got through before, but Martin hit a nerve this morning. I decided that I would give things a proper go from tonight and use the time of imprisonment to get back on track.
I was as good as my word tonight, but instead of a little I did a lot. Science postcard notes, History mind maps and even a bit of Music theory. I did surprise myself a little in all honesty; it does feel good to be good.
I wasn’t allowed to go to karate tonight, probably not such a bad thing considering the regular beatings I seem to be receiving! I did have
a quick chat with Dad when I popped down to get a cup of tea and explained that I was actually doing some work this evening and that I was starting to consider doing A levels next year, although I didn’t know which ones just yet. “Good,” he said, “That sounds good.”
February
Wednesday, February 1st
Nice to see the back of January, not a great month, here’s hoping that February is a lot better.
I managed another good evening of work tonight. I rewrote a load of Geography notes and a few more Science postcards. I picked up a French revision guide from the library today and made a start on that too.
My dad made a couple of sneak appearances in my room and said how pleased he was that I was finally taking things seriously.
“At least you have moved on from flicking paper balls!” He winked and passed me a cup of tea.
I think that Sasha has been working out. That ass of hers was looking so tight that I could have opened a beer bottle on it. I am seriously thinking of asking her out, probably best to do it just before half term as if I get shot down at least I have a week away from school to deal with the shame! Plus, being grounded as I am, I can’t offer the girl an awful lot at the moment. But this new me with new-found direction seems to have also acquired a bit of new-found confidence from somewhere and, if ever I was going to do this, now was the time. Who was it that said ‘Seize the day’? Well they were right and by seizing the day I