The Circus in Me

  Fierce inferior scowls cutting blades at the sides where Ashlee Bleu’s tiny hands connected. I maneuvered positions for the help of Trae Lae’s potential viewing.

  Trae Lae took my betrayal ordinary. She smirked at me in quiet phrases, showing bits of concern. Other than the seconds of displayed affection, I cursed the feelings that developed inside me.

  Ashlee annoyed the every living crap out of me. Maybe Sloan would like to date her. His style seemed to cater to my sloppy seconds. No judgments. Enough of girls to go around twice.

  Rumbles in my stomach unable to keep my eyelids closed. She stole the show in all patterns of thought. I wondered how she performed and what she was like before the runaway look. What troubled me most about her is that I exposed decent facts about my life, and she couldn’t seem to share those of which inflicted her.

  Unwinding the helpless hands of the present lover. Being a solo candidate for date the disaster. I trembled as I tried to open the car door, the escape route always persistent in strides. Should I glance back to see her eyes met mine?

  I’d become irrelevant if I chose her.

  I tried to find a pathway from her doorway to mine, always failing. Tripping over issues of emotions, her past and mine not intertwined as punctual as we’d like. Baggage claimed our strength causing weakness in the midst of blooming coincidence. Hard to find the one if your knowledge of love consisted of momentary substances.

  I plotted many ways for her to mourn the loss of me. The more I confused the situation her face less burdensome, and it seemed as though she moved quickly on to the next struggle she wanted to overcome. Groan at my thinking pattern as it transfers onto the next tempting brown hair girl. Courters qualifying in the category of obsolete.

  I looked back, always looking back at her wanting her to be the one to run in my arms. The one comfortable being proposed too, but she wasn’t like other girls. Girls like Trae Lae Livingston meticulous dignity and moral standards refraining them from being promiscuous lovers. Maybe it was time I started a chase of my own.

  Trae Lae’s smile widens, promising myself to always keep that grin on her innocent face. Wishes I wouldn’t be the one making it turn upside down. Ashlee beckoned me, tugs at my arm. I shrug letting her drive me away from my one true love. Visions of soft blue kindness, are changed into greedy eyes of green, wanting more than I cared to offer. Whatever women wanted from me I couldn’t comply, unless it was physical demands. Any of the emotional connection stuff and you were in for a letdown. But there was something in me that ached to give everything I wanted to cater to the wants of another, the Amish girl who captured attention with a quirky personality.

  A part of me dozed while Ashlee rampaged on about her social standings in the college ward. Insight I didn’t needles or medications to conform to my level of happiness all I ever needed was somebody who understood. A person to believe there was a better way to live, a better way to love. Trae came into the picture and she understood without any judgments passed. Honesty in tones of her life I resembled them back to her, I did not have to know everything about her mannerisms. Though maybe I could help heal a bit of her past as she accepted the fate I was given.

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