The Circus in Me

  We went to our days back at the university. Finals coming up and the semester coming to a close we were seeing each other seemed only in blue moons. The confrontations he experienced at the circus dinner were quite out of my comfort zone to handle. It seemed not to bother him, but I gladly gave him his space when he asked for it.

  “I’ve been going to weekly meeting with the Branch President. Talking over the battles and betrayals of my youth.” Announcement to me as I made my way to his chair. My thoughts about the Branch President made it hard not to fight with fury on my tongue. In agreement I chose to listen.

  “What for? Aunt Macee trick you into this or something?” Forehead scrunched in curiosity.

  “No, Trae. Even if she hinted at it a few times I went by my choice alone. This is for me. I need to confront everything good and bad in order to move forward. For the longest of times I found myself repeating the mistakes I already knew were wrong. I went in circles around my head, confusing my mood and what it REALLY wanted.” I am glad he’s been touched with the power of epiphany.

  “Sounds very moving and inspirational Briggs. I am happy you are working out those tough knots in that big lug of yours!” Teasing with playful punches.

  “I’m doing this because I would like to be the type of person your family would respect. One day visiting on premeditated visits.” Trying hard to keep my form unreadable. So proud of the man who stood before me, strong in his maturity.

  “Maybe if you come over here and show me how to do that French kissy thing. We can talk about intentions for the future.” Pulling my knees to my chest in a defense, awaiting the likeable boyfriend I’d altercate my former name for.

  Briggs saw the desire in my spirit and showed me tricks of his former trade. Snuggling in perfect harmony I fell asleep in a comfortable peace. His head jostled in-between my shoulder bone and the frame of the bed.

  Serenity placated all over us, every inch of our bodies covered in ultimate desire of upcoming events in our future.

  Dreams of wonders, cascaded by wishing wells. Blissful, the air swallowed us whole. Tingling sensations in our toes, rising up laughter in our guts. Promises of the future with a ring on top of his hand. I nodded gently, placing the smooth band over top of my tiny knuckle.

  Scene changes and in a quick hurry I try to hide the evidence of our matrimony. I spin around to see my father’s footsteps stomp toward us, fury in his movements. Grip ahold my white gown and wrist. Struggle to break his control, Briggs steps in to protect his beloved.

  My father too strong for the both of us. His command firmer and taut. The hand he clutched popped out of place. The sparkles of the white gold ring lost to the sea. Levi plummets my head under the spring water. His duty to drown the defiant daughter was adjacent to succession.

  Briggs wailing a blow to the right side of my father’s cranium. Sending him down the cliffs and away from present time.

  Above water Briggs, grinned wildly proud of the accomplishment performed. Throwing works of water up from my lungs. Occurrence to me I could have one life. But may I have both intertwining into one.

  Now I saw it, the truth of the circumstance would fail the fabrication on the indicator machine.

  Awoken from the quivers of shoulders. I want to flee far from here with him by my side. Close my eyes to eternity, just envisioning right now this moment with him. Wrapped into a haven I searched long for.

  In the midst of our commotion of love I sought out if he undoubtedly would accept the framework of my life story. He wanted more from me than I could give. Would it ever get easier choosing one over the other? In the reality of my choices, I made my choice a number of months ago. Fastened next to Briggs as he slung his arm around my torso.

  We had tests to take and papers to write, but that could wait.

  Thoughts of us floating around our breathing mouths. I scrambled to look at his warm structure. His shirt dangling over the bed post. It seemed simple and somehow we accepted the simplicity as a sign to run free. Good timing always on our side. Briggs and I choose for ourselves where this goes.

  Ś⅜