Epilogue

“Well, just say you’re hungry so I can suggest a place for dinner.” She grinned.

“I’m starving!” I said.

“Me too! Luckily, I know of this new Italian place that opened up. We should go there.”

I opened the door for Livvie and she gave me a kiss on the cheek before she got inside. I slid behind the wheel, and as I put the vehicle in gear to leave the parking lot, Livvie’s hand was already on my thigh. She explained where to go while her fingers gently stroked me.

“Thank you, Kitten,” I whispered.

“You’re welcome, Sexy. Are you enjoying your birthday?”

“Immensely. I think tomorrow I’m going to try and find that arcade game.” Retirement had opened me up to new hobbies. I discovered I really like video games.

“Men,” Livvie scoffed. “You better not start ignoring me.” She was pouting, but her heart wasn’t in it.

“You’re the one who encouraged me to get a PlayStation. I’m not the only bad influence in this vehicle.” I casually put my hand on top of hers and held it the twenty minutes it took to get to the restaurant. When we arrived, I realized Livvie had lied to me about spending the entire day alone. Claudia and Rubio were already waiting to be seated. They held bags in their hands.

Claudia appeared giddy, and after hugging Livvie, she tossed herself at me.

“Happy birthday!” She planted a kiss on each of my cheeks. I begrudgingly returned the embrace and the kisses. Claudia is a good friend, and though I hate to admit it, I’d do most anything for her and Rubio.

Rubio shook my hand and wished me a happy birthday. He was wearing a pink shirt with grey pinstripes beneath a dark grey sweater and black slacks. It wasn’t bad actually—for a moment he had me contemplating pink. Then I realized the shade matched the summer dress Claudia was wearing and I scrapped the idea. Livvie and I will never wear matching outfits. No!

“There is a fair in town. Claudia and I are going after dinner. You’re welcome to come with us if you don’t have other plans,” Rubio said on the way to our table.

I looked ahead at Livvie, who was busy gabbing with Claudia about beating me at go-kart racing. She conveniently didn’t supply the results of our shooting spree or mini-golf tournament. I smirked.

“We’ll probably head home after dinner. I have one last gift waiting for me and I’m eager to open it.”

Rubio blushed.

“I… yeah, ok.” I nudged him with my shoulder and we laughed.

We ordered appetizers and salad since no one was particularly hungry. The restaurant was quaint and quiet. Most likely it was owned and operated by a single family. The food tasted homemade and was delicious. I almost wished I hadn’t eaten so much pizza earlier, but it was difficult to regret any part of the day I’d had.

“Is it time for gifts? I’m so excited!” Claudia clapped her hands.

“I had to buy her that dress earlier. She always wants a present when someone else is getting one.” Rubio laughed and kissed Claudia’s bare shoulder. She didn’t have the decency to look embarrassed and I found myself enjoying that aspect of her personality the best. With Claudia, what you saw was the truth. It’s more than I could say about most.

“Do you want to open presents?” Livvie asked. She wriggled her eyebrows at me.

“I suppose.” I feigned disinterest.

Claudia shoved her gift toward me first. It was a slender box and weighed practically nothing, but Claudia was nearly bursting with held laughter and excitement. I was instantly suspicious. Especially when she said to Livvie, “You have to make him wear it.”

I tore away the paper and lifted the lid off of the box. I stared and stared and stared some more.

“What the hell is this?” I laughed. I shook the box and two plastic eyes wiggled around.

“Take it out,” Livvie suggested. She had her hand over her mouth to hide her grin.

I obliged the group and regretted it. I had to smile though. It was funny and just the right touch of embarrassing. It was underwear.

“I assume I’m supposed to put my um… in the trunk of the elephant? Very clever. Rubio, do you also have a pair?” I tossed them onto his lap and he picked them up between thumb and forefinger. He slung them back at me.

“Sorry, friend. I don’t do animal prints.” We all laughed.

I received a new video game featuring the Mario Brothers from Rubio. I didn’t know much about the game at the time, but let me assure you that many a day has been spent acquainting myself with the famous plumbers since.

“I’ll be right back,” Livvie said as she stood. “Claudia has my present for you. Open it.” She kissed me and walked away before I could ask where she was going.

The box from Livvie was large and I ripped into it. I laughed hard when I saw the contents. Claudia was out of her seat and hovering over my shoulder. Rubio stayed in his seat but was trying to peer into the box. There was a piece of paper that read: Sexy’s Kung-fu Boo-Boo Kit. Inside were rolls of bandages, band-aids, butterfly stiches, a bottle of peroxide, bath salts, a hand-made massage coupon entitling me to a “full body rub down (with happy ending)”, and hand wraps “specifically designed for boxers.”

I still had a smile on that could crack my face when the singing started. I looked up from my box and Livvie was walking toward me. The restaurant staff was carrying an entire tray of cupcakes with candles in them. They sang:

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday dear, James.

Happy birthday to you.

I stood up and reached for Livvie. She kissed me and whispered in my ear.

“One cupcake for every birthday, my love, and one more for good luck.”

I couldn’t stop staring at her as she pulled away. I love you, I wanted to say, but my throat felt closed and I was afraid of what would come out. There were tears in her eyes, and if I’d been a weaker man, there would have been tears in mine.

“What are you waiting for, the building to burn down?” Claudia chided. “Blow them out!”

I smiled, though I felt on the verge of falling apart. I kissed Livvie on her forehead and let my lips linger long enough for her to feel the depth of my appreciation. Then, for the first time I could remember, I blew out my birthday candles.





CHAPTER FIFTEEN





“Tell me how you feel.” I ran the leather tongue of the riding crop along Livvie’s outstretched arm. I watched as she shivered. The tiny hairs on her arm stood on end.

Livvie opened her mouth to speak, stopped, swallowed, and then replied.

“Excited,” she said. She shivered again and the leather straps that held her in place on the cross creaked. There wouldn’t be any kicking or flailing to interrupt me this time.

“Was that your first thought? I don’t think it was.” I continued down her arm and over her shoulder. I knew she liked it when I kissed her down her spine. I let the crop caress her where my lips typically would.

We hadn’t done this before, not as lovers. I had my doubts about doing it at all, but she insisted. Her book was nearly finished. She’d been working on it more aggressively in the weeks leading up to her request. Between Livvie’s writing, work, and school schedule, I’d hardly spent any time with her since my birthday. She needed this, she said. She needed to remember how it felt. She needed to recreate it.

I didn’t want her to remember. I didn’t want to remember. Yet, there I was, crop in hand. It was a pull too compelling to resist. I wouldn’t use the belt. I wouldn’t leave the marks I’d left the first time. If Livvie could re-imagine the events of our past, I could too. I could give her pain and pleasure. I could finally let the fading ghost of our past die and rest in peace. It was time for us to go on living.

I tapped her gently on her flank. She jumped.

“I asked you a question. Was excited your first response?”

“No,” she whispered. “I’m… I’m afraid.”

Yes, she was afraid. I’d learned her fear very well. In fact, I consider myself a connoisseur of fear. I know there are as many varieties of fear as there are colors in a rainbow. Livvie was afraid, but it was a brand of fear I very much enjoyed.

“Fear is part of it.” I slapped at her inner thighs gently. I liked the sound it made. “You’re defenseless. You’re vulnerable. You’re completely at my mercy.” I stood behind her, unmoving, and I smelled her fear. True to her word, there was excitement as well. I leaned in and kissed the shell of her ear. “You. Are. Mine. Say it for me.”

She sagged in her bonds. Her head fell on my shoulder and she nuzzled against me.

“I’m yours, Caleb.” I was always Caleb while she was vulnerable. My name on her tongue reminded me of slipping into a worn pair of shoes. I’d been called Caleb most of my life, and were it not for Livvie, the name would be lost to me. Caleb had done horrible things—he’d been a monster—but he’d also allowed James to survive. Caleb deserved to live. I could be both men. I am both men.

I stepped back and took in the sight in front of me piece by piece. Her long mane of ebony hair cascaded down her slender back. I couldn’t wait to hold it as I fucked her. I’d put her in red satin. Every miniscule movement caused the red fabric to shift and offer a different tantalizing bit of skin. The panties were scant. The meaty flesh of her backside appeared plumper by way of the cut. With her legs spread open on the X-shaped cross, I could catch glimpses of her pussy when she tried to adjust. Thick black straps made of leather held her in place at wrists and ankles.

My heart raced at the thought of whipping her. There was the hum of guilt living within me, but my baser urges banged like a drum in my veins. She was mine. She’d given herself to me, and I would take possession of her as surely as she had taken possession of my battered soul. The void in me had been filled by her love and forgiveness. All that she asked was that I give her all I had in me to give: my heart, my soul, my love, my secrets, my loyalty, and my whip hand.

I took her quickly and unaware across the bottom of her ass. Livvie’s scream rent the air. James flinched at the sound, but Caleb’s blood sang. I am both men.

Livvie’s scream died just as suddenly as it had been born. Her lips were pressed together. Her hands were fisted above the leather straps holding her in place. A red stripe decorated her hindquarters.

“Tell me how you feel,” I grated. I ran a hand along her quivering backside. I could already feel the welt.

“I…”Livvie croaked. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to continue?” I already knew the answer. I wanted her to know it too.

“Yes, Caleb.” There was confidence in her voice.

“Anything for you, Pet.” I did show mercy. I caressed her behind with my hand until I felt her muscles relax into my touch. “Let’s start with more familiar ground.” I raised my hand and slammed it forward. I hit one cheek first and then the other in rapid succession. I wanted her nice and warm before I used the crop again.

If Livvie could have moved, she’d have been up on her toes. I’d spanked her harder and not encountered quite so much movement, but it was my belief that restraints often invited slaves to thrash to their hearts’ content. I had to remind myself Livvie had only ever played at the part of slave. She was mine of her own free will.

I stayed my hand from continuing to spank Livvie, but I did not keep it idle. Within seconds, my heated fingers wormed their way beneath the scrap of satin only just concealing her pussy. Her hips pushed back to meet me before she had a thought in her head. I liked that.

“Is that better, Pet? Did you like the spanking?”

She rocked her hips as much as she was able and tried to seat my fingers inside her.

“Yes, Caleb. Please, don’t stop.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I pushed two fingers inside as far as they would go. I worked them back and forth quickly, delivering both jolts of pleasure and surprise. My dick jerked as Livvie’s unabashed and lascivious yelp met my ears. I watched her hips move back and forth as she found her own pleasure. My sadistic appetite was slowly fed as, little by little, I withdrew my fingers and Livvie’s hips gave chase to catch them. Back, back, back, she canted her hips as much as she was able. I hadn’t given her much slack. She wouldn’t have liked it if I had.

“More, Caleb. Please?” she whined. She treated me to the sight of her wiggling her bottom.

I spanked her once.

“Don’t try to entice me. I’m not near finished with you. You wanted a whipping and I’m determined to give you one.”

There was a sulky whimper preceding her murmured, “Yes, Caleb.” She huffed and rearranged herself in her restraints.

“Always with the saucy mouth, Kitten. Whether you’re using it to spout invective comments or simply petulant sounds, you’re always pushing me toward this—toward punishing you. I always wondered—before—if you craved me like this. Did you?” I lifted the crop and let it land on her ass again. Livvie lurched in her bonds, her lips pressed tightly together so that not even her surprise could break free.

“Answer me, Kitten.” I whipped her again and once more for good measure.

“No! No, Caleb.” There was the slightest stirring of real fear in her voice.

“No? Why now? What’s changed?” I whipped her again, mindful to keep the kiss of the crop across her flanks.

“I don’t know,” she cried. Her body was tight as a drawn bow. She was fighting me and I didn’t know why. I thought perhaps she was only fighting herself.

“Do you remember the first time I whipped you?” I asked. I knew for certain she did. This entire scenario had been constructed based upon that particular memory. The least I could do was assist her in cataloging it properly.

“Yes, Caleb,” she said more quickly.

“I remember too. It all could have gone differently.” I reached around to the front of her body and cupped one of her breasts. I rolled her nipple between my fingers as I spoke. “I would have shown you mercy, of a sort. I knew you were scared. You’d been shocked to learn I was your abductor and not the hero you’d imagined.” I tugged on her nipple. It was a hard little stone between my fingers. “You wouldn’t let me be kind. I would have fed you while you rested your head in my lap. I would have given you as many answers as I could to ease your plight. You could have gone to bed without the marks from my belt. But you fought me. You couldn’t win, and you still fought me.”

“I hated you!” she said. The words caught in her throat. She shut her eyes and tears raced down her cheeks. “I didn’t want your fucking mercy.” The words were difficult to hear, but I knew them to be true and I deserved them.

I leaned forward and collected a salty tear from her cheek.

“Don’t be sad, Kitten. You were right to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you anymore, Caleb. Please believe me. I don’t hate you.” More tears spilled down her cheek.

I stroked her hair. I kissed her salty cheek.

“I know, Pet. We’ve come a long way from there. Yet, here we are. You’re still asking me to punish you. Why?” I struck her several times. With each loud slap her resolve crumbled a little more. I pushed her. I pushed myself. I wanted her to understand there had only ever been one reason to return to this.

Livvie was sobbing.

“I… I like it.”

“Yes,” I said. I placed my hand between her legs and stroked her wet folds. “You do. So why are you still fighting me?”

“I don’t mean to!” Her chest shook with the force of her crying.

“I think you do. I think you believe I want you to—but I don’t, Kitten. You don’t have to provoke me. You’re no longer my captive.” I touched her clit. My fingertip glided easily through her slick folds. I whipped her across her other thigh with the crop.

Livvie screamed but settled quickly.

“I’m sorry, Caleb. Please forgive me.”

Begging… I’m always a sucker for the begging when it suits my own desires.

“You’re forgiven. Don’t do it again.”

She took several deep breaths.

“Yes, Caleb.” She moaned loudly when I bit her shoulder. “God! The things you do to me…” Her breath shuddered from her chest. “No one else makes me feel this way. You hurt me so much—before. But you always made it better. You’re the only one who makes it better. I don’t want it to stop.”

“Better than whom, Pet?” I dropped the crop and palmed her ass as I continued making circles on her clit. Livvie had found a taste for pain, but I knew the best way to get her to talk was to bring her as close to the edge of orgasm as possible.

“Everyone,” she whispered. Her eyes were closed, but I could see the tears still leaking from her eyes. Her hips were moving again, finding a rhythm to match my touches. “You take care of me. No one’s taken care of me like you.”

A weight pressed on my chest.

“I’d take care of you without this.”

“I want this. I didn’t want it before. You didn’t care about me. I was a thing to you. I know that’s not true anymore. I trust you, Caleb. I trust you to see me like this. I trust you to take care of me.” Livvie’s thighs began to shake.

“No, Pet. You’re not allowed to come yet.”

“Please, Caleb,” she whimpered.

I stifled a laugh.

“So manipulative.” I spanked her with my bare hand. Hard. It didn’t seem to affect her. She was on another plane.

“I learned from the best,” she said. I watched her smile and then attempt to hide it.

“Couldn’t make it five minutes, could you? And now I’m afraid I can’t let you come.”

“Caleb, no. Please! I’m sorry.” She opened her eyes when I pulled my hands away. Her expression was one of astonishment. I smiled.

“I warned you.”

“What are you going to do?” Her tone suggested she was frightened. Her eyes said otherwise. She’d asked me that same question dozens, perhaps hundreds, of times. I always had the same answer.

“Whatever I want.”

I’d been working on something rather special and I couldn’t wait to try it out. I’d never been much of a carpenter or inventor, per se, but idle hands and an agile mind had led me to explore more hobbies. I found that I liked working with my hands, and I especially liked when my new hobbies coincided with my favorite pastime.

Livvie was silent as I undid the straps on her ankles. She was always most quiet when she was nervous. She sagged in my arms, limp as a wet noodle once I unstrapped her wrists.

“Caleb?” she whispered.

I hoisted her over my shoulder and slapped her ass.

“No questions, Pet. You’ll like it. I promise. Or at the very least, I will.”

I grabbed a pillow from the sofa before I walked the few steps necessary to reach my constructed apparatus. It hadn’t taken much to put together. The downstairs was mostly unfinished and it was easy to find the choice support beams.

I tossed the pillow on the floor and set Livvie down on it. I heard her wince as her heated backside made contact, but I also knew she’d be just fine.

She appeared beautifully at odds with the unfinished basement, a diamond in the rubble.

“Lean back on your hands and put your legs out in front of you.”

She stared at me for a moment as if she were unsure about whether or not to bait me with more of her insolent backtalk. Then, seeming to come to her senses, she did as I asked.

“Yes, Caleb,” she added.

“Very good, Kitten. I’m proud of you.” I winked at her and smiled. We were supposed to be having fun. I didn’t want either of us to forget that fact.

“Thank you, Caleb.” She managed a smile for me.

She was very curious about my every move as I gathered up the harness I needed, along with a spreader bar and some nylon rope. The hardware store was a very convenient place to shop for sex toys.

It took a few minutes, but I finally had what I wanted. Straps placed at Livvie’s waist, thighs, and ankles would help lessen the amount of gravitational strain. The spreader bar would keep her ankles apart, evenly distribute her