Ashes

  “It’s been driving you insane too, admit —” Harper cut off with a moan as a contraction seemed to slam into her womb. She hadn’t thought the pain could get any worse. She’d been wrong.

  “Once the baby’s in your arms, you’ll forget all about the pain,” Sharon promised. “Now get ready. We’re going to need you to start pushing in a few moments.” As soon as the next contraction began, Sharon said, “Okay, push.”

  Harper pushed. Nothing happened. As time went on and the pushing achieved jack shit, she clung to Knox’s hand, so fucking glad he was there and so fucking surprised she hadn’t crushed any of the bones in his hand. Even at home, away from danger, she felt completely out of her element. Utterly out of control.

  His touch was strong and reassuring; his words were encouraging and supportive; and his presence was calming and made her feel safe. She needed that right then. Needed the way he squeezed her hand, rubbed her back, whispered in her ear, and didn’t complain when she dug her nails into his skin.

  Drained, she sagged against him. “I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t.” She’d pushed and pushed, but nothing was happening.

  He kissed her temple. “You are doing it, baby. I’m watching you do it and I’m proud of you.” He smoothed her hair away from her face. “I know you’re tired, but you’re doing great.” Turning to Sharon, Knox scowled. “Should she really be in this much pain? And should it really be taking so long?”

  Sharon gave him a pitying look. “Sweetie, it ain’t called ‘labor’ for nothing.”

  Rodgers smiled at Harper. “Just visualize your cervix opening like a flower —”

  “Stop, just stop,” Harper snapped. He’d done nothing but make dumb and often wildly inappropriate comments until he’d lost all credibility to her. It was just her luck that she’d end up with a doctor who used humor to get himself through tricky situations.

  Another contraction came, and she dug her fingers into Knox’s arm.

  “Okay, Harper, time to push again,” Sharon declared.

  Harper pushed. There was a loud farting sound. Her mouth dropped open in mortification, but then Rodgers gave her a sheepish look and said, “Sorry about that. I had chicken korma before I came.”

  Unable to deal with him right then, Harper held up her hand. “You are not here. You’re just not.”

  Sharon chuckled. “Ignore him, honey, I do it all the time.”

  Harper did exactly that, concentrating on pushing and breathing while Knox whispered encouragements in her ear and told her he loved her. And when Rodgers announced that one more push would do it, Harper’s heart skipped a beat. Still, she pushed. Hard. With what even she could admit was a bloodcurdling scream, the baby’s head was out. It took just one more push for the rest of the baby to come out. And there it was.

  Rodgers grinned. “You have a baby boy, congratulations.”

  Awe and wonder crept over Harper, and her throat seemed to close over. Still, she somehow managed to ask, “Why isn’t he crying?”

  “Oh, he will,” said Sharon. “Don’t doubt it.”

  After the cord was cut, Rodgers took the baby aside, checked him over and then, yep, the baby started bawling.

  As Sharon covered Harper up, Rodgers gently rested the baby on her chest with a little blanket and said, “He’s fine. Ten fingers, ten toes, and he has a big set of lungs on him. Good luck with that.”

  Harper’s heart stuttered and her chest clenched. To others, he probably looked like a prune. To her, he was the most beautiful, perfect thing she’d ever seen. She spoke in a low, soothing voice. “Hey there. You’re here,” she marveled. “And you’re a boy.” He was familiar in the strangest way. She smiled at Knox. “Can you believe we made this little person?”

  Knox gently pressed a kiss on the baby’s head, and then pressed another on Harper’s temple. Looking at them, an overwhelming sense of pride flooded him. There was also a deep sense of relief. Harper was fine. The baby was fine. “You’re both amazing,” he said a little gruffly.

  “You okay?”

  Okay? He was… overwhelmed. Had no words. It all seemed to have happened so fast that it was surreal for Knox. It was hard to absorb the reality that the baby was finally here. But he didn’t need to tell her that; she knew him well enough to understand and gave him a knowing smile.

  “I get it,” said Harper. The way she was feeling right then… it was hard to describe, hard to even process. She had a lot of emotional chaos going on in her mind. Even her demon was a little off-balance, though it was also proud as punch. Gently, she shifted the baby towards him. “Have a hold.”

  Knox tensed. Very few things had ever made him feel nervous. But holding a baby? Yeah, that did it.

  She smiled. “You’re a badass. You can manage.” She wasn’t the least bit surprised that Knox scooped up and cradled the baby as effortlessly as he did everything else – no awkwardness or fiddling. He was the most competent person she’d ever known. The baby immediately stopping fussing, to her amusement, and looked up at Knox, seeming fascinated by him… which meant she and the baby already had something in common. Awesome.

  “He’s so small,” said Knox. Tiny. Vulnerable. His demon settled inside him, content now that the only people that it considered important to it were fine.

  “He is small,” Harper agreed. “Like a little doll.” The baby’s tiny fingers clasped one of his, and every line in Knox’s face smoothed out… and Harper was pretty sure she’d just watched Knox Thorne fall instantly in love.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Harper woke up the next morning to see Knox in the rocking chair that had been placed beside their bed, gently rubbing the back of the swaddled sleeping baby resting on his chest. And her heart just melted. Yep, right into a puddle of goo.

  Eyes of dark velvet met hers, and Knox smiled. There was pride, contentment, and… peace there. “Morning, baby,” he said quietly. “How are you feeling?”

  She sat up as she took stock of herself. “Good, all things considered.” A little sore, but she knew that wouldn’t last long, since demons healed fast. “Tell me I didn’t sleep through him waking up for a feed.”

  Knox shook his head. “You’ve both been asleep for a long while.”

  Which was no doubt why she no longer felt drained, she thought. Demons didn’t need much sleep, after all.

  “You literally dropped to sleep like you’d been dealt a blow to the jaw,” Knox told her, unable to hide the amusement from his voice. He hadn’t initially found it amusing, though. “I was worried at first, but then I figured it wasn’t such a surprise, given that you’d not only been through labor but were probably psychically exhausted after using your gifts.”

  Harper nodded. “Psychic burnout is never fun.” She’d fed the baby shortly after he was born – though it had taken a little work since he’d simply refused to cooperate and suckle – and no sooner had Knox taken him to have another hold than Harper lost the battle she’d been fighting against the need for sleep.

  Standing, Knox said, “Shuffle over.”

  Once she did so, he slid onto the bed beside her, careful not to jostle the baby. Unable to get rid of the silly grin on her face, Harper shifted his little hat slightly just to press a quick kiss to his downy head. His hair was as dark and silky as Knox’s was, to her utter delight. She inhaled deeply, taking in his baby fresh, sweet scent. Few things smelled better than a newborn baby, she thought. It made her want to gobble him up.

  “Where’s mine?” Knox asked, mouth curved.

  “Right here,” whispered Harper before giving him a soft, lingering kiss that he quickly took over – deepening it, yet keeping it gentle and almost… reverent.

  Pulling back, Knox curled her hair behind her ear and stroked his thumb over her cheekbone. “I needed that.” Moving the baby from his shoulder to his chest so that she could see his little face, Knox said, “You do realize that we still haven’t settled on a name for him yet, don’t you?”

  “There was only one
name we agreed on, remember. That name still good for you?”

  “Yeah.” Knox looked down at their son. “He looks like an ‘Asher’.”

  Harper nodded. “Then Asher Knox Thorne it is. Damn, he’s just you with a lot less hair.”

  The resemblance was clear to see, Knox thought. And that only fed the pride he felt each time he looked at Asher. “I still hope he has your eyes.”

  “Then you’re an idiot.”

  Knox shot her a mock glare. “Your eyes are unique and beautiful.”

  “They’re a pain in my ass – that’s what they are.” She stilled as Asher shifted, but he didn’t wake.

  Knox sighed. “He keeps pulling his knees up and trying to curl into a ball.”

  “Like he’s still in the womb.” Harper stretched, yawning. “I really need coffee. And food.”

  “I told Meg that you’re awake. She’ll bring us breakfast soon and formula for Asher, since it’s likely he’ll wake up soon too. While we wait, you can tell me what happened yesterday.”

  Her stomach plummeted. “Do we have to talk about it?”

  He breezed his thumb along her jaw. “I need to know, baby. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to talk about it, but —”

  “Not knowing is driving you crazy, I get it.”

  “I know a little from McCauley.” He quickly relayed the child’s version of events to her. “I need to hear the rest.”

  “Okay.” So, she told him how Nora had taken her, and how Linda had then stayed inside the circle with her while the incantors chanted, infecting her with magick and inducing labor. “Nora wasn’t working with the other Horsemen. She said they wanted to lie low for a while. Unfortunately, that was all she said about them. I got the feeling she didn’t want the attention being taken from her.” Harper cocked her head. “How did you get to me?”

  “Thatcher reopened the portal.”

  She blinked. “Thatcher?”

  “I didn’t like accepting his help. For all I knew, he was stalling for Nora. That was why I had Levi contact his incantor-friend. She said that Thatcher was doing exactly what she would have done, only he was doing it faster, so I didn’t interfere and just hoped to God he wasn’t playing me.” It was the fear in her telepathic voice that had made Knox take the chance. He hadn’t been able to bear it.

  “So, you no longer suspect him of being one of the Horsemen?”

  “I didn’t say that. I’ll never dismiss any of them as potential suspects. Not when that would put you and Asher at risk. Did Linda happen to tell you why she helped Nora?”

  Harper took a moment to gaze at her son again before answering, “She promised Linda she could have Asher. As you know, all Linda wanted was a child.”

  Knox frowned. “I don’t think Nora would have handed him over to anyone.”

  “Neither do I.” Harper fiddled with her rings. “I said as much to Linda, but she didn’t listen. So I killed her,” she added a little too cheerfully.

  Knox chuckled. “I’m jealous.”

  “Hey, you got to kill Nora, remember.”

  “No, my demon did.” He exhaled heavily. “I was really hoping it wouldn’t kill her. She could have told us who the last Horseman is.”

  “She wouldn’t have told,” said Harper. “And, honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted to let her live. She was too powerful. I’d have worried that she might escape, especially since it’s highly likely that she was able to help Crow escape your prison.”

  Knox rubbed her thigh. “Then I’m glad she’s gone so you don’t have to waste another thought on her.”

  So was Harper. “Does Wyatt know about Linda yet?”

  “He knows that she’s dead and that she was working with Nora to some extent, but he doesn’t know the full story yet. He will soon. Keenan and Larkin will pay him a visit later today.”

  “On the one hand, I feel bad for him. It’s going to be hard for him to accept that his partner pretty much betrayed us all, but he betrayed her first. Talia was one of the people he cheated on Linda with.”

  “And yet, she wanted McCauley?” Knox asked, incredulous.

  “She wanted a kid.” Harper lightly stroked Asher’s leg over his fleecy white blanket. “How was McCauley when you last saw him?”

  “Same as always, but he seemed glad to get back to Elena. I think he’ll settle there.”

  “Good. He might be weird and creepy, and it’s true that his demon sent him to warn me for selfish reasons, but he still helped you work out what was happening.”

  Knox nodded, slightly distracted by how stiffly she was moving. “How sore are you?”

  “Not as sore as I thought I’d be.”

  “Maybe that’s because you weren’t in labor for very long. According to Sharon, first pregnancies usually… why do you have an odd look on your face?” But she didn’t answer him. “Harper,” he prodded.

  “Okay,” she relented. Harper hadn’t wanted to tell him this, but she didn’t like keeping things from him. “Time was different there.”

  Knox narrowed his eyes. “Different how?”

  “A minute to you was… an hour to me.”

  He quickly calculated the time in his head. “You went through that agony for over fifteen hours on your own? You were trapped there all that time?”

  She took his hand and squeezed it. “I knew you’d come.”

  Knox swore under his breath. “I hate that you went through most of the labor alone – Linda might have been there but she doesn’t fucking count.” He clenched his jaw. “I hate that I wasn’t there for you.”

  Leaning forward, she rubbed her nose against his. “Don’t go beating yourself up about it, Knox – it wasn’t your fault. I wish you had been there, because I feel like you were robbed of the experience. But most guys will tell you that the labor itself is pretty boring anyway.” Hoping to shift his mood, she quickly added, “On another note, we’re gonna have our work cut out with this kid. He protected me.” A faint smile played around the edges of Knox’s mouth, to her relief.

  “Yes, I remember the shield that slammed up in front of my demon when it tried to get to you. I wasn’t sure if it was really Asher, though.”

  “Oh, it was definitely him. Your demon knew he’d be powerful, didn’t it?”

  “It would seem so.” His demon still wasn’t being very upfront about it. He rubbed her thigh again. “Baby, about my demon, about what it did to you —”

  “Don’t you apologize for it. The pain it inflicted was necessary to make sure I lived, just like all that labor pain was necessary for Asher to be born.”

  “Intellectually, I know that.” Linking his fingers through hers, Knox kissed her hand. “I wish I could say my demon feels bad about it, but it doesn’t.”

  “Of course it doesn’t – our inner demons feel no guilt.”

  “It does wish you were spared the pain, but it doesn’t regret what it did.”

  “Neither do I,” she said truthfully. “Just like I don’t regret absorbing the vortex’s energy to help me use my gifts – which incidentally also helped Asher to use his. It was a risk, but I had to take it. I was out of options. Things might have ended very, very differently if I hadn’t done what I did.”

  “You think I’d ever blame you for that? You did what you had to do.”

  “And so did your demon,” she pointed out. Knox opened his mouth to say something else, but then his brows snapped together and she sensed him speaking to someone telepathically. “What is it?” she asked.

  “Meg told the sentinels that you’re awake. They’re asking if they can come up here.”

  Harper blinked. “They’re downstairs?”

  “They camped out in the living room with Jolene and the girls.”

  “I shouldn’t be surprised. Have they seen Asher yet?”

  “No. We both stayed here with you.” Knox hadn’t wanted her out of his sight; probably wouldn’t for a while, he thought. “Honestly, I figured he’d wake after a few hours. Maybe he psychically tired hims
elf out trying to protect you.”

  Harper bit her lip, nauseous all of a sudden. “I don’t like that idea.”

  “He’ll be fine. He is fine.”

  “How’s your demon doing?”

  “Fascinated by Asher, and it’s no longer stressing now that you’re awake, which is good. What about yours?”

  “It seriously adores the sight of you holding Asher.”