Dirty Genes

CHAPTER 9

  Abra had carefully plotted out every day of her Christmas vacation. First, she would drive to Sullivan’s Island to join the Nelson’s for their delicious made-from-scratch Christmas dinner and see the twins. On the way back, she would stop in Richmond at Beth’s to see how the Newland’s were molding their lives around Zack. Next, she would return home in time for a New Year’s Eve party at the Ritz Carlton with Ken, someone interesting that Abra had gone out with twice. Finally she would go to New York to see a play and a concert with Miss B.

  Ken was a lawyer in a prestigious DC law firm. To make him even more interesting, he was Japanese. Abra had never dated an Asian before. Ken Ishibashi. She had met him through a friend, Amy, who was also Japanese. Amy and Abra were running partners, hoping that one day they would have enough stamina to enter a marathon or even a half-marathon. At the present, they were up to seven miles without getting totally drained. Amy and Ken were lawyers in the same firm. Although there were hundreds of lawyers in the firm, Amy and Ken became friendly because they were the only Japanese.

  The weekend after Thanksgiving, Amy invited a few friends, including Abra and Ken, for dinner. They immediately clicked over their mutual interests in the TV series “24” and running. Ken had run the Boston Marathon, which, to Abra was equal to being a movie idol. They had gone out twice in December and then he asked her to his firm’s New Year’s Eve black tie party at the Ritz Carlton. Abra eagerly accepted. She had never been to such a swank party. She had not peeked into the world of the rich and powerful of Washington’s alphabetical and state-named streets. At a boutique specializing in evening dresses, she bought the skimpiest, black silk evening dress she could find, on sale of course. Abra never bought anything at full price. She was frugal, almost stingy, and carefully budgeted for any special purchases that might come along. The dress weighing only a few ounces was reduced from the original price of $800 to a bargain $400 and was such a special purchase. She figured the dress cost $100 per ounce. She asked Amy over to see if she thought it would be good for the party.

  As Abra modeled the dress, Amy said, “The slit in the back almost meets the vee in the back. You have just enough material to cover your tush. If that doesn’t get Ken into bed, nothing will.”

  “That’s not why I’m wearing this. It’s to look glamorous. Not a way I’ve ever looked before.”

  “Oh, you’ll look glamorous and very sexy.”

  Abra felt like a high school kid going to her first prom, something she had never done. She had never felt so excited about a silly party before.

  But Abra didn’t go to Charleston, Richmond, or the swank party. Three days before the start of her Christmas break, Abra got a call from Miss Benjamin’s nephew, Adam. Miss Benjamin had suffered a massive stroke and wasn’t expected to survive long. He wanted to know if Abra could come to New York to say goodbye. Abra told him that she would be up the following day. She would call him back with the specifics so he could take her to the hospital.

  Abra called Martha and Beth to cancel her visits. Then she called Ken to tell him that she didn’t know if she’d be back in time for the party and to invite someone else if he wanted to. He said that if she couldn’t make it back, he’d take Amy who was planning to go stag. She was relieved that he didn’t have to cancel out on the party, although she knew he didn’t care about it as much as she did. It was just another event of many like it that he’d go to, but to her, it was a first and probably last.

  When Abra called Beth she came through with the emotional support that she always got from her beloved friend. “Oh Beth, Miss B. had a stroke and isn’t expected to live long.”

  “I was just taking Zack to the doctor. He has another ear infection. Let me call you when we get back. We’ll talk. I know you need me and I’ll be here for you.”

  “Oh my Beth, thank you. Talk you then.”

  Abra sat at her kitchen table looking at her coffee cup and the Washington Post she had been reading when Adam called. The letters looked like hieroglyphics. She couldn’t decipher words because her mind was being tossed around by a tornado. She was frozen. She just sat and stared. She knew that she had to make plans to go to New York. Should she fly, take the train, or drive? Usually, she went into her action mode, but all she could do was think about her beloved Miss B. There were only two people in the world she loved – Beth and Edith Benjamin, and now one was dying. She felt a sense of aloneness that she had never experienced before. Although there was no change in the room temperature, she trembled. For 16 years she knew that Miss B. would be there to help her with whatever problem might arise. Who would help her now?

  At five, Beth called Abra. She reported that Zack was going on a new antibiotic in the hope that this would be more effective in combating his recurring ear infections.

  Finally, Beth said: “Tell me what happened.”

  “I don’t know the particulars yet. Oh Beth, how I love that woman. Aside from you, she’s the only person I’ve loved. I wish I could have spent more time with her over the last few years. Since she retired she had lots of time, but my life got busier and busier. I owe everything to that sainted woman. The Jewish Saint Edith. Did you know that the last time I saw her I called her Edith for the first time. She loved it and wanted me to say it over and over. Edith, Edith, Edith. I wish she had told me that calling her by her first name meant so much to her. I know she loved me like a daughter and I came as close as I could to loving her like a mother. She knew me better than anyone. She knew Abra Ginzberg better than anyone. She knew both halves of me. You only know the Abra Berg half. Not only did she give me love, she showed me a beautiful world. She gave me my first taste of theatre and concerts and museums and literature. Hers was a world of the mind and spirit.

  I hadn’t seen her since October. I kept putting off visiting her because of my job and now I won’t ever see her the way I want to see her. I feel so guilty for putting myself before her. I know how much she adored me spending time with her and now I won’t be spending any more time with her.”

  “Abra, go to New York and cry your eyes out. It’ll be a different experience from your last trip to New York. You didn’t mourn for Rachel and I know you feel guilty about it even though you deny it. Don’t hold back with Edith. She was the pillar of your life and the person responsible for the Abra you are.

  Come visit when you get a long weekend. We need to talk and hold each other. Clay has a new batman cape that he wants to show you. He may even let you wear it like he did with his other cape. He loves his Aunt Abra so much. You have a way of playing with him like no one else. I want you to see Zack and the progress he’s making. He started walking. Goodbye love. Hope everything goes well in New York. Call me anytime you need me – day or night. I’m usually up at night listening to Zack cry and churning his hand into his ear.”

  Abra called Adam and told him that she was taking the train and would arrive at about 11:00. She planned on staying at the Marriot Marquis. Adam wanted her to stay at Miss Benjamin’s apartment, but Abra said that she couldn’t, the memories would be too painful. Adam told her that he would pick her up at the hotel at noon.

  The next day Abra took the train to New York City and cabbed to the Marriott. Promptly at noon she was in front of the hotel. She didn’t know what type of car Adam drove so she peeked into each car that pulled up. Then she saw Adam in a black Mercedes convertible. She didn’t know much about cars, only the five year old Honda Accord she drove. But she knew this car was way out of her price range. It surprised Abra because she expected Adam to drive a big boat Cadillac like a 60 year old Jewish man from Long Island. She assumed he would be conventional like the rest of his family.

  Abra had seen Adam twice since she left Queens 16 years ago. The first time was nine years ago when she visited New York soon after Adam graduated from Yale. Abra planned to go to her first professional convention in New York in June so she called Miss Benjamin to ask if she could stay with her, and of course she could. Miss Benj
amin said she was hosting a party at the Plaza to celebrate Adam’s graduation from Yale and she wanted her to come. Abra accepted the invitation, eager to see how Adam had grown into a man and eager to see the Plaza. Abra packed her only black cocktail dress along with her two going-to-meeting suits.

  Abra attended meetings at the convention eagerly absorbing new information, and then she headed back to the apartment to change. Miss Benjamin left earlier in the day to see that arrangements for the party were on-track. As soon as Abra entered the ornate room filled with relatives, family friends, and young friends and classmates of Adam, Miss Benjamin spotted her and rushed to give her a tight hug. She escorted her through the crowd to greet Seymour and Arlene. After chatting with them, Abra leisurely inspected the table of hors d’oeuvres overflowing with pate, crab dip, fruits, veggies, and cheeses. Abra took a glass of wine from a waiter and walked around and chatted with people.

  Then she spotted Adam. He had grown into a Benjamin. He was medium height and had lost his teenage chubbiness. He had a full face with beginning jowls which gave the impression that he was fat. Although he was only 22, his hairline was rapidly receding. When he saw Abra, he rushed over to her and awkwardly hugged her, sure not to touch her breasts with his chest. She wished him luck with his next project – Columbia Law School. As they talked, she saw that he still nursed a crush on her. He shyly looked at her for a few seconds, but when he let his eyes linger on her for longer she could see the affection he harbored. It warmed her heart to know that this brilliant, sweet boy liked her. She was surprised that when the guests took their seats, she was seated with Miss Benjamin and her family. This further confirmed what she knew, Miss Benjamin felt as if she were her daughter.

  The second time Abra saw Adam was the year before at Miss Benjamin’s retirement party. After 35 years of teaching, Miss Benjamin retired. Although she still loved teaching, she found that she no longer had the energy and the passion which made her a star teacher. Seymour and Arlene made a party for her at Tavern on the Green in Central Park. They invited family, friends, Miss Benjamin’s colleagues, and her former students with whom she was still in contact. Everyone gave testimonials embarrassing, but delighting Miss Benjamin. Abra spoke last. She had prepared written comments because she knew she would be emotional and might choke up. She looked at the comments and realized they were too stilted and formal. She looked at Miss Benjamin and took her hand.

  “You would have been proud of me because I wrote a speech like you taught me to do. I researched my topic, what is a great teacher, and got lots of memorable quotes. I was going to cite examples of how they apply to you. But it doesn’t seem right. I have to speak from my heart, not from someone else’s. That first day of my English class with you in my freshman year was the best day of my life educationally and that includes all of my undergrad and graduate years in school. You made me so excited about learning I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. You were so enthusiastic telling us the adventures of the mind we would have. At first I wanted to do well for you. I wanted to make you proud of the papers I wrote and the ideas I produced. But then the magic of your teaching took over and I wanted to do well for myself, not you. That is the gift of a great teacher that you gave me – to learn for the sake of learning, to cultivate your mind like a garden, feeding it constantly to produce ideas and thoughts to…..” Abra broke down and blubbered. Miss Benjamin cried too and they hugged. Many people in the audience wiped tears from their eyes.

  After her speech, Adam found Abra and thanked her for all she had done for his aunt. Abra was surprised, “She’s the one who did everything for me.” Then others crowded around them and they never finished their conversation.

  As they drove to the Hospital, Abra looked at Adam. He had changed. He was thinner and more muscular, obviously from working out. He was also more sophisticated looking and well dressed. He was wearing a blue button down collar shirt, khakis, loafers, and a very soft black leather jacket. He had a self-assured air, like he was in control. Being a successful tax lawyer and a graduate of two ivy league schools obviously did a lot for his self esteem. He was not the shy Adam Abra recalled from her meals at Miss Benjamin’s apartment.

  Miss Benjamin was at Cornell Hospital so they got there quickly from the Marriott. Adam found a nearby parking lot and as they walked to the hospital, Abra was filled with dread over what awaited her.

  As they approached her hospital room, Adam said, “She looks terrible. She’s twisted from the stroke. She’s unconscious. The doctors don’t think she’ll ever regain consciousness. So be prepared.” As he said this, he fought back tears and tightly squeezed her hand. He was preparing himself as well as Abra.

  In the bed was a person who looked like she might have been Edith Benjamin at one time, but now was someone else. Without her glasses and her sparkling eyes looking intently at you, she was a corpse. Carefully pushing aside tubes and wires, Abra hugged her as she violently gulped sobs. “Oh Edith, I love you so much. You have been my life. What am I going to do without you? Please, please, please don’t die. I need you.”

  She continued to sob as tears gushed from her eyes and snot from her nose. When her spasmodic crying subsided, she sat down and held Edith’s hand. She shut her eyes and let herself visualize the many happy times they shared. Their after school meetings, brunches, discussions of books they had read, shared laughter at shows, and shared tears at concerts. With each memory she stroked her hand. She even let some rememberances escape her lips

  “Edith, do you remember Cats? Do you remember how I pestered you to get a cat after we saw it, but you said you weren’t an animal person. I even bought you a stuffed calico cat. Do you remember the Itzak Perlman concert at Carnegie? His music lingered in my brain for days. And I would hear you humming one of his violin concertos as you read my writing at our Tuesday meetings.”

  She had forgotten that Adam was in the room. He stood by the door silently, not wanting to break the bond between Abra and Edith. When she glanced over at him, she saw that tears soaked his face and even the collar of his shirt. After an hour, there was a knock at the door. A nurse came in to check her vitals. Abra stood at the window looking out at a beautiful Sunday afternoon. She and Edith would have enjoyed a walk in Riverside Park on a day like this. After the nurse left, she shared her precious memories of Edith with Adam.

  “Adam, you can’t imagine the difference between my life at home and my life with Edith. My life at home was squalid and loveless. My life with Edith was intellectual and affectionate. You can’t possibly realize what she did for me. If she hadn’t rescued me, I would be living in Queens with my parents and two retarded siblings and I would be teaching in the New York City schools. I would be a zombie – I would be one of the walking dead. I would have been existing, not living. She saved my life.

  She lied for me. She helped me construct a fictitious history. I told everyone that my parents were dead and I had no siblings. I know she hated to lie, but she had no choice. I had created this fantasy past and she had to go along with it.

  Now two people know about my past and that’s because of what happened with Rachel. I went to the funeral so I missed a day of this conference I was going to in Charleston. I could have made up another lie about why I was late, but I suppose I was just tired of lying so I told my best friend, Beth, and Martha, my supervisor during my doctoral internship. They both suspected my parents weren’t dead. I wasn’t a very convincing liar.”

  Adam replied, “I knew all about your life and how you had built a new life with a fictitious past. After the party she gave for me when I graduated, I asked her to tell me all about you. I know what she meant to you and what you meant to her. I hope you realize how much she loved you. Your love fulfilled her need to be a mother. She was always talking about you and your accomplishments. I knew all about your trip to England, your graduation from USC, your job, and your travels. She talked about you more than she talked about me. That was okay with me because you we
re her daughter and I was her nephew.”

  Abra said, “I’ve been so focused on myself, I haven’t asked about you. How are you holding up?”

  “I don’t know. Aunt Edith was really more than an aunt to me. Our family is small and close. We share everything. Losing her will be more than losing an aunt, it will be losing a person who worshiped me. I think she adored me almost as much as she adored you… almost.”

  Abra went to Adam and hugged him. “How will I go on without her? I just don’t know. I’ve been so self-centered, I never thought about a day when Edith wouldn’t be there for me.”

  “You’ll make it. Don’t worry. I’ll always be there for you.”

  Abra looked at him with confusion. Was he offering to take Edith’s place in her life? She had never considered that someone could do that. Why would Adam even think of such a thing?

  Just then there was a muted rap at the door. This time it was Seymour and Arlene. They kissed Abra and thanked her for coming. They said that a consultant was going to examine Edith to see if she had any brain activity at all. Abra said that she couldn’t stay around any longer. She felt weak, like she was going to collapse. She went to Edith and kissed her on her eyes as she gently stroked her arm. “Goodbye, my beloved Edith. I will love you forever. I will never forget you and what you did for me.”

  Adam walked Abra down to the street to catch a cab. He asked her if she would join him for dinner that evening. He didn’t want her to be alone. She said, “Of course, Adam. I feel like we’re family. We need to share our memories and think of all the happy times we had. There will be no more happy times for Edith even if she lives. And I don’t want her to live, not like this.”

  Adam picked Abra up at 7:00. They drove to a small Italian restaurant near Adam’s apartment on West 73rd Street. Everyone in the restaurant knew Adam. They even knew his favorite dishes. First they talked about Edith. Abra said, “She’s not Edith anymore. I can’t imagine her ever becoming the woman she was. It’s selfish of me to say this, but if she can’t be Edith I don’t really want her to live. I think she would feel the same way. Did she ever talk about death to your parents?”

  “Yes, she had a living will. She explicitly said she didn’t want to be kept alive under these conditions.”

  “Adam, tell me about the Edith you know.”

  “Since I was a kid, she was there for me. She baby sat with me when my parents went out of town to a convention or on vacation. I’d love it because I’d have the run of the library and she let me stay up reading until I fell asleep in a chair. And she let me eat as much as I wanted. My parents were always trying to make me diet and control my eating. I love to eat and so did she. We would have ice cream with chocolate syrup every night before bedtime. But what I recall most of all is that she loved me completely. She helped me find what’s special in myself. She told me that everyone would always laud me for my intelligence and high achievement, but that I had something more important. I was a kind, giving person and when I got to be 100 and arrived at the pearly gate, that would get me in, not my high IQ, my off-the-chart grades, and my six figure income. She always reminded me to let that goodness show itself. I’ve tried to follow her advice. I hope she was right about me.

  She helped me through some hard times in high school when I got a lot of rejection from girls and the popular guys. Even though I had lots of friends who were like me, nerdy, I still wanted to be accepted, especially by the gorgeous girls. She knew what high school kids were like from her years of watching the pain of many of her students. I don’t mean to imply that I was unhappy. In fact, I was a happy kid satisfied with my fat body and big brain, but I wanted more, especially more girls, more gorgeous girls. But girls, especially gorgeous girls, weren’t interested in me.

  I have a cousin Matt. He’s two year older than me. Do you remember him from my graduation party or Aunt Edith’s retirement party? Probably not. He’s my mom’s brother’s son. His dad is a partner in the firm. Matt and I went to the same high school. He was handsome, athletic, popular, and a mean son-of-bitch. He was always making fun of me, especially when no one in the family could hear. I had my friends and I was at the top of my class so you’d think I wouldn’t give a damn about what he said about me or how he acted toward me, but I did care. When I was 14, we were at our place in Montauk when he was being particularly sadistic. These girls in very brief bikinis would come over to the house to hang around him. They would look at him adoringly. I would foolishly hang around so I could examine their bodies from close range. The schmuck would say things like ‘Do you know my fat cousin Adam? Or this is Adam, the blimp. He’s a brain, but ugly as sin. This is Adam, my cousin the sex fiend. Watch out that he doesn’t cop a feel when you’re not looking or stick his dick up your butt.’ You’d think I would have enough self-confidence that it wouldn’t hurt me, but it did. I was 14 years old, chubby, and shy and I wanted to be Brad Pitt.

  No one noticed my reaction except Aunt Edith. One night, she asked me to go for a walk on the beach and she brought up his behavior. I didn’t want to talk about it, especially to an aunt, but she went ahead. She told me that it didn’t matter how he acted toward me. I had to go on with being me and that was all that mattered. I said that I couldn’t ignore him. She told me not to ignore him, but to ask myself why he delighted in tormenting me. I said that it made him feel good, maybe because he wasn’t as smart as me or maybe he felt insecure inside or more likely, he was just plain mean. She made me feel so much better, but it took me many years to put Matt’s behavior in perspective. Maybe it became understandable when he became a Scientologist.”

  They both laughed, her laughter growing as loud as his.

  Abra said, “You know I was oblivious to all that high school stuff. I only had friends from 8 to 3, and they weren’t really friends, only kids I talked to in school. I never really had a friend until college. I never socialized outside school so I never got into any situations like you had with Matt. I’m sure if I did socialize with kids, somebody would have made fun of my family. I don’t think I could have handled that.”

  Adam continued, “You know she came to our beach house at Montauk whenever she could get away. She loved swimming there.”

  “What? She swam in the ocean?”

  “Yes, I can’t believe you didn’t know that. She was a great swimmer. She did laps at the Y pool and when we went to the beach, she swam in the ocean for hours. She said that if she were younger, she would have loved to swim the English Channel. I think she was being a bit unrealistic about her abilities, but it was good that she had a dream. She turned me onto swimming too. I was on the high school swim team, but I wasn’t good enough for the team at Yale. I swim three or four times a week. It’s my favorite exercise, although I reluctantly run and lift to keep the food I love to eat from turning to flab.”

  “I knew she swam at the Y sometimes, but I had no idea about her ocean swimming. The English Channel, huh? I was so self-centered. I didn’t really pay attention to her. I wonder what else I didn’t know about her.”

  “You knew about her love of literature, travel, theatre, and art. She was a deep believer in Judaism. She went to services almost every Friday night.”

  “I knew she practiced, but not about her going to shul religiously – ha, joke.” Adam gave a deep rumble of a laugh in response to her lame pun. “I suppose I only knew the Edith who was a marvelous teacher and the Edith who guided me to a new life.” Abra cried silently. Adam held her hand. They were quiet for a while.

  “Adam, tell me about your life.”

  “There’s not too much to tell. I’m a partner in my father’s law firm. We do tax and corporate law, not something exciting to someone outside the field. I’m a sports fanatic. I go to all the Knicks, Yankees, and Giants games I can. Working and watching sports – that’s pretty much my life. I’m a desk potato and a box seat potato. What about you?”

  “I work all the time at school and with private clients. With my little free time,
I run and exercise.”

  Abra didn’t know why she asked, but she did. “Adam, do you have a girlfriend?”

  “No. Do you want the job? Just kidding. My mother is working hard to fix me up with every Jewish professional woman from 21 to 31. She has direct access to the Jewish American princess hotline. Abra, are you seeing anyone?”

  “Nope. I’m married to my work. Adam, let me change the subject. I know you know about my sister Rachel’s death. I’m struggling with that right now because I felt no grief for Rachel and I feel guilty about that. When I compare my reaction to Rachel’s death with the possibility of Edith’s death I feel even more guilt because I’m overwhelmed with grief over my Edith. I say my Edith because she’s different from your Edith. My Edith was a woman who was there to protect me. She tried to make sure that I wouldn’t be hurt, that life would be kind to me. She was there to open doors to show me what life could be like. What life should be like.”

  “Abra, you did what you had to do to survive. I don’t blame you for not feeling guilty about Rachel. If it were me, I would hope that I would have had the courage to do what you did. You’re a very strong individual and not many people could have done what you did.

  Abra, I want to warn you about something. There’s a possibility that people will find out about you.”

  Abra froze. She felt like a stake had been put through her heart. “What are you talking about? What do you mean? How?”

  “I don’t know how, but your parents are suing the nursing home and the city. Whenever there’s money involved, there are investigations so it’s possible that someone will track you down.”

  Abra started to shake and cry. She was embarrassed to show such emotional behavior in a restaurant, but couldn’t stop.

  “Adam, don’t tell me that. I can’t handle that now with what’s happening with Edith.”

  “Abra, it’s unlikely, but possible. I don’t want you to be surprised if somehow you’re tracked down.”

  Abra couldn’t eat any more. She couldn’t think. Her brain was flooded with fear and thoughts that she had never entertained.

  “Abra, if anything like that happens, call me immediately and I’ll take care of it. I’ll be there for you if you ever need me.”

  “Adam, I know how you feel about me and I can’t talk about anything like that now. Between Edith’s impending death and what you’ve just told me, I’m coming undone. I have to be in control and now I feel like I’m unraveling. We’ll talk later. I really need to go home now.”

  Adam drove her back to the hotel. Abra jumped out of the car without saying goodbye. Adam called after her, ‘Abra, I’ll call you later. Let’s talk. Please.”

  She got to her room and focused her mind on two topics, Edith’s death and the possible exposure of her secret. She never considered the possibility that she would be found out, especially publically. It was ironic that the person who protected her secret was no longer there to protect her now and maybe that was why she might be exposed. She knew that was silly and superstitious, but she couldn’t put the thought out of her mind. She was so angry at Adam for even suggesting that exposure was a possibility. Up to a few hours ago, she was certain that her secret was securely buried. Now Adam had raised doubts. Damn Adam. She cursed the messenger for bringing the worst possible message she could imagine.

  She went back home, but she didn’t go to Charleston, Richmond, or to the New Year’s party. Three days later, she got a call from Adam. Edith died. Abra was glad her existence was ended. She didn’t want Edith to survive as a vegetable and she knew that Edith would not have wanted to live like that. Adam wanted to know if she could come to the funeral. Abra said no She told Adam that she said goodbye on Sunday and there was nothing more to say. She hoped he and his parents understood this and would not hold it against her. She didn’t think she could emotionally handle the funeral and she certainly couldn’t see her Edith lowered into the ground forever.

  When she hung up, she emptied her tear ducts for hours. There seemed to be no end to the flow of her tears. Finally when they stopped, she felt an emptiness in her body, as if she had no internal organs. She wished Miss Benjamin could have lived longer in good health, but she knew her many fond memories of their lives together would keep her going forever. In one of her rare conversations with God, she thanked Him for giving her Edith Benjamin.

  She spent the rest of her Christmas break mourning Edith. She looked at pictures of them taken at graduations and visits. She read the many letters Edith had sent her, especially when she traveled. She re-read books that they both liked. Friends called to invite her out, but she refused. Ken called and asked her out, but she told him she wasn’t ready to start a relationship with anyone. Her life was in flux and she needed time to think and she would call him in the future. When school started, she was ready to face her professional world, but she had closed off her personal world.

  Two weeks later, Adam called to say that Edith left some possessions and money to Abra in her will. Abra was flabbergasted. She never even thought about Edith having a will or herself as being an heir. Abra arranged to take a Friday off at the end of January and took a late train to New York on Thursday night. Abra was planning to stay in Edith’s apartment. She was looking forward to this, but at the same time she was apprehensive. She knew each memory she would recall as she walked through the apartment would warm her heart, but also crack it a bit. She felt that Edith’s apartment was her only home. She didn’t think of her apartment as home. The only other place she thought of as home was the dilapidated cottage she and Judy shared on Sullivan Island.

  One of her fondest memories of the apartment was staying there with Beth over one of their Christmas breaks from school. She and Beth had flown to New York and stayed at Miss Benjamin’s apartment. They were planning to squeeze in as many plays, sights, and museums as possible in their three days there. On the first morning, they got up early so that they could stand in the front row in the crowd on the Today Show holding a sign saying “Hello Jackson College.” They followed that up with a tour of the UN, a 2:00 Broadway show, and then dinner at the Hard Rock Café.

  On the second day there was an unpredicted blizzard that closed New York. After sleeping late, they went outside to marvel at the empty streets. They had a snowball fight in the middle of usually busy Riverside Drive and then laid down in the street and made angels in the snow. When they got back to the apartment, Miss Benjamin had hot chocolate ready to warm their frigid bones. Then they got into their pajamas and told Miss Benjamin that they were going to read every book in her library. They had two glorious days alone with Miss Benjamin. When the airports finally opened, they had to wait another day to get a flight. Abra knew that Miss Benjamin treasured the extended visit even more than they did. Miss Benjamin would always recall Abra and Beth’s giggles and noisy conversation filling the quiet rooms.

  On Abra’s many visits to Miss Benjamin, they enjoyed walking in Riverside Park, eating at the neighborhood Jewish delis, and gossiping with the old ladies who lived in the building about whose dog had pooped in the lobby. Abra loved sharing Miss Benjamin’s life during these quick visits. It was a life of wealth, comfort, culture, and learning. And she gradually realized, without her, Miss Benjamin’s life would not have been as full. Abra realized that she gave meaning and direction to Miss Benjamin. They both needed each other.

  Adam told Abra that all the family members had taken what they wanted from the apartment and Abra could take whatever she liked. Miss Benjamin had left him the apartment, but before moving in, he was having it completely renovated. Whatever Abra didn’t want would be sold at auction or given away

  He went to a file cabinet in the library and pulled out drawers with everything Edith had kept documenting Abra’s life since they first met. Miss Benjamin kept copies of every paper that Abra wrote, her high school transcript, her letters of recommendation to college, high school programs for graduation and honors day, every newspaper edition that Abra served
as editor for in both high school and college, and picture upon picture of their shared lives. There were wrinkled programs from the shows and concerts they had shared. There was an 8 x 10 photo of them on the first day of school at Jackson and others of her graduation from Jackson and USC. She knew this would fill four or five large boxes, but she wanted to take it all, not only for a record of herself, but a record of Miss Benjamin’s love of her. She spent four hours leafing through every paper and picture. She would examine them more closely when she had them at home.

  She took Miss B’s three gold charm bracelets, filled with mementos of her world travels. A gondola from Venice, Big Ben from London, the Eiffel Tower from Paris, and the Little Mermaid from Copenhagen. She took her two chains with Jewish stars, one in gold and one in silver. She put the gold one around her neck. She had never worn anything that signified her Jewishness and she felt uncomfortable, but she wore it for the rest of the day.

  She took Edith’s glasses. She put the glasses over her eyes and laughed. She didn’t look a bit like Miss Benjamin, but she felt like she was seeing the world through her eyes. She would have liked to have taken more, but she didn’t have any room in her small apartment. As it was, she would have to rent a storage unit for the stuff she was taking.

  That night Adam and Abra met for dinner. This time he took her to a Chinese restaurant near Miss Benjamin’s apartment. Again, everyone seemed to know him.

  “Do you go out to eat every night?”

  “Yes. My cooking is limited to pouring cereal and milk into a bowl.”

  Adam talked about his passion – sports. He described different sports figures she had never heard of as she nodded her head feigning understanding. Abra looked at him as he talked. He was like Miss Benjamin, comfortable with the world and himself. She thought he was so lucky to have inherited the Benjamin genes for happiness and kindness. And there was his infectious laughter punctuating his stories and her attempts at humor. They chatted and laughed about lots of things, but carefully stayed away from Abra’s most feared topic – exposure.

  The next day Abra went to the office of George Rosen, Edith’s family lawyer, to learn the contents of Edith’s will. His office was in a building on Broadway near Edith’s apartment. She walked to his office so she could appreciate this glorious New York City neighborhood even though it was frigid as only New York canyons can get cold. After formalities, he informed her that Miss Benjamin had left her $500,000 in cash, stocks, and bonds. She knew Edith was wealthy, but she didn’t think she could leave her that much money. She kept repeating, “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this. You’re kidding me. Right?”

  “No, I’m not kidding you. Edith wanted to make sure that you never had to worry about money again. She knew that you had limited resources and she wanted you to have a cushion to fall back on if you ever had a problem. She didn’t want you to know before she died because she knew you wouldn’t want to accept the money. She also was reluctant to have people know the extent of her wealth.

  Abra, you should consult someone about investing it wisely so you don’t have to pay excessive taxes. You probably should ask Adam to help find such a person.”

  After signing the paperwork, she walked back to the apartment. She couldn’t conceive of herself as having all that money. She would be rich. Although she lived frugally, she never thought of herself as needing a lot of money or even wanting a lot of money. She earned enough money for the car payments on her five year old Honda which was almost paid off, rent on her two-bedroom apartment, payments toward her school loans, purchases of nice clothes, on sale, and savings for occasional travel. She had a good retirement plan so she felt comfortable knowing that her old age would not be spent in poverty. When compared to her life in the Ginzberg house, she was doing very well financially. But $500,000. She thought she might give some of it to charity since she wasn’t going to need it all. She had never dreamed of having money and would have to think long and hard about how she would use it productively.

  That evening at dinner at his parents’ apartment, Adam discussed Edith’s will with Abra. In addition to leaving Abra a half million dollars, she left five of her former students $100,000 each. Periodically, Edith created a special bond with a promising student who was in need of mentoring. Abra recalled some of these students from Miss Benjamin’s retirement party. They, too, gave speeches thanking her for making their dreams reality. One student was Natalia Rosaria, a Hispanic student with a gift for writing whose parents were illegal immigrants. Natalia was born in New York so she couldn’t be deported, but she lived in constant fear that her parents would be. Edith mentored her and after law school, she became an immigration attorney. Then there was Dennis O’Donnell whose mother was mentally ill and had no father. He lived with his aunt and took care of his mother whenever she made temporary visits home. He eventually earned a Ph.D. in genetics and became a researcher in the field of the genetic aspects of mental illness. She also left millions to Barnard, her alma mater, and Jackson College to be used for scholarships for needy students.

  “Adam, will you help me with this money? I don’t want to squander it or lose it to taxes.”

  “I’ll put you in touch with a money manager I know in your area.”

  “I can’t believe I’ll be able to pay off my college loans. After all this time, I still owe $12,000. I figured it would be another four years before I paid it off. And now maybe I could buy a condo or a town house. I might even get a new car. My Honda has 120,000 miles on it. Do you think I should give money to my parents to help them out?”

  “Absolutely not! I’ve checked on your parents and they seem to be doing all right.”

  “What do you mean you checked on my parents?”

  “I thought you might want to give them money so I checked and found that they’re both receiving disability checks and that your grandparents left them money so they’re not in need of your money.”

  “Maybe I want to give them money out of guilt. I shouldn’t enjoy money with them living in poverty.”

  “Abra, they’re not living in poverty. This is money that was given to you, not them. I don’t think Aunt Edith would have liked you giving them any of her money.”

  At the end of the evening, Adam asked if he could see her again. She looked at him, he was a male version of Miss Benjamin. He was basically unattractive and he was almost totally bald. But at the same time, he was so likeable. He exuded self confidence. But that wasn’t it. It was that he seemed happy, even joyous. When they weren’t talking about serious matters, he was always smiling or laughing his deep guffaw infecting Abra who loudly laughed along with him. She couldn’t recall laughing so much in one evening.

  She didn’t know what to say. She liked him as a cousin, but certainly not romantically. “Adam, we can see each other, but only as friends. You’re my little cousin. You’re just a kid”

  “Abra, my dream is to be more than your friend, but I’ll settle for being your good friend. I just want to be there for you like Aunt Edith was.”

  “Adam, I hate to say this, but I’m just not attracted to you. Anyhow, I’ve been avoiding relationships lately. I just can’t seem to get emotionally involved with anyone right now. I’ve been like a nun not wanting to get involved with any guys. I want to keep seeing you because you remind me of my beloved Edith and the happiness she brought me. I know we can be close friends. I’ll call you about coming down for a weekend next month. OK?”

  “Sounds good.” He looked at her with gratitude that she wanted to continue their relationship, albeit platonically.

  Adam dropped Abra off at Edith’s apartment. “Next time you come to New York, you’ll have to come to see how I’ve redone the apartment. I’m sure you won’t recognize it.”

  “Can’t wait to see it, but don’t change the library too much. That’s my favorite room. It’s like a museum. It’s a shrine to Edith and her parents.”

  On the train ride back to Washington, Abra’s mind kept alter
nating between her new-found wealth and Adam. She had never dreamed of having money, and now that this treasure had fallen into her lap, she wasn’t sure of what she would do with it other than buy a new car and a condo. She kept saying to herself, “I’m rich. I’m rich.” As she laughed to herself, she heard Adam’s hearty laughter. She loved hearing him laugh. She wasn’t quite sure what to think about Adam. He wanted to be her protector, and more, a lot more. She prided herself on her independence, but at the same time she felt comfortable knowing that she could lean on Adam if she needed help. Maybe she needed the assurance that there was someone in the world who would rescue her if she ever needed rescuing. Maybe she needed a Superman who would swoop down and save her from any evil. She had to change her ideas about Adam. He was no longer the little nerdy cousin. She wasn’t sure how to describe him. He certainly seemed interested in women and sex, but maybe not as much as sports.