The Wind in the Willows

VIII. TOAD'S ADVENTURES

When Toad found himself immured in a dank and noisome dungeon, and knewthat all the grim darkness of a medieval fortress lay between him andthe outer world of sunshine and well-metalled high roads where he hadlately been so happy, disporting himself as if he had bought up everyroad in England, he flung himself at full length on the floor, and shedbitter tears, and abandoned himself to dark despair. 'This is the endof everything' (he said), 'at least it is the end of the career of Toad,which is the same thing; the popular and handsome Toad, the rich andhospitable Toad, the Toad so free and careless and debonair! How can Ihope to be ever set at large again' (he said), 'who have been imprisonedso justly for stealing so handsome a motor-car in such an audaciousmanner, and for such lurid and imaginative cheek, bestowed upon such anumber of fat, red-faced policemen!' (Here his sobs choked him.) 'Stupidanimal that I was' (he said), 'now I must languish in this dungeon, tillpeople who were proud to say they knew me, have forgotten the very nameof Toad! O wise old Badger!' (he said), 'O clever, intelligent Rat andsensible Mole! What sound judgments, what a knowledge of men and mattersyou possess! O unhappy and forsaken Toad!' With lamentations such asthese he passed his days and nights for several weeks, refusing hismeals or intermediate light refreshments, though the grim and ancientgaoler, knowing that Toad's pockets were well lined, frequently pointedout that many comforts, and indeed luxuries, could by arrangement besent in--at a price--from outside.

Now the gaoler had a daughter, a pleasant wench and good-hearted,who assisted her father in the lighter duties of his post. She wasparticularly fond of animals, and, besides her canary, whose cage hungon a nail in the massive wall of the keep by day, to the great annoyanceof prisoners who relished an after-dinner nap, and was shrouded in anantimacassar on the parlour table at night, she kept several piebaldmice and a restless revolving squirrel. This kind-hearted girl, pityingthe misery of Toad, said to her father one day, 'Father! I can't bear tosee that poor beast so unhappy, and getting so thin! You let me have themanaging of him. You know how fond of animals I am. I'll make him eatfrom my hand, and sit up, and do all sorts of things.'

Her father replied that she could do what she liked with him. He wastired of Toad, and his sulks and his airs and his meanness. So that dayshe went on her errand of mercy, and knocked at the door of Toad's cell.

'Now, cheer up, Toad,' she said, coaxingly, on entering, 'and sit upand dry your eyes and be a sensible animal. And do try and eat a bit ofdinner. See, I've brought you some of mine, hot from the oven!'

It was bubble-and-squeak, between two plates, and its fragrance filledthe narrow cell. The penetrating smell of cabbage reached the nose ofToad as he lay prostrate in his misery on the floor, and gave him theidea for a moment that perhaps life was not such a blank and desperatething as he had imagined. But still he wailed, and kicked with his legs,and refused to be comforted. So the wise girl retired for the time, but,of course, a good deal of the smell of hot cabbage remained behind,as it will do, and Toad, between his sobs, sniffed and reflected, andgradually began to think new and inspiring thoughts: of chivalry,and poetry, and deeds still to be done; of broad meadows, and cattlebrowsing in them, raked by sun and wind; of kitchen-gardens, andstraight herb-borders, and warm snap-dragon beset by bees; and of thecomforting clink of dishes set down on the table at Toad Hall, and thescrape of chair-legs on the floor as every one pulled himself close upto his work. The air of the narrow cell took a rosy tinge; he began tothink of his friends, and how they would surely be able to do something;of lawyers, and how they would have enjoyed his case, and what an asshe had been not to get in a few; and lastly, he thought of his own greatcleverness and resource, and all that he was capable of if he only gavehis great mind to it; and the cure was almost complete.

When the girl returned, some hours later, she carried a tray, with acup of fragrant tea steaming on it; and a plate piled up with very hotbuttered toast, cut thick, very brown on both sides, with the butterrunning through the holes in it in great golden drops, like honey fromthe honeycomb. The smell of that buttered toast simply talked to Toad,and with no uncertain voice; talked of warm kitchens, of breakfasts onbright frosty mornings, of cosy parlour firesides on winter evenings,when one's ramble was over and slippered feet were propped on thefender; of the purring of contented cats, and the twitter of sleepycanaries. Toad sat up on end once more, dried his eyes, sipped his teaand munched his toast, and soon began talking freely about himself, andthe house he lived in, and his doings there, and how important he was,and what a lot his friends thought of him.

The gaoler's daughter saw that the topic was doing him as much good asthe tea, as indeed it was, and encouraged him to go on.

'Tell me about Toad Hall,' said she. 'It sounds beautiful.'

'Toad Hall,' said the Toad proudly, 'is an eligible self-containedgentleman's residence very unique; dating in part from the fourteenthcentury, but replete with every modern convenience. Up-to-datesanitation. Five minutes from church, post-office, and golf-links,Suitable for----'

'Bless the animal,' said the girl, laughing, 'I don't want to TAKE it.Tell me something REAL about it. But first wait till I fetch you somemore tea and toast.'

She tripped away, and presently returned with a fresh trayful; and Toad,pitching into the toast with avidity, his spirits quite restored totheir usual level, told her about the boathouse, and the fish-pond, andthe old walled kitchen-garden; and about the pig-styes, and the stables,and the pigeon-house, and the hen-house; and about the dairy, and thewash-house, and the china-cupboards, and the linen-presses (she likedthat bit especially); and about the banqueting-hall, and the fun theyhad there when the other animals were gathered round the table and Toadwas at his best, singing songs, telling stories, carrying on generally.Then she wanted to know about his animal-friends, and was veryinterested in all he had to tell her about them and how they lived, andwhat they did to pass their time. Of course, she did not say she wasfond of animals as PETS, because she had the sense to see that Toadwould be extremely offended. When she said good night, having filled hiswater-jug and shaken up his straw for him, Toad was very much the samesanguine, self-satisfied animal that he had been of old. He sang alittle song or two, of the sort he used to sing at his dinner-parties,curled himself up in the straw, and had an excellent night's rest andthe pleasantest of dreams.

They had many interesting talks together, after that, as the dreary dayswent on; and the gaoler's daughter grew very sorry for Toad, and thoughtit a great shame that a poor little animal should be locked up in prisonfor what seemed to her a very trivial offence. Toad, of course, inhis vanity, thought that her interest in him proceeded from a growingtenderness; and he could not help half-regretting that the social gulfbetween them was so very wide, for she was a comely lass, and evidentlyadmired him very much.

One morning the girl was very thoughtful, and answered at random, anddid not seem to Toad to be paying proper attention to his witty sayingsand sparkling comments.

'Toad,' she said presently, 'just listen, please. I have an aunt who isa washerwoman.'

'There, there,' said Toad, graciously and affably, 'never mind; think nomore about it. _I_ have several aunts who OUGHT to be washerwomen.'

'Do be quiet a minute, Toad,' said the girl. 'You talk too much, that'syour chief fault, and I'm trying to think, and you hurt my head. As Isaid, I have an aunt who is a washerwoman; she does the washing for allthe prisoners in this castle--we try to keep any paying business of thatsort in the family, you understand. She takes out the washing on Mondaymorning, and brings it in on Friday evening. This is a Thursday. Now,this is what occurs to me: you're very rich--at least you're alwaystelling me so--and she's very poor. A few pounds wouldn't make anydifference to you, and it would mean a lot to her. Now, I think if shewere properly approached--squared, I believe is the word you animalsuse--you could come to some arrangement by which she would let you haveher dress and bonnet and so on, and you could escape from thecastle as the official washerwoman. You're very alike in manyrespects--particularly about the figure.'

'We're NOT,' said the Toad in a huff. 'I have a very elegant figure--forwhat I am.'

'So has my aunt,' replied the girl, 'for what SHE is. But have it yourown way. You horrid, proud, ungrateful animal, when I'm sorry for you,and trying to help you!'

'Yes, yes, that's all right; thank you very much indeed,' said the Toadhurriedly. 'But look here! you wouldn't surely have Mr. Toad of ToadHall, going about the country disguised as a washerwoman!'

'Then you can stop here as a Toad,' replied the girl with much spirit.'I suppose you want to go off in a coach-and-four!'

Honest Toad was always ready to admit himself in the wrong. 'You are agood, kind, clever girl,' he said, 'and I am indeed a proud and a stupidtoad. Introduce me to your worthy aunt, if you will be so kind, andI have no doubt that the excellent lady and I will be able to arrangeterms satisfactory to both parties.'

Next evening the girl ushered her aunt into Toad's cell, bearing hisweek's washing pinned up in a towel. The old lady had been preparedbeforehand for the interview, and the sight of certain gold sovereignsthat Toad had thoughtfully placed on the table in full view practicallycompleted the matter and left little further to discuss. In return forhis cash, Toad received a cotton print gown, an apron, a shawl, and arusty black bonnet; the only stipulation the old lady made being thatshe should be gagged and bound and dumped down in a corner. By this notvery convincing artifice, she explained, aided by picturesque fictionwhich she could supply herself, she hoped to retain her situation, inspite of the suspicious appearance of things.

Toad was delighted with the suggestion. It would enable him to leave theprison in some style, and with his reputation for being a desperateand dangerous fellow untarnished; and he readily helped the gaoler'sdaughter to make her aunt appear as much as possible the victim ofcircumstances over which she had no control.

'Now it's your turn, Toad,' said the girl. 'Take off that coat andwaistcoat of yours; you're fat enough as it is.'

Shaking with laughter, she proceeded to 'hook-and-eye' him into thecotton print gown, arranged the shawl with a professional fold, and tiedthe strings of the rusty bonnet under his chin.

'You're the very image of her,' she giggled, 'only I'm sure you neverlooked half so respectable in all your life before. Now, good-bye, Toad,and good luck. Go straight down the way you came up; and if any one saysanything to you, as they probably will, being but men, you can chaffback a bit, of course, but remember you're a widow woman, quite alone inthe world, with a character to lose.'

With a quaking heart, but as firm a footstep as he could command,Toad set forth cautiously on what seemed to be a most hare-brained andhazardous undertaking; but he was soon agreeably surprised to find howeasy everything was made for him, and a little humbled at the thoughtthat both his popularity, and the sex that seemed to inspire it, werereally another's. The washerwoman's squat figure in its familiar cottonprint seemed a passport for every barred door and grim gateway; evenwhen he hesitated, uncertain as to the right turning to take, he foundhimself helped out of his difficulty by the warder at the next gate,anxious to be off to his tea, summoning him to come along sharp and notkeep him waiting there all night. The chaff and the humourous salliesto which he was subjected, and to which, of course, he had to provideprompt and effective reply, formed, indeed, his chief danger; for Toadwas an animal with a strong sense of his own dignity, and the chaffwas mostly (he thought) poor and clumsy, and the humour of the salliesentirely lacking. However, he kept his temper, though with greatdifficulty, suited his retorts to his company and his supposedcharacter, and did his best not to overstep the limits of good taste.

It seemed hours before he crossed the last courtyard, rejected thepressing invitations from the last guardroom, and dodged the outspreadarms of the last warder, pleading with simulated passion for just onefarewell embrace. But at last he heard the wicket-gate in the greatouter door click behind him, felt the fresh air of the outer world uponhis anxious brow, and knew that he was free!

Dizzy with the easy success of his daring exploit, he walked quicklytowards the lights of the town, not knowing in the least what he shoulddo next, only quite certain of one thing, that he must remove himself asquickly as possible from the neighbourhood where the lady he was forcedto represent was so well-known and so popular a character.

As he walked along, considering, his attention was caught by some redand green lights a little way off, to one side of the town, and thesound of the puffing and snorting of engines and the banging of shuntedtrucks fell on his ear. 'Aha!' he thought, 'this is a piece of luck!A railway station is the thing I want most in the whole world at thismoment; and what's more, I needn't go through the town to get it, andshan't have to support this humiliating character by repartees which,though thoroughly effective, do not assist one's sense of self-respect.'

He made his way to the station accordingly, consulted a time-table, andfound that a train, bound more or less in the direction of his home, wasdue to start in half-an-hour. 'More luck!' said Toad, his spirits risingrapidly, and went off to the booking-office to buy his ticket.

He gave the name of the station that he knew to be nearest to thevillage of which Toad Hall was the principal feature, and mechanicallyput his fingers, in search of the necessary money, where his waistcoatpocket should have been. But here the cotton gown, which had noblystood by him so far, and which he had basely forgotten, intervened, andfrustrated his efforts. In a sort of nightmare he struggled with thestrange uncanny thing that seemed to hold his hands, turn all muscularstrivings to water, and laugh at him all the time; while othertravellers, forming up in a line behind, waited with impatience,making suggestions of more or less value and comments of more or lessstringency and point. At last--somehow--he never rightly understoodhow--he burst the barriers, attained the goal, arrived at where allwaistcoat pockets are eternally situated, and found--not only no money,but no pocket to hold it, and no waistcoat to hold the pocket!

To his horror he recollected that he had left both coat and waistcoatbehind him in his cell, and with them his pocket-book, money, keys,watch, matches, pencil-case--all that makes life worth living, all thatdistinguishes the many-pocketed animal, the lord of creation, from theinferior one-pocketed or no-pocketed productions that hop or trip aboutpermissively, unequipped for the real contest.

In his misery he made one desperate effort to carry the thing off, and,with a return to his fine old manner--a blend of the Squire and theCollege Don--he said, 'Look here! I find I've left my purse behind. Justgive me that ticket, will you, and I'll send the money on to-morrow? I'mwell-known in these parts.'

The clerk stared at him and the rusty black bonnet a moment, and thenlaughed. 'I should think you were pretty well known in these parts,'he said, 'if you've tried this game on often. Here, stand away from thewindow, please, madam; you're obstructing the other passengers!'

An old gentleman who had been prodding him in the back for some momentshere thrust him away, and, what was worse, addressed him as his goodwoman, which angered Toad more than anything that had occurred thatevening.

Baffled and full of despair, he wandered blindly down the platform wherethe train was standing, and tears trickled down each side of his nose.It was hard, he thought, to be within sight of safety and almost ofhome, and to be baulked by the want of a few wretched shillings and bythe pettifogging mistrustfulness of paid officials. Very soon his escapewould be discovered, the hunt would be up, he would be caught, reviled,loaded with chains, dragged back again to prison and bread-and-water andstraw; his guards and penalties would be doubled; and O, what sarcasticremarks the girl would make! What was to be done? He was not swift offoot; his figure was unfortunately recognisable. Could he not squeezeunder the seat of a carriage? He had seen this method adopted byschoolboys, when the journey-money provided by thoughtful parents hadbeen diverted to other and better ends. As he pondered, he foundhimself opposite the engine, which was being oiled, wiped, and generallycaressed by its affectionate driver, a burly man with an oil-can in onehand and a lump of cotton-waste in the other.

'Hullo, mother!' said the engine-driver, 'what's the trouble? You don'tlook particularly cheerful.'

'O, sir!' said Toad, crying afresh, 'I am a poor unhappy washerwoman,and I've lost all my money, and can't pay for a ticket, and I must gethome to-night somehow, and whatever I am to do I don't know. O dear, Odear!'

'That's a bad business, indeed,' said the engine-driver reflectively.'Lost your money--and can't get home--and got some kids, too, waitingfor you, I dare say?'

'Any amount of 'em,' sobbed Toad. 'And they'll be hungry--andplaying with matches--and upsetting lamps, the little innocents!--andquarrelling, and going on generally. O dear, O dear!'

'Well, I'll tell you what I'll do,' said the good engine-driver. 'You'rea washerwoman to your trade, says you. Very well, that's that. AndI'm an engine-driver, as you well may see, and there's no denying it'sterribly dirty work. Uses up a power of shirts, it does, till my missusis fair tired of washing of 'em. If you'll wash a few shirts for me whenyou get home, and send 'em along, I'll give you a ride on my engine.It's against the Company's regulations, but we're not so very particularin these out-of-the-way parts.'

The Toad's misery turned into rapture as he eagerly scrambled up intothe cab of the engine. Of course, he had never washed a shirt in hislife, and couldn't if he tried and, anyhow, he wasn't going to begin;but he thought: 'When I get safely home to Toad Hall, and have moneyagain, and pockets to put it in, I will send the engine-driver enough topay for quite a quantity of washing, and that will be the same thing, orbetter.'

The guard waved his welcome flag, the engine-driver whistled incheerful response, and the train moved out of the station. As the speedincreased, and the Toad could see on either side of him real fields, andtrees, and hedges, and cows, and horses, all flying past him, and ashe thought how every minute was bringing him nearer to Toad Hall, andsympathetic friends, and money to chink in his pocket, and a soft bedto sleep in, and good things to eat, and praise and admiration at therecital of his adventures and his surpassing cleverness, he began toskip up and down and shout and sing snatches of song, to the greatastonishment of the engine-driver, who had come across washerwomenbefore, at long intervals, but never one at all like this.

They had covered many and many a mile, and Toad was already consideringwhat he would have for supper as soon as he got home, when he noticedthat the engine-driver, with a puzzled expression on his face, wasleaning over the side of the engine and listening hard. Then he saw himclimb on to the coals and gaze out over the top of the train; then hereturned and said to Toad: 'It's very strange; we're the last trainrunning in this direction to-night, yet I could be sworn that I heardanother following us!'

Toad ceased his frivolous antics at once. He became grave and depressed,and a dull pain in the lower part of his spine, communicating itself tohis legs, made him want to sit down and try desperately not to think ofall the possibilities.

By this time the moon was shining brightly, and the engine-driver,steadying himself on the coal, could command a view of the line behindthem for a long distance.

Presently he called out, 'I can see it clearly now! It is an engine, onour rails, coming along at a great pace! It looks as if we were beingpursued!'

The miserable Toad, crouching in the coal-dust, tried hard to think ofsomething to do, with dismal want of success.

'They are gaining on us fast!' cried the engine-driver. And the engineis crowded with the queerest lot of people! Men like ancient warders,waving halberds; policemen in their helmets, waving truncheons; andshabbily dressed men in pot-hats, obvious and unmistakable plain-clothesdetectives even at this distance, waving revolvers and walking-sticks;all waving, and all shouting the same thing--”Stop, stop, stop!”'

Then Toad fell on his knees among the coals and, raising his claspedpaws in supplication, cried, 'Save me, only save me, dear kind Mr.Engine-driver, and I will confess everything! I am not the simplewasherwoman I seem to be! I have no children waiting for me, innocentor otherwise! I am a toad--the well-known and popular Mr. Toad, a landedproprietor; I have just escaped, by my great daring and cleverness, froma loathsome dungeon into which my enemies had flung me; and ifthose fellows on that engine recapture me, it will be chains andbread-and-water and straw and misery once more for poor, unhappy,innocent Toad!'

The engine-driver looked down upon him very sternly, and said, 'Now tellthe truth; what were you put in prison for?'

'It was nothing very much,' said poor Toad, colouring deeply. 'I onlyborrowed a motorcar while the owners were at lunch; they had no needof it at the time. I didn't mean to steal it, really; butpeople--especially magistrates--take such harsh views of thoughtless andhigh-spirited actions.'

The engine-driver looked very grave and said, 'I fear that you have beenindeed a wicked toad, and by rights I ought to give you up to offendedjustice. But you are evidently in sore trouble and distress, so I willnot desert you. I don't hold with motor-cars, for one thing; and I don'thold with being ordered about by policemen when I'm on my own engine,for another. And the sight of an animal in tears always makes me feelqueer and softhearted. So cheer up, Toad! I'll do my best, and we maybeat them yet!'

They piled on more coals, shovelling furiously; the furnace roared, thesparks flew, the engine leapt and swung but still their pursuers slowlygained. The engine-driver, with a sigh, wiped his brow with a handfulof cotton-waste, and said, 'I'm afraid it's no good, Toad. You see, theyare running light, and they have the better engine. There's just onething left for us to do, and it's your only chance, so attend verycarefully to what I tell you. A short way ahead of us is a long tunnel,and on the other side of that the line passes through a thick wood.Now, I will put on all the speed I can while we are running through thetunnel, but the other fellows will slow down a bit, naturally, for fearof an accident. When we are through, I will shut off steam and put onbrakes as hard as I can, and the moment it's safe to do so you must jumpand hide in the wood, before they get through the tunnel and see you.Then I will go full speed ahead again, and they can chase me if theylike, for as long as they like, and as far as they like. Now mind and beready to jump when I tell you!'

They piled on more coals, and the train shot into the tunnel, and theengine rushed and roared and rattled, till at last they shot out at theother end into fresh air and the peaceful moonlight, and saw the woodlying dark and helpful upon either side of the line. The driver shut offsteam and put on brakes, the Toad got down on the step, and as the trainslowed down to almost a walking pace he heard the driver call out, 'Now,jump!'

Toad jumped, rolled down a short embankment, picked himself up unhurt,scrambled into the wood and hid.

Peeping out, he saw his train get up speed again and disappear at agreat pace. Then out of the tunnel burst the pursuing engine, roaringand whistling, her motley crew waving their various weapons andshouting, 'Stop! stop! stop!' When they were past, the Toad had a heartylaugh--for the first time since he was thrown into prison.

But he soon stopped laughing when he came to consider that it was nowvery late and dark and cold, and he was in an unknown wood, with nomoney and no chance of supper, and still far from friends and home; andthe dead silence of everything, after the roar and rattle of the train,was something of a shock. He dared not leave the shelter of the trees,so he struck into the wood, with the idea of leaving the railway as faras possible behind him.

After so many weeks within walls, he found the wood strange andunfriendly and inclined, he thought, to make fun of him. Night-jars,sounding their mechanical rattle, made him think that the wood was fullof searching warders, closing in on him. An owl, swooping noiselesslytowards him, brushed his shoulder with its wing, making him jump withthe horrid certainty that it was a hand; then flitted off, moth-like,laughing its low ho! ho! ho; which Toad thought in very poor taste. Oncehe met a fox, who stopped, looked him up and down in a sarcastic sortof way, and said, 'Hullo, washerwoman! Half a pair of socks and apillow-case short this week! Mind it doesn't occur again!' and swaggeredoff, sniggering. Toad looked about for a stone to throw at him, butcould not succeed in finding one, which vexed him more than anything.At last, cold, hungry, and tired out, he sought the shelter of a hollowtree, where with branches and dead leaves he made himself as comfortablea bed as he could, and slept soundly till the morning.