The Lady of the Barge and Others, Entire Collection

  BILL'S PAPER CHASE

  Sailormen 'ave their faults, said the night watchman, frankly. I'm notdenying of it. I used to 'ave myself when I was at sea, but being closewith their money is a fault as can seldom be brought ag'in 'em.

  I saved some money once--two golden sovereigns, owing to a 'ole in mypocket. Before I got another ship I slept two nights on a doorstep and'ad nothing to eat, and I found them two sovereigns in the lining o' mycoat when I was over two thousand miles away from the nearest pub.

  I on'y knew one miser all the years I was at sea. Thomas Geary 'is namewas, and we was shipmates aboard the barque Grenada, homeward bound fromSydney to London.

  Thomas was a man that was getting into years; sixty, I think 'e was, andold enough to know better. 'E'd been saving 'ard for over forty years,and as near as we could make out 'e was worth a matter o' six 'underedpounds. He used to be fond o' talking about it, and letting us know howmuch better off 'e was than any of the rest of us.

  We was about a month out from Sydney when old Thomas took sick. BillHicks said that it was owing to a ha'penny he couldn't account for; butWalter Jones, whose family was always ill, and thought 'e knew a lotabout it, said that 'e knew wot it was, but 'e couldn't remember thename of it, and that when we got to London and Thomas saw a doctor, weshould see as 'ow 'e was right.

  Whatever it was the old man got worse and worse. The skipper came downand gave 'im some physic and looked at 'is tongue, and then 'e looked atour tongues to see wot the difference was. Then 'e left the cook incharge of 'im and went off.

  The next day Thomas was worse, and it was soon clear to everybody but'im that 'e was slipping 'is cable. He wouldn't believe it at first,though the cook told 'im, Bill Hicks told him, and Walter Jones 'ad agrandfather that went off in just the same way.

  "I'm not going to die," says Thomas "How can I die and leave all thatmoney?"

  "It'll be good for your relations, Thomas," says Walter Jones.

  "I ain't got any," says the old man.

  "Well, your friends, then, Thomas," says Walter, soft-like.

  "Ain't got any," says the old man ag'in.

  "Yes, you 'ave, Thomas," says Walter, with a kind smile; "I could tellyou one you've got."

  Thomas shut his eyes at 'im and began to talk pitiful about 'is moneyand the 'ard work 'e'd 'ad saving of it. And by-and-by 'e got worse, anddidn't reckernise us, but thought we was a pack o' greedy, drunkensailormen. He thought Walter Jones was a shark, and told 'im so, and,try all 'e could, Walter couldn't persuade 'im different.

  He died the day arter. In the morning 'e was whimpering about 'is moneyag'in, and angry with Bill when 'e reminded 'im that 'e couldn't take itwith 'im, and 'e made Bill promise that 'e should be buried just as 'ewas. Bill tucked him up arter that, and when 'e felt a canvas belt tiedround the old man's waist 'e began to see wot 'e was driving at.

  The weather was dirty that day and there was a bit o' sea running,consequently all 'ands was on deck, and a boy about sixteen wot used to'elp the steward down aft was lookin' arter Thomas. Me and Bill just rundown to give a look at the old man in time.

  "I am going to take it with me, Bill," says the old man.

  "That's right," says Bill.

  "My mind's--easy now," says Thomas. "I gave it to Jimmy--to--to--throwoverboard for me."

  "Wot?" says Bill, staring.

  "That's right, Bill," says the boy. "He told me to. It was a littlepacket o' banknotes. He gave me tuppence for doing it."

  Old Thomas seemed to be listening. 'Is eyes was open, and 'e lookedartful at Bill to think what a clever thing 'e'd done.

  "Nobody's goin'-to spend-my money," 'e says. "Nobody's"

  We drew back from 'is bunk and stood staring at 'im. Then Bill turned tothe boy.

  "Go and tell the skipper 'e's gone," 'e says, "and mind, for your ownsake, don't tell the skipper or anybody else that you've thrown all thatmoney overboard."

  "Why not?" says Jimmy.

  "Becos you'll be locked up for it," says Bill; "you'd no business to doit. You've been and broke the law. It ought to ha' been left tosomebody."

  Jimmy looked scared, and arter 'e was gone I turned to Bill, and I looksat 'im and I says "What's the little game, Bill?"

  "Game?" said Bill, snorting at me. "I don't want the pore boy to getinto trouble, do I? Pore little chap. You was young yourself once."

  "Yes," I says; "but I'm a bit older now, Bill, and unless you tell mewhat your little game is, I shall tell the skipper myself, and the chapstoo. Pore old Thomas told 'im to do it, so where's the boy to blame?"

  "Do you think Jimmy did?" says Bill, screwing up his nose at me. "Thatlittle varmint is walking about worth six 'undered quid. Now you keepyour mouth shut and I'll make it worth your while."

  Then I see Bill's game. "All right, I'll keep quiet for the sake of myhalf," I says, looking at 'im.

  I thought he'd ha' choked, and the langwidge 'e see fit to use wasa'most as much as I could answer.

  "Very well, then," 'e says, at last, "halves it is. It ain't robberybecos it belongs to nobody, and it ain't the boy's becos 'e was told tothrow it overboard."

  They buried pore old Thomas next morning, and arter it was all over Billput 'is 'and on the boy's shoulder as they walked for'ard and 'e says,"Poor old Thomas 'as gone to look for 'is money," he says; "wonderwhether 'e'll find it! Was it a big bundle, Jimmy?"

  "No," says the boy, shaking 'is 'ead. "They was six 'undered pound notesand two sovereigns, and I wrapped the sovereigns up in the notes to make'em sink. Fancy throwing money away like that, Bill: seems a sin, don'tit?"

  Bill didn't answer 'im, and that afternoon the other chaps below beingasleep we searched 'is bunk through and through without any luck, and atlast Bill sat down and swore 'e must ha' got it about 'im.

  We waited till night, and when everybody was snoring 'ard we went overto the boy's bunk and went all through 'is pockets and felt the linings,and then we went back to our side and Bill said wot 'e thought aboutJimmy in whispers.

  "He must ha' got it tied round 'is waist next to 'is skin, like Thomas'ad," I says.

  We stood there in the dark whispering, and then Bill couldn't stand itany longer, and 'e went over on tiptoe to the bunk ag'in. He wastremblin' with excitement and I wasn't much better, when all of a suddenthe cook sat up in 'is bunk with a dreadful laughing scream and calledout that somebody was ticklin' 'im.

  I got into my bunk and Bill got into 'is, and we lay there listeningwhile the cook, who was a terrible ticklish man, leaned out of 'is bunkand said wot 'e'd do if it 'appened ag'in.

  "Go to sleep," says Walter Jones; "you're dreamin'. Who d'you thinkwould want to tickle you?"

  "I tell you," says the cook, "somebody come over and tickled me with a'and the size of a leg o' mutton. I feel creepy all over."

  Bill gave it up for that night, but the next day 'e pretended to thinkJimmy was gettin' fat an' 'e caught 'old of 'im and prodded 'im allover. He thought 'e felt something round 'is waist, but 'e couldn't besure, and Jimmy made such a noise that the other chaps interfered andtold Bill to leave 'im alone. For a whole week we tried to find thatmoney, and couldn't, and Bill said it was a suspicious thing that Jimmykept aft a good deal more than 'e used to, and 'e got an idea that theboy might ha' 'idden it somewhere there. At the end of that time,'owever, owing to our being short-'anded, Jimmy was sent for'ard to workas ordinary seaman, and it began to be quite noticeable the way 'eavoided Bill.

  At last one day we got 'im alone down the fo'c'sle, and Bill put 'is armround 'im and got im on the locker and asked 'im straight out where themoney was.

  "Why, I chucked it overboard," he says. "I told you so afore. What amemory you've got, Bill!"

  Bill picked 'im up and laid 'im on the locker, and we searched 'imthoroughly. We even took 'is boots off, and then we 'ad another look in'is bunk while 'e was putting 'em on ag'in.

  "If you're innercent," says Bill, "why don't you call out?--eh?"

  "Because you told me not to say anything ab
out it, Bill," says the boy."But I will next time. Loud, I will."

  "Look 'ere," says Bill, "you tell us where it is, and the three of us'llgo shares in it. That'll be two 'undered pounds each, and we'll tell you'ow to get yours changed without getting caught. We're cleverer than youare, you know."

  "I know that, Bill," says the boy; "but it's no good me telling youlies. I chucked it overboard."

  "Very good, then," says Bill, getting up. "I'm going to tell theskipper."

  "Tell 'im," says Jimmy. "I don't care."

  "Then you'll be searched arter you've stepped ashore," says Bill, "andyou won't be allowed on the ship ag'in. You'll lose it all by beinggreedy, whereas if you go shares with us you'll 'ave two 'underedpounds."

  I could see as 'ow the boy 'adn't thought o' that, and try as 'e would'e couldn't 'ide 'is feelin's. He called Bill a red-nosed shark, and 'ecalled me somethin' I've forgotten now.

  "Think it over," says Bill; "mind, you'll be collared as soon as you'veleft the gangway and searched by the police."

  "And will they tickle the cook too, I wonder?" says Jimmy, savagely.

  "And if they find it you'll go to prison," says Bill, giving 'im a clumpo' the side o' the 'ead, "and you won't like that, I can tell you."

  "Why, ain't it nice, Bill?" says Jimmy, holding 'is ear.

  Bill looked at 'im and then 'e steps to the ladder. "I'm not going totalk to you any more, my lad," 'e says. "I'm going to tell the skipper."

  He went up slowly, and just as 'e reached the deck Jimmy started up andcalled 'im. Bill pretended not to 'ear, and the boy ran up on deck andfollered 'im; and arter a little while they both came down againtogether.

  "Did you wish to speak to me, my lad?" says Bill, 'olding 'is 'ead up.

  "Yes," says the boy, fiddling with 'is fingers; "if you keep your uglymouth shut, we'll go shares."

  "Ho!" says Bill, "I thought you throwed it overboard!"

  "I thought so, too, Bill," says Jimmy, very softly, "and when I camebelow ag'in I found it in my trousers pocket."

  "Where is it now?" says Bill.

  "Never mind where it is," says the boy; "you couldn't get it if I was totell you. It'll take me all my time to do it myself."

  "Where is it?" says Bill, ag'in. "I'm goin' to take care of it. I won'ttrust you."

  "And I can't trust you," says Jimmy.

  "If you don't tell me where it is this minute," says Bill, moving to theladder ag'in, "I'm off to tell the skipper. I want it in my 'ands, or atany rate my share of it. Why not share it out now?"

  "Because I 'aven't got it," says Jimmy, stamping 'is foot, "that's why,and it's all your silly fault. Arter you came pawing through my pocketswhen you thought I was asleep I got frightened and 'id it."

  "Where?" says Bill.

  "In the second mate's mattress," says Jimmy. "I was tidying up down aftand I found a 'ole in the underneath side of 'is mattress and I shovedit in there, and poked it in with a bit o' stick."

  "And 'ow are you going to get it?" says Bill, scratching 'is 'ead.

  "That's wot I don't know, seeing that I'm not allowed aft now," saysJimmy. "One of us'll 'ave to make a dash for it when we get to London.And mind if there's any 'ankypanky on your part, Bill, I'll give theshow away myself."

  The cook came down just then and we 'ad to leave off talking, and Icould see that Bill was so pleased at finding that the money 'adn't beenthrown overboard that 'e was losing sight o' the difficulty o' gettingat it. In a day or two, 'owever, 'e see it as plain as me and Jimmy did,and, as time went by, he got desprit, and frightened us both by 'angingabout aft every chance 'e got.

  The companion-way faced the wheel, and there was about as much chance o'getting down there without being seen as there would be o' taking aman's false teeth out of 'is mouth without 'is knowing it. Jimmy wentdown one day while Bill was at the wheel to look for 'is knife, wot 'ethought 'e'd left down there, and 'ed 'ardly got down afore Bill saw 'imcome up ag'in, 'olding on to the top of a mop which the steward wasusing.

  We couldn't figure it out nohow, and to think o' the second mate, alittle man with a large fam'ly, who never 'ad a penny in 'is pocket,sleeping every night on a six 'undered pound mattress, sent us prettynear crazy. We used to talk it over whenever we got a chance, and Billand Jimmy could scarcely be civil to each other. The boy said it wasBill's fault, and 'e said it was the boy's.

  "The on'y thing I can see," says the boy, one day, "is for Bill to 'avea touch of sunstroke as 'e's leaving the wheel one day, tumble'ead-first down the companion-way, and injure 'isself so severely that'e can't be moved. Then they'll put 'im in a cabin down aft, and p'rapsI'll 'ave to go and nurse 'im. Anyway, he'll be down there."

  "It's a very good idea, Bill," I says.

  "Ho," says Bill, looking at me as if 'e would eat me. "Why don't you doit, then?"

  "I'd sooner you did it, Bill," says the boy; "still, I don't mind whichit is. Why not toss up for it?"

  "Get away," says Bill. "Get away afore I do something you won't like,you blood-thirsty little murderer."

  "I've got a plan myself," he says, in a low voice, after the boy 'ad'opped off, "and if I can't think of nothing better I'll try it, andmind, not a word to the boy."

  He didn't think o' nothing better, and one night just as we was makingthe Channel 'e tried 'is plan. He was in the second mate's watch, andby-and-by 'e leans over the wheel and says to 'im in a low voice, "Thisis my last v'y'ge, sir."

  "Oh," says the second mate, who was a man as didn't mind talking to aman before the mast. "How's that?"

  "I've got a berth ashore, sir," says Bill, "and I wanted to ask afavour, sir."

  The second mate growled and walked off a pace or two.

  "I've never been so 'appy as I've been on this ship," says Bill; "noneof us 'ave. We was saying so the other night, and everybody agreed as itwas owing to you, sir, and your kindness to all of us."

  The second mate coughed, but Bill could see as 'e was a bit pleased.

  "The feeling came over me," says Bill, "that when I leave the sea forgood I'd like to 'ave something o' yours to remember you by, sir. And itseemed to me that if I 'ad your--mattress I should think of you ev'rynight o' my life."

  "My wot?" says the second mate, staring at 'im. "Your mattress, sir,"says Bill. "If I might make so bold as to offer a pound for it, sir. Iwant something wot's been used by you, and I've got a fancy for that asa keepsake." The second mate shook 'is 'ead. "I'm sorry, Bill," 'e says,gently, "but I couldn't let it go at that."

  "I'd sooner pay thirty shillin's than not 'ave it, sir," says Bill,'umbly.

  "I gave a lot of money for that mattress," says the mate, ag'in. "Iforgit 'ow much, but a lot. You don't know 'ow valuable that mattressis."

  "I know it's a good one, sir, else you wouldn't 'ave it," says Bill."Would a couple o' pounds buy it, sir?"

  The second mate hum'd and ha'd, but Bill was afeard to go any 'igher. Sofar as 'e could make out from Jimmy, the mattress was worth abouteighteen pence--to anybody who wasn't pertiklar.

  "I've slept on that mattress for years," says the second mate, lookingat 'im from the corner of 'is eye. "I don't believe I could sleep onanother. Still, to oblige you, Bill, you shall 'ave it at that if youdon't want it till we go ashore?"

  "Thankee, sir," says Bill, 'ardly able to keep from dancing, "and I'll'and over the two pounds when we're paid off. I shall keep it all mylife, sir, in memory of you and your kindness."

  "And mind you keep quiet about it," says the second mate, who didn'twant the skipper to know wot 'e'd been doing, "because I don't want tobe bothered by other men wanting to buy things as keepsakes."

  Bill promised 'im like a shot, and when 'e told me about it 'e wasnearly crying with joy.

  "And mind," 'e says, "I've bought that mattress, bought it as it stands,and it's got nothing to do with Jimmy. We'll each pay a pound and halvewot's in it."

  He persuaded me at last, but that boy watched us like a cat watching acouple of canaries, and I could see we should 'ave all we cou
ld do todeceive 'im. He seemed more suspicious o' Bill than me, and 'e kep'worrying us nearly every day to know what we were going to do.

  We beat about in the channel with a strong 'ead-wind for four days, andthen a tug picked us up and towed us to London.

  The excitement of that last little bit was 'orrible. Fust of all we 'adgot to get the mattress, and then in some way we 'ad got to get rid o'Jimmy. Bill's idea was for me to take 'im ashore with me and tell 'imthat Bill would join us arterwards, and then lose 'im; but I said thattill I'd got my share I couldn't bear to lose sight o' Bill's honestface for 'alf a second.

  And, besides, Jimmy wouldn't 'ave gone.

  All the way up the river 'e stuck to Bill, and kept asking 'im wot wewere to do. 'E was 'alf crying, and so excited that Bill was afraid theother chaps would notice it.

  We got to our berth in the East India Docks at last, and arter we weremade fast we went below to 'ave a wash and change into our shoregoingtogs. Jimmy watched us all the time, and then 'e comes up to Bill biting'is nails, and says:

  "How's it to be done, Bill?"

  "Hang about arter the rest 'ave gone ashore, and trust to luck," saysBill, looking at me. "We'll see 'ow the land lays when we draw ouradvance."

  We went down aft to draw ten shillings each to go ashore with. Bill andme got ours fust, and then the second mate who 'ad tipped 'im the winkfollowed us out unconcerned-like and 'anded Bill the mattress rolled upin a sack.

  "'Ere you are, Bill," 'e says.

  "Much obliged, sir," says Bill, and 'is 'ands trembled so as 'e could'ardly 'old it, and 'e made to go off afore Jimmy come on deck.

  Then that fool of a mate kept us there while 'e made a little speech.Twice Bill made to go off, but 'e put 'is 'and on 'is arm and kept 'imthere while 'e told 'im 'ow he'd always tried to be liked by the men,and 'ad generally succeeded, and in the middle of it up popped MasterJimmy.

  He gave a start as he saw the bag, and 'is eyes opened wide, and then aswe walked forward 'e put 'is arm through Bill's and called 'im all thenames 'e could think of.

  "You'd steal the milk out of a cat's saucer," 'e says; "but mind, youdon't leave this ship till I've got my share."

  "I meant it for a pleasant surprise for you, Jimmy," says Bill, tryingto smile.

  "I don't like your surprises, Bill, so I don't deceive you," says theboy. "Where are you going to open it?"

  "I was thinking of opening it in my bunk," says Bill. "The perlice mightwant to examine it if we took it through the dock. Come on, Jimmy, oldman."

  "Yes; all right," says the boy, nodding 'is 'ead at 'im. "I'll stay up'ere. You might forget yourself, Bill, if I trusted myself down therewith you alone. You can throw my share up to me, and then you'll leavethe ship afore I do. See?"

  "Go to blazes," says Bill; and then, seeing that the last chance 'adgone, we went below, and 'e chucked the bundle in 'is bunk. There wasonly one chap down there, and arter spending best part o' ten minutesdoing 'is hair 'e nodded to us and went off.

  Half a minute later Bill cut open the mattress and began to searchthrough the stuffing, while I struck matches and watched 'im. It wasn'ta big mattress and there wasn't much stuffing, but we couldn't seem tosee that money. Bill went all over it ag'in and ag'in, and then 'e stoodup and looked at me and caught 'is breath painful.

  "Do you think the mate found it?" 'e says, in a 'usky voice.

  We went through it ag'in, and then Bill went half-way up the fo'c's'leladder and called softly for Jimmy. He called three times, and then,with a sinking sensation in 'is stummick, 'e went up on deck and Ifollered 'im. The boy was nowhere to be seen. All we saw was the ship'scat 'aving a wash and brush-up afore going ashore, and the skipperstanding aft talking to the owner.

  We never saw that boy ag'in. He never turned up for 'is box, and 'edidn't show up to draw 'is pay. Everybody else was there, of course, andarter I'd got mine and come outside I see pore Bill with 'is back upag'in a wall, staring 'ard at the second mate, who was looking at 'imwith a kind smile, and asking 'im 'ow he'd slept. The last thing I sawof Bill, the pore chap 'ad got 'is 'ands in 'is trousers pockets, andwas trying 'is hardest to smile back.