The Impossible Vastness of Us

  Well, I refused to be daunted by him.

  Taking a small step closer to the rope, I began to study the photographs. As I did, I grew still with surprise and something else...

  Wonder.

  Every one of them was a photograph of people and every single one captured something vulnerable about their subject matter. There was a picture of a young family on the beach. The little boy looked happy, oblivious to the fact that his parents were holding themselves apart from one another, the mother watching her little boy with sadness in her face she couldn’t hide, while the father was distant from them, looking out at the ocean.

  I sucked in my breath, feeling Finn at my side.

  “I took some of these in Florida. My grandparents live there. I’ve only just gotten around to developing them.”

  Shocked he was offering up information, I could only nod.

  “I don’t know who they are.” He gestured toward the photo I’d been studying.

  “Something’s happened. They’re fighting, I’d guess,” I said softly.

  “Yeah. At least, that’s what it looks like.”

  Feeling brave I looked at him, realized how close we were standing and immediately felt like a heavy weight was pressing on my chest. He wore a hint of cologne. It was kind of woodsy, a little spicy. Nice. And I bet Eloise gifted it to him. Ignoring those thoughts, I said, “Why did you take their picture?”

  He slowly looked from the picture to me, and I could have sworn he was struggling with some internal debate over whether or not to tell me. In the end he just shrugged and stepped away.

  Disappointment flooded me and I felt a little prick of hurt that he hadn’t shared. Shocked by this, I quickly moved along the photos. I stopped suddenly at a beautiful shot of Eloise. She was lying on a pool lounge wearing a bikini that showed off her slim, elegant figure, and she was smiling up into the lens. Her smile was incredibly sad, and yet at the same time it was intimate, suggesting more than a passing closeness and familiarity between them.

  She was showing him something of herself. She trusted him with it.

  Not sure why I felt so off-kilter, I hurried away from the picture and stopped immediately at a photograph of a little girl.

  She was sitting near a vandalized swing set and she was digging at the soil around her with... I gasped. “Is that a switchblade?”

  “Yeah,” Finn said, his voice tight. “I went to Mattapan to take some photos of the building they were planning to turn into a community center.”

  “The story Honor’s covering?”

  “Right.” He nodded and our eyes met again. The pressure returned to my chest. “Franklin wasn’t keen on Honor going out there alone so I went with her to take some shots. While we were there Honor wanted to ask some of the local moms questions about the abandoned project. That’s when I caught sight of the little girl with the blade. Her mom saw her at the same time I did.” He pointed to the picture. “I managed to take the shot just before her mom ran into it.”

  “It’s a powerful photo,” I said, impressed.

  He nodded, but I don’t think he meant it in arrogance. “I didn’t go there expecting to capture a moment that would sum up the problem so perfectly, but it happened.”

  “You spotted it, though. I probably wouldn’t have.”

  “I’m maybe more observant than you, then.” He smirked a little and turned away, and I couldn’t help the answering tug of my lips.

  “You’re a great photographer, Finn.”

  He leaned against the counter by the sink, seeming surprised by the compliment. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Silence stretched as we could do nothing but stare at each other, and my skin started to feel tight and hot, as if I was seconds from bursting out of it.

  “Uh.” I stepped back, suddenly needing more space between us. “So we should probably arrange a time to meet up for the presentation. That’s if you’re not planning to stand me up.”

  He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “You said to meet you after school today even though you work at the Chronicle.”

  “I don’t always come to the meetings. I only decided to come work here because you said we couldn’t meet,” he explained, and if I wasn’t mistaken he sounded a little annoyed.

  “Oh.” I refused to feel guilty for thinking badly of him. Refused. “Okay. Well, we need to meet up sometime soon.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed, looking at his feet now.

  “I’d suggest Theo’s but it might be distracting for you with Eloise there.”

  Finn looked up at me. “Theo’s?”

  Confused by the question I raised an eyebrow.

  “You said ‘Theo’s.’ You didn’t say ‘my place.’”

  “Because it isn’t.” It was my turn to cross my arms over my chest.

  Sensing I wasn’t going to elaborate on my feelings about the house I was living in and the people I was living with, Finn eventually nodded. “Okay. My place, then. Tomorrow.”

  Glad we’d finally organized a time but not so glad it meant spending more alone time with Finn, I just nodded and stepped back toward the door. “Okay. I’ll meet you out front after school.”

  “Do you need a ride home tonight?”

  I looked back at him, surprised by the offer, but not surprised to find him staring at his feet rather than at me. “Eloise’s director has upped her rehearsals so she’s still here, too. Gil’s picking us both up in an hour.” I would’ve thought he’d be fully aware of Eloise’s schedule.

  “Right.” He straightened and turned his back on me.

  There was something about it that was vulnerable. Something about him that was vulnerable. I was probably insane to even think that about him—this beautiful, rich boy—but he was getting to me.

  Nobody got to me.

  Crap.

  “But thanks,” I found myself saying quietly.

  He glanced over his shoulder. “You’re welcome,” he replied just as quietly.

  Crap, crap.

  My fingers slipped around the door handle as I tried to get out of there at superspeed.

  * * *

  Unable to bear the silence any longer, I was going to be polite and ask Eloise how her rehearsals had gone when she surprised me by beating me to it.

  “How was today for you?” she said quietly.

  Gil had picked us up ten minutes ago and we were on our way home to have dinner with Hayley and possibly Theo, if he wasn’t still at his office in the city.

  “Better, thanks.”

  “Good.” Eloise nodded and she actually did look relieved. “I feel it went well, too.”

  “Did your rehearsals go okay?”

  “Yes, thank you. I got you a position. Sound assistant.”

  “Really? Thanks.” I couldn’t actually believe she’d pulled through for me. Now I had two extracurriculars. Yay!

  “You’re welcome. How was your newspaper meeting?”

  “Good. I’m excited about it. I have to review last week’s number one New York Times bestseller. I don’t suppose you know what that is?”

  “I don’t. Sorry. I’m sure you’ll be able to Google it.”

  So the conversation was strained but it was polite and it was actual dialogue between us. And after a day spent in her circle I found myself more curious about my housemate. “You and Charlotte seem close.”

  Eloise turned to me with narrowed eyes, looking almost suspicious. “Yes. So?”

  “You’ve known each other long?”

  “Since the first grade.” Suddenly she smirked. “Bryce shoved her in the sand pit during recess, and Finn and I got Bryce back by sticking worms in her lunchbox. Charlotte has been grateful ever since.”

  I
laughed at the idea of a mischievous Finn and Eloise. “Bryce is kind of mean to Charlotte, huh?”

  Eloise shrugged. “She’s too direct with her sometimes. Charlotte is very sensitive.”

  I wanted to roll my eyes. Why was Eloise defending Bryce?

  “Bryce comes off as a little mean-spirited but that’s not who she really is. She can be really sweet and despite what you saw today she loves Charlotte. Bryce is very loyal.”

  If you say so.

  That seemed to be enough conversation for Eloise because she stared out of the window the whole drive home, not inviting any more questions.

  CHAPTER 7

  “ARE YOU GETTING IN?”

  I blinked out of my trance and stared at Finn. He had the passenger’s side door of his car open for me. It was gorgeous. I didn’t know what kind of car it was, but I knew it screamed money. I nodded and slipped past him, murmuring a thank-you as I sank down low into the black leather seat.

  It took me a moment to realize that he’d opened the door for me. I couldn’t remember a boy ever doing that.

  I jerked again at the sound of the driver’s door shutting as Finn settled into his seat.

  We’d walked in awkward silence to the parking spot not even thirty seconds from the school gates and I’d immediately frozen at the sight of the jet-black convertible.

  “Nice car,” I murmured as he pulled out into traffic. “What is it?”

  He shot me a quick look before focusing back on the road. “It’s an Aston Martin DB9 Volante.”

  Whoa. Even I, who knew very little about cars, knew that an Aston Martin was hugely expensive.

  “Your parents bought you an Aston Martin for your first car?” I said, not disguising my disbelief that they trusted a kid with a car like this.

  He sighed. “You’re not in Arroyo Grande anymore, India.”

  I looked at him sharply. That was the first time he’d ever said my name. I shrugged off the deep feeling of pressure on my chest that I seemed to get a lot around him. “I know that.”

  “Do you?” he murmured.

  I didn’t know what he meant by the question or his tone. “Kids at this school get hundred-thousand-dollar cars from their parents.”

  Something in his smirk made my eyes grow round with disbelief. “More than a hundred thousand dollars?” I touched the black dash with its thin red piping, unable to imagine ever spending that kind of money on a car. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask exactly how much a car like this cost.

  He shot me a quick look and apparently guessed my thoughts. “Don’t ask. It’s considered crass to talk about money.”

  I snapped back in my seat, feeling like a chastised little girl. My cheeks were hot and I stared straight ahead, hoping he wouldn’t sense my hurt. I disliked him more than ever right then.

  “I didn’t...” His voice was soft. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it as a heads-up for later. You know...when you’re at society events. People around here...they think it’s beneath them to talk openly about money.”

  “Right,” I muttered.

  The atmosphere between us changed from charged to wary. I peeked at him from out of the corner of my eye. He looked tense.

  I shifted uneasily, hating that he hated being in my presence so much. I could have killed Franklin for putting us in this position.

  And I wasn’t sure that Eloise didn’t want to kill Franklin, either.

  Lunch today at school had kind of gone and ruined whatever small progress I’d made with Eloise the day before. Well, I’d kind of gone and ruined it by asking a back-to-not-talking-to-me-Finn if we were still okay to meet after school.

  The group had instantly wanted to know why, and I’d felt Eloise’s narrowed eyes on me the entire time as I explained Franklin had partnered Finn and me up for the history presentation. She didn’t say anything about it; in fact, she didn’t say anything to me at all after that, and Bryce cut me a warning look that had made me regret mentioning it in front of everyone.

  These girls were so freaking territorial! I’d never understand it. Never.

  It suddenly occurred to me that we weren’t driving out of Boston the way Gil took us. At all. “Where are we going?”

  “My place.”

  I rolled my eyes at his dry tone. “I know that, but I was under the impression your place was in Weston.”

  “Dover.”

  “Is that near Weston?”

  “About thirty minutes or so away.”

  “Eloise said you guys have known each other since you were kids?”

  “We have. Both of our families lived in Beacon Hill when we were little. Our parents were good friends.”

  I waited for him to tell me more but he just stared straight ahead in silence. Usually, I would have allowed him his silence but not this time. I was too curious to know more about him and Eloise. “So why did you move out of Boston?”

  He shot me an annoyed look but sighed before answering. “Elle’s mom died of cancer when she was thirteen. Theo wanted a fresh start so he bought the house in Weston.”

  I felt more than a flicker of compassion for Eloise, knowing what it was like to miss my mom and have to move someplace unknown. “And you?”

  His grip tightened on the steering wheel again. “My mom died of cancer when I was a kid. My father moved us to Dover but I hardly spend time there. I spent most of my time at Elle’s before they moved, but Josh and Gabe still live in Beacon Hill so I hang out there a lot.”

  I sucked in a breath at this information I had not known.

  My chest ached for him.

  For them both.

  And that’s when I suddenly got them—Finn and Eloise. I got them. They shared something no one else could understand.

  “I’m sorry, Finn, I didn’t know.”

  “It’s fine,” he said, his voice gruff.

  I blew out air between my lips, trying to shift the heaviness in my chest. “What are the odds,” I murmured, so sad for them.

  Finn didn’t reply and I did him a favor by not pestering him with any more questions, the answers to which were none of my business.

  For most of the journey to his place, I watched the world go by me in a daze, but when we passed a pretty sign that said Welcome to Dover, Massachusetts, I sat up straight, alert. We drove through a very small, well-landscaped town.

  “It’s nice here. Do you like it?”

  Finn shrugged. “Like I said, I don’t spend a lot of time here so I don’t know much about it. If I’m here I’m at the house.”

  I was confused. How could someone not know the town that they lived in? But as we turned off what seemed to be part of the town’s center, I began to understand.

  Finn drove down a tree-lined road, taking us away from the center of town. We passed a few driveways and I caught glimpses of large homes among the treetops.

  About five minutes later we turned down another road, passing a sign that said Snow’s Hill Lane, and Finn began to slow.

  The Aston Martin turned sharply onto a sloping drive and I wasn’t surprised by the building in front of me.

  A mammoth mansion with pale-blue wall shingles dwarfed us.

  Without a word, Finn got out of the car, taking long-legged strides around the hood and to my side. I looked up at him as he opened my door for me, wondering at the flutters low in my belly as I got out of the car.

  Nervous? I was nervous? No. I refused to be. I wasn’t going to let Finn’s place intimidate me any more than Theo’s did.

  Confident words, India.

  “Ready?” he said, sounding grim.

  I furrowed my brows at his tone. “Are you planning on murdering me when I get in there?”

  His lips twitched but he just shook his head and started walking toward the white
double doors.

  A maid opened the doors and I had to school my expression at what I saw beyond.

  Finn’s place was grander than Theo’s. I was staring at an imperial staircase. An actual imperial staircase. My neck craned back as I gazed up at the massive vaulted ceiling, and then brought my eyes back down to the marble flooring underneath my feet.

  “Hello, Hannah,” Finn said congenially to the maid who had let us in.

  She smiled brightly at him. “Good afternoon, sir.”

  His polite smile dropped as he asked quietly, “Is my father home?”

  “No, sir. I believe we’re to expect him at his usual time.”

  “Good.” Finn nodded and tension seemed to leave him.

  I frowned at his relief to hear his father wasn’t home. What was that about?

  He gestured toward the hallway. “This way.”

  I followed him as he led me through the opulent home, taking me past a formal dining room, what I assumed was the kitchen from the sounds coming from behind the doors and a few closed doors. I caught sight of a swimming pool out back when we passed the open doors to a library.

  Finally Finn led us into a room at the back of the house. It seemed like a much more relaxed place than the rest of the house with huge, comfortable-looking sofas and a television. Near the doorway was a large table and chairs. It wasn’t just any table, though. It was one of those dining tables that converted into a pool table.

  Finn pulled out a chair at said table. “I’ll just go grab my stuff. Do you want a drink, snacks?”

  I studied him for a moment. He was much more relaxed since we’d discovered his father wasn’t home. He frowned at my perusal. “What?”

  “Nothing.” I pulled my bag up, pretending I couldn’t give a crap about working this boy out. “Soda, please—whatever you have.”

  He left and I got up to look out of the pretty rectangular windows with their narrow white frames. The pool glimmered in the sunlight out back. It was twice as big as Theo’s pool and so was the pool house beyond it.

  I shook my head and turned around to survey the room I was in.