Unbreak My Heart

  “We made stew, huh, Sage?” Kate said with a shy smile. “It was kind of cold out today, and I felt like some comfort food.”

  “Are those Ellie’s biscuits?” I asked, my mouth watering at the thought.

  “Yep, and my mom’s beef stew recipe.”

  “Holy hell. When’s it ready?” I asked, unbuttoning my uniform top. I wanted to peel off my uniform and get into some basketball shorts and a T-shirt that didn’t smell like sweat, pronto.

  “Um,” Kate stuttered as she watched my fingers, and I became aware of my heart thumping hard in my chest. “Like twenty minutes,” she finally answered.

  “I’m gonna take a shower first then.”

  “Okay.”

  She was still staring, and I don’t know if it was the stress of the day or what, but suddenly I wanted her out of the kitchen and away from the four rugrats that were making so much noise.

  “Can I talk to you for a sec?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.

  “Sure. Hey, Sage, hop down, would you? I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Kate made sure Sage was away from the counter and grabbed Gunner off the floor, setting him in the playpen filled with toys between the kitchen and the living room before following me into the hall and up the stairs.

  When we got to my room, I wiggled and stretched my shoulders, trying to get the tight sleeves of my uniform off my biceps. That was the trouble with having tightly rolled-up sleeves; they were so tight, they were a pain in the ass to get off.

  I felt her fingers slide between my skin and the fabric of my sleeves, and stopped moving completely as she yanked first one sleeve and then the other down my arms.

  Her breathing was little off, kind of heavy and shuddery at the same time, and the feel of it on my shoulder was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

  “Is that all you—” Kate started to ask.

  My mouth was on hers before the last word was spoken, and I made an embarrassing desperate noise when her lips parted and she let me inside.

  She tasted like ginger, probably from the cookies she had brought with her that morning, and for some reason it ratcheted up my desire until I was practically shaking.

  My hands were shaky as they raced over her, one making its way to the ponytail at the back of her head and the other sliding down until it reached that sweet spot just below her ass. My fingers wrapped around her thigh as she whimpered into my mouth and tried to climb me, and without thought I jerked her leg high onto my hip.

  Shit. She was so hot. I could feel it through her pants. For the second time in my life, I thanked God for yoga pants and slid my hand down the back of them, not stopping until I found where she was soaking wet.

  Her hips tipped back, trying to get more room, and I tore my mouth from hers so I could catch my breath.

  “Please don’t stop,” she begged as she rolled her hips against my hand.

  “Lift your shirt,” I ordered frantically, trying to get at everything at once. I needed it all. I needed it right that second.

  Instead of lifting the tank top she had on, she slipped her arms out of the straps and carefully pulled it below her breasts. No bra. Thank fuck. I slid my hand out of the back of her pants and instantly shoved it back down the front, finding her clit and pinching it between my fingers as I bent down.

  “Careful, please,” she warned, jerking back as I went for her breasts.

  “I’ll be soft. You took out the rings,” I mumbled, slowing to take her right nipple gently into my mouth.

  “I thought I probably should,” she replied, arching her back.

  “You took out this one, too,” I said, pressing two fingers deep inside her and pressing down hard with my thumb on her clit. “I liked ’em.”

  “Shit,” she moaned, bending her knees so she could press down on my fingers inside her. “It’s not enough.”

  “It’s enough.”

  “No, I’m so close. God. It’s not—”

  I bit down on her nipple then, careful of how sensitive she seemed to be, and she came, gasping and shuddering as my hand between her legs became drenched in her.

  I pulled my hand from her slowly, running my fingers over everything I could reach, then lifted it and put those two fingers in my mouth.

  She tasted different than I remembered. Maybe even better.

  She was going for my utility belt when the sound of little feet stomping up the stairs reached our ears.

  Holy fuck.

  We scrambled to get decent, her pulling her tank top back over her hard-tipped breasts, and me reaching inside my pants to pull up my painfully tight dick and hide it underneath my belt, loosening my undershirt so it would fall over everything. Fuck, that hurt.

  “I’m hungry!” Keller yelled as he came to the doorway.

  “Okay, bud. I’ll be down in just a sec,” Kate said awkwardly.

  “I’m really hungry,” he insisted.

  “We’ll be right down, bud,” I said in my dad voice, warning him with just my tone that the conversation was finished.

  “Okay.” He spun on his heel and went barreling back down the stairs with all the grace of an elephant, and then there we were, standing a few feet apart and completely uncomfortable.

  “Fuck,” I mumbled, running my hands over my face, which just made things infinitely worse because they smelled like Kate.

  “That was fun,” she said with a smirk, looking anywhere but at my face.

  “For you maybe,” I grumbled, making her laugh a little.

  “Poor baby. You need some relief?” She walked to the doorway and called down to Sage. “How’s it going, sis?”

  “Watching cartoons!” Sage yelled from downstairs.

  “Okay, we’ll be down in a minute,” Kate yelled back before closing the door to my room quietly and locking it.

  “What are we doing?” I asked, knowing whatever we were doing was an extremely bad idea.

  “You’re not doing anything,” she said, reaching for my belt. “You’re just going to stand there.”

  She dropped to her knees then, and as much as my conscience was telling me to walk the fuck out of that room, the rest of me was saying that if I stopped her, I was going to break down in tears.

  She had my belt and the buttons to my trousers undone in seconds and pulled my boxers down until they were tucked under my balls at the tops of my thighs.

  “My exceptionally forgiving gag reflex is on the fritz,” she warned before sticking out her tongue to swipe at the head of my cock. “You’ll just have to take what I can give you.”

  I didn’t know why her words were so hot, but I didn’t really care, either, because she was sucking me into her mouth and using one of her hands to slide along with her lips, and I swore it was one of the best blow jobs I’d ever had even though she didn’t take me in very deep.

  The way she slid her hand off my thigh and rolled my balls in her palm made my eyesight grow hazy. She was totally focused, her eyes closed and her breath puffing out of her nose against my pelvis in short pants. It didn’t take long before I was pulling at her hair, eventually pulling her mouth completely off me.

  She didn’t swallow, but she did pull her tank top down so I could come all over her breasts and neck like I was fucking marking her or something.

  When she was done, she walked toward the bathroom and I moved for the door, tucking myself back into my pants. When I looked over the railing at the top of the stairs, Gunner was still in his playpen and the older kids were still sitting quietly watching cartoons.

  I’d just gotten back into my room when she came out of the bathroom, her neck and chest once again clean and covered, and her lips rosy and swollen.

  Keller bursting into the room hadn’t pulled me out of the fog I was in. Neither had the changes pregnancy had made to her body. I hadn’t stopped when I’d realized the taste of her body had changed or when she’d gone onto her knees. But for some reason, the words that came out of her mouth as she met me in the middle of the room were
like a bucket of cold water shocking me into the present.

  “I’m going to go down and finish dinner,” she said with a small smile.

  It was way too fucking domestic. Glad I got you off, honey. Now I need to go back to feed the kids.

  “This shouldn’t have happened,” I replied, erasing that smile. “What the fuck were we thinking?”

  “Oh. Wow. Okay.” She barked out a quiet derisive laugh and shook her head once. “You’re totally right. Won’t happen again,” she assured me with a small salute.

  “This isn’t your house,” I stubbornly continued on, the pain in my chest and the guilt in my belly feeling like they were going to burn their way out. “I’m not your husband.”

  “No, really?”

  “I’m not going to play house with you, Kate.”

  “I didn’t realize that’s what we were doing.”

  “I’m grateful, so fucking grateful, that you take care of the kids the way you do. I know you do it because you love them, and they love you just as much.”

  She was silent as I tried to gather my thoughts, but there were so many tumbling around in my head that I couldn’t make myself say what I wanted to, and everything that was coming out sounded bitter and condescending.

  “You and me are never going to happen, Kate. Okay? I’m not sure what you’re thinking, if you thought we’d just be one big happy family or something, but we won’t. You’re not Rachel. You’re just not, and you’re nice, but I don’t feel that way about you.”

  She nodded, looking over my shoulder, and I watched her swallow hard before turning away from me.

  “You’re not going to say anything?” I asked as she reached the doorway.

  “I think it’s already been said, don’t you?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “I’m not chasing you, Shane. Whatever it is you’re seeing isn’t there. You asked me to come in here. You kissed me. You got me off, so I returned the favor. I didn’t initiate any of that.”

  “You’re right. My mistake,” I ground out.

  “You don’t think of me that way, but you have no problem sticking your fingers in any hole you can reach, right?” She shook her head and sighed. “I don’t need this shit. Don’t touch me again.”

  I hopped in the shower as soon as I heard her walking down the stairs and grit my teeth as I washed my still painfully swollen erection. I’d just gotten some of the best head in my life, and I was still hard. When I finally got my body under control, I slipped into some shorts and an old T-shirt and headed downstairs just as the front door closed softly.

  “Where’s your auntie?” I asked Sage as I picked Gunner up.

  “She left. She said to tell you the biscuits are on top of the stove and the stew is ready in the Crock-Pot,” she replied, walking past me toward the kitchen.

  When the kids were settled and food had been passed out, I finally took a deep breath in relief. This was how it was supposed to be. Just me and my kids.

  Then I realized Kate had quietly left without eating any of the comfort food she’d been so excited about, and I felt like the biggest dick on the planet.

  Chapter 6

  Kate

  Hey, big brother!” I answered my phone as cheerfully as I could while scrolling through my work email.

  Only a couple of days remained until Shane left on his deployment, and I was scrambling to get as much done as I could while he had some days home with the kids. Between taking care of the little monsters and being sick as a dog still, I was having a hard time keeping up with the few clients I had left, and they were getting antsy. I was exhausted, and most nights when I walked into my tiny apartment I just wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep—but I couldn’t. Work started the minute I finally put my feet up, and without the crutch of caffeine I was having a hell of a time staying awake late enough to get anything done.

  “What’s wrong, Katiebear?” Alex asked, suspicion in his voice.

  “I guess you’ve heard the news then.”

  “What news?”

  “Don’t bullshit me.”

  “Yeah, Mom called me.”

  “God, will I not be able to tell anyone on my own?” I huffed, making him laugh.

  “Nah, I’m sure Mom’s letting you tell Bram—preferably after Shane is halfway around the world so he doesn’t fly to San Diego and kill him.”

  “But she told you?”

  “I’m stuck in Bum Fuck, Missouri. She probably figured I was the safe bet.”

  “How’s that going? I haven’t talked to you in a while,” I said, reaching around to press on my aching lower back. Army life had Alex moving all over the place. Sometimes it took me a few minutes before I even remembered where he was living.

  “It’s fine. Boring but fine. What about you? Lots of shit happening, huh?” he said sympathetically.

  “God, Alex. You have no idea.”

  “How the fuck did you end up sleeping with Shane of all people?” he asked.

  I snorted. “I know, right? The guy can’t stand me.”

  “Everyone likes you, Katie. Some people are just douchebags.” I heard something crinkle in the background and then the sound of him chewing something crunchy. With his mouth open. God, I swear my brothers had no manners when they weren’t near our mom.

  “He’s not a douche,” I argued weakly.

  “I love the guy, but he always had his head so far up Rachel’s ass it’s like he couldn’t see the light of day.”

  “That’s a charming picture.”

  “You know what I mean. What happened?”

  “You know how it goes, guy gets drunk on the anniversary of his wife’s death, his foster mother asks the girl to check on him. The girl works up the courage to go to him, then proceeds to down a coffee mug of Jack with the guy, and one thing leads to another…”

  “Shit, he knocked you up on the anniversary?”

  “Impeccable timing, am I right?”

  “Damn, Kate. That sucks.”

  I sighed, leaning back and closing my laptop. “It is what it is. Nothing I can do about it now.”

  “How are you feeling? Mom said you’ve been sick as hell.”

  “I’m a little better now. They gave me some meds for the nausea, so that helps. Now I’m just dealing with being tired all the freaking time.”

  “And Shane leaves in a few days, right?”

  “Yep. I’m moving my shit into his garage tomorrow and living with the monsters full time. Shane leaves the day after that.”

  “Damn, I wish I was there to help you pack. You nervous?”

  “About keeping the kids? Not really. I mean, I have them all day long as it is.”

  “About Shane deploying. Don’t act like that’s nothing.”

  “Of course I’m nervous about the deployment.” I paused, trying to formulate my words. “But I feel like it’s not my right to feel like that. I mean, the guy barely acknowledges my presence, so it’s not like I should be worrying about him…”

  “I know you care about him, Katie. You wouldn’t have slept with him if you didn’t.”

  “But the opposite is true for him. I don’t know, Al. I just feel like I’m a placeholder or something. Like our roles have never really been defined. I fill in. When he’s not there, I do what needs to be done now that Rachel isn’t there to do it. But now with this baby, I just…I’m more freaked out for the deployment than I ever have been before.”

  “That makes sense, sis. You’ve always cared about Shane in one capacity or another. Shit, we all do. But this is a big deal. Five children are your responsibility alone for the next six or seven months. You’re it, little sis.”

  “I know.”

  “Did he get all his shit in order?”

  “Yep. Allotments and life insurance and benefits are all switched over. That part made me want to vomit.”

  “Sounds like you’re always vomiting these days.”

  “No shit. At least I’ve lost those extra few pounds I’ve been wanting to get rid of.”

&nbs
p; “Don’t say shit like that,” Alex scolded, sounding angry. “You’re perfect the way you are. You shouldn’t be losing weight, especially when you’re supposed to be gaining it.”

  “It was a joke, Al.”

  “Stupid joke.”

  “I really am okay, you know,” I told him softly, wishing he were there with me.

  “You ready for this, Katiebear?”

  “I guess I’ll have to be.”

  “You’re going to be an incredible mother.”

  “You think so?”

  “I know so. You’ve been a pretty great one for the last year, haven’t you?”

  “You’re pretty much the best brother ever, you know that?”

  “I do, but make sure you tell Bram that, all right?”

  I laughed, and we talked for a little longer before he had to hang up, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  My apartment was completely packed except for my bedding and my toiletries, and I couldn’t say that I was sad to leave the place. I’d moved in when I’d had to scale back my business the year before, and it had never really felt like home. I missed my two-bedroom place in Carlsbad that I’d gotten for a steal. I missed being able to have people over without worrying that they wouldn’t have anyplace to sit. I missed being able to leave my bras hanging from the end of my bed and not worrying that I’d show them to every person who walked in my front door.

  But I couldn’t say that I was excited to move to Shane’s, either. The house in Oceanside wasn’t mine. I was staying there, like a long-term houseguest, and even though Shane wouldn’t be there to watch my every move, I was still a little on edge about it. That was Shane’s house…Rachel’s house. It hadn’t changed much in the year since she’d died. When I was there to keep the kids, that fact hadn’t really bothered me. I had my own space to come home to—my own little sanctuary that was filled with my things and decorated the way I liked.

  I wouldn’t have that anymore. I’d be living in someone else’s home. In someone else’s life.

  At least Shane had kept his tantrums to a minimum since our little interlude in his bedroom a week or two before. God, that had turned out badly.