Isle of Palms

  “Hey! God! What a night for a party! Anna! I love your house! Thanks so much for inviting me!”

  “I’m so glad to see you!” I was. “So, how’s it going? Old Harriet still mad at me?”

  “Anna, I caaan’t staand her another minute! Gimme a job!”

  The very words I had waited to hear.

  “When can you start?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “You bet! Wanna run the place?”

  “I’ll do anything!”

  “That’s the whole point, Carla, you can do anything! Tell Harriet to kiss my big fat pink fluffy behind and come in tomorrow!”

  “You mean it?”

  Was she kidding?

  “Uh, yes. I mean it. I open at nine.”

  “Deal!”

  We hugged and I thought, Okay, this is going to be a truly wonderful night.

  Everyone was dancing and the blistering heat of the day became one of those famous Lowcountry balmy nights. You could smell salt and even over the music—which was pretty loud—you could hear the ocean’s roar. True to his word, Jim was teaching Bettina to shag and Frannie was teaching Bobby. They were all wearing sombreros and laughing, having fun.

  David was running around with Lucy’s digital camera, with Emily by his side. I have to say this again. This David was an excellent influence. His plan was to fill the memory stick, download it, erase it, and continue taking pictures. All the prints would be in the salon next week for everyone to claim. What a great idea! I looked up a few minutes later and saw Daddy doing a slow fox-trot with Miss Mavis. Miss Mavis was in heaven.

  “Get a picture of them!” I said to David and he went off and snapped a dozen, knowing it was important to document it.

  Trixie had arrived, wearing a pale yellow linen sleeveless dress. She worked her way around the crowd, arriving at where I was standing after some time.

  “Hello, Anna,” she said, offering me her cheek.

  I gave the old goat a little peck and said, “Oh, Trixie, I’m so glad you could come.”

  “Ah understand my son had a little setback,” she said as though Jim had clipped a bothersome hangnail.

  I could smell gin. I wasn’t serving gin. And, I wasn’t sure if she meant Gary’s death or not. “Do you mean Gary?”

  “Of course Ah mean Gary,” she said with noticeable discomfort.

  She was snockered. “Well, yes. Gary was a great friend to Jim for many years. I’m just glad Jim was with Gary and his family at the end. I think it made it easier for all of them.”

  Trixie looked at me like she had no earthly idea what I was talking about and I worried for a moment that I had given her some information that Jim didn’t want her to have.

  “Ah see,” she said, “Ah’m sure it did. My son is a very compassionate man.”

  “Your son hung the moon, Trixie, and he’s spent the better part of his years teaching our daughter and me how to arrange the stars.”

  “Our daughter? Come now, Anna. When are you going to let go of that little fantasy?”

  I stared at her. “Give me your car keys.”

  She opened her purse and handed them to me. “Why? Am Ah blocking somebody?”

  “Yeah, the rescue team from Betty Ford. Don’t even think about driving, okay?”

  “How dare you! Why! Of all the crust!”

  “Emily is our daughter and you don’t know shit, Trixie. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.”

  I walked away before I hit her. She wasn’t going to ruin this fabulous night. She could take her anger to a counseling center and stew in it for all I cared. I managed to get about ten feet away from her when I bumped right into Jack Taylor.

  “Well, hi!” he said, “this is some great party!”

  “Hi!” I said, trying to recover my good humor. “Hey, I never got a chance to thank you for the plant, but it was awfully nice of you. Not necessary, but very nice. Where’s Caroline?”

  “She’s around. You want to dance?”

  “Why not?” I said. I tossed the car keys to Jim and said, “Hang on to these!”

  The deejay was playing “Carolina Girls” but we’d danced for about two seconds when he switched to the Righteous Brothers’ “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” and the next thing I knew, Jack Taylor had his arm all the way around my waist and I could smell his aftershave. I liked it and I liked the way he held me too. Oh-oh. No, no, Anna. Don’t go there! I straightened up a little and he looked at me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Oh, nothing! Just that I don’t feel like having Caroline whupping my ass at my own party, that’s all.” Well, I thought, that was a very ladylike thing to say, Anna, good job.

  He burst out laughing and said, “What? You must be kidding! Look over there!”

  Sure enough, when I looked around, Caroline was engaged in some serious flirtation with one of Lucy’s castoffs. She apparently was trying to read the embossing of his cowboy belt through the hips of her silk dress. You know, like Braille? Whew! Still, it didn’t seem right to snag her date.

  “We’re really just friends,” he said. “I mean, we used to be more, but we decided friendships lasted longer. And what about you? Isn’t that your husband over there?”

  “We’re divorced,” I said, “and he’s gay.”

  “Ah!” he said and his eyes danced, “that explains a lot.”

  I didn’t know what that meant but it didn’t matter.

  When the music stopped he said, “Thanks. Can I get you something to drink?”

  “Sure. I’ll come with you.”

  We stepped down from the dance floor and moved toward the bar. He took a bottle of wine from the cooler and poured some into small plastic cups for us. He was wearing a white shirt with rolled cuffs and navy trousers and somehow had managed to remain wrinkle free. That was proof that he was a little prissy. Although when Brigitte showed up unwrinkled it seemed fine. And, how did he know I didn’t want a beer? Was it because he thought women should drink wine? I got annoyed and in the same breath, I got annoyed with myself for getting annoyed with him in the first place.

  “Here we are,” he said, handing me the cup, “cheers!”

  “Cheers!” I said and clinked his cup.

  What was the matter with me? Here was a perfectly nice, attractive, single man, a doctor no less, interested in me and I had only the most minimal attraction to him. I liked the way he smelled, the way he danced, and the way he looked, but he didn’t have that electricity thing that Arthur had. He was as dull as a bucket of green paint. All doctors were boring, I thought. Daddy included. At least it seemed that Jack was dull. Why was I rushing to this opinion about him? I’d had two whole minutes of conversation with him and already decided he wasn’t for me.

  “Beautiful night,” he said.

  “Yeah, it was hotter than the roof of hell today. We got lucky that it cooled off.” I couldn’t sound like a lady if my life depended on it.

  “I’d like to have dinner with you sometime, I mean, take you out to dinner, if you’d like to, that is, if you want to. That didn’t come out right.”

  He just sort of blurted it out and then stumbled all over himself. It was the first right thing he had done in my eyes. Okay, I thought, give him a shot.

  “Sure, that would be great. In fact, this week’s good. My daughter’s going back to college in the morning and I’ll need some cheering up.”

  “You have a daughter? Where?”

  I pointed to her and saw him do a double take. “Her name’s Emily. She’s goes to Georgetown.” Then, in the true courteous fashion that all overprotective mothers possess, I decided I needed more information about him. Maybe he was a pedophile for all I knew. “What kind of a doctor are you?”

  “Why? Are you ill? Should I check your pulse?”

  “No! I was just wondering, that’s all.”

  “Dermatologist. Graduated from the Medical University of South Carolina. And I’m a Citadel grad. I’ll have to show you all my plaques somet
ime.” He was smiling.

  “It’s very important to know about potential serial killers before you have dinner with them, don’t you think?” I said.

  “Most definitely! But I assure you, my serial killer days are over. Right now I’m focused on taking two points off my handicap. Do you play golf?”

  “Golf? Honey? I’d rather take a needle in my eye! No, I don’t play golf.”

  “All righty then. I won’t be taking you out on the links! We’ll just start with dinner.”

  Out on the links? How old was he? A thousand?

  I spotted Marilyn and Billy Davey walking over to us. I was hoping she would come.

  “Here comes my real estate broker! Hey!”

  “Anna? This is my husband, Billy.”

  “Hey, nice to meet you. I’m not her husband. I don’t know why she tells everyone that.”

  “Shut up, Billy! I don’t know why he says these things! We’ve been married for almost thirty years!”

  “Nope!” Billy said and shook hands with Jack. “You married to Anna?”

  “Not yet,” he said. “Think I should ask her?”

  “Hell, no,” Billy said, “getting married is the quickest way to wind up with an old woman.”

  “Billy Davey! You embarrass me!” Marilyn turned on her heels and started walking away.

  “Marilyn? Come on back, darlin’! I was just kidding! Come on . . .”

  Jack and I started laughing.

  “What a perfect match! He’s a mess, ’eah?”

  “You sounded just like Susan Hayes when you said that. Where are they?” He looked at his watch and then around the crowd. “There they are!” He waved them over.

  Susan and Simon came through the crowd, Simon pulling Susan along by the hand. They were both tanned and smiling.

  “Hey!” Susan said. “You are so nice to have us! What a night! Did y’all eat? I’m starving!”

  “She’s always starving!” Simon said and introduced himself. “You must be Anna. I’m Simon. Thanks for inviting us.”

  “How did you know who I was?”

  “Because my lecherous friend Dr. Taylor said that I would find him with the prettiest girl at the party. That’s how.”

  “You boys are some smooth talkers,” I said. “You fill a girl’s head!”

  “How about filling my stomach before I faint?” Susan said. “Come on, Anna. You’re too skinny. Let’s feed you.”

  Susan and I walked away from the men arm in arm.

  “Marry him tomorrow,” I said, “he’s adorable.”

  “Nah! Then I have to start picking up his clothes off the floor. God, this barbecue smells like heaven! Did you make it?” She heaped a spoon of it on her plate.

  “Yeah, right! Mr. B’s on Coleman Boulevard. I cook, but not for this many people. You want a roll for that?”

  “Me either. No roll. Carbs. I’m doing Atkins.” She picked up a piece of meat and popped it in her mouth. “Whoo! Hot!” She took a long drink of her wine. “Damn, honey, this is good! So what’s the occasion for the party?”

  “End of summer? You know? Just wanted to thank everyone for all they did to help me start up my salon and all.”

  “What a great idea! So are you loving being on the Isle of Palms or what?”

  “You wouldn’t believe how great it is.”

  “The city’s so hot you could die for a breath of air! Actually, Simon and I have been talking about moving over here, that is, when we take the plunge.”

  “Come on with me, I’ll introduce you to my broker, Marilyn Davey. She’s a sweetheart.”

  “Marilyn Davey? Hell, honey, I’ve known Marilyn Davey since the sandbox! Went to Bishop England with her and Stella Maris! She’s the best! And that husband of hers is crazy as a bedbug, ’eah? He’s fun!”

  “You know it. Did you know I went to Stella Maris and Bishop England too?”

  “No way!”

  “Small world, huh?”

  I took Susan to Marilyn and they started an animated conversation that would probably lead to a house sale.

  “Just make sure you invite me to the wedding,” I said before I left them. “I gotta go check on Daddy.”

  “Let’s get together, okay?” Susan said. “We can double-date!”

  “Great!” I said and thought to myself, Well, if I did go out with Jack tomorrow night, being with Susan and Simon would be the optimum situation.

  I met up with Brigitte at the bar.

  “Lucy find you anything interesting?”

  “Nah, they’re nice guys, but not for me. The one decent guy is dancing with somebody else.”

  “Hey, Lucy’s got plenty of talent in her phone book. We’ll keep looking. I gotta go find Daddy.”

  “Okay. Don’t worry about me. My prince will come.”

  I found Daddy and Lucy in Lucy’s kitchen, pouring coffee for Trixie. I was going to try and sneak away but Lucy saw me and opened the door.

  “Hey! Come on in! You want some coffee?”

  “Jesus. Busted.” I said, as quietly as I could without hissing. “I didn’t know Trixie was here.”

  “What did you say to her?” Lucy whispered. “She’s as mad as a hornet’s nest!”

  “Don’t get involved,” I said, knowing that she already was. I stepped inside and decided I’d had enough of Trixie.

  “Hi, honey,” Daddy said, “great party.” She’s toasted! he mouthed and pointed to Trixie. As if I didn’t know.

  “Weeellll! Looky who’s here!” Trixie said, nearly sliding off her chair.

  “O! Kay! That’s it! Trixie, you’re tight as a tick, okay? And I don’t argue with drunks. Being fried in front of your granddaughter is bad enough. But you will no longer come over to my house and leave your venomous droppings wherever you please. I am all done with you. Do you hear me?”

  “Ah hear you just fine, Mrs. Abbot.”

  Trixie’s eyes were swimming in her head.

  “Anna?” Daddy said. “What hap—”

  “Don’t worry about it, Daddy.” I turned back to Trixie. “Good. Then hear this too. You are a mean, mean person, Trixie Abbot. When you sober up, if you even remember this, call me if you want to apologize. Otherwise, don’t ever call me again.”

  “Jim’s gay, you know,” she said and began to cry. “He had a gay lover too.”

  Had she gone off her rocker and the porch too?

  “Yes, we know that, Trixie, and we love Jim because he is just about the most wonderful, smart, funny, and generous man in the world. What’s the matter with you? Emily and I don’t care if Jim’s from the freaking planet Mongo, okay?”

  “It’s so humiliating!” Trixie wailed.

  “No, it’s not,” Lucy said.

  “Oh, what do you know, you, you . . .” She looked Lucy up and down. “You tramp!”

  “What?” Lucy said.

  “I’m going to give you something to calm you down, Trixie,” Daddy said. “This is unbecoming for a lady like you to be in this state.” He took her elbow and pulled her to her feet.

  “I am not a tramp!” Lucy said, getting upset.

  “Come on, Lucy,” I said and started to take her out the door. Something made me stop and throw Trixie one more zinger. “Wake up, Trixie, it’s 2002 and by today’s standards, Lucy is more of a lady than you ever were!”

  Lucy and I hurried down her steps and back to our party.

  “She is the meanest, most hateful . . .”

  “She’s jealous, Lucy.”

  “What?”

  “Honey, she’s sweet on Doc.”

  “I’ll claw the bitch’s eyes out!”

  “The LAY-DY has spoken!”

  Lucy and I started to laugh. There wasn’t a chance in the world that my daddy would trade a hot thing like Lucy for a prim old stuck-up crone like Trixie.

  I looked around the yard. Frannie was slow-dancing with a very nice looking man.

  “That’s Jake,” Lucy said. “He used to do my plumbing.”

  We looke
d at each other and started laughing again.

  “I’ll bet!”

  Suddenly the deejay changed the music and all I heard was, “It’s getting hot in here! I wanna take off all my clothes!” The next thing I knew, Jim grabbed my arm, plopped a straw hat on my head, and we started a conga line that wound all across the dance floor, down through the yard, and back up on the dance floor. Every single person there joined in, except Miss Mavis, who was asleep in a chair, and Miss Angel, who stood beside her, clapping in time with us, head thrown back smiling.

  The night was the stuff of carnivals and dreams. When the last car left, it was well past eleven. Emily and David were cleaning up, God love them, but also because I had told them I’d give them a hundred dollars to make everything disappear. Emily had balked at first.

  “Come on, Momma! I’m tired! I’m leaving early tomorrow and I wanna spend the time with David!”

  “It takes me three days to earn a hundred dollars,” David said. “We can do this in an hour, Emily. Let’s kick it!”

  “Oh, all right,” she said, giving in.

  Loved the boy. Just loved the boy.

  Jim, Frannie, and I were sitting at the table with Daddy and Lucy.

  “Great party,” Daddy said. “Unfortunately, Trixie is in your guest room, Lucy. Fast asleep.”

  “Oh, that’s okay,” Lucy said.

  “Too much sauce?” Jim said.

  “Just a tad short to fill Lake Champagne,” I said.

  “Yeah, boy!” Frannie said. “I was up there with my man Jake and here came Trixie shaking her booty!”

  “Whoa! I missed that,” I said.

  “Don’t worry,” David called out, “I got a picture!”

  We chuckled over that and just let it go. All of us were too tired to discuss whether or not Trixie had developed a serious alcohol issue or if tonight had been a one-time thing.

  “Come on, old boy,” Lucy said, pulling Daddy to his feet, “I’ll let you stay over if you tell me I’m the queen of the Isle of Palms!”

  “Your Majesty!” Daddy said and bowed to her, then he stood and waved to us. “Good night all!”

  He and Lucy climbed the steps together and somehow it seemed right. Lucy was a great girl and Daddy could’ve done worse.

  “Shacking up,” Jim said.

  “That’s more than I can say for any of us!” I said.