Bernard Brooks' Adventures: The Experience of a Plucky Boy

  CHAPTER XIV. SOME OF THE PASSENGERS.

  |Bernard had always cherished high respect for literary men andprofessors, though it must be confessed that he did not venerateProfessor Snowdon. To find Professor Puffer an inebriate was certainly ashock to him. Still, he remembered that Burns had been intemperate, andthat Byron loved gin, and that in spite of his taste for whiskyProfessor Puffer might be a learned man.

  The next day the professor was sober, partly, perhaps, because hissupply of drink had given out. Bernard resolved to get better acquaintedwith him.

  "Professor Puffer," he said, after breakfast, "I am ready to begin workwhenever you please."

  "All right! Have you been seasick?"

  "No, sir."

  "I thought perhaps for the first three or four days you might beaffected."

  "I thought so, too, as I am not used to the sea, but I haven't had anytrouble yet, so that I can go to work any time you desire."

  "I shan't undertake to do any work on the ship, Mr.---- what is yourname?"

  "Brooks--Bernard Brooks."

  "Just so. I shall remember after a while."

  "I am very much obliged to you for giving me a situation when you don'tknow any more of me."

  "Oh, Mr. McCracken spoke for you. A sharp man is Mr. McCracken."

  "I dare say he is, but I don't know much about him."

  "Don't you?" asked the professor, showing some interest. "Isn't he yourguardian?"

  "Yes, sir, but I have never spent much time with him."

  "Has he charge of much property of yours?"

  "He says I have no property."

  "Ha, indeed! As a rule, guardians are not appointed unless there isproperty."

  "He was a friend--that is, an acquaintance of my father."

  "How long has your father been dead?"

  "Ever since I was five years old."

  Now it occurred to Bernard to ask some questions. "Mr. McCracken told meyou were interested in antiquities."

  "Yes--antiquities."

  "Have you written any works on the subject?"

  "Yes, several," answered the professor, with some hesitation.

  "Have you any of them with you?"

  "No."

  "I thought I should like to look them over if you had, and it might helpqualify me for my duties."

  "I have no doubt you will answer my purpose," said the professor,yawning, as if he did not feel much interest in the subject.

  Bernard was rather disappointed. He wished the professor would talk tohim on his specialty, as it would be interesting and instructive.

  "Are we going to stay abroad long?" he asked.

  "My plans are not fully formed," said the professor. He gave theimpression of not caring to talk on the subject, and Bernard took thehint, and ceased to question him. He found time hanging heavily on hishands, as he appeared to have no duties and thought it might beinteresting to make some acquaintances on board the ship.

  There were ten passengers besides Professor Puffer and himself. Thefirst he became acquainted with was a thin, sallow-faced man who woregreen glasses. What he was Bernard could not conjecture, but soonlearned.

  He was standing forward looking out at the white capped waves when avoice accosted him. "Young man, are you bilious?"

  Opening his eyes in surprise, Bernard recognized the sallow-facedpassenger.

  "I don't think I am," he answered.

  "I am Dr. Felix Hampton," said his new acquaintance. "I have discovereda medicine which will effectually cure biliousness."

  "Indeed, sir! You will be a public benefactor, in that case."

  "True, young man. I feel that my work is a great one. Thousands willbless my name. I am going abroad to introduce my medicine in Europe.There must be thousands of bilious cases in London alone."

  "I presume you are right. Shall you establish yourself in London?"

  "I cannot give myself to any one country. I shall endeavor to sell aninterest in my medicine to some responsible party who will push it inGreat Britain. Who is the red-faced man you are traveling with?"

  "Professor Ezra Puffer."

  "What is he professor of?"

  "I don't know, sir. I believe he is interested in antiquities."

  "Is he bilious?"

  "I haven't known him long enough to tell."

  "Would you mind recommending my medicine to him?"

  "I think you had better do so yourself. I don't know anything about themedicine, you know."

  "Is he your father?"

  "No, sir."

  The idea of being the son of Professor Puffer was quite repugnant toBernard, and he answered promptly.

  "You may be bilious without knowing it. If you will, come to mystateroom I will give you a teaspoonful of the medicine without charge."

  "Thank you, sir. I don't care for it. If I were sick I would make up mymind to buy medicine, but I feel perfectly healthy. Do you use ityourself?"

  "I did, but now I am entirely cured of the insidious disease."

  It struck Bernard that Dr. Hampton was singularly unhealthy inappearance, but this he kept to himself.

  As he walked to another part of the deck he was accosted by a bright,healthy looking man of perhaps thirty-five, with a rosy face and aquick, alert manner.

  "I see you have been talking with Dr. Hampton," he said.

  "I didn't know that was his name."

  "Did he ask you if you were bilious?"

  "Yes, and offered me a dose of his medicine without charge."

  The other laughed. "He made me the same liberal offer. Neither you nor Ilook like bilious cases."

  "I should think not,"

  "The doctor himself looks like a victim of liver complaint. Are youtraveling alone?"

  "No, sir. I am traveling with Professor Puffer."

  "A short man with a red face?"

  "Yes."

  "A friend of your family?"

  "I never saw him until I met him on the ship."

  "You called him Professor Puffer. What is he professor of?"

  "I believe he is interested in antiquities."

  "He seems to me more interested in liquor. But I must apologize. Ishould not speak so of your friend."

  Bernard laughed.

  "I am not sensitive on the subject of my friend, or rather my employer,"he said.

  "Your employer?"

  "Yes; I am his secretary, and I believe I am to assist him in hisliterary labors."

  "Then I suppose you will become a professor of antiquities also."

  "Perhaps so," assented Bernard, with a smile.

  "For my part, I don't care much for antiquities. I am more interested inthe present than in the past. I am buyer for a Boston house, and my nameis Nelson Sturgis. How may I call you?"

  "Bernard Brooks."

  "Professor Brooks?" asked Sturgis.

  "Not yet," laughed Bernard.

  "Suppose we take a little promenade. I make a practice of walking twohours daily on shipboard in order to get my customary exercise."

  "I shall be glad to join you, Mr. Sturgis."

  As they were walking they had an opportunity to witness an amusingmeeting between Professor Puffer and Dr. Hampton.

  As Professor Puffer emerged from the cabin the sallow-faced manapproached him with the stereotyped question, "Pardon me, sir, but areyou bilious?"

  "What the--dickens do you mean?" demanded Professor Puffer, glaring atthe doctor.

  "No offense, sir, but I think most persons are bilious."

  "You look a good deal more bilious than I."

  "No, sir, you are mistaken. I have cured myself of liver complaint byDr. Hampton's celebrated liver tonic. I am Dr. Hampton."

  "Are you? Well, your appearance doesn't speak very well for your remedy.My liver is perfectly regular."

  "I am glad to hear it, sir. I was speaking to your secretary a shorttime since, but he doesn't think he is bilious. A boy of his agewouldn't be apt to know. I will make you the same offer that I did him.I will give you a do
se of the tonic free gratis, and you may find thatit will benefit you."

  "Is there any whisky or brandy in the tonic?" asked Professor Puffer,with sudden interest.

  "No, sir, not a drop. You may rest assured that it is a stricttemperance medicine."

  "Then I don't want any of it, sir. Temperance is a humbug. Are you atemperance man?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "I am not. Good morning."

  Dr. Hampton's next interview was more satisfactory. Among the passengerswas a thin maiden lady of uncertain age. She was beginning to sufferseasickness when Dr. Hampton approached her.

  "Pardon me," he said, "but you look bilious."

  "I fear I am," she answered, in a hollow tone. "I feel dreadfully."

  "I thought I could not be mistaken. Shall I relieve you?"

  "Oh, sir, if you only could."

  "I can. A bottle of my celebrated liver tonic will make a new man--Imean woman--of you."

  "Bring me some, please, for indeed I feel very sick."

  Dr. Hampton produced a small bottle from his pocket. "This is it," hesaid. "A dollar, please."

  The maiden lady drew a dollar bill from her pocket, and the doctor,producing a spoon, administered a dose. The result was magical! The ladyrushed hastily to the side of the vessel, and was relieved of herbreakfast.

  "I feel better," she gasped.

  "I knew you would," said the doctor, and he put the bill into his pocketwith a smile of satisfaction.