Last Christmas

being here prove that?

  "Why not?" she said casually, taking the joint from Thomas and praying she would do it right. She pinched

  the joint between her thumb and index finger and inhaled, just like Eli and Thomas had done. Her lungs

  burned, and she doubled over in a coughing fit. She could feel her cheeks burning in embarrassment, and tears

  sprang to her eyes.

  Nice try, loser, a voice in her head taunted her. Why do you even bother?

  "You okay?" Thomas asked gently, reaching out and touching her knee. Now that his touch was pitying, she

  didn't want it. "M'fine," she choked out, jerking her knee away from him. "Whoa." Eli laughed, propping

  himself up on his elbows. "Pearson's really starting to rub off on you. Last year when we were all in Cabo

  you wouldn't touch that shit. Remember? Gage did that prissy impression of her?" he asked, slapping Thomas

  on the shoulder. Ariana's face burned. No one had ever told her that Gage had mocked her after that incident.

  "I didn't go to Cabo last Christmas," Thomas reminded him. "My parents made me go to Switzerland. Blake

  was skiing in that big tournament thing." "Riiiight. You missed one hell of a party, man," Eli said. "But then,

  so did Ariana," he said, nodding at her. "Girl refused to unclench the whole time."

  "Well, a lot can change in a year," she snapped. Although this one thing will stay the same. She handed the

  joint back to Eli.

  "Fair enough." Eli shrugged, taking another hit. "So how long are you planning on sticking around, Tate?"

  Thomas asked, shooting Ariana a meaningful glance. Her heart skipped a beat. Eli shrugged. "Depends on

  how long I can get away with ducking out on this wedding shit." "It would probably mean a lot to your sister

  if you were there," Ariana said flatly. If she had to carry him back to Greenwich herself, she would.

  "Stepsister," Eli corrected her. "And trust me, she doesn't care if I'm there or not, so long as she gets her

  fucking white silk tent in Aruba." He stood up, clapped Thomas on the back, and headed down the aisle for

  the door, the joint held tightly between his fingers.

  "Are you leaving?" Ariana asked, aware that she sounded too hopeful.

  "Gotta take a piss," he called over his shoulder. Something seemed wrong about saying the word piss in a

  chapel. Then again, something seemed wrong about hooking up in a chapel with a guy who wasn't even her

  boyfriend. She wasn't in much of a position to judge. "We've got to ditch him. ASAP," she whispered as the

  chapel doors slammed shut. She jumped to her feet, wrapping her coat tightly around her frame. "Get up."

  She extended her hand toward Thomas, the cold rushing over her again. Her fingers were tinged a light blue,

  her nose and ears completely numb.

  Thomas looked up at her with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. "I think I like the new you."

  She liked the new her too. Even in this frigid, abandoned space, with a boy she barely knew, she felt safe.

  Secure enough to say exactly what she wanted. She fiddled with the fleur-de-lis around her neck, wondering if

  this was what it felt like to be Noelle. To know what you wanted and expect to get it.

  "Then let's go," she said playfully.

  Thomas grinned and let her pull him to his feet. He glanced at the doors through which Eli had disappeared,

  then started in the opposite direction. "This way." "Wait! My bag." Ariana scurried over and grabbed up her

  things, then took Thomas's hand again. He tugged her toward an arched exit at the back of the church, and the

  rush of excitement that had stolen over her just minutes before seized her again. Outside, they stepped right

  into a drift of snow that came just below her knees. It seeped through her pants, melting against her skin, but

  she didn't care. She was warm all over. Thomas led her into a small clearing behind the church, where the

  canopy of tree branches had prevented the snow from piling too deep. Wind swirled overhead and Eli was

  nowhere to be seen. "So ..." He grinned, barely visible in the dark. "You're the boss." "We can't go back to

  Drake. Too many teachers around." Ariana tucked her hands into her coat pockets. "A hotel?" she mused. A

  sudden gust of wind sent a dusting of white powder into her face, and she turned to shield herself. "The

  Driscoll? It's close enough that we could walk, and it probably wouldn't take that long."

  The thought of being with Thomas, alone, in a warm hotel room sent a shiver down her spine. "Yeah."

  Thomas pulled his cell from his pocket and pressed a single button, holding the phone to his ear "Speed dial?"

  Ariana groaned. "I really wish I hadn't seen that." "It's room service," Thomas said, trying to keep a straight

  face. Trying, but failing. "They make an unbelievable cheeseburger. Swear." Ariana raised an eyebrow. "You

  don't believe me?" Thomas pretended to be indignant. "About as much as I believe you'd read Playboy for

  the articles." Thomas held his hand up. "Yeah. Just wanted to book a room for tonight?" He paused, his face

  falling. "Okay. Thanks, man." He snapped the phone shut and shoved it back in his pocket. "They're booked.

  Guy at the desk said every hotel in town is packed. People can't get out of here because of the snow."

  Ariana's heart sank. It was crazy to want to be alone in a hotel room with Thomas. Crazy to be here with him

  now. But she couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

  "So I guess we only have one option," she said gravely. She nodded at the smooth covering of snow on the

  ground. Thomas laughed, backing away from her. "Oh, no. No way. You're crazy." It took every ounce of

  bravery Ariana could summon to do what she did next. She lowered her body to the freezing cold ground,

  leaned back on her elbows, and looked up at Thomas, her blue eyes tempting. "Ami?" She stopped breathing.

  She couldn't believe what she was saying. Doing. Thomas's smile widened. "How could I say no to that?"

  Ariana grinned, ecstatic and relieved all at once. He knelt down and buried his hands in her thick, blond hair

  before touching his lips to hers. Ariana's heart filled with pure happiness as he lowered himself on top of her.

  She didn't care about the cold anymore. Couldn't feel anything but the heat of his body. She turned her face

  to let him run his lips along her cheek and out of the corner of her eye, she saw a dark shape in the snow. And

  froze. "Thomas," she croaked, pushing him away. "Stop." Bile rose in the back of her throat. She was seeing

  things. She must have been.

  "What?" He squinted quizzically at her. "What's wrong?"

  Her body felt as though it had been filled with lead, but her mind was racing. Screaming. It wasn't possible.

  He couldn't have.... She forced herself to sit up. Reached for the object and held it in front of Thomas,

  shaking the snow from it. She was going to throw up.

  "What's that?" Thomas asked.

  "Daniel's hat," she managed, fighting the nausea that swept over her. "He must have been here. He must have

  come back for me."

  "No," Thomas said, looking around nonetheless. "He left this morning. This hat could belong to anyone. It

  could be Eli's or some other moron who was up here smoking."

  But Ariana knew better. The hat was brand-new. Obviously unused. It was too much of a coincidence. Daniel

  had been here. He must have found out somehow and now he was watching her. He knew what she had done.

  89

  BREAKING AND ENTERING

  ***"He knows." Ariana stared straight ahead, still clutching Daniel's hat. Numb to the icy chill that grippe
d

  her body and refused to release her. Numb to the snow that seemed to fall harder with each passing second.

  She felt nothing but fear. Every muscle in her body tensed, like those of a frightened, trapped animal.

  "Ariana."

  Hearing her name on his tongue made her want to cry. But she couldn't. The fear rose up in her throat, made

  it hard for her to breathe.

  "Every guy on campus has a hat like that. It's like seeing a polo shirt in the snow and being positive it's

  Daniel's." He tugged the hat from her grip and chucked it into the woods. "Let's get out of here. It's freaking

  freezing."

  Ariana nodded. "You're right." She let him pull her up and dusted the snow from her wet jeans. "That hat

  could be anybody's."

  90

  She was simply repeating the words Thomas wanted to hear. A small part of her knew she was being

  irrational, thinking Daniel was here, but he was the worst person to have seen them. The one person who

  could make everything fall apart at once. How could her mind not go there? Besides, she'd just given him that

  hat. What were the odds?

  Another wave of panic gripped her as her mind raced over the events of the day. Daniel probably hadn't

  believed her lie about the text. What if he'd just pretended to believe it to save face in front of their friends,

  then stayed behind to make her pay? He didn't like to lose. That quality was what made him a star athlete. It

  made him a Ryan. The kind of guy who would do anything to keep from losing Ariana. Anything.

  And if he was here somewhere, following her and Thomas, there was no telling what he'd do.

  "Come on. We can stay in Ketlar." Thomas grabbed her hand, but her fingers were too cold to feel him.

  "Ketlar's not open."

  She clung to him as if he could erase the fear. Make it not true. Make that hat somehow not be there.

  "I rigged the back door. We can stay in my room." He stepped ahead of her as they reached the edge of the

  woods, leaning against a thick, snow-covered pine branch so Ariana could pass through.

  "I don't know," Ariana said, pausing as the wind whipped her hair around her face. "What if someone sees

  us? We can't get caught. And what if Daniel-"

  91

  "Daniel's not here!" Thomas shouted against the wind, releasing her hand. His tone was sharp, stinging, and

  Ariana took a shocked step back.

  "I'm sorry," she muttered, not knowing exactly what she was apologizing for.

  Thomas's shoulders dropped. "No. I mean, I'm sorry." His voice softened and he looked off to the right,

  toward the school. Away from her. "It's just, I'm sick of hearing about Daniel Ryan."

  Ariana's heart warmed at the vulnerability in this statement.

  "And I'm aware that we can't get caught. I'm screwed if I get expelled," he said. "But I can't think of any

  other options."

  "Fine," Ariana said. "We'll go to Ketlar."

  He reached for her hand again and they walked the rest of the way in silence. As she trudged through the

  snow, bent against the wind, Ariana tried to get her feelings in order. Thomas's tone had wounded her. It had

  made her feel like a scolded child. Plus, why did he care so much about getting caught? He always got away

  with everything. And he wasn't the one who had everything to lose if he got expelled. He wasn't the one

  whose family would be destroyed if he was caught. When they reached the back door of Ketlar, Thomas

  easily pulled it open.

  "The wonders of duct tape," he said, pointing to the metallic strip he'd secured over the lock. He pulled his

  lighter from his pocket and ignited it, then gestured for Ariana to go in ahead of him.

  The halls were eerily lifeless. Usually filled with laughter and loud music, they now echoed with heavy

  silence. Ariana shivered in the

  92

  cold, watching her breath rise and disappear in front of her. Silently, she followed him to the second floor,

  turning away as they passed Daniel's room.

  They stopped at the end of the hall, in front of Thomas's door. It was bare, unlike most of the other doors on

  the hall, which were covered in bumper stickers, dry-erase boards, and pictures. He pushed the door open with

  his free hand.

  "It's not exactly a room at the Driscoll," he announced, holding the lighter in front of them. "But it should

  work. At least for tonight."

  The security lights on the quad afforded enough light for Ariana to see the state of Thomas's room. It looked

  almost identical to the space she shared with Noelle, except it was about half the size. Thomas's side of the

  room was sparse and neat. His thin plaid bedspread was stretched tightly over his single bed, and the desk

  next to it was almost bare, with the exception of a few sharpened pencils in a pencil holder and an empty fifth

  of Captain Morgan's. The essentials. The other side of the room was littered with dirty clothes and textbooks.

  A large metal sign that said, it's miller time, hung over a cluttered desk, and the bed was unmade.

  "Classy," she said wryly. "Did you rob a liquor store?"

  "Harsh words from someone who just committed a felony." Thomas smirked. "Breaking and entering.

  Considering your reputation, I would have expected more from you."

  Ariana exhaled slowly. It seemed that the tension between them had dissolved as quickly as it had appeared.

  And knowing that they were together in Thomas's room, out of the storm-out of

  93

  sight-made her feel safe. She dropped her bag on Thomas's desk chair.

  "You seem to be forgetting that I'm not the one breaking and entering here. I'm just the accomplice."

  "Nice try. But you're in this just as deep as I am. If I go down, you're coming with me." For a moment, the

  shadows moving across Thomas's face made him look different. Like a stranger. Dangerous. But then he

  smiled and he was Thomas again. "Let me get the light."

  "Don't." Ariana said quickly, reaching for him. She gripped his sleeve. "Someone might notice." She didn't

  want to tell him that there was something in her that needed to keep the relative darkness between them.

  Knowing that he couldn't entirely see her face, couldn't read her, would make it easier for her to get closer to

  him.

  "Good call, naughty girl."

  He let the lighter go dark and leaned toward her. All the tiny hairs on Ariana's neck stood on end and her lips

  pursed, anticipating his kiss. But then he leaned right past her and opened his top desk drawer, plucking out a

  pair of candles.

  "Interesting," she said, raising an eyebrow and sliding aside to give him more room. "This wouldn't be some

  sort of ploy to seduce me, would it?"

  Thomas placed the candles on his desk and quickly lit them, then glanced at her over his shoulder. "Like I

  really need candles."

  Ariana blushed as her heart flipped over ten times. How did anyone get so confident? It was intoxicating.

  Thomas turned and dropped

  94

  down on his bed, looking up at her with a cocky smile in the flickering light.

  "You gonna stand there all night?" he asked slyly. "Much warmer over here."

  Ariana didn't move. Suddenly, now that she was here-now that she was faced with the stark reality of being

  alone with Thomas, being in bed with him-she couldn't do it. "What was she thinking? That she was going

  to lose her virginity to him right here, right now? After telling Daniel that she couldn't sleep with him in a

  dorm room? Aft
er putting off her perfect boyfriend for so long, was she really going to give it up to Thomas

  Pearson?

  Besides, Daniel might have followed them here. He might be standing outside the door right now, listening.

  The very thought sent the walls closing in on her. There was no telling what he would do if he heard the

  wrong thing.

  "I can't," she said.

  Thomas's smile froze. "You're kidding.

  "I'll just sleep in your roommate's bed," Ariana told him, trying not to cringe as she sat at the very edge of the

  other bed. The faint smell of spoiled milk leaked from a mini fridge under her bed.

  ""Wait a second. First you have me calling the Driscoll Hotel and now you're all shy?" Thomas challenged,

  propping himself up on one elbow to see her.

  " Don't be mad," Ariana said.

  "I'm not mad. Just curious," he replied. "Split personalities interest me."

  95

  "I'm not crazy," Ariana snapped.

  Thomas stared at her for a long moment. So long that Ariana almost started to squirm.

  "Fine. Whatever you want." Thomas shrugged.

  He got up and stripped down to his boxers right in front of her. Then he got right into bed, tunneling under the

  covers.

  "But you should know that my roommate's kind of a man whore. I've seen some pretty skanky girls coming

  in and out of this room. And I gotta tell you, in the four months I've known the guy, I've never seen him wash

  his sheets. No telling what kind of-"

  "I'll sleep on top of the sheets," Ariana said. She glanced around her for a comforter. There wasn't one. She

  could already feel the sharp cold settling into her bones. She shivered, pressing her face into the sheets to

  warm her nose. They smelled like mildew. She glanced over at Thomas. If he was a gentleman, he would

  offer her a blanket. Or at least some sweats or something. Anything dry and warm.

  "Nice and warm over here," Thomas said with an exaggerated yawn. "Biohazard-free, too."

  Her fists clenched in indignation. "How nice for you."

  She was not going to ask him for clothes. She refused. Instead, she pulled off her sweater to get the wet

  sleeves away from her skin, exposing the white T-shirt underneath. Then she yanked her coat over her body,

  trying to keep the wet outside layer away from her. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms

  around them, curling into a tight ball. She was colder than ever.

  96

  "Yup. Nice and warm," Thomas sang, cuddling further under his blankets. "Toasty, really. Toasty, toasty,

  toasty ..."

  "For God's sake," she snapped, sitting up. "If I come over there, will you shut

  up and go to sleep?"

  He lifted up the covers and slid back toward the wall, giving her room. "Neither one of us is going to get any

  sleep."

  Ariana was glad Thomas couldn't see the flush that crept from neck into her face.

  "We'll see," she said.

  She dropped down next to him and turned over so her back was to him. As he settled the blankets over her

  body he let his arm drape around her waist. Despite her early protestations, she luxuriated in the warmth.

  "Now what?" Thomas whispered in her ear, sending pleasant shivers all down her side.

  "Now we sleep," she told him firmly, even though her entire body was tingling.

  "Sure," he said. "You just wake me when you can't take it anymore."

  Ariana said nothing, but she lay there, awake, as Thomas slowly fell asleep, worried that if she moved even

  slightly he might think she was coming on to him. Worried that at any second Daniel would open the lockless

  door and catch them together. But after watching the digital clock tick from minute to minute for over an

  hour, after listening for footfalls in the hallway that never came, she finally let the sound of Thomas's steady

  breathing lull her to sleep.

  97

  THE MORNING AFTER