Rebel Heart

  I started to panic. Had Rush told Dad to take my things back to the City after all? Was he already having second thoughts?

  The front door slammed shut, and my heart pounded. Rush’s quick footsteps matched the rhythm of my fervent heartbeat.

  He stood in the doorway, and we just stared at each other for a bit. Rush looked like he was ready to attack me—in a good way. That both excited me and made me nervous because I was still confused about where things stood.

  I had to know. “Why did my father just leave with all of my stuff? Did you tell him to take everything back to the City after all?”

  His expression soured as he slowly approached me. “What? Did you not hear a word I said to you earlier?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Did you not hear me say I would never let you down again?”

  “Yes, of course I did, but my stuff was—”

  “Doesn’t matter.” Rush’s eyes were burning with intensity.

  He placed his hand on his belt and began to remove it before throwing it to the side. He unzipped his pants and pushed his jeans down, letting them fall to the ground. My formerly vibrating pussy was now full-on throbbing at the sight of his engorged cock bobbing against his abdomen. Holy hell, I needed it inside of me.

  Even if he had told me he’d changed his mind, I was pretty sure I might’ve had to beg him to fuck me right now regardless.

  Rush pulled me into him and I felt his stiff erection against my belly. “Look at me,” he demanded.

  I arched my head to meet his incendiary stare.

  “I’m gonna say it one more time. I will never let you down again. I don’t care whether or not you thought your dad was driving away with your stuff. You need to trust me, no matter what. Do you understand?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “Your stuff is in the garage. Your father never even put it in the trailer.”

  My eyes widened in disbelief. “What?”

  “The man is smarter than both of us. He knew I wouldn’t be able to let you go.”

  My mouth hung open. Any amount of time I had to ponder my father’s actions was short-lived when Rush placed his mouth at my ear. “I need your clothes off…need to be inside you. I can’t wait any longer.”

  My nipples stiffened as I slipped my dress over my head before unsnapping my bra. My breasts tingled as they hit the cold air.

  Rush dropped to his knees before placing both hands on my stomach and gently kissed the taut skin over my navel. He stopped to stare up at me, a look of torment in his eyes. “I missed it growing. I missed so much. You got so much bigger.”

  I ran my fingers through his hair. “It’s gonna get a lot bigger than this. And you’ll be here for all of it.”

  He closed his eyes and continued kissing me. It was so sweet, yet sensual and erotic.

  As he continued kissing over my stomach, he said, “I’ve been dreaming of doing this. You’re so fucking sexy. I can’t take it…this body…”

  I laughed. “You’re crazy.”

  Rush was almost in a trance. He kissed lower and lower until I could feel his mouth over my underwear. He pulled my panties down, then began to devour me. I gasped at the feeling of his tongue lashing at my clit. It felt like it had been ages since I’d felt this sensation. The pressure was so intense that I nearly came over his mouth on the spot.

  Before it got to that point, he suddenly got up. I looked down and salivated at the sight of his erection. I desperately needed him inside of me.

  He looped his fingers through mine and led me over to the bed.

  Rush hovered over me. “Tell me what you did to get off when I wasn’t around…”

  My voice trembled. “I used my vibrator.”

  “What did you think about when you used it?”

  “I thought about you.”

  “Tell me exactly what you thought about…”

  I’d forgotten how much he liked when I talked dirty. “I imagined you were fucking me hard while I played with my clit.”

  His eyes were glassy. “Where is your toy? Show me.”

  Ironically, that reminded me that I’d forgotten to pack away my vibrator, since I’d been using it up until last night. It was still in the nightstand. Some new tenant would have gotten an interesting surprise.

  When I took out the hot pink, silicone rod, he took one look at it and said, “You must have missed me. That thing is pathetic.” He smirked. “Lie back and spread your legs…show me what you did with it.”

  Rush watched me intently as I turned it on and began to massage myself. He took his cock out and started to stroke it while he stared down at me, mesmerized. I loved watching his hand moving back and forth over his thickness. He was so hard, and I could see the veins protruding through his shaft. The watching lasted all of a minute before he lowered himself down onto me. How I’d missed feeling the weight of his body over me. He threw the vibrator to the side before sinking into me, letting out an unintelligible sound. I screamed out in pleasure from the intensity of him filling me.

  Finally.

  Rush was groaning over and over, complete involuntary sounds of ecstasy as he thrust into me. He’d never been so vocal during sex as he was right now, and I was loving it. Loving it. All of my worries were temporarily fading away.

  Wrapping my hands around the back of his head, I pushed his mouth into mine as he thrust harder, letting out all of the frustration from the weeks we spent apart.

  I panted, “I wasn’t sure if I would ever get to feel this again.”

  “I’m going to fuck you all night, Gia…not gonna stop until morning or until you tell me to, whichever comes first.”

  I clenched my muscles around him. “Harder. I can take it,” I begged. “Please.”

  He kissed down my neck and buried his head between my breasts. “I missed these tits. You have no idea.”

  Wrapping my legs around his back, I moved my hips to match the rhythm of his hard thrusts. Before I knew it, I was coming so hard that I didn’t know if I was having multiple orgasms in a row. It felt like several all running into each other.

  Rush’s body shook as he came inside of me. He pumped in and out slowly long after he’d finished. His eyes were still closed, as he seemed to be cherishing every last second of it.

  He finally opened his eyes and kissed me softly on the forehead. “I don’t care what doubts you’re having…don’t ever doubt that I love you, Gia.”

  After three rounds of sex, we were lying together in bed. Rush was rubbing gently over my stomach, and the baby started kicking. He placed his head on my belly and spoke to it. “I’m sorry for all that commotion. You can have your mommy back to yourself for a little while. But I might need her again soon.”

  Smiling like a fool, I could definitely get used to his conversations with the baby.

  Rush cradled me in his arms. “I already told your dad that you’re moving in with me.”

  I looked up at him in surprise. While it didn’t shock me that he wanted me to move in with him, I wasn’t sure if that was the greatest idea. Despite my doubts, I just couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to live apart from him, and moving into his place made the most sense.

  Still, I couldn’t help expressing my concerns. “I would love nothing more than to live in that beautiful house and to make a home for us there…although maybe it would be a good idea if I kept my apartment for a while, too…just in case.”

  Rush looked almost irate. “Fuck, Gia. I thought I told you to trust me. What do you mean…keep your apartment?”

  “I do trust you…I just…feel like we’ve gone from zero to a hundred overnight. Might be smart for me to keep it for a while. It wouldn’t be forever…just until after the baby is born.”

  He glared at me, the pain in his eyes palpable. “You think I’m gonna bail on you when the baby is born?”

  There was simply no way to avoid admitting my concern to him. It was one thing to be okay with all of this when the baby was in my stomach. But once he or sh
e was here and he looked into its eyes, how would he really feel? He believed he could love this baby…but how would he really know? What if it looked just like Elliott, and that caused Rush to snap? That was a worst-case scenario, of course, but I couldn’t help wondering if that was even a remote possibility.

  “I didn’t say that I believed you would bail. I just…can’t believe that you can say with one-hundred percent certainty that you know how you’ll feel until the baby is actually here.”

  He looked so angry and frustrated with me for my lack of faith. “This is my fault,” he finally said. “It’s my fault that you’re still doubting us. I led you to believe I couldn’t handle any of this. And maybe it’s not fair of me to expect you to feel confident overnight. I’ve done nothing to really prove anything to you, except give you my word. Time is what we need. So fine…keep the apartment if it makes you feel safer. I’ll pay for it, and you can have it as a safety net. But you’re not going to need it.”

  I straightened up against the headboard. “I’m not letting you pay.”

  “Gia…this isn’t up for argument. You’re keeping it because of me, because I made you believe you needed to. I’m paying for the damn apartment.”

  The next afternoon, Rush and I packed a bunch of my things into the Benz and drove them to his house.

  I waited in his bedroom as he brought the boxes inside one by one. As I looked around at the massive space and the ocean just outside the French doors, there was only one word to describe how I was feeling: undeserving.

  Rush walked over to his closet and started pushing his clothes to one side. “I obviously wasn’t prepared for all of your stuff. But we’ll figure it out. I can move my shit to the downstairs closet if this is not enough room for you.”

  “You shouldn’t have to move anything anywhere. This is your house.”

  He stopped moving for a moment, then turned to me. “That’s where you’re wrong. As of today, it’s our house.”

  He was now unpacking my ugly dolls one by one and placing them all in a row on the top shelf of his closet. Something about that touched me so much. To see my dolls taking permanent residence in Rush’s closet was a very emotional experience.

  Rush could see that I was starting to tear up and stopped what he was doing. “You know what? Let’s forget about unpacking for a while. The sun’s about to go down. Let’s go chill outside and watch it.” He reached his hand out to help me off the bed. “Come on.”

  Turns out, gazing at the sun setting over the ocean was just what the doctor ordered. My mood improved significantly with each minute that Rush and I sat out on his balcony and took in the salty air. The ocean was the best medicine, and I knew I’d be spending a lot of time out here in the coming weeks.

  “I have an important question to ask you,” he said suddenly.

  My heart was pounding. Please don’t let it be a marriage proposal. I could never accept that now. Not until the baby was born, and I knew things would be okay. I really didn’t think that was what it was, but my heart and mind were racing nevertheless.

  I cleared my throat. “What is it?”

  “You know…this place is beautiful…but it’s never really felt like home, because living alone never feels like home. It was just a house. And after I met you, it started to feel even emptier whenever I was here by myself. Because in contrast to how I feel when I’m with you, everything is empty. The only way this house could ever be a home is with you in it.”

  I squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

  “Here’s the thing. This house could burn down tomorrow, right? Anything can happen in life. We just don’t know. I was up last night trying to figure out all of the ways I could convince you to trust in me, to believe that I don’t have any intention of walking away. And I came to the conclusion that I was approaching it the wrong way.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “To expect to be able to prove something a hundred percent is stupid. Even the smallest shred of doubt is still doubt. And it’s normal to have doubts, because there is always uncertainty in life. We live every day knowing that there’s a possibility we could die. Yet, we get up every day and do what we need to do anyway. Life shouldn’t be about constantly trying to prove that we’re safe from getting hurt. Life should be about living with uncertainty while we watch beautiful sunsets with the people we love.”

  Man, that was beautiful, and it made so much sense. I was waiting for something I would never really get: certainty. I’d probably always fear losing Rush. It was something I had to learn to live with.

  “So, my question to you, Gia, is this: will you be uncertain with me?”

  It was amazing what a difference a new perspective could make.

  Be uncertain. Live anyway.

  He was totally right. I’d been waiting for a safe feeling. It might never come. There would always be fear of losing him for one reason or another. And in focusing on the fear…I was losing the one thing that ever mattered…the only thing that ever really existed: today.

  I let go and took a deep breath. “Yes. Yes, I will be uncertain with you.”

  In that moment, for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. I gave up the fight to figure out tomorrow and chose to live for today.

  Later that night, Rush was taking a shower when I decided to take a walk around the house. I stopped in the nursery and flicked the light on.

  Everything was exactly the way it was when he’d first shown it to me. I ran my index finger along the mobile hanging over the crib. Despite everything we’d been through, Rush had never changed a thing in this room. That spoke volumes about his intentions all along.

  I started to talk to my belly. “You’re so lucky, you know that? You’re gonna have the best daddy, who loves and protects you—just like I had. Except, unlike me…you’ll have a mommy who loves you, too.”

  I felt the baby kick. “But, God, you’d better be a boy. Tony could handle a girl…but Rush? I don’t know. I feel bad for any of the boys being born right about now if you turn out to be a girl.”

  His voice startled me. “You talking to my baby?”

  His baby.

  “Yes. We’re talking about you.”

  “Nothing bad I hope, because when he takes one look at me, that’s gonna be terrifying enough. I might scare the shit out of him. So, I need you to put in a good word in the meantime.”

  I laughed. “I was telling him how lucky he is to have you as a dad. He’s gonna love you so much…just like I do.”

  Rush pulled me into a hug. He smelled so good, fresh out of the shower.

  He let out the longest breath into my neck. “I want to tell Elliott this week. I hate to even bring it up…but the sooner we do it, the better. I want him to know where things stand, that in all of the ways that matter…I’m this baby’s father. I just want to get the whole damn thing over with, so we can start moving on with our lives.”

  My stomach dipped. As much as it hurt me to think about, I knew it was inevitable and the right thing to do...to get it over with. “Okay. This week.” I nodded. “We’ll tell him this week.”

  “Why don’t we have you stand right behind her and wrap your arms around her stomach?”

  “Gladly,” Rush said as he enveloped me in his arms before nibbling at my neck.

  Flash.

  Flash.

  Flash.

  It was the afternoon of my prescheduled pregnancy photoshoot. Rush decided to accompany me to the City, so the photographer thought it would be a cool idea to have him in some of the photos with me. Personally, I had a feeling she was getting off on his being there, probably loved shooting him more than me. Overall, it was probably a bad idea…because with all of the touching, Rush was getting very excited.

  Earlier, we had taken some shots of me alone wearing angel wings, an ode to Rush’s love of winged women. Now Jenny was just focusing on capturing the two of us.

  He continued to kiss the back of my neck while she snapped away.

  She h
eld up her large camera with the long lens. “That’s it. Just like that. Kiss her neck again.”

  Flash.

  Flash.

  Flash.

  I was laughing as he tickled my neck with his lips and could feel the swell of his erection behind me. Whoever thought it was a good idea to take photos of Rush kissing and fondling me while I was half-naked clearly didn’t know my boyfriend was a horny preggophile.

  “Why don’t you come stand to the side of her?” she said.

  Rush whispered into my ear, “Not sure I should move from behind you right now…I’m at full mast.”

  I broke out into laughter and told her, “Um…can you just continue taking photos with him behind me? We like this position.”

  Rush snorted.

  The photographer scratched her chin and looked like she was pondering her next move. “How would you feel about taking your top all the way off and having Rush hold your breasts?”

  Ummm.

  I hesitated. “Uh…that wou—”

  “I love that idea,” he said.

  She smiled at him and looked at me for approval. “Gia?”

  I shrugged. “Sure…yeah.”

  Rush did the honors of slipping my shirt over my head. He unsnapped my bra and threw it on a nearby chair. Then he took his hands and cupped both of my breasts. His hands were barely able to fit around them anymore.

  He let out a low moan, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that my maternity shoot had somehow turned into a porno.

  Since we were already in the City, the plan was to pay a visit to Edward at the hospital before heading back home. Thankfully, he was stable and continuing to make small improvements.

  Rush was in the hospital room with his father when I decided to head to the cafeteria to grab something to drink.

  As I turned a corner, someone smacked right into me, causing me to lose my balance and fall onto the ground.