This Girl

  HE OPENS THE passenger door and climbs inside. Before I’ve even backed out of his driveway, he lays into me.

  “You realize you screwed up, right? Do you know who Javier’s father is? If you even have a job to go back to today, you won’t have it by this afternoon.”

  I nod, but don’t respond.

  “What the hell prompted you to kick a student’s ass, Will?”

  I sigh and pull onto the main road, keeping my eyes focused in front of me.

  “I know whatever happened had to do with Layken. But what the hell did Javi do? You were pummeling him like he was your punching bag. Please tell me it was self-defense so you at least have a chance at keeping your job. Was it self-defense?” he asks, looking straight at me for an answer.

  I shake my head no. He sighs, then leans forcefully back against his seat.

  “And then you take her home! Why the hell would you let her in your car alone in front of him? That’s enough to get you fired without even kicking his ass. Why the hell did you kick his ass?”

  I look over at him. “Gavin, I screwed up. I realize this. You can shut the hell up now.”

  He nods and props his leg on the dash and doesn’t say another word.

  •••

  IT’S THE FIRST time I’ve ever made it into the office before Mrs. Alex. It’s eerily quiet, and for a moment, I actually wish she were here. I walk around her desk toward Mr. Murphy’s office. I glance inside and he’s casually seated at his desk with the phone to his ear and his feet propped up. His face lights up when he sees me, but the illumination quickly fades when he sees the damage to my eye. He holds up a finger, so I take a few steps away from his door to give him some privacy.

  I’ve thought about this moment so many times before. The moment I would walk into Mr. Murphy’s office and resign. Of course, I always imagined the end result would be my walking out of his office and into Lake’s life.

  My fantasy is nothing like my current reality. Lake hates me right now and her feelings are warranted. I push her away every time she gets close to me, then every time she finally gets used to being without me, I do something to screw with her head even more. Why did I think performing that poem last night was a good idea? We were finally in a good spot. She was finally learning to balance all the negativity in her life, and I go and make it worse.

  Again.

  That’s all I do is make things worse for her. That’s probably the reason she turned to Javi. I’d like to think she was just kissing him to make me jealous, but my biggest fear is that she was kissing him because she’s completely moved on from me. It’s my biggest fear, yet it’s exactly what I know she needs.

  “Mr. Cooper,” Mr. Murphy says, walking past me. “Is this something that can wait until I get back? I’ve got an eight o’clock meeting.”

  “Uh,” I stammer. “Well, actually it’s pretty important.”

  He stops next to the wall of mailboxes and pulls the contents of his box out. “How important? So important it can’t wait until ten?”

  I shrug. “It can’t wait,” I say reluctantly. “I, um . . . sort of got in a fight last night. With a student.”

  Mr. Murphy stops sorting his mail and darts his head toward me. “Sort of? You did or you didn’t, Mr. Cooper. Which is it?”

  “Did,” I reply. “Definitely did.”

  He turns to face me full on and leans his back against the row of mailboxes behind him. “Who?”

  “Javier Cruz.”

  He shakes his head, then rubs the back of his neck while he thinks. “I’ll have Mrs. Alex set up an appointment with his father at ten. In the meantime, I suggest you find someone to fill in for you,” he says. “Be back here at ten.” He walks over to Mrs. Alex’s desk and writes something down. I nod, not at all surprised by his guarded reaction. I pick my satchel up and walk toward the office exit.

  “Mr. Cooper?” he calls out.

  “Yes, sir?”

  “Were there any other students involved? Anyone who can give an accurate account of what happened?”

  I sigh. I really don’t want to get her involved, but it doesn’t seem like I’m going to have a choice. “Yes. Layken Cohen,” I say.

  “Is this Javier’s girlfriend?” he asks, writing down Layken’s name.

  The question causes me to wince, but from the looks of them last night I’d say it’s a very legitimate question. “Yeah, I guess so.” I exit the office, hoping they don’t bring Lake and Javi in at ten. I don’t know if I can keep it together in the same room with both of them.

  •••

  I’M SEATED AT the table, waiting for the conference to begin. Luckily, Mr. Murphy met with Javier privately, not wanting us to have to interact. I’m supposed to meet with Mr. Murphy as soon as the conference with Javier’s father is over. I’m not really that eager to share my version of events, since I’m obviously the one in the wrong here. The fact that Mr. Murphy brought in a member of campus police doesn’t do anything to ease my apprehension. I’m not sure what the legal ramifications are of what occurred last night and if Javier is planning on pressing charges, but I guess I deserve whatever result my actions bring about.

  The door opens and Lake walks into the room. I literally have to force myself not to look at her. I can’t help the emotional reaction I have to her, and I’m afraid everyone in the room will see it. I keep my gaze focused on the table in front of me.

  “Ms. Cohen, please take a seat,” Mr. Murphy says. Lake takes a step forward and slides into the seat next to me. I clench my fists, fighting the tension between us that seems to have only increased since last night.

  “This is Mr. Cruz, Javier’s father,” says Mr. Murphy. “This is Officer Venturelli,” he says, motioning to both men. “I’m sure you know why you’re here. It is our understanding that there was an incident involving Mr. Cooper that occurred off of school grounds,” he says. “We would appreciate it if you could tell us your version of events.”

  I glance toward Lake just as she turns her head toward me. Her eyes search mine for guidance, so I nod, silently encouraging her to tell the truth. I could never let her lie for me. She turns back to Mr. Murphy. The exchange we just shared was no more than three seconds, but the look of concern for me in her eyes was undeniable.

  She doesn’t hate me. She’s worried for me.

  She clears her throat and adjusts herself in her seat. She places her hands on the table in front of her and begins picking at her nail polish when she speaks. “There was a misunderstanding between me and Javier,” she says. “Mr. Cooper showed up and pulled him off me.”

  I can feel the heat in my face when the lies start coming out of her mouth. Why is she lying for me? Did I not make it clear that I wanted her to tell the truth about last night? I tap my knee against hers when she pauses. She glances up at me, but before I can tell her to tell the truth, Mr. Murphy interrupts.

  “Can you start at the beginning, please, Ms. Cohen? We need to be clear on the entire sequence of events. Where were you and what were all of you doing there?”

  “We were in Detroit at a poetry slam. It’s part of a required assignment for Mr. Cooper’s class. I arrived early before the other students. Something happened and I felt uncomfortable and had to leave, so I left just a few minutes after I arrived, which is when I ran into Javier outside.”

  “What happened that made you uncomfortable?” Officer Venturelli asks her. She flicks her gaze in my direction, but only for a moment. She looks back at Officer Venturelli and shrugs. “Maybe uncomfortable isn’t the right word,” she says quietly. “One of the performers . . .” She pauses and takes a deep breath. Before she continues, she touches her knee to mine and doesn’t retract it, causing me to swallow a lump in my throat. The move is deliberate, and it confuses the hell out of me. “I was just really moved by one of the pieces performed last night. It meant a lot to me,” she whispers. “So much that I just wanted to leave, before I got too emotional.”

  I lean forward and put my elbows on th
e table, then rest my face in the palms of my hands. I can’t believe she just said those words, and she said them just for my benefit. Knowing that she’s trying to tell me how my poem made her feel is making this too much to bear. I have the overwhelming urge to pull her up out of her chair and kiss her in front of everyone, then scream my resignation at the top of my lungs.

  “My Jeep was parked behind the venue and on my way outside, I ran into Javier. He offered to walk me to my car. I needed to use his phone, so we were standing by his truck while it was charging. We were talking about the weather and . . .” her voice grows quiet and she shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

  “Ms. Cohen, is this something you would rather tell me in private?” Mr. Murphy asks.

  She shakes her head. “No, it’s fine,” she says. “I was . . . I was asking him about the weather and he just started kissing me. I told him no and tried to push him away, but he wouldn’t stop kissing me. I didn’t know what to do. He had me pinned against his truck, and I guess that’s when Mr. Cooper saw what was happening and he pulled him off me.”

  I have a grip on the edge of the table that is so tight, I don’t even notice until Lake taps my leg and glances down at my hands. I release the table from my grasp and close my eyes, breathing slow and steady. Her confession should give me nothing but relief, knowing that my bout of jealousy will now be played off as if I were protecting her. However, I’m anything but relieved. I’m furious. Javier is lucky his ass isn’t in here, because there would have been an extremely detailed reenactment of last night right in this office.

  Lake continues sharing her version of the story, but I don’t hear another word of it. I do my best to hold it together until everyone’s dismissed, but it’s the hardest five minutes I’ve ever had to contain myself. As soon as they dismiss her, Mr. Cruz and Officer Venturelli follow her out the door. I stand up in my seat and let out a breath. I pace back and forth under the intense gaze of Mr. Murphy. I’m not able to speak yet due to the rage coursing through me, so I continue to pace and he continues to silently watch me.

  “Mr. Cooper,” he says calmly, “do you have anything else to add or is her version accurate?”

  I pause and look at him. “I wish it wasn’t accurate,” I say, “but unfortunately it is.”

  “Will,” Mr. Murphy says. “You did the right thing. Quit being so hard on yourself. Javier was completely out of line and if you weren’t there to stop him, there’s no telling what would have happened to that girl.”

  “Is he being expelled?” I ask, stopping to grip the back of the chair.

  Mr. Murphy stands and walks to the door where Officer Venturelli is outside speaking with Mr. Cruz. He closes the door and turns toward me. “We can’t expel him. He’s claiming it was a misunderstanding and he thought she wanted him to kiss her. We’ll suspend him for a few days for the fight, but that’s the extent of his punishment.”

  I nod, very aware that what I’m about to do is the only answer at this point. There’s no way I can ever be in the same room with Javier again and not have it end badly.

  “Then I’d like to resign,” I say evenly.

  16.

  the honeymoon

  “YOU WILLINGLY RESIGNED?” Lake asks, dumbfounded. “I thought it was a mutual agreement. They would have let you keep your job, Will. Why the hell did you resign?”

  “Lake, there’s no way I could have continued teaching there. I’d reached my breaking point. I was going to get fired one of two ways if I hadn’t resigned that day.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “Because it’s true. They would have fired me the first day Javier returned to school because I would have kicked his ass the moment I laid eyes on him. That, or they would have fired me because one more second in a room with you and I would have jumped you, but in a completely different way.”

  She laughs. “Yeah. The tension was intense. We would have lost control eventually.”

  “Eventually? We lost control that same day,” I say, reminding her of our incident in the laundry room.

  She frowns and closes her eyes, then sighs a deep sigh.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask her.

  She shakes her head. “Nothing. It’s just hard thinking about that night. It really hurt,” she whispers.

  I kiss her lightly on the forehead. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  laundry room

  I SOMEHOW MADE it to the end of the workday without getting suspended, fired, or arrested. I’d say being transferred to Detroit to finish out my student teaching is one of the best outcomes I could have anticipated.

  I pull into the driveway and the boys are helping Lake and Julia with groceries. I haven’t even made it out of the car yet when Caulder meets me at the door, beaming with excitement.

  “Will!” he says, grabbing my hand. “Wait till you see this!”

  I walk across the street with him and grab the rest of the sacks and take them inside. When I set them down, I notice the contents aren’t groceries. It looks like sewing supplies.

  “Guess what we’re going to be for Halloween?” Caulder says.

  “Uh—”

  “Julia’s cancer!” he yells.

  Did I just hear him right?

  Julia walks into the room with her sewing machine and I give her a questioning look.

  “You only live once, right?” She smiles and places the sewing machine on the bar.

  “She’s letting us make the tumors for the lungs,” Kel says. “You want to make one? I’ll let you make the big one.”

  I don’t even know how to respond. “Uh—”

  “Kel,” Lake interrupts. “Will and Caulder can’t help, they’ll be out of town all weekend.”Seeing the excitement on Caulder’s face, there’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here. “Actually, that was before I found out we were making lung cancer,” I say. “I think we’ll have to reschedule our trip.”

  •••

  “WHERE’S YOUR MEASURING tape?” Lake asks Julia.

  “I don’t know,” she says. “I don’t know if I have one, actually.”

  I have measuring tape, so I try to think of a way to get Lake to come with me to get it. I know she’s dying to know what happened today and I owe her a huge apology for acting the way I did toward her last night. She had experienced what was more than likely a horrifying event alone with Javi, and I acted like a jerk the entire way home. I was trying to refrain from yelling at her last night, when I should have been consoling her.

  “Will has one. We can use his,” Lake says. “Will, do you mind getting it?”

  I play dumb. “I have measuring tape?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Yes, it’s in your sewing kit.”

  “I have a sewing kit?”

  “It’s in your laundry room.” She spreads the material out in front of her. “It’s next to the sewing machine on the shelf behind your mother’s patterns. I put them in chronological order according to pattern nu— Never mind,” she says quickly. She shakes her head and stands. “I’ll just show you.”

  Thank you.

  I quickly jump up, maybe a little too eagerly.

  “You put his patterns in chronological order?” Julia asks.

  “I was having a bad day,” Lake says over her shoulder.

  I hold the door for Lake, then close it behind us. She turns around and completely loses her calm demeanor. “What happened? God, I’ve been worried sick all day,” she says.

  “I got a slap on the wrist,” I say as we walk toward my house. “They told me since I was defending another student, they couldn’t really hold it against me.”

  I jog a few steps and open my front door for her, stepping aside to let her in.

  “That’s good. What about your internship?” she asks.

  “Well, it’s a little tricky. The only available ones they had in Ypsilanti were all primary. My major is secondary, so I’ve been placed at a school in Detroit.”

  She looks up at me, her eyes full of concern. “What’s
that mean? Are y’all moving?”

  I love the fact that the thought of our moving scares her so bad. I laugh. “No, Lake, we’re not moving. It’s just for eight weeks. I’ll be doing a lot of driving, though. I was actually going to talk to you and your mom about it later. I’m not going to be able to take the boys to school, or pick them up either. I’ll be gone a lot. I know this isn’t a good time to ask for your help—”

  “Stop it. You know we’ll help.” She grabs the tape measure and shuts the box, then walks the kit back to the laundry room. I follow her, but I’m not sure why I feel compelled to. I’m afraid she’s about to head straight back to her house and I still have so much left I need to say to her. I walk into the laundry room behind her and pause in the doorway. She’s staring quietly in front of her, running her fingers across my mother’s patterns. She’s got that distant look in her eyes again. I lean against the doorframe and watch her.

  I still can’t believe I thought she would willingly allow Javi to kiss her, especially after seeing my performance last night. I know her better than that, and she knows she deserves so much better than Javi.

  Hell, she deserves so much better than me.

  She reaches to the wall and flicks off the light, then turns toward me. She comes to a halt when she sees that I’m blocking the doorway. She quietly gasps and looks up at me, her beautiful green eyes full of hope