Only Human_The Themis Files

  —Again, not helpful. How would we go about making sure someone does allow it?

  —The empress and her army are bound by law to obey the Council. To go against their will is a crime. As I said, the empress is deeply saddened by this situation, and she wishes nothing more than to help you, you and everyone on Esat Ekt. If she were allowed to do so, if she were in charge, she would gladly give each and every one of her subjects, including those with mixed ancestry, the same rights people enjoyed before the Council came to exist. You could come and go as you please. She would resume relations with other worlds, restore the empire to its former glory. But the Council is in charge, not her. Our institutions are strong. They cannot be destroyed with a few bombs. They will survive this period of civic unrest. That said, if the empress were the one to bring this conflict to an end, if she were able to bring down the Hand of Yetskots to—

  —I’m sorry, the hand of what?

  —The Hand of Yetskots. That is what they call themselves. They have claimed responsibility for acts of violence in all the districts. If the empress were able to stop them, it would go a long way to help her effect the changes she believes her planet needs. As I said, the empress would do anything to help her people.

  —What’s any of that got to do with us?

  —Several regions have asked the empress for help. They feel that this insurgency must be stopped now before it grows out of control.

  —What was your answer? I mean the empress. What did she say?

  —The empress will not set herself a task she cannot accomplish. She does not wish to fight people she cannot see, to be bogged down with this situation long enough to lose the confidence of her people. If and when the empress gets involved, her actions must be swift and decisive.

  —I’m not sure what I can do to help. I don’t know anyone in this Hand of Yetskots.

  —Your daughter does. A man by the name of Etat Ityets. She is also well acquainted with some of his associates. I would like you to tell me what their names are and where we can find them.

  —My daughter? She knows people from the shelter she works at. These people, they’re not…They organize protests, they don’t blow up things. They have nothing to do with that Hand of yours.

  —I would like you to get me the name and location of everyone involved in organizing protests in Etyakt. Do that, and you will have the gratitude of the empress.

  —Her gratitude?

  —That in and of itself should be enough.

  —Well, it would certainly mean a lot.

  —It is also entirely possible that someone will inadvertently unlock a certain giant and allow it to leave this planet unscathed.

  —How can I be sure of that?

  —I do not wish to appear insensitive, but I do not believe certainty is a luxury you can afford at the moment.

  —Fair enough. Quick question, though. What will you do with these people after I give you their names?

  —When the time comes, they will be arrested and executed.

  —You want to kill them?! But they haven’t done anything!

  —Everyone has done something. What matters is that the empress will be able to restore peace and tranquility on her world.

  —…

  —You may leave, now, Vincent Couture.

  FILE NO. 2193

  INTERVIEW BETWEEN MAJOR KATHERINE LEBEDEV, RUSSIAN MAIN INTELLIGENCE AGENCY (GRU), AND VINCENT COUTURE

  Location: GRU building, Saint Petersburg, Russia

  —Time to go, Vincent!

  —Go where?

  —We’re sending you out.

  —I’m not conquering the world for you, Katherine. I told you that already. I’ll defend you, but I won’t bring another government to its knees.

  —No need. The Chinese are doing that part for you. They’re walking a million men—for real, a million!—into Korea, and they asked for our help. You’ll be an escort.

  —North Korea?

  —Oh. They just said Korea. Does it matter? I can check if you want.

  —The US won’t let you—

  —You mean they won’t let China.

  —They won’t let you take South Korea. You know that.

  —Me? I don’t know anything. I suppose we’ll find out sooner or later. Probably later. It’ll take a while. Like, forever. When they said they were walking a million men, I thought it was just military talk. But nope. They’re on foot. One million of them. Walking. You can see them on satellite, it’s impressive, like—

  —I’m not doing this.

  —Oh, come on! You just said you’ll defend us. They’re friends, that’s kind of like us, don’t you think? Let me put it this way. Would you rather a million Chinese get killed?

  —I’d rather no one gets killed, but I’m not the one invading another country. The Koreans have the right to defend themselves.

  —You’re no fun, you know that? Yeah, they do have the right to defend themselves. Technically. And they probably will! But they’ll lose. Right now, North Korea thinks they just want to walk across their land—actually, they’re tickled pink at the idea of marching into Seoul with the Chinese—but they’ll know something’s up when Beijing launches an airstrike against them.

  —I thought those two were friends.

  —Oh, they haven’t been friends for a while. China tolerated them just to piss off the US, but there’s just no reason to anymore. They’ll try to blow up every missile site, but they’ll miss a few they didn’t know about. North Korea will launch whatever they have left. The Chinese will retaliate. We’re talking…a quarter million dead, at least. That’s before they walk in. Then it gets ugly, but the Chinese win in the end. There’s a million of them. If that’s not enough, they can send a million more. Did you know they have more purebloods than anyone else? I didn’t. I learn something every day. Anyway, this is how it goes. Lots and lots of people die needlessly. Or, you walk in with them, and the Koreans stand down all on their own. You’ve been there before. They know they can’t hurt Themis. You’d be saving…countless lives, without firing a single shot. You’d be a hero! Well, you’d be my hero anyway.

  —What happens then? They won’t stay in North Korea. Things will go bad. Will I still be your hero if I start World War III, and this whole place turns into a radioactive wasteland?

  —I won’t hold it against you, Vincent. I promise.

  FILE NO. EE427—PERSONAL FILE FROM ESAT EKT

  Interview between Dr. Rose Franklin and Vincent Couture

  Location: Assigned residence, Etyakt region

  —She said what?

  —She wants us to give her names.

  —Whose names?

  —Everyone. The people organizing all of this, the marches, the protests.

  —You mean Eva’s friends?

  —I mean everyone. Yes, Eva’s friends.

  —Vincent, we know these people. Ityets, and Itit and—

  —And Esok.

  —And she’s going to have them killed?

  —She’s not going to have anyone killed because we’re not giving her any names.

  —Of course we’re not, but this makes no sense at all. What does Esok have to do with any of this? She’s not blowing up buildings in Osk.

  —That’s the thing. She mentioned this superorganized group who, apparently, is responsible for all the terrorist acts. Esok and Ityets are many things, but organized isn’t one of them.

  —They’re also not violent. Ityets would be a Buddhist if we were back on Earth.

  —I’m telling you, Rose. She mentioned him by name. I don’t understand what the empress has to gain by arresting local organizers.

  —My guess…

  —Yes?

  —Say she gets what she wants, and the regions give her more power. It would likely be te
mporary, right?

  —Probably.

  —Well, my guess is she doesn’t want it to be temporary. She’ll want to hit them hard. Arrest as many people as she can. Make sure no one dares to even put up a sign after that.

  —Wouldn’t that just encourage the people blowing up things to blow up more things?

  —Well, she’d have to get them too. All of them.

  —On the planet? You can’t defeat terrorism on a whole planet, it’s not an army you can crush. That’s why it’s called terrorism. There’d always be one person left somewhere to blow up more things.

  —I know what you’re saying, Vincent, but imagine for a moment that she can. If she can do that, stop all the violence, all the protests, the Ekt everywhere will love her for it. They’d never go back to the way things were.

  —Yeah, but she’d anger the people of alien descent even more, wouldn’t she?

  —I don’t know, Vincent. Not if she gives them something they want. No limits on how many children they can have, something like that. Don’t forget, everyone they arrest will be labeled a terrorist, and most people here don’t condone what they’ve seen on the big screens. I think she’d be a hero. She might even have enough clout to get rid of that noninterference policy and start dealing with other worlds again. She could get her empire back if this works. The irony is that would probably be a good thing for everyone. For the people here, for those on other worlds. Esok’s planet could be saved.

  —Great. And all we have to do is get everyone we know murdered for no reason.

  FILE NO. 2194

  INTERVIEW BETWEEN DR. ROSE FRANKLIN AND MR. BURNS

  Location: Medici on 57th, Chicago, Illinois

  —Ah! Dr. Franklin! Come! Sit!

  —Mr. Burns! I got your note, but I wasn’t sure it was you.

  —Do many people leave you notes pretending to be me?

  —No, it’s just…What are you doing here? How did you get out?

  —Your friend Alyssa got me out.

  —My—Alyssa’s not my friend. Are you sure she’s the one?

  —Yes! I’m sure. I was there! I had to be there. That’s an important part of being let out. She walked me out the front door of the building, in the middle of the day! She should have been more surreptitious. They arrested her five minutes after I left. Anyway, it would seem she’s more of a friend than you thought.

  —I’m having a hard time believing she would do anything out of kindness.

  —Well, here I am. But you’re right, she is not a bundle of joy. Lots of negativity. She didn’t laugh at my jokes once, and there were some good ones!

  —She had me thrown out of the building when I asked for her help.

  —With getting me out?

  —Yes.

  —That makes sense. She’s smart. No fun, but smart.

  —How is that smart?

  —Everyone would know you were involved if you were anywhere near me when it happened. Do I need to remind you how I ended up in there in the first place?

  —They’ll still suspect me.

  —Probably. That’s why we’re meeting here.

  —Your note said: “Don’t change anything. See you soon. Mr. Burns.” How did you know I’d be here, and this early?

  —It’s Saturday! Coffee and cinnamon rolls at Medici, on your way to the Compton lectures.

  —But I haven’t been to those in, what, almost twenty years!

  —You weren’t in Chicago. I had a feeling you’d go back to old habits right away.

  —Am I that predictable?

  —Well, yes. Everyone is. I’d do the same thing. Old shoes, old shirt, a familiar meal. For a moment, the world makes sense again. Oh, and that lecture on Majorana particles sounds fascinating. Do you mind if I go with you?

  —Aren’t you afraid someone will see you?

  —The intelligence community at a physics lecture? I don’t think so. Though they might come if they read the title. They’d see Majorana and think everyone’s there to get high. The CIA is tapping your phones, but no one is following you.

  —Good to know.

  —Here. Let me pay for those.

  —No, no. I got it.

  —Dr. Franklin, aliens descended upon Earth to find people like me, and they killed one hundred million men, women, and children. Least I can do is buy coffee and cinnamon rolls.

  —That was dark. You didn’t do anything other than being born, and you helped me when I needed it the most. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I chose to build Themis, I’m buying coffee.

  —Do you really blame yourself for all of this? You weren’t even here!

  —I don’t. I thought we were making self-deprecating comments to decide who’s paying for breakfast. I used to. Blame myself, that is. I thought everything that happened, every death, every city destroyed…I thought that was all because of me. I’d fallen into a hole and caused all that somehow. But I didn’t. I didn’t gas a hundred million people, the Ekt did. I didn’t bomb Madrid or torture people. I didn’t break families apart because one of them lost the genetic lottery. I didn’t judge or hurt people because of their religion or where they were born. I didn’t lock them up. The world did all that. So, no, I don’t feel responsible for all this. That doesn’t make me feel any better. That doesn’t help me fix it either. I can’t fix…us. It’s people that are broken.

  —You’re being too hard on people, just like you can be too hard on yourself. People got scared. Rightly so! What happened here nine years ago wasn’t anyone’s fault. It just happened. People have the right to be emotional, and irrational, from time to time.

  —Irrational? We’ve lost our collective mind! Scientists are ignoring their own findings. People are denying even the most basic scientific facts because it makes them feel better about hurting each other. Do you realize how horrifying that is? We’re talking about human beings making a conscious effort, going out of their way, to be ignorant. Willfully stupid. They’re proud of it. They take pride in idiocy. There’s not even an attempt to rationalize things anymore. Muslims are bad because they are, that’s all. Why would you need a reason? It’s one thing to let your child go blind because you read on Facebook that the measles vaccine would make him autistic, it’s another to ship him off to a work camp because he inherited his grandmother’s genes instead of Grandpa’s. Our entire race is trying to lobotomize itself. It’s as moronic and repulsive as someone cutting off their own legs.

  —You’re not in a happy place right now, are you?

  —I’m sorry. It’s just…Responsible or not, I want things to get better, and I don’t know how.

  —Let me tell you a story.

  —Oh please!

  —There was this axolotl.

  —Really?

  —Yes. An axolotl. It’s an amphibian—

  —I know what it is. It’s a salamander from Mexico.

  —Then what’s your problem?

  —I don’t have a problem. There just aren’t that many axolotl stories being told.

  —I have lots of axolotl stories, thank you very much. May I continue?

  —Yes. Yes. I’m sorry.

  —There was this axolotl named Jeff. Jeff was sort of a local hero. He had once fought an African tilapia, all on his own, and lived to tell the tale. Axolotls are known for their ability to regrow limbs, but Jeff had lost all four of his legs along with his tail during that David and Goliath moment of his, and none of them grew back to their original size. Suffice it to say that Jeff looked kind of funny. But regardless of Jeff’s physical appearance, he was a good storyteller and little axolotl jaws dropped every time he told the tale of how he lost his tail. Not long after the ordeal, Jeff had decided that he would use what happened to him to do some good, make the salamander world a better place. He began giving motivational speeches to everyone who would list
en—and everyone would listen. Even tiger salamanders would stop by to listen to Jeff. He became known across the lake for his pep talks, a little Tony Robbins with gills.

  Jeff had a daughter, Lisa, a beautiful lizard-like baby girl with light pink skin and bright, purple gill stalks—they call those rami. Every little girl in town was jealous of Lisa’s rami. Lisa was happy—she smiled all the time—but Lisa was also shy, very shy. She faded away in axolotl company and, like any good father, Jeff wanted her to blossom. “It’s OK, Dad,” she said, “not everyone is a hero like you.”

  But Jeff believed everyone had it in them to be a hero. After all, there was nothing really special about him. He wasn’t the biggest axolotl on the block, nor the baddest, and he had fought a giant tilapia. No one knows how big that tilapia really was; it grew a little every time Jeff told the story. I’m sure even Jeff didn’t know anymore. But he had fought a fish, that’s for sure. If he, clumsy, nerdy-looking axolotl that he was, could do something like that, surely greatness was within everyone’s reach. Lisa too was a hero. She’d just never had the opportunity to show it. All she really needed, Jeff thought, was a push, to be put in a situation where she’d have no choice but to be the best amphibian she could be.

  So Jeff took Lisa with him for a long walk. When his abnormally short legs got tired, he found a good spot on top of a rock where they both could rest. He waited, and waited. Lisa wanted to go home, but Jeff told her to be patient. Finally, he spotted an Asian carp coming their way. The carp wasn’t as big as the elephantine tilapia he had once wrestled, but Lisa was young, and Jeff figured that vanquishing a midsize carp would be enough for someone her age. Jeff hugged his baby girl, gave her a big kiss, and threw her off the rock, right in the path of the bottom feeder.

  The moral of the story is—

  —Wait! Wait! What happened? What happened to Lisa?

  —The carp ate her, of course. She was just a baby! You didn’t really think she was gonna make it, did you?

  —I…Yes, I did…

  —You want to know the moral of the story.