J R

  —Yes I think there was something in the mail from them Julia, I’ll get it now when I look at the beans. There’s enough of that nice pork butt left for dinner.

  —It would be nice to get back what we paid, but heaven knows how likely that is the way the telephone behaves. Do you recall that half-witted boy who always drove the honey wagon? that rather alarming laugh he had? I hadn’t thought of him all these years until I answered it this morning, someone sounding exactly like him who asked me to sing a Campbell’s Soup jingle . . .

  —Yes here it is Julia. I don’t see a check, they’ve just sent us some sort of statement.

  —It was just over four thousand dollars I think, I seem to recall that figure because . . .

  —This just seems to say you sold, you bought spelled bot. You sold, one thousand sixty-eight A T and . . .

  —That can’t mean shares Anne that’s absurd. We sat right here with Edward and counted them out, I think there were a hundred and seventy some.

  —At forty-four, it says it right here Julia and not a word about that mining stock. And then over here where it says you bot, five hundred Quaker Oats at twenty-nine, two hundred Ampex at twenty-two and an eighth, five hundred Diamond Cable at eighteen and a quarter, five hundred Detroit Edison at seventeen and three, Julia? Where are you going . . .

  —It all just sounds like nonsense Anne I don’t know where Edward finds these people, bought spelled bot indeed. I’m just going up to the landing while it’s still light, I want to make certain our trees are still out there. I’m sure I heard something . . .

  —No I heard it too, it’s just the branch outside my window. When the wind blows and whenever it rains . . .

  —I think it’s starting to rain right now . . . and streak mounted streak down clapboard and glass from gutters filled and sodden with leaves thrashed down in the dark from what apple limbs remained.

  —Anne? was that you at the side door just now?

  —At the back door Julia, the side doesn’t open. I thought we might pick up some of those nice apples the wind brought down in the storm last night. Did I hear you on the phone just now?

  —A lady called yes, asking for Edward. I can’t imagine who it might have been.

  —Not the one who calls herself Ann?

  —Heavens no, this was a lovely contralto. I was certain I’d heard it somewhere before but the voice I was thinking of was Homer, Louise Homer when she did Gluck’s Orfeo, she said she’d just called to thank him for something.

  —She must be getting along in years, I wasn’t even aware he knew her. I thought he might be out this weekend and ordered two nice chickens, they’re here on the drainboard.

  —I thought the mail might have come.

  —Yes I’m bringing it in. This is all that came, perhaps you can make sense of it . . .

  —Well, I never! It’s a tax assessment for new sidewalk, three hundred feet of concrete sidewalk . . .

  —I don’t think we asked for a sidewalk, Julia.

  —We most certainly did not but you know who did, to march to their Wednesday night bingo games, to parade right past our front door Sundays the women like housemaids in cheap new clothes and the little boys they dress like midgets with elastic neckties and fedoras, did you leave something on the stove Anne?

  The curtain stirred.—I’ve never seen such heavy mist, I think the sun is breaking through but I never will get used to it, this feeling of everything out in the open, of everything out there coming in, over where frost killed those acres of flowers now it all just looks blacker than ever . . .

  —I do smell something, I’m going to look.

  —I think it’s coming from outside, Julia. It’s odd how even the faintest smell can suddenly bring the past to life, but we’d just been talking about James hadn’t we, that summer up near Tannersville? when they tarred the roads . . .?

  —These two chickens out here you ordered, they’ve got one heart and three gizzards between them. It makes one wonder when even a chicken can’t, Anne? did I hear you say Edward was coming?

  —Julia . . .? the sound of a siren rose closer,—Julia? I didn’t hear you . . .

  —I said is Edward coming?

  —No . . . the curtain quivered,—all I see is the sun that makes a haze, and the grass looking wet . . . and the curtain fell still on the soaking lawns where apples laced in the grass hard as stones snared in seaweed imperiled passage toward the road stretching slick as a breakwater before the burst of the siren toward the highway, swept up the rutted shoulders flowing with rivulets into the flattened weeds forming a pool round the extinct washing machine gone to earth in the sanctuary of Primitive Baptist Church where woodbine renewed its attack on the locusts in the next lot, penetrating to the mangled saplings and torn trunks at the forward edge of the battleline fronting a hill of mud naked but for the protruding legs of a chair and the fluke of a toilet seat pointing on toward Burgoyne Street where the sky opened wide for the siren’s shriek that would have flung birds broadcast in the air when there were limbs to fling them from, now merely added a note of cheer to White Christmas already spilling from the bank, of adventure to the elderly venturing from curbs and indoor hostages to Alaska Our Wilderness Friend alike, even of fugitive relief from hopeless combat.

  —Pardon . . .? No I didn’t hear what you . . . yes I couldn’t hear you a police siren just went by and ahm . . . oh you did? Yes well of course they probably have more than one ahm . . . and yes doing a very fine job that is to . . . I see yes no I’m not calling about your hedge no, no I called once before to . . . sound like who . . .? Yes well that must have been someone else I . . . no I’m no, no I don’t want you to sing the Campbell’s sou . . . pardon? No well yes of course I didn’t mean to dist . . . I see yes but I’m calling Mist . . . no no Mister Bast yes is he . . . Bast yes, b a . . . no I’m sorry yes I’m sure you can spell it I didn’t mean . . . Mister Bast yes, is . . . oh he has? I see yes when do you expect him to . . . yes well of course he . . . yes well I’m sure he deserves it of course he . . . yes no this is a check yes I called to tell him we’re putting through a new one for the correct amount, I’m afraid he’s been inconvenienced twice now by our . . . No because yes we wouldn’t want the Foundation to ahm, we wouldn’t want him to give the Foundation the impression we were withholding funds provided by them for our . . . yes it’s no no not another award no this is in connection with his ahm, his services as composer in . . . on Mozart’s ahm, a very fine job that is to say yes his Mozart presentation created quite ahm, drew quite a response that is to say from ahm, from other senior citizens that is to say regarding his ahm, regarding him yes as our ahm, our Peter Pan of . . . Pan yes, Peter he . . . pardon? Maude yes no I’m afraid I don’t know a Maude Adams of course our present enrollment is . . . that’s very interesting yes, I . . . Yes I see but . . . it is yes but I’m afraid I have someone at the door I . . . very fine job I’m sure yes well goodbye, thank . . . Goodbye yes I’m sure they do excuse me, come in . . .? Yes well no I assure you I have a good many other things to do here I’m . . .

  —I’m sorry I didn’t mean to inter . . .

  —No no sit down Mrs Joubert I’m . . . pardon? Hello? yes goodbye thank . . . good yes, bye . . .

  —I don’t want to interrupt you Mister Whiteback, I . . .

  —Yes no it’s a great pleasure to see your ahm, to see you that is to say looking ahm, to see you back looking of course you always look quite ahm, feeling as well as you look that is to . . .

  —I’m quite well thank you I’m just still a little tired, I’m sorry I had to be out but . . .

  —Yes well no sit down we all have our ahm, Mister Gibbs conducted your class that is to say doing a, did a very fine job of course he ahm, some of his . . .

  —I’m sure he did yes I must thank him, I just stopped in now about this eighth grade field trip tomorrow. If it’s . . .

  —Saturday yes well of course there seem to have been some scheduling difficulties involving the transportation sinc
e your basketball game takes place on a Saturday and this trip to the ahm, the schedule’s right here somewhere a museum I think it was yes the date was set for a Wednesday but apparently Mrs diahm, someone looked at last month’s calendar and the ahm, this month Wednesday falls on a Saturday that is to . . .

  —No that’s perfectly all right Mister Whiteback I don’t mind the Saturday, all I wanted to ask you see I’m going into town now, and I hoped rather than coming back out I might simply . . .

  —Yes well no that should ahm, now? No no I don’t think they can ahm, here’s the schedule yes they can’t ahm . . .

  —No I meant if I might simply meet them somewhere in town tomorrow, when they get into town? Unless the problem of taking them in on the train is a . . .

  —Yes well of course they’re not taking the ahm, they’re taking buses that is to say the last time we used the train there seems to have been one less youngster coming back out than ahm, yes well that was your trip wasn’t it you don’t happen to remember the number of youngsters that ahm, of tickets that is to . . .

  —I don’t offhand no but, but you don’t mean a child may have been . . .

  —Yes well no we probably would have heard from a parent by now but of course these days you can’t always excuse me, hello . . .? Yes just a minute Leroy where’s, yes here if you just take this schedule Mrs Joubert you can ahm, I can tell them you’ll meet them at ahm, whatever it says there yes . . .

  —Thank you I do appreciate . . .

  —Yes well thank you for ahm, for coming in Mrs Joubert excuse me, hello . . .? Yes excuse me I have someone on the other phone here, hello Leroy . . .? But what happened to them that many, even that many picnic forks can’t just disap . . . yes but where transshipped where, who auth . . . I know it said six J yes she just left I meant to ask her what . . . no well then do they know where the rest of the shipment went that never got here in the first pla . . . No I know it, I know we never found them in the budget that’s why they must have something to do with the cafeteria lunch program, if it looks like we’re turning down a federal subsidy they might withhold funds like they’re threatening on the milk if this Coke machine’s installed in the . . . What . . .? No now wait a minute just tell him to wait a minute Leroy, we . . . no there’s nothing in the curriculum that calls for brake linings unless Vogel of course ahm, how many . . . How many? No well even Vogel couldn’t use that many bra . . . No I’m not coming down to the freight office no, you . . . no well that can’t . . . no now wait a minute, what caliber . . .? No well that’s no, no we don’t even have a rifle club unless of course the government is ahm, yes well just tell them to . . . no no I don’t want to talk to Agent Teets no just tell him to . . . no I have someone waiting on the other phone here just tell him to, to hold everything there I have somebody at the door, yes . . .?

  —Is this here rehears . . .

  —There is no rehearsal no! I said you’d hear it announced in homeroom, close the door behind you. And wash your face, hello . . .? Oh yes no I’m sorry Father I didn’t mean . . . I saw it yes I was just ahm, just going to call you about it myself could you hold on just a moment? I have another call here I’m, hello . . .? Gottlieb? just hold on a minute I have Father Haight on the other phone here about the . . . yes. Hello, Father? Yes about all that fine publicity you had on the blessing ceremonies for your new plumbing facilities of course we . . . pardon? Yes yes no your new tv facilities of course that’s what I . . . yes of course I’m aware you have plumb . . . Yes yes I realize your brother and the Archbishop would have made the front page if it hadn’t been for the accident but of course we didn’t arrange . . . one of yes well of course the boy was one of our ahm, our youngsters yes but of course the condition he was in when he ran out of the building here was ahm, we . . . no yes of course we didn’t no he wasn’t ahm, wasn’t in our driver training program that is to say I think one of his classmates said he’d learned from a comic book but of course Major Hyde didn’t . . . he is on our school board yes Father but I’m sure that had nothing to do with . . . that he was instrumental in installing your cable facilities yes I’m sure if he promised it would be on the front page he had every intention of ahm, no intention at all that is to say of taking over the front page himsel . . . as soon as he gets out of the hospital yes Father I’m sure he . . . I’m sorry your brother feels that way Father, I’m sure Maj . . . that he’s a retiring general yes I’m sure Major Hyde is aware of that Fa . . . I will yes Fa . . . yes yes thank you for calling Father. Hello? Gottlieb? Yes that was Haight on the other line he . . . no no Father Haight down to the parochial school, he said his brother who’s leaving the Army had made a great effort to attend their dedication and deserved something better than being tucked back on page seven because the whole frönt page was taken over by . . . his statement about wanting to continue to serve in however humble a position yes that he’s ahm, looking for a job that is to say yes he . . . Yes no I wouldn’t call Vern about it no I’m sure he wouldn’t want to ahm, he’s so upset about all the blacktopping he’s liable to . . . just the lawns yes, all . . . yes well all the trees too that is to say Parentucelli said he couldn’t get his equipment in unless they were out of the way and so of course he . . . to get the whole job done in that one afternoon that is to say yes so of course when Vern got home he . . . yes well of course it’s just one of those little misunderstandings like our French doors opening the wrong . . . yes who Ganganelli? The town board meeting on this Flo-Jan hearing for leasing the town dock yes, they . . . twelve hundred a year with a five-year lease and option to, someone at the door here, yes?

  —Sorry, I didn’t mean to . . .

  —No that’s all right yes come in Gibbs I’m just ahm, this phone line to the bank that is to say hello . . .? Yes I haven’t heard anything on it no, no Dan was going to feel his wife out but of course he’s in no position to ahm, to feel anyone up right now that is to . . . no but of course we can’t embarrass Fedders he has the union ahm, war chest down to the bank in deposit certificates and of course he’s directed the purchase of mortgages through the bank in their pension fund so that ahm, ahm yes I’d better talk to you about this later down to the bank if . . . yes if there’s any question of Ace Transport defaulting on that loan of course we . . . what? Glancy did . . .? Yes but of course right now Glancy’s credit is ahm, how did he finance the . . . yes well of course if you sold him a new Cadillac they must have looked into his ahm, if he’s driven it out of the showroom that is to . . . down to the bank yes, come down to the bank. Yes now, Gibbs?

  —Sorry to bother you with this Whiteback, just a small matter of money I . . .

  —That yes I’m glad you remembered it ten ahm, yes ten dollars and forty cents? I wrote it down somewhere yes the money we disahm, reimbursed the boy who turned in those train tickets just a matter of bookkeeping of course but I’m glad you ahm, you have it there?

  —Matter of fact . . . digging in pockets he’d come up with a crumpled cigarette,—that’s not . . .

  —Yes well of course excuse me, hello . . .? Oh Mister Stye yes I . . . no I’m not at the bank now no, no I . . . oh I see you’re at the bank yes could you hold a minute? I have another, hello . . .? Well what are you doing still at the freight office, I said just to tell them to . . . you mean just now? It all arrived just now . . .? Yes well no they’ll just have to find a place to store them until we . . . because we can’t set up all these appliances there without moving all the teaching equipment that’s already . . . no because Dan’s still out from the accident and I can’t do anything without his, hold on a minute Leroy I’ve got Mister Stye on the other line about the stolen baseballs just . . . I know it’s your dime yes just, just say we’ll call Monday and hang up then. Yes hello Mister Stye? yes, yes about the stolen baseballs but Mister, Major Hyde you remember Major Hyde wanted to talk with you sometime too about this empty ahm, empty slot coming up on the school board, he . . . no not his empty slot, no he should be out of the hospital in another day or so, yes . . . yes
he was sitting in the death seat I think you call it in the insur, the phrase they used in the paper that is to say beside the driver, sitting beside Mister diahmCephalis when the car hit them and . . . oh you do? Yes, yes I do too I have another call waiting, thank you for ahm . . . Hello? Oh. Yes well when I gave your newspaper the statement after it happened of course we weren’t aware that the boy who was ahm, who was killed that is to say stealing the car, that he was ahm . . . pardon? Oh yes now of course we’ve ahm, Miss Waddams, our school nurse Miss Waddams has instituted urine tests right down the, down through the third grade that is to say for the detection of ahm, of drugs, any sort of drugs down through the . . . pardon? They hung up. Yes now what was it you were talking about? those ahm, railroad tickets yes . . .

  —No what I stopped in for Whiteback was ah, I just wanted to ask you how I’d go about getting a small advance.

  —Oh well ahm, oh, on your ahm . . .

  —Salary, yes.

  —Oh well of course ahm, well the state that is to say Mister Gibbs the ahm, teachers’ salaries are ahm, of course if you came down to the bank we might work something out on your car in terms of ahm, of a loan, a car loan that is to . . .

  —I don’t have one.

  —No that’s what I mean, yes, we could probably arrange one, a loan that is to . . .

  —No a car. An automobile that is to say, I don’t have one.

  —A car? You don’t have a car? Yes well of course no one can ahm, I’m sure we can arrange something for you down to the bank so you can get one Glancy, Glancy after all, did you hear that? On the telephone, that was Gottlieb down to the Cadillac agency he just sold one to Glancy, of course if you . . .