J R

  —No but, but what’s this one, FAS . . .

  —Famous Artists yes, correspondence courses in the arts photography that sort of thing, thought they might find it a bit more congenial than these humdrum industrials.

  —Oh. Is it a tax loss too?

  —No matter of fact they may enjoy a complete write-off with this one Bast, can’t promise anything quite yet of course, went through bankruptcy and we’ll have to see how their reorganization program works out, yes now let’s get on to the . . .

  —Yes but you see Mister Crawley I don’t think my aunts really need tax losses and write-offs they . . .

  —Cleared up that long-term capital gains situation on their phone stock yes, eleven thousand seven seventy-three now they can think about profits, got them into Natomas here at ninety-seven and it’s up just push NOM on that Quotron there let’s have a look . . . yes up three-eighths, you see? Of course I think we’re both aware your aunts aren’t the most sophisticated investors on the street can’t expect them to have a completely balanced portfolio overnight can we so let’s get back to what brought you here, just push over that checkbook? Now when do we hear it.

  —Yes well of course just finding a copyist and going over it with him to prepare the orchestration will probably take . . .

  —I think Shirley found some free time for me tomorrow afternoon you think two hours will do it?

  —. . . what?

  —Yes two hours or shall we make it two and a half, don’t want to rush things Bast I want to hear every note from your first violin right down to your accordion here.

  —Yes but, but Mister Crawley it, how can . . .

  —Don’t worry Bast didn’t think you had your whole symphony orchestra standing around out in the hall eh? No just tape or records or something, however you people do it.

  —No but played by a full orchestra how . . .

  —Yes what’s this Bast dig a little further down into your score here nothing but a lot of pencil scribbling.

  —No but yes that’s the rough score the whole thing has to be orchestrated and then the parts for all the instruments . . .

  —Don’t quite follow all this you don’t mean this is all we’ve got? This?

  —Yes but yes that’s the score that’s the music yes it . . .

  —But you just finished talking about ninety-six instruments yes, said something about your accordionist and first violin and now you . . .

  —No but but holy shit Mister Crawley I mean what . . .

  —What’s that?

  —No I mean you don’t understand I . . .

  —I don’t understand sir? No it appears we didn’t understand each other Mister Bast, when I commissioned you to compose the music for our film here of course I meant music, and to me Mister Bast music is something I hear. Isn’t that what music is to you sir?

  —Yes of course yes yes but . . .

  —Of course yes I think most people would agree that music is something we hear, and in this case I understood our purpose to be to call upon its powers to help evoke the majesty of another kingdom, to summon the breath of life to these fellows as they sweep before our audience on the screen . . . his own arm swept from the teak expanse to summon their vacant stares down from every direction—and I believe . . .

  —But . . .

  —I believe at that time I told you our primary audience would be a congressional subcommittee Mister Bast, worthy but mortal men cast in a simpler mold perhaps, who can scarcely be expected to share your talents, your ability to glance at these hentracks and hear those soaring tones that evoke the vastness of the plains, the purple . . .

  —Yes but I, maybe if I could go through it for you on the piano I could, we could go to that hotel suite and you could . . .

  —The piano?

  —Yes or maybe I could take a tape recorder up there and play the whole . . .

  —Don’t think you could do that fellow justice sitting at a piano . . . he hailed hartebeest across the blotter’s green,—and even if I were content with such a makeshift expedient I could hardly trifle with the limitations of our audience Mister Bast, to say nothing of my partner in this little venture, and as far as my partner goes I must tell you frankly I had the devil’s own time convincing him we wanted music at all. I’ve heard him sing Don’t Fence Me In often enough driving around his holdings there with a can of beer in his hand but I believe that’s the extent of his acquaintance with music, and since in effect I commissioned you against his judgment, you may see the spot I’d be in showing him this stack of hentracks.

  —Yes but if I . . .

  —Or sitting him down to two hours of plunking on a piano, now let me talk to you like a Dutch uncle for a moment Mister Bast because I must be frank to tell you I feel you’ve been spreading yourself a bit too thin. A look at this, this score as you call it while I listen in vain for the sound of music leaves me little choice but to believe that your recent rise in the world of business and finance has turned your head from your real vocation, and that what you originally regarded as quite a decent fee for this commission has paled before the rewards you now find within your reach. I don’t like the word slacker Mister Bast but I must say your intention here appears to have been simply to bring this work to a hasty conclusion and get on with these expanding business ventures you’ve been sitting here discussing all this time.

  —No but no but . . .

  —And if I may even go a bit further to say it appears that the more others make an effort to help you, the less effort you seem to make to help yourself. That may sound harsh but perhaps I failed to make myself clear when we were discussing Trilby earlier, Mister Bast. Not all of us have been given your unique gifts, and when I feel you are using them to satisfy what has struck me on more than one occasion as an almost unhealthy preoccupation with money, I am bound to tell you so sir. When you turn these gifts to accomplishing ends any of us are capable of we are all the losers for it Mister Bast, be content to leave these details of leasebacks and writeoffs to us who toil in the vineyards and look to you to lift our eyes up to the stars while standing in the damn trouserleg sliding down again there can you just get it back up for me?

  —Yes but I’m no you see I do need the money in fact I still owe my, I still have some things to straighten out with my associate and now I’m getting bills for a rapid reading course and tuition at a business col . . .

  —Yes of course all those are deductible, and . . .

  —But deductible from what! I . . .

  —And of course you realize I can’t pay you anything on this little project of ours as it stands, can I. My partner wouldn’t hear of it but even if I wished to myself, I feel that such a gesture at this stage could destroy the very incentive I hope to see rekindled. You see I still have confidence in you sir, or should I say in the artist who dwells within you, the artist who disdains such mundane details as selecting a fresh shirt in the morning, who steps forth into the workaday world the rest of us inhabit indifferent to the glances he draws because his shoes fail to match, why? Because his mind has been elsewhere, his inner ear tuned to the sonorous tones of horn and kettledrum, tones it is his sacred duty to let us hear with him. I have the confidence he will and you must too sir, and to show you the measure of mine Mister Bast I’m going to double the ante.

  —Yes yes but . . .

  —Don’t protest Mister Bast I’ve made up my mind to prove them wrong, those doubters who tell us of the unreliability, the indolence, the ingratitude of the artist but you must help me, four hundred dollars and I think that’s a rather handsome offer sir what do you say.

  —Yes but you see I . . .

  —Let’s get on with it then, just push those nitro pills over as you leave that little bottle there yes, and you’ll want this whatever it is, stuff it right in your case here . . . and the lid came down on Alsaka the biggest state,—broken clasp yes you’d better carry it up under your arm there, just remember all these fellows looking to you Bast, he came on, arm rising from p
ushing the case across the teak to sweep the vacant stares down upon them again—to find a home somewhere in our own vast wilds, in our own . . . and he came abruptly upright with the splash of entering—yes Everglades perhaps, ranging its million and a half acres searching its skies for wood stork and heron, sharing its waters with mullet and snook . . . he sloshed unsteadily, gripping the desk’s edge like a small boat’s gunnels,—looking to you to make this subcommittee hear, to make them see, above all to make them feel the telephone there just hand it over to me will you? And one word of advice, clear your head and get down to one thing. Hello . . .? Yes, simplify Mister Bast. Simplify. Damn it hello . . .?

  —Hello?

  —Other people have help Willie but I’ve always had to get everything with my own two . . .

  —Miss Bulcke? which call is this . . .

  —This is the operator may I help you?

  —Yes just get off the damn line. Shirley . . .?

  —We have a crossed line again Mister Beaton but both your other calls have finally come through . . .

  —When I take them to court I’ll have to represent myself . . .

  —Damn it Shirley hang up and try Stamper in his car.

  —Hello?

  —Yes hello I’m calling Mrs Joubert, it’s rather urgent . . .

  —And come in here and do something about this damn trouserleg.

  —Just a moment yes she was right here I think she just passed the, Dan? The door that is to say, Dan can you look out there for Mrs Joubert? Tell her it’s urgent yes, hello? Just hold on please yes someone’s gone to get her . . .

  —Your other phone there Whiteback, probably an award from the Legion of Decency.

  —Yes thank you hello? Yes this is the bank ahm, bank phone yes . . . Yes no back not law Whiteback, yes this is Mister . . . who? Mister Beaton? Yes what can I . . . oh. Oh . . .? Oh . . . Outstanding shares yes well of course this recent unahm, fortunate publicity in terms of the ongoing situation loanwise has ahm . . . Yes well no even if we were receptive the state banking laws would excuse me for a minute, Vern if you can move your foot there so she can . . .

  —Mister Whiteback . . .?

  —Yes come in Mrs Joubert this phone here, they say it’s urgent . . .

  —Thank you . . . hello? Oh Miss Bulcke? what . . . She came to rest along the desk’s edge,—no no that’s quite all right, I’ll just hold on till he’s finished . . .

  —Yes let me move these papers Dan maybe you could ahm, excuse me I have a call yes, hello? I’m sorry yes go ahead Mister . . . the state banking laws yes even if we were receptive to . . . Pecci Mister Pecci yes and doing a very fine job, he . . . Oh you do . . .? Oh you, are . . .? Mrs Pecci yes she ahm, of course we ahm . . . Yes well of course we weren’t aware anyone ahm . . . In the nature of ahm, of a gift that is to . . . yes no not something we care to publicize of course we . . . Yes well in that case of course we might be receptive to . . . yes well of course any reasonable ahm offer that is to . . . to stay on in my present capacity of course yes I . . . Oh I see . . . Yes I ahm, I see . . . Yes well in the field of ahm, of education of course I . . . Oh in Washington? Yes well in that case of course I . . . As soon as I can reach him yes, yes yes thank you for calling yes goodbye, Vern maybe you could let Mrs . . .

  —No that’s quite all right Mister Whiteback I, hello? yes . . .? And where she drew her hair back it fell again to hide the tremble of her hand,—but how could, how could the school have simply let him drive Francis away without even . . . No no but doesn’t anyone know where they . . . No no no I told you he’d mentioned Geneva! by the time you have a court order they . . . No but isn’t there anything else you . . . What Uncle John can do! hasn’t he already done enough? Haven’t all of you already, done enough . . .! No I, I don’t know . . . I don’t know . . .

  —Mrs Joubert is everything ahm, here let me hang that up for you . . .

  —No please I’m all right . . .

  —Yes and you’ve met our District Superintendent, he just dropped in to ahm Mrs Joubert’s sixth grade social studies Vern, I’d like you to see the way she motivates these yes in fact right behind you there Mrs Joubert, some pictures just came in I knew you’d want to see right behind you under those clippings somewhere yes in fact you may want to usel, utilize them on the televised portion of your lesson tomor . . .

  —No but, but you can’t mean, these . . .?

  —Right under there somewhere yes I know our Superintendent here would like to see what really happens on those field trips . . .

  —No I’m afraid you don’t . . .

  —These will show you how she really motivates these youngsters Vern, a really meaningful learning experience yes do you want to just hold them up there Mrs Joubert? show the Superintendent here how you’ve been getting across to these youngsters what ahm, what America’s all about? Just a little modest Vern she ahm . . .

  —Mister Whiteback I’m afraid I, I’m afraid I don’t feel well I . . .

  —Look Whiteback I don’t want to know what America’s all about, just get her to the nurse.

  —No please I’m quite all right I just . . .

  —Yes well of course she might Dan you might just walk Mrs Joubert up to Miss Waddams’ office where she can ahm, of course she can’t lie down there though can she the ambulance hasn’t come yet for the ahm, the baby and its ahm, the baby that is to . . .

  —I’m all right really Mister diCephalis, thank you . . .

  —Yes well thank you for coming in to show us your ahm, coming in Mrs Joubert Dan you might just keep an eye on her down the hall there she did look a little ahm . . .

  —Maybe she got in on these pregnancy sweepstakes you’re running, Whiteback. She’s certainly a better looking piece than that dried up little blonde who’s got your coach here up on assault charges.

  —Yes well Vogel of course ahm, of course he was unaware he was really approaching the girl’s mother who seems to have been coming to school dressed as her . . .

  —Her daughter yes, in other words if he’d shown an eighth grade girl where the horse bit him everything would have been fine. Put that together with these five pregnancies and your newspaper here would name him Father of the Year.

  —Yes well the newspaper story on these pregnancies was all simply a mistake since we’d ahm, a mixup in the laboratory that is to say since the samples we’d sent to be tested for drugs got mixed up with some that were there to be tested for . . .

  —If you’d sent them there for that in the first place you wouldn’t have had this scene in the girls’ washroom just now, newspaper called yet?

  —No but of course they still seem to be occupied with this ahm, the tragedy of this little retarded . . .

  —No problems at all then have we, Glancy and this Vogel story and your stag movie and everything else pushed off the front page when a narcotics agent shoots down a simple-minded boy with a cap pistol and everything’s fine.

  —Yes well no apparently the boy caught him by surprise and of course the agent’s trained reflexes were ahm, yes excuse me hello . . .? Yes this is the bank’s, oh yes this is the bank? Yes . . . his name is Cibo Mister Cibo yes, as of yesterday his signature is required on all of Catania Paving’s checks yes he . . . as president of Catania Paving yes he, hold on my other phone is . . . Yes? hello . . .? Oh Gottlieb yes I was going to call you about . . . yes no we may not have to call your Ace Transportation loan at all no, I just had a call from ahm, a feeler that is to say from ahm, that could save the bank from ahm, wait let me finish this other call yes, hello . . .? No it’s c, cibo yes you’ll find the signature in the Cia Management account . . . Gottlieb? hello? No that was just the bank calling about this man Cibo who’s just . . . In labor relations and vending machines yes he’s just bought a third interest in Catania Paving from Parentu wait a minute, hello . . .? Mister Parentucelli yes I was . . . I just spoke to the bank about your Mister Cibo yes he . . . the Coke machines in the cafeteria? Yes Mister Cibo said something to me about . .
. yes but you see with so many youngsters buying Coke our entire federal milk subsidy is in danger of . . . Yes I know Mister Cibo’s just as interested in the kiddies’ welfare as I am but . . . to Mister Pecci’s campaign yes I know he is but . . . Yes of course I agree people like a hero but . . . Yes I have another . . . yes but I have another call I . . .

  —Come in Major, you and Dan here getting up an act together? Might call it the two white crows . . .

  —Look Vern just . . .

  ——either shit or get off the pot . . .

  —Just Parentucelli on the other phone yes, he’s . . . No Pecci’s political campaign he thinks they should either ahm, either fish or cut bait that is to say, this man Cibo is . . . Yes some sort of publicity stunt to give Pecci a new ahm, make him a hero yes but of course the . . . The smut issue yes but of course . . . Hyde yes in fact the boy’s father just walked in, he . . . To transfer the financing right into his name without going through the estate yes I’ll . . . no well at this price I don’t think he’ll mind the ahm; the smell you might say . . .

  —Mind if I hang up this phone too Whiteback? Sounds like somebody left a toilet running.

  —Yes no go ahead Vern come in Mister ahm Major that was Gottlieb down to the Cadillac agency, he thinks he can put the financing on the car right into your name without repossessing it from Glancy’s estate to handle it like ahm, like a used car sale that is to . . .

  —What was that about a smell.

  —No well of course it was used since Glancy did use it to ahm, I think the Cadillac people prefer to say previously owned yes and he’d only driven it seven miles but of course he’d been in it for a week when they found him down in the woods there and apparently they’ve been unable to remove the, to restore the smell of a new car interior that is to . . .

  —Won’t mind a whiff now and then will you Major, be like driving Glancy around in the back seat where you can’t see his . . .

  —Look Vern I don’t have time to . . .

  —Yes well I think Vern just means the back seat would have been more ahm, of course we thought he’d taken off to look for his wife until Parentucelli’s men found him down there with that hose from the exhaust to the driver’s ahm, sitting behind the wheel yes even though he wasn’t going, wasn’t dressed to go anywhere that is to say, he . . .