J R

  —Come off it man like other people I mean like who, like I mean somebody’s getting paid to be this weather forecaster someplace telling you fair and warm while you’re like up to your ass in this blizzard I mean like who does anything man, I mean somebody gets a job and like the first thing they do they try to figure out how to not do it I mean look at you man, like this business job with all this mail and calls and these presents like only you’re up all night trying to make this four hundred dollars writing this music for some band that’s getting this money free to play it? Like I mean what’s the difference if you get help off that and Al gets it off this welfare, I mean like you’re both in music and like you weren’t even very nice to him man.

  —Yes but, but look can’t you . . .

  —I mean he brings his guitar all the way up here to talk about music and you won’t even talk to him.

  —Yes but look can’t you see I just want to get this finished and then I can . . .

  —Man like finish it who’s stopping you I mean everybody’s like trying to help you out, I mean like I’m taking in all these packages and like answering the door to these cops and Indians and every . . .

  —But what, wait what Indians who . . .

  —Like man either he was this Indian or he had this deviated septum like my brother had one I mean like I tell him to get lost and he says he already is lost and like this Treasury Department cop looking for your friend Grynszpan and these telephone calls, I mean just writing down all these telephone calls man . . . legs gaped and the shirt fell wide with her reach to 12–38 Oz Btls Won’t Burn, Smoke or Smell for a torn brown paper bag—I mean here . . .

  —Yes well, look thank you but if Al hadn’t broken that attachment that took them down on tape you wouldn’t even have to ans . . .

  —I mean that’s what I mean like I mean you say maybe it can be adopted to like tape something off your ear radio so Al tries to help you out and when you’re like trying to tape this Bach thing it breaks so you blame him when he’s only trying to . . .

  —Yes all right it doesn’t matter look what’s, what does this say General who? He held out her pencil markings on the brown paper,—Ball?

  —Balls Boll I mean how do I know like that’s what I said General who and they said General some company like, and like there’s this other general, like council something.

  —General counsel? Of, but of what company what . . .

  —No man like council general something.

  —But, consul general but of where . . .

  —Like he couldn’t even talk English man, I mean it sounded French so like I say the only French I know and he hangs right up, then like there was this U S chamber of something I mean I didn’t even write it down like they said can you come speak at some dinner so I ask like what’s on thé menu and they don’t even know I mean like that must be some dinner.

  —Yes well, all right yes what’s this one bert, Beaton?

  —Like he called twice today man he sounds like this real fag I mean he really wants to talk to you.

  —Yes I know yes I’ll, I’ll call him when I . . .

  —And then somebody calls from this office of some Senator someplace I mean they really sound like they think they’re hot shit so could they discuss this campaign contribution at your convenience they said they’re like counting on twenty so like I say maybe you’ll send them twenty bucks sometime so like they say perhaps I misunderstood they mean like thousand so I say they better count again so . . .

  —Yes well look maybe, maybe you shouldn’t bother to answer the phone anymore if, what does this say Stamper?

  —Stamper man like I never heard such a filthy mouth on anybody, I mean like he’s in some fucking barnyard . . .

  —Yes but what did he, was it about music for a . . .

  —He said it’s like he wants to talk to you about some rights of something you could like call him back at his car I mean I told him what to do with his car man I never heard such a filthy mouth, I mean you have some business associates man like somebody else calls that says is your boss keeping his long position on bellies man I mean this must be some business you and him are in. And I mean him. Man he sounds like he’s calling from under this blanket someplace.

  —Did he call? What, what did he . . .

  —Man like he can’t stop talking I mean he says write all this stuff down so I write this stuff down and, no on the back . . .

  —What this? I can’t, what’s ebus . . .

  —Erbus that’s Erbus like he said it’s some movie company that’s losing all this money I mean he sounded real happy, like I wrote it down someplace . . . and her knee fell wide leaning toward the paper gone quivering in his hand,—like down here . . .

  —Ebe . . . he cleared his throat, raised his eyes back to the brown paper—Erebus yes that, it must be that man who just called Mis, Mister Leva . . .

  —I mean they lost twenty-eight what’s that, like million, I mean like he said twenty-eight million dollars making some big movie they’re losing like a million dollars a month man I mean like he sounded real happy.

  —Yes well there are tax, business tax situations where . . .

  —Man like don’t explain it to me but I mean like that must be some movie . . . and the knee fell back,—then under there he said like will you read today’s Times like about this war someplace you’re buying this radium then some other stuff about he’s like buying this school will you talk to this lawyer that sent you that dirty mummy joke and then some big bank loan like man let’s eat . . . the knees came down—I mean I’m hungry.

  —Yes well, go ahead I just want to finish . . .

  —Like do you want me to bring in that mail?

  —Yes go ahead, I just . . .

  —And like shall I open these packages?

  —Yes go ahead . . . and the pen moved again, arching, dipping, paused to add a title to the list and his face was back closer to a fresh sheet of empty staves licked lips parting, meeting, parting on puffs of sound against the ripping of paper over the rush of waters beyond, the trickle at his back from under boxes and the massed Musical Couriers

  ——today. Many were from the finest homes in America. Many were treasured heirlooms . . .

  —Like I mean what we really need here, man.

  —But what, what is it . . .

  —Like it’s this electric tie rack I mean can’t you see? Like it says you organize them by color on these little wheels and there’s this pushbutton selector where they rotate like they must think you’re a fucking basket case man, look at this one.

  —But what’s it for, it looks . . .

  —Like it says right on it man Steakwatcher, I mean like it really says solid state computer programmed for broiling steaks and chops to perfection I mean somebody really paid money for these, man.

  —Yes well some, there’s probably a card from some company in the . . .

  —I mean like a lot of fucking money man, like they’re scared if they gave you something somebody might like really need you’ll think it’s this fucking insult . . . An armload of mail cascaded to the sofa,—like I mean things are really screwed up.

  —I know it but, look I just want to finish this before . . .

  —Before what man. Like I mean the whole fucking scene is coming down . . .

  ——and any other mouthwash is like the difference between a lovely Beethoven sonata and an ear splitting blast from . . .

  —Oh wow.

  —What’s, no wait wait don’t open . . .

  —Man I didn’t see this box I mean who sent you this!

  —Wait no look if you put it on the whole thing will look it’s too long, the feathers are dragging on . . .

  —But I mean wow like are these real eagle feathers?

  —Yes but I don’t know but look if it gets dirty I wait, wait you can’t wear it carrying all that what . . .

  —These cups for grape drink and here here quick get this before it . . .

  —Put it on the, here put
it on Moody’s what is it anyhow.

  —It’s these enchiladas and like this is remoulade sauce it says on the jar I mean what did you expect.

  —I thought maybe this time you look out the grape drink! I thought this time if I gave you that five dollars for food maybe we could eat something that . . .

  —Well look man I mean it says niney-nine cents right on the can and this remoulade sauce it says . . .

  —No I mean I thought you could buy something, just go in and buy some regular food we could . . .

  —Man like what’s the difference I mean you’re getting like this five dollars’ worth, I mean add up the cans and there’s like these capers and these fancy snails out there like I mean how am I supposed to save up to get Chairman Meow out of this vietrinary man . . . She shunted mail aside with a ruffle of feathers,—man I don’t see how they go around all the time with all these feathers sticking up their . . .

  —Well they don’t but they do wear, look if you could just button that shirt a little, it’s . . .

  —Man like my pants got wet with that tub in there I mean I can’t wear them wet . . . but she got a button holed, licked sauce from her fingers and tore open an envelope.—Like they’re delivering your thousand gross assorted plastic flowers from Hong Kong man.

  —Who is what plastic flowers I . . .

  —Like it just says owing to backed up warehousing facilities your recent bid on shipment three five nine seven one . . .

  —Yes well just, just put it over there wait be careful that looks like a check.

  —It’s like your Texas Gulf dividend man, fifteen cents, and like here’s another one, Pacific Telephone. Thirty cents.

  —Yes well those are, I’m putting those in the ice tray in the . . .

  —I mean this is what they’re always talking about Wall Street? Like I mean I never saw such a . . .

  —No but those are just one share people usually own more than, wait don’t throw that away it’s . . .

  —What all this crap that was with them?

  —Yes it’s the, they send out this literature to their stockholders to keep . . .

  —Literature? I mean like you call this literature man?

  —No no I don’t they do it’s all, it’s quarterly reports and . . .

  —This reduced fully diluted shares outstanding by sixteen percent which had the effect after imputed interest on like you call that literature man I mean I call it bullshit . . . Paper tore,—wow.

  —What . . .

  —The telephone bill, it’s like one thousand eight hundred seventy-six dollars, I mean man you owe them like two thousand dollars and so far you take in like forty-five cents I mean . . .

  —No well the telephone bill is, it isn’t mine personally it’s . . .

  —Like here’s one you better answer then, personal and confidential I mean it’s this executive placement agency that knows of several attractive possibilities if in the near future you should be interested in considering alternatives at the executive vice president level in a major corporate man you told me you’re getting out of this crap so you can write all this music . . .

  —Yes well I am as soon as I . . .

  —Man it’s always like as soon as you something I mean here’s one will you chair this management symposium on healing the sick corporation I mean that must be some chair. And like who’s E Berst, I mean look here’s this same piece of mail about buying these free records addressed to E Gast, E Bast, B Best I mean there’s seven, eight nine there’s like eleven of it the same with all these screwed up names like . . .

  —Yes well they think, I think they think it’s cheaper just to mail them all than check every name on these lists they buy to see if look be careful, you’re getting that sauce on the . . .

  —Man like E Berst E Gast I mean how do you expect me to open all this mail I mean . . .

  —There’s that electric opener right under . . .

  —What like you want me to chop off all my fingers? And I mean look what’s, I mean look did you know this Eigen is getting all his mail forwarded here too? Like he just sent some more newspapers up here and these books and this box of all these broken toys I mean there won’t even be anyplace left to . . .

  —No well his mail I’ve just been putting it on the top oven shelf with here if this is the Grynszpan pile, wait keep it away from that pile Al dumped there he can’t just leave it here without what’s that one, that foreign one . . .

  —Man it’s like addressed to J R Corp Famili . . . paper tore,—Dear Madame. I take the liberty to write to you from a strange country, you don, know but don,t be asthonised, because I have heard from your good he. Our famili is quite ruined. My husband is very sick, death sick, without hope of guerishing. I beg you to send for him some cloth and underwear, pijame, all very very used, or second hand which you would wear and would cast away. Do you imagine this awful winter coming and we are allways cold. May I hope that my prayer could reach and touch heart which is always batting for the poor. I beg my God to give you hundred fold. Yours truly and miserable man like I mean how can you pronounce Srskić . . .

  —Well I, I don’t know but it’s . . .

  —I mean like why don’t you send them those deluxe barbeque tools and this fucking computer for broiling steaks man . . .

  —Look, I don’t . . .

  —I mean her husband’s sitting there in no underwear without hope of guerishing man like you could send him that electric heated towel stand that came yesterday to hang his pijame on while his neckties rotate and Mrs Zrk is running around with the deluxe barbeque tools waiting for this solid state computer to boil their steaks and chops to perf . . .

  —Look damn it what am I supp . . .

  —And I mean then you could like go chair that thing on healing the sick corporation with your heart batting for the poor they’d really be asthonised man like I never saw such sick companies, I mean that must be some fucking chair.

  —Yes well look there’s nothing I can, I mean damn it will you just let me finish trying to . . .

  —No like go ahead man like do you want grape drink? And like what country do they eat enchiladas I mean they’re disgusting.

  —I think it’s a Mexican . . .

  —Man like no wonder they’re stoned down there all the time . . .

  ——to join the biggest savings bank family in . . .

  —Oh wow. I mean you get some mail.

  ——selection of gifts for a deposit of only two hun . . .

  —Like do you want to know how to say scrotum in Danish?

  —Well, well no I . . .

  —Bolcheposen. I mean if you just learn all these you can . . .

  —Look I don’t want to say scrotum in Danish what is that anyhow, who . . .

  —Man like it’s this letter does your company do business in these foreign countries so you won’t name some product you’re selling there some dirty word by mistake. I mean you subscribe for like only three hundred dollars a year and they send you all these dirty words in all these different languages so you won’t like be going around selling dippeldutters and have . . .

  —Look we don’t go around selling dippe, we don’t sell anything in Denmark we . . .

  —No but look man if you subscribe to this you can like make out anyplace, I mean you go up to this Danish chick and say you brought your humørkaep would she like to kusse so she says okay if you use a dråbefanger, so you get this dråbefanger and like go someplace and få et rap. Like do you know what I said?

  —No but I, I can imag . . .

  —Like, Bast?

  —What?

  —I mean like did you ever watch us?

  —Watch, watch who what . . .

  —Like I mean out that back window me and Schramm, I mean like we saw your friend balling that black haired chick back there once.

  —Well I, I, once I was, once I happened to look out there and I . . .

  —Happened I mean how could you happen to look out, like I mean you have to cl
imb over all those lampshades and papers up on those books to like even see.

  —No well I, I mean once I just wanted to see if his light was on I wanted to talk to him about something and, and . . .

  —What you saw us screwing? I mean look I’m not mad like I mean I was as good as that black haired chick where are you going.

  —I just, I got some of that sauce on my fingers I wanted to . . .

  —And like why do you keep that picture up there he had.

  —What that, the Baldung? Well it’s just up there, it . . .

  —I mean do you like those little pointy dippeldutters she’s got?

  —What her, her breasts? I . . .

  —No like that means nipples breast is, wait, brysters look I mean aren’t mine better?

  —Yes well, well they’re larger yes and . . .

  —No I mean sit down like she’s supposed to be so beautiful to be in this famous painting right? Only she’s got these little round brysters and this little round pot and look, no I mean sit here look, under here maybe she’s better under here I mean see how heavy this is like? under along here? where she’s like skinnier there I mean you are too lift your, all here I mean I got these pants too tight like tomorrow I better go down and get you some bigger ones I mean all up here and, wow like under here in front . . .

  —Yes well, well right now they’re a little . . .

  —Then take them off like, I mean if they’re so tight like take them

  off.

  —Well I, I . . .

  —No well like then don’t. I mean like go set up your practice golf game go ahead, like go turn on your electric fucking tie rack and your . . .

  —No no I just, it’s just the door if . . .

  —If what I mean if that old crap comes knocking my vife my vife Mister? No like go ahead man bring him in and play golf with him if that’s what you’d . . .

  —No no wait I . . .

  —Like be careful man you’re going to knock over the look it’s that wire will you like take that thing out of your ear? I mean there’s no big hurry now . . .

  —No but, look all these feath . . .