J R

  —I borrowed it and paid it right back how do you think I . . .

  —No but I mean how could you pay it right back if you didn’t go sell off this here stock that’s what I mean! And I mean anyway there’s this whole law which you can’t loan money off banks to go buy stock with it on top of you even told me that time on the phone you’re not selling it, I mean that’s what’s this here tremendous like disappointment you know Bast? I mean like you didn’t have any confidence in this here whole enterprise and like all this here corporate loyalty where we used each other and all like you didn’t even hardly be . . .

  —Listen first I didn’t sell the stock I didn’t tell the bank to sell it either, second I didn’t borrow money from a bank to buy it I borrowed it from my aunts. I used their stock to borrow enough to buy this stock on this option and then I used this stock to borrow seven thousand dollars Mister Davidoff said would be waiting and the rest of it to pay back the loan on my aunts’ stock and put it back in their account with Mister Crawley, now that’s all I . . .

  —What he keeps it all in this street name down there?

  —Here we are, sir.

  —Because if he does these here aunts better watch out hey . . .

  —Wait a minute, what driver? Where, we’re where . . .

  —Pennsylvania Station.

  —What are we doing here, we want . . .

  —Our instructions sir, bring your group back to the Penn . . .

  —I thought you were taking us back out to Long Island, we . . .

  —See because if Crawley and Wiles and these here brokers need all this collateral for these here big loans they’re . . .

  —Be quiet, driver? Listen take us out there anyhow you can just put it on the same bill, this company that . . .

  —Can’t do that sir I don’t have the authoriza . . .

  —Well I’ll give it to you I’m giving you the authorization!

  —Can’t do that sir I don’t have the authorization to accept your authori . . .

  —See they’re getting this real hard time from these commodity exchanges for all this margin money since these here bellies dropped so . . .

  —Be quiet! look do you know who, wait have you got any cash?

  —Well, well sure but . . .

  —All right, driver? We’ll just pay cash then how much will . . .

  —Can’t do that sir our franchise don’t permit . . .

  —Why can’t, why didn’t you just say so! Here come on, let’s . . .

  —You want this rest of this here cupcake?

  —Bring it bring everything yes you can’t leave . . .

  —Okay could you hold this a second while I . . .

  —I can’t hold anything a second here give me that box and get what’s that on the floor there . . .

  —Boy if I lost that it’s this tape player thing, have you got these here tapes off the phone hey? Because . . .

  —Get that banana on the armrest please sir?

  —See because Piscator said they’re like subpoening all these here phone tapes which we want to hear them before . . .

  —Will you get that damn banana! Here the rest of you, this way, this way . . .

  —We going to the movies Mister Bast?

  —That guy with all the heads could we go see him hey?

  —These women wrestling these eels . . .

  —We’re not going anywhere we’re going home! now here stay together . . .!

  —Because this whole trade deal was loused up too you were suppose to fix up where Ray-X can’t get this rhodium from this place Gandia where they’re having this here war so there’s this dumb law you can’t buy exports off them so there’s this trade delegate guy from this broken down country Malwi right by this place Gandia you were suppose to see him at the Waldorf before you . . .

  —Down this way stay together . . .

  —Where you couldn’t get this export license to like export these bellies down to China so like if we exported them to this place Malwi where they export them down to China we could like one percent this money from them into this Gandia and one percent this here rhodium back out and then like just import it here with this Malwi as country of origin do you have to walk so fast hey? I’m dropping . . .

  —Here this way all of you hurry up . . .!

  —So then this here Malwi place goes and gets sucked in this same dumb war . . .

  —I said stay together!

  —And these talks they’re having at the Senate about trading with China and Russia and all, this Senator Broos breaks them off and all these bellies drop so Crawley and Wiles and these brokers get pissed off at me because they’re getting this hard time from these commodity exchanges over all this here margin money which I haven’t got it so they have to hey wait a second . . .

  —There’s our track hurry up the train’s in four min, where’s where did he . . .

  —He’s over there getting a newspaper could we get some candy?

  —No! get the train I’ll get him, of all the sorry excuse me, of all the, sorry . . .

  —Oh hey Bast? Have you got some change I can’t reach my . . .

  —Just leave it! the train’s . . .

  —But I already took the paper you said you have thirty-sev . . .

  —Just, damn it here! Now hurry up . . .

  —Boy you almost knocked that old worn . . .

  —I don’t care hurry up!

  —Hey wait up hey my shoelace holy . . .

  —Stop that pushing up there! stay togeth . . .

  —Boy I barely made it if you would have . . .

  —Just sit down will you? The rest of you up there sit down . . .

  —Do you want by the window or . . .

  —I don’t care just sit down!

  —Okay just let me get my foot over these new laces boy I almost lost my sneaker back there, could you move your . . .

  —I can’t move anything no get your foot down, can’t you just . . .

  —Where am I suppose to put it!

  —Try the floor! and get your knee out of my . . .

  —No but I have to set this thing up to play these here telephone tapes so we can hear what . . .

  —Listen if you want to play tapes go find another seat, I’m . . .

  —No but we have to hear them before they get subpoened I mean how do we even know what’s on them. I mean like you sent me one once where right in the middle of I’m telling you where we’re getting this hard time on these Ace mining claims from this here Interior Department suddenly there’s this singing and you hear this guy say you have just heard somebody Fisher dishcloth singing this here foreign . . .

  —I thought the tape was blank! I, I tried to get some things off that junk pocket radio that’s all, what difference does . . .

  —Because if they subpoen them that’s why! Because this here old lady Begg she’s suing me too she’s subpoening everything for where we took over at Eagle so if there’s this tape where I’m saying how we’re protecting these here stockholders like where Eagle’s losing all this money so we move everything down at Georgia so we can . . .

  —Look you’re spilling papers all . . .

  —Wait it’s under here, I mean we even try to help out this dump Union Falls with this whole big cemetery thing and like giving them these Eagle properties for this here park and speedway so how this old lady Begg thanks us she goes around telling these here other old stockholders how I screwed them converting my preferred stock into common to like get control so I could wait here it is look, the Begg Action is a consolidated class action brought by former stockholders of Eagle wait no this one’s yours, where’s . . .

  —My what, what’s . . .

  —Where she’s pissed off at you too here, the Action arises out of alleged violations of Section ten b of the Securities Exchange Act of nineteen thirty-four and rule ten b five progul, mul, progulma . . .

  —Promulgated give me that! what’s, she’s suing me too?

  —You didn’t need to
grab it, I mean you didn’t get one? Piscator sent me this here cop . . .

  —Wait now just because she’s suing you I didn’t even know what the, I just went up there and ate that disgusting candle salad with . . .

  —No but see she’s suing you for this whole other thing hey, like where I took over this control to protect these here stockholders where their J R Corp equity went way up if they would have sold see? Only when it went down and they sell at like five and an eighth like this old lady Begg so they’re all pissed off at you for getting this eleven and a half where you knew what’s going on inside ahead of time . . .

  —Inside what, I . . .

  —Like inside the company and all that’s why they call it this insider suit see where you’re this here . . .

  —Inside? that’s, how could I be inside there isn’t any inside! How could anybody believe the, the only inside’s the one inside your head like these statements you make, these tapes you play over the phone to these newspapers virgin minerals gas discoveries the health plan of tomorrow travel of the future some reporter even found me out there he said he understood we were freezing sound now what kind of a . . .

  —No but wait that was right in the paper hey, just . . .

  —Look don’t start digging through that trash again can’t you see it’s all just . . .

  —No but that’s what I been telling you about protecting these here stockholders trying to keep the price up of their stock, I mean where these like security analysts are making this big deal out of like where Ray-X is getting screwed with these big penalties on these old fixed price contracts where they can’t get this here rhodium and like recalling these products, like these old cruds with these heart pacer things quit working so they have to go get these new ones replanted in them where we even have to pay the hospital and all, and I mean right when we get these here big cost-plus look, here it is look. Frigicom, a process now being de wait, operating at faster than sound speeds, a complex process employing liquid nitrogen will be used to convert the noise shards . . .

  —Listen can’t you understand? it’s just like that story about the Indian res . . .

  —What where they wrecked up everything? No but see why these here students threw rocks at General Haight see this university down there by Ray-X where we did them this big real estate favor right when he comes down there to get this here honorable degree these students get pissed off at these big military contracts we got them for research development to like help them out you know? Where this same shithead this Senator Broos he starts these secret hearings where they’re like reviewing this defense budget, I mean it’s like this here hundred billion dollars so his crumby Armed Service Committee they’re making this big deal out of this lousy thirty-eight million about cost overruns where they been having these technical problems with these here shards and all hey? hey Bast?

  —What.

  —You looked like you weren’t listening, I mean did you ever know we hired Mister diCephalis hey?

  —No and I don’t really . . .

  —I mean I didn’t even know it either, see they got him from this computer executive employment place where everybody’s this here number so we’re looking for this skilled psychological personnel guy which it exactly matched his number isn’t that funny hey?

  —Funniest thing I can . . .

  —I know I mean I didn’t even know it till we just sent him down to see this big scientist he hired us down there at Texas this here Doctor Vogel you know? Like I even saw in the paper we told him don’t come back if they can’t fix up these technical problems with these here noise shards and this big thing I been waiting to tell you hey look. See where it says here a method of transport so new it remains classified top secret-sensitive by the Defense Department I mean I couldn’t even tell you it over the phone you know? I mean we already set up this here whole subsiderary for it what it is it’s called Teletravel, see what it is is this hey? Hey Bast?

  —What what . . .

  —I thought you went to sleep, I mean I’m telling you this here tremendous . . .

  —Look the conductor’s waiting will you pay him for my . . .

  —We all got return tickets this time see so I don’t . . .

  —Well I didn’t! Pay him.

  —Okay don’t get mad, I mean could you just hold this stuff a second . . .? Paper scraps, handkerchief wad, the wadded bills came out, coins—hey? Could you give me . . .

  —Look I just bought your newspaper I don’t even have the thirty-sev . . .

  —No I mean if you give me seventeen cents I won’t have to break this here quarter see then you can . . .

  —Pay him!

  —I am! but, wait give me two cents then I won’t have to break this nick okay okay! You don’t need to get so mad and I mean this here newspaper you can put it on your expen wait, wait where is it . . .

  —You . . .

  —No but where is it! holy, it must have dropped is it by your feet hey?

  —You probably dropped it in the station get another one, what difference . . .

  —No but all this stuff’s happening today I have to see what happened, I mean this here whole court thing and this explosion they’re like setting off underground out there for this here big gas deposit where these like radicals they’ve been going around telling the newspapers and everybody it’s so dangerous and getting this here injunction to what’s the matter hey, how come you’re shivering.

  —Be, cause I’m cold . . .

  —How could you be cold you’re like sweating all down your . . .

  —Look just, just get this stuff of yours off my lap I’m going to take a nap.

  —What like go to sleep? No but wait a second we got all this stuff to go over and these tapes and all I mean . . .

  —I told you get another seat, you can lis . . .

  —No but you need to help me out listening I mean how do I even know whose voice they are talking, I mean like I’m always reading this stuff in the paper where this company spokesman makes this statement which I don’t even know who it is’like this here whole explosion thing, it says this company spokesman which prefers to remain anonymous says what’s the difference if the whole state blows up who would even miss it so Senator Milliken gets real pissed off and we have to go . . .

  —Look I haven’t even been here how can I . . .

  —No but that’s what I mean Bast, like who just said it’s this bomb threat and these here company spokesmen I don’t hardly know who anybody is anymore like this here Mister Greenspan, I mean Piscator said he’s up there helping you out when you went which you didn’t even tell me so he goes and sells off this whole old Ray-X inventory right when we’re writing it off did you even know that?

  —No I don’t even know where he . . .

  —Me neither I mean I ask Piscator so all he knows he says they talked French so it must be somebody down at France, see they bought it all at retail and paid cash so at first Piscator’s taking all this credit like he tried that time with that neat Triangle deal it was really Beamish that figured up, see so if we hear these here tapes we can . . .

  —Can’t you understand I haven’t been here? Any tapes I’ve got were made before I left I’ve just been carrying them around to give you with the rest of this trash. I don’t know what’s on them I don’t even know if that tape thing’s still on the phone, I come back and the place is full of marshals waving subpoenas somebody sticks his head in the car window and says you’re firing everybody franchising your health plan on your way to court Crawley’s going under how am I sup . . .

  —But that’s what I been trying to tell you! I mean where Crawley and these here brokers gét pissed off at me where they have to go borrow all this here margin money off these same banks they helped get us these big loans off of so then these big lenders start yelling how they have to protect theirself, so I mean I have to go put all this stock in this here voting trust which they control it so they won’t call these here old loans on us and they’ll go thro
ugh with these here new ones so then you go sell off your stock and they’re really pissed off, I mean then they get to dump our directors and hire this bunch of new ones which get to fire the whole J R Corp management and sue me for this here erotic . . .

  —So it’s my fault is that what you mean?

  —No well sort of see bee . . .

  —Because a bank sells my stock and gets me fired for selling it and then somebody sues me while you’re running around getting loans for this here asset to borrow against for this here new asset to look haven’t I told you to stop? when the whole thing started? just stop and let somebody help you pull things together instead of this more! more! The more you get the hungrier you get by this time you don’t even know how much you, I mean who would believe it who would be, any of it who would believe it.

  —No but that’s what you do! I mean where they said if you’re playing anyway so you might as well play to win but I mean even when you win you have to keep playing! Like these brokers these underwriters these banks everything you do somebody’s getting this percent for theirself this commission this here interest where they all know each other so they’re fixing up these deals giving you all this here advice which they’re these big experts how am I supposed to stop everything!

  —If you hadn’t been so cheap if you’d just hired somebody who knew what . . .

  —Okay so I even write out this whole bunch of rules where one says hire smart people but run things yourself if they’re so smart how can you run anything! I mean this Mister Greenspan he’s so smart everybody else is hiring him like Crawley says he has this surefooted grasp of market trends he tries to hire him he even said this Leva tried to hire him so I mean I try to call him up they just leave the phone hang there I don’t even know . . .

  —Look will you just get this pile of stuff off my . . .

  —Okay wait let me find this one financial column it says he’s like maybe this like greasy eminence behind the whole meteoric rise of J R Corp I mean I don’t even know who he is! I mean it even says there’s this rumor where these new directors even want to hire him for how he figured up this Erebus deal where they’re suing me for this here erotic management for the same thing hey, hey? Can’t you even . . .