All's Well That Ends Well

  INTERPRETER Acordo linta.

  Come on, thou art granted space.86

  Exeunt [with Parolles guarded]

  A short alarum within

  FIRST LORD Go tell the Count Rossillion and my brother

  We have caught the woodcock, and will keep him muffled88

  Till we do hear from them.

  SECOND SOLDIER Captain, I will.

  FIRST LORD A91 will betray us all unto ourselves:

  Inform on92 that.

  SECOND SOLDIER So I will, sir.

  FIRST LORD Till then I'll keep him dark and safely locked.

  Exeunt

  [Act 4 Scene 2]

  running scene 15

  Enter Bertram and the maid called Diana

  BERTRAM They told me that your name was Fontybell.1

  DIANA No, my good lord, Diana.

  BERTRAM Titled goddess3,

  And worth it, with addition!4 But, fair soul,

  In your fine frame hath love no quality?5

  If the quick6 fire of youth light not your mind,

  You are no maiden, but a monument.7

  When you are dead, you should be such a one

  As you are now, for you are cold and stern,

  And now you should be as your mother was

  When your sweet self was got.11

  DIANA She then was honest.12

  BERTRAM So should you be.

  DIANA No:

  My mother did but duty, such, my lord,

  As you owe to your wife.

  BERTRAM No more o'that.

  I prithee do not strive against my vows18:

  I was compelled to her, but I love thee

  By love's own sweet constraint20, and will forever

  Do thee all rights21 of service.

  DIANA Ay, so you serve us

  Till we serve you, but when you have our roses23,

  You barely leave our thorns to prick ourselves24

  And mock us with our bareness.25

  BERTRAM How have I sworn!

  DIANA 'Tis not the many oaths that makes the truth,

  But the plain single vow that is vowed true.

  What is not holy, that we swear not by,

  But take the high'st to30 witness. Then, pray you tell me:

  If I should swear by Jove31's great attributes,

  I loved you dearly, would you believe my oaths

  When I did love you ill? This has no holding33,

  To swear by him whom I protest34 to love

  That I will work against him: therefore your oaths

  Are words and poor conditions but unsealed36,

  At least in my opinion.

  BERTRAM Change it38, change it.

  Be not so holy-cruel39: love is holy,

  And my integrity ne'er knew the crafts40

  That you do charge men with. Stand no more off,

  But give thyself unto my sick42 desires,

  Who then recovers.43 Say thou art mine, and ever

  My love as it begins shall so persever.

  DIANA I see that men make ropes in such a scar45

  That we'll forsake ourselves. Give me that ring.

  BERTRAM I'll lend it thee, my dear, but have no power

  To give it from me.

  DIANA Will you not, my lord?

  BERTRAM It is an honour50 'longing to our house,

  Bequeathed down from many ancestors,

  Which were the greatest obloquy52 i'th'world

  In me to lose.

  DIANA Mine honour's such a ring54:

  My chastity's the jewel of our house,

  Bequeathed down from many ancestors,

  Which were the greatest obloquy i'th'world

  In me to lose. Thus your own proper58 wisdom

  Brings in the champion honour on my part

  Against your vain assault.

  BERTRAM Here, take my ring.

  Gives her a ring

  My house, mine honour, yea, my life, be thine,

  And I'll be bid63 by thee.

  DIANA When midnight comes, knock at my chamber-window:

  I'll order take65 my mother shall not hear.

  Now will I charge you in the band66 of truth,

  When you have conquered my yet maiden67 bed,

  Remain there but an hour, nor speak to me.

  My reasons are most strong and you shall know them

  When back again this ring shall be delivered:

  And on your finger in the night I'll put

  Another ring, that what in time proceeds72

  May token73 to the future our past deeds.

  Adieu, till then. Then, fail not. You have won

  A wife of me, though there my hope be done.75

  BERTRAM A heaven on earth I have won by wooing thee.

  [Exit]

  DIANA For which live long to thank both heaven and me.

  You may so in the end.

  My mother told me just how he would woo,

  As if she sat in's heart. She says all men

  Have the like81 oaths. He had sworn to marry me

  When his wife's dead: therefore I'll lie with him

  When I am buried. Since Frenchmen are so braid83,

  Marry84 that will, I live and die a maid.

  Only in this disguise85 I think't no sin

  To cozen86 him that would unjustly win.

  Exit

  [Act 4 Scene 3]

  running scene 16

  Enter the two French Captains [the Lords Dumaine] and some two or three Soldiers

  FIRST LORD You have not given him his mother's letter?

  SECOND LORD I have delivered it an hour since2: there is

  something in't that stings his nature, for on the reading it he

  changed almost into another man.

  FIRST LORD He has much worthy5 blame laid upon him for

  shaking off so good a wife and so sweet a lady.

  SECOND LORD Especially he hath incurred the everlasting

  displeasure of the king, who had even tuned his bounty8 to

  sing happiness to him. I will tell you a thing, but you shall let

  it dwell darkly10 with you.

  FIRST LORD When you have spoken it, 'tis dead, and I am the

  grave of it.

  SECOND LORD He hath perverted13 a young gentlewoman here in

  Florence, of a most chaste renown, and this night he fleshes14

  his will in the spoil15 of her honour. He hath given her his

  monumental ring, and thinks himself made16 in the unchaste

  composition.17

  FIRST LORD Now, God delay our rebellion! As we are ourselves18,

  what things are we!

  SECOND LORD Merely20 our own traitors. And as in the common

  course of all treasons, we still see them reveal themselves21, till

  they attain to their abhorred ends, so he22 that in this action

  contrives against his own nobility, in his proper stream23

  o'erflows himself.

  FIRST LORD Is it not meant25 damnable in us, to be trumpeters of

  our unlawful intents? We shall not then have his company

  tonight?

  SECOND LORD Not till after midnight, for he is dieted to his hour.28

  FIRST LORD That approaches apace.29 I would gladly have him

  see his company anatomized30, that he might take a measure

  of his own judgements, wherein so curiously he had set this31

  counterfeit.

  SECOND LORD We will not meddle with him till he come, for his33

  presence must be the whip of the other.34

  FIRST LORD In the meantime, what hear you of these wars?

  SECOND LORD I hear there is an overture36 of peace.

  FIRST LORD Nay, I assure you, a peace concluded.

  SECOND LORD What will Count Rossillion do then? Will he

  travel higher39, or return again into France?

  FIRST LORD I perceive by this demand, you are not altogether of40
/>
  his council.

  SECOND LORD Let it be forbid, sir! So should I be a great deal of42

  his act.

  FIRST LORD Sir, his wife some two months since fled from his

  house. Her pretence45 is a pilgrimage to Saint Jaques le Grand;

  which holy undertaking with most austere sanctimony46 she

  accomplished. And there residing, the tenderness of her

  nature became as a prey to her grief; in fine, made a groan of

  her last breath, and now she sings in heaven.

  SECOND LORD How is this justified?50

  FIRST LORD The stronger part of it by her own letters, which

  makes her story true, even to the point of her death. Her

  death itself, which could not be her office53 to say is come, was

  faithfully confirmed by the rector54 of the place.

  SECOND LORD Hath the count all this intelligence?

  FIRST LORD Ay, and the particular confirmations, point from

  point, to the full arming of the verity.57

  SECOND LORD I am heartily sorry that he'll be glad of this.

  FIRST LORD How mightily sometimes we make us comforts of59

  our losses!

  SECOND LORD And how mightily some other times we drown

  our gain in tears! The great dignity that his valour hath here

  acquired for him shall at home be encountered63 with a shame

  as ample.

  FIRST LORD The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill

  together: our virtues would be proud if our faults whipped

  them not; and our crimes would despair if they were not

  cherished68 by our virtues.

  Enter a [Servant as a] Messenger

  How now! Where's your master?

  SERVANT He met the duke in the street, sir, of whom he hath

  taken a solemn leave: his lordship will next morning for71

  France. The duke hath offered72 him letters of commendations

  to the king.

  SECOND LORD They shall be no more than needful there, if74 they

  were more than they can commend.75

  Enter Count Rossillion [Bertram]

  FIRST LORD They cannot be too sweet for the king's tartness.

  Here's his lordship now.-- How now, my lord! Is't not after

  midnight?

  BERTRAM I have tonight dispatched79 sixteen businesses, a

  month's length apiece, by an abstract of success80: I have

  congied with the duke, done my adieu with his nearest81,

  buried a wife, mourned for her, writ to my lady mother I am

  returning, entertained my convoy83 and between these main

  parcels of dispatch effected many nicer84 needs. The last was

  the greatest, but that I have not ended yet.

  SECOND LORD If the business be of any difficulty, and this

  morning your departure hence, it requires haste of your

  lordship.

  BERTRAM I mean, the business is not ended, as fearing to hear89

  of it hereafter. But shall we have this dialogue between the

  fool and the soldier? Come, bring forth this counterfeit

  module, h'as deceived me like a double-meaning prophesier.92

  To Soldiers

  SECOND LORD Bring him forth.

  H'as sat i'th'stocks all night, poor gallant94 knave.

  [Exit some Soldiers]

  BERTRAM No matter. His heels have deserved it in usurping95 his

  spurs so long. How does he carry96 himself?

  SECOND LORD I have told your lordship already, the stocks carry

  him. But to answer you as you would be understood: he

  weeps like a wench that had shed99 her milk, he hath confessed

  himself to Morgan, whom he supposes to be a friar, from the

  time of his remembrance to this very instant disaster101 of his

  setting i'th'stocks. And what think you he hath confessed?

  BERTRAM Nothing of me, has a?103

  SECOND LORD His confession is taken, and it shall be read to his

  face: if your lordship be in't, as I believe you are, you must

  have the patience to hear it.

  Enter Parolles [blindfolded] with his Interpreter

  BERTRAM A plague upon him! Muffled? He can say nothing of

  me. Hush, hush.

  FIRST LORD Hoodman109 comes! Portotartarossa.

  INTERPRETER He calls for the tortures. What will you say

  without 'em?

  PAROLLES I will confess what I know without constraint.112 If ye

  pinch me like a pasty113, I can say no more.

  INTERPRETER Bosko chimurcho.

  FIRST LORD Boblibindo chicurmurco.

  INTERPRETER You are a merciful general. Our general bids you

  answer to what I shall ask you out of a note.117

  PAROLLES And truly, as I hope to live.

  Pretends to read

  INTERPRETER 'First demand of him how many horse119

  the duke is strong.120' What say you to that?

  PAROLLES Five or six thousand, but very weak and

  unserviceable. The troops are all scattered, and the

  commanders very poor rogues, upon my reputation and

  credit and as I hope to live.

  INTERPRETER Shall I set down your answer so?

  PAROLLES Do. I'll take the sacrament on't, how and which126 way

  you will.

  Bertram and the Lords speak aside throughout

  BERTRAM All's one to him. What a past-saving128 slave is this?

  FIRST LORD You're deceived, my lord: this is Monsieur Parolles,

  the gallant militarist -- that was his own phrase -- that had

  the whole theoric131 of war in the knot of his scarf, and the

  practice in the chape132 of his dagger.

  SECOND LORD I will never trust a man again for keeping his

  sword clean134, nor believe he can have everything in him by

  wearing his apparel neatly.

  To Parolles

  INTERPRETER Well, that's set down.

  PAROLLES 'Five or six thousand horse,' I said -- I will say true

  -- 'or thereabouts', set down, for I'll speak truth.

  FIRST LORD He's very near the truth in this.

  BERTRAM But I con him no thanks for't, in the nature140 he

  delivers it.

  PAROLLES 'Poor rogues', I pray you say.

  INTERPRETER Well, that's set down.

  PAROLLES I humbly thank you, sir. A truth's a truth, the

  rogues are marvellous145 poor.

  Pretends to read

  INTERPRETER 'Demand of him, of what strength

  they are a-foot.147' What say you to that?

  PAROLLES By my troth, sir, if I were to live148 this present hour,

  I will tell true. Let me see: Spurio, a hundred and fifty:

  Sebastian, so150 many: Corambus, so many: Jaques, so many:

  Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowick and Gratii, two hundred fifty

  each: mine own company, Chitopher, Vaumond, Bentii, two

  hundred fifty each. So that the muster-file, rotten and sound153,

  upon my life, amounts not to fifteen thousand poll154, half of

  the which dare not shake the snow from off their cassocks155,

  lest they shake themselves to pieces.

  BERTRAM What shall be done to him?

  FIRST LORD Nothing, but let him have thanks. Demand of him

  my condition159, and what credit I have with the duke.

  Pretends to read

  INTERPRETER Well, that's set down. 'You shall

  demand of him, whether one Captain Dumaine be

  i'th'camp, a Frenchman, what his reputation is with the

  duke, what his valour, honesty, and expertness in wars, or

  whether he thinks it were not possible, with well-weighing164

  sums
of gold, to corrupt him to a revolt.' What say you to

  this? What do you know of it?

  PAROLLES I beseech you let me answer to the particular167 of the

  inter'gatories168: demand them singly.

  INTERPRETER Do you know this Captain Dumaine?

  PAROLLES I know him: a was a botcher's 'prentice170 in Paris,

  from whence he was whipped for getting the shrieve's fool171

  with child -- a dumb innocent172 that could

  not say him nay.173

  First Lord attempts to hit Parolles

  BERTRAM Nay, by your leave, hold your hands, though I know

  his brains are forfeit to the next tile that falls.175

  INTERPRETER Well, is this captain in the Duke of Florence's

  camp?

  PAROLLES Upon my knowledge he is, and lousy.178

  FIRST LORD Nay look not so upon me. We shall hear of your

  lord anon.

  INTERPRETER What is his reputation with the duke?

  PAROLLES The duke knows him for no other but a poor officer

  of mine, and writ to me this other day to turn him out

  o'th'band.184 I think I have his letter in my pocket.

  They search his pockets

  INTERPRETER Marry, we'll search.

  PAROLLES In good sadness186, I do not know. Either it is there, or

  it is upon a file with the duke's other letters in my tent.

  INTERPRETER Here 'tis. Here's a paper. Shall I read it to you?

  PAROLLES I do not know if it be it or no.

  BERTRAM Our interpreter does it well.

  FIRST LORD Excellently.

  Reads

  INTERPRETER 'Dian, the count's a fool, and full of gold'--

  PAROLLES That is not the duke's letter, sir. That is an

  advertisement to a proper194 maid in Florence, one Diana, to

  take heed of the allurement of one Count Rossillion, a foolish

  idle boy, but for all that very ruttish. I pray you, sir, put it up196

  again.

  INTERPRETER Nay, I'll read it first, by your favour.198

  PAROLLES My meaning in't, I protest, was very honest in the

  behalf of the maid, for I knew the young count to be a

  dangerous and lascivious boy, who is a whale to virginity

  and devours up all the fry202 it finds.

  BERTRAM Damnable both-sides203 rogue!

  INTERPRETER

  [Reads the] letter

  'When he swears oaths, bid him drop204 gold, and take it.

  After he scores205, he never pays the score.

  Half won is match well made, match and well make it206;

  He ne'er pays after-debts, take it207 before.

  And say a soldier, Dian, told thee this:

  Men are to mell209 with, boys are not to kiss.

  For count210 of this, the count's a fool, I know it,

  Who pays before211, but not when he does owe it.

  Thine, as he vowed to thee in thine ear, Parolles.'

  BERTRAM He shall be whipped through the army with this

  rhyme in's214 forehead.

  SECOND LORD This is your devoted friend, sir, the manifold215