Surviving Raine

“Who were they, Bastian?” she repeated. Her hand went to the side of my face and tilted my head towards hers. “Tell me.”

  “You really don’t want to know.” I took a deep breath and blew it out my nose, not wanting to go there. Knowing what they could have had planned for her in my own head was bad enough. I didn’t want those thoughts going through hers as well. She glared at me, and I knew any more fight on my part was pointless. I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. “Slavers, I think.”

  “Slavers?”

  “Yeah.”

  “As in people who…sell people?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What would they have done with me?” she asked quietly.

  “Raine, for fuck’s sakes,” I growled. I had a limit, and I had reached it. “You don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to think about it. Don’t make me fucking say it!”

  This time she lasted a whole minute.

  “I was so glad when I first saw them,” Raine said, and I felt her grip on me tighten a little. “I had no idea…”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When I first heard the boat,” she clarified. “I ran down to the beach, and when I got their attention and I saw the boat turn, I was jumping up and down because I was so happy to see them. I couldn’t wait for you to get back so I could tell you we were rescued.”

  “Oh.” It was my only response. The more I thought about it, the more I found the whole idea unsettling for multiple reasons. My focus had been on ripping the motherfuckers apart, not how they got here or why they chose to land here. They probably would have gone right by if she had been asleep and not heard them.

  “I thought they were going to help us. I’m so stupid.”

  “It’s okay, baby,” I told her, holding her head back down to my shoulder and kissing her softly on her forehead. “You couldn’t have known what they were. It doesn’t fucking matter now because they aren’t going to fuck around with anyone else.”

  Two minutes.

  “You scared me.”

  “I know.” What else could I say? Shit. “I’m sorry, Raine. I didn’t mean to scare you, especially…after…on the beach, when I…shit.”

  “That didn’t scare me,” she scoffed. “You just…needed it.”

  Yeah, I needed to fuck her senseless after she had been in danger of being gang-raped. I hadn’t asked her or anything I had just taken from her because I wanted it. Nice. What a fucking asshole.

  “Why are you looking like that?”

  “Like what?”

  “Like you are mentally beating yourself up.”

  “Raine…shit.” I took a couple of deep breaths but couldn’t look her in the eye. “It just…proves I’m not…good enough for you.”

  “Bastian, that doesn’t even…”

  “I made you cry,” I said softly. The words hurt coming out of my throat.

  “You didn’t make me cry,” Raine insisted.

  “Why were you crying then?” I demanded. I didn’t know what she was trying to do – make me feel better for being a dick? I wasn’t going to put up with that shit. What I had done was…fucking horrible. It was probably worse than when I hit her.

  I’m such a fucking asshole.

  “It was just…everything,” Raine finally answered. “I was so…elated when I first saw them and realized they had seen me and they were going to land. When they got to the beach and came up to me, I knew something was wrong right away. I didn’t know where you were or when you would be back. They…they surrounded me.”

  Her voice dropped low, and I pulled her closer to my chest.

  “I didn’t know what to do,” she continued. “I knew I should scream in case you were close enough to hear me, but I couldn’t make any sounds. Then the one guy grabbed me and…and then you were there, and I knew I would be all right, but then he pulled me onto the boat, and you couldn’t get there…”

  Her breath hitched, and her fingers pulled at my skin.

  “How did you get on the boat? I couldn’t figure it out.”

  “He didn’t pull in the anchor, so I went up the anchor line.”

  “I’m glad you’re so strong,” she whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear. Her fingers traced over my bicep.

  “At that point, I was too.”

  Raine nodded before going on.

  “Then I was in the water, and I couldn’t get to the surface at first. When I did, I heard you calling for me, and you got to me and held me…and then we were out again and you wouldn’t stop hitting…I didn’t think you would ever stop. There was so much blood, and I didn’t know if it was yours or theirs…You didn’t hear me even though I was yelling at you…”

  She took a couple more deep breaths.

  “Everything happened so fast. It was almost like watching a movie in fast forward. I thought they were going to…hurt me and you, too, but then all of a sudden, you had me and you were all right. You said you needed me…and I felt safe again. Afterwards, I think it just all kind of came crashing down on me. I was crying because of everything else…the stress of it all, I think, and the relief that it was over, not because you wanted to-”

  “I didn’t even make you come,” I interrupted. “I used you.”

  “You needed me,” Raine corrected, her hand on the side of my face again, turning me so I had to face her. “That’s not the same thing.”

  “I took from you.”

  “I gave to you.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “You listen to me, Sebastian Stark,” Raine suddenly snapped at me. She raised herself up so she was high enough to look down at me even though we were both lying on our sides. Her stare made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “Did I use you just now when I made you hold me and tell me I was safe?”

  “No! Shit, Raine…I wanted to! You were upset, and…”

  “Thank you for making my point.”

  My mouth dropped open, but I couldn’t seem to find any kind of actual word to go with the action. Damn if I couldn’t argue with her logic. When she cried and wanted me to hold her, there was nothing in the world I wanted to do more, not because I wanted it or needed it, but because she did. I wanted to be there for her, and anything I could do to make her feel better would be done. If she had explained that cutting off my left nut would help her heal, I’d do it in a fucking heartbeat and with a smile on my face. Is that what it was like for her? Did she want to let me do that, just so I would feel better – fuck her on the ground without even thinking about her needs? She couldn’t want that. No one would want that after what had just happened. I had pushed her down on the ground and practically forced myself on her…

  And she wrapped her arms and legs around me, just like I needed her to.

  I reached up with my hand, wrapped my fingers in the hair at the back of her neck, and pulled her lips to mine. I kissed her slowly, trying to make up for what I had done even if she had been all right with it. Stroking her lips softly with mine once more, I brought her down to rest her head on my chest, making sure she fell asleep first before I allowed myself to drift off.

  I guess there was more to this love shit after all.

  Chapter 14 - Sick

  My eyes opened, and the first thing I really noticed in the darkness was my head pounding. I was on my side under the palm-frond canopy roof. Raine’s back was against my chest, and my arm was wrapped around her middle, holding her tight against my body. She wasn’t shaking anymore. I must have fallen asleep. Aside from my head, my leg was throbbing as well. It felt hot, too. Not a good sign. Not a good sign at all. I closed my eyes and everything went dark again.

  I walk over the low hill near the shelter, my hands full of roots and leaves. I'm thinking about how to best cook the food when I look out towards the beach. I see them immediately, and I know they have her. She's on her back in the sand, and Ponytail is holding her hands above her head. Dreadlocks is on top of her, and the others stand behind him, waiting their turn.

  I start running, but no matter ho
w fast my legs move, I'm not getting any closer. I can see her face clearly, her tears glistening in the afternoon sun. She's screaming, but I hear nothing. Dreadlocks climbs off her, and Buzz-cut moves into place. Somehow I trip over the roots I had been holding and sprawl into the sand, my leg screaming in pain.

  My chest was so fucking tight from trying not to scream, I couldn't breathe. I felt Raine lying on her stomach beside me, my arm wrapped securely around her back, and her head lying right next to mine on the palm fronds. I pushed back away from her as quickly as I could without disturbing her sleep. I rolled over to my left side and tried to push myself up on my feet, but my right leg gave out and I slid awkwardly to the ground.

  I nearly choked trying not to yell. Holy shit, my leg hurt, but I couldn't think about that just yet – there was something quite a bit more pressing I needed to do first. Forcing myself onto my hands and knees, I crawled as quickly as I could with my leg dragging on the ground behind me, barely making it to the edge of the jungle outside the shelter before the contents of my stomach spewed out on the ground. I tried to expel the images crashing through my head at the same time, but they wouldn't leave. I kept seeing them all holding her down and the look on her face as her eyes met mine.

  I vomited again, and my leg gave out again, leaving me lying on my side in the scratchy sand. I could feel beads of sweat dropping from my back and the rapid beating of my heart. I shook my head violently and tried to right myself but couldn't. My eyes reached out to the smoldering coals in the beach and the nondescript, shadowy pile on top of it. I thought I could make out the shape of a skull, but I couldn't be sure. I wanted to smash it.

  If I had been any later...

  I lay on the ground for a few minutes, trying to control my breathing and heartbeat, but completely failing to force the images of the nightmare out of my head. I might as well have actually seen it. The need to hold onto Raine and verify her safety abruptly overwhelmed me, so I crawled back to the shelter while trying to ignore the pain in the leg I dragged behind me. It didn’t matter – nothing mattered but keeping her safe. Raine had flipped over and was lying on her back. I scooted my body up close to hers and wrapped one arm around her waist, but it wasn't enough. I slipped my other arm under her head and around her shoulders and pulled her tight against me, but it still wasn't enough.

  Raine mumbled quietly in her sleep as I pulled her head against my chest and placed my chin on top of her head. Though it fucking hurt because it put a decent amount of weight on my aching right leg, I tossed my left leg over her body as well. Once I was essentially completely wrapped around her and at least half on top of her, the panic finally began to dissipate. There was no way anyone could take her from me without me knowing about it. If anyone tried, I’d fucking gut them.

  I took a few long, deep breaths and slowly dropped back into sleep.

  This place smells a little funny.

  “We’re going to play a game, Bastian!”

  I look into her eyes, which are green like mine – she showed me in the mirror.

  “Game?”

  “Hide and seek!” She’s talking softly, and I don’t understand why. “You hide right under here, and Daddy will try to find you.”

  She points underneath a funny looking table. It’s green on the top, and there are little pockets in the side filled with colorful balls. I nod and crawl underneath.

  “Make sure you stay quiet so he doesn’t find you. That would ruin the game, and he’d be mad.” I don’t want him to be mad. I don’t like it when he is mad. She reaches under and touches my face softly, then ruffles my hair. I like it when she touches me like that. “I love you, Sebastian.”

  I sit underneath the funny table for a long time. Daddy hasn’t found me, so I must be doing a good job of hiding. There’s a white cup under the table. When I hold it and squeeze it, it cracks. It’s soft, and I take it apart, stacking the pieces up into a tower. When it falls, I do it again.

  One of the colorful balls drops on the floor next to the table, and a man with a beard bends over to pick it up. He looks at me and starts calling out. Then a lady comes and asks me what I’m doing under there. I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. A couple other people talk to me, and I smash up the cup pieces a little more. I don’t know if I should tell them I’m hiding or not. After a while, a lady wearing a blue coat with gold buttons crawls under the table and pulls me out. I scream because Daddy will be mad if the game is ruined…

  I could hear my name being called, but I couldn't manage to really put any meaning behind it. I was trying to understand the images in my head – completely new but hauntingly familiar at the same time. Small hands pushed against my chest and shoulder, and the words moved from gibberish to actual English in my ears.

  "Bastian, get up!"

  "No," I mumbled back. She was safe where she was. I didn't want to move.

  "Bastian, please! You weigh a ton and you're all sweaty!"

  It was fucking hot, but that wasn’t all that surprising. We were on a tropical island for fuck’s sake. I could feel sweat clinging to my back, and I was fairly certain Raine and I were kind of stuck together. I didn’t mind it, though, so I didn’t move even when the little hands started hitting me harder.

  “Damn it, Bastian,” she growled into my ear. “I have to pee, and you are crushing my bladder!”

  I grumbled but rolled enough so she could slip out from under me before I slumped back onto my stomach. I could hear her moving out of the shelter, and I didn’t like it. I wanted her to be closer to me, but I was so fucking tired I couldn’t even open my eyes long enough to keep watch over her. My ears picked up on her movements, and I listened to her take a few steps away. Even that much energy proved to be too much, and I felt my head swimming before I let the darkness of sleep try to take me. I don’t think it was more than a couple of minutes before I heard her voice again.

  “Bastian, wake up, please?”

  I could feel small, cold hands on my shoulders, shaking me. Trying to open my eyes seemed like such an effort, and I really didn’t want to bother. The cold hands were a shock, though. The rest of my body felt so hot, and my leg was throbbing.

  “Can you hear me, Bastian?”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled. Opening my mouth wasn’t quite as much effort as my eyes.

  “What happened to your leg, Bastian? You’re cut and…and it’s all red.”

  “Fucking hurts,” I grumbled and rolled a little to my side. Fuck, that hurt. There was no point in being awake if it was going to hurt like that. I rejoined the darkness.

  I sit up in my seat as the jury is brought back into the room. I see Landon’s head tilt slightly, but Franks doesn’t move a fucking inch. His attorney leans over, whispers into his ear, and Franks nods.

  “Mister Foreman,” the judge addresses the juror who had remained standing. “Have you reached a verdict?”

  “We have, Your Honor.”

  The bailiff takes a piece of paper from the juror’s hand and gives it to the judge. He opens it, reads it, and drops it down on the bench.

  I can feel my heart pounding. The next few seconds will decide so much, so much – justice for a bunch of people I didn’t know but watched die. Possibly life or death for me, but that didn’t matter so much. I can see Landon looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

  “How do you find the defendant, Joseph Franks, in the matter of the first charge – murder in the second degree of Officer Henry Gayle?”

  “We, the jury, find the defendant, not guilty.”

  My stomach lurches, and I am unable to swallow.

  “How do you find the defendant, Joseph Franks, in the matter of the second charge – murder in the second degree of Officer Michael Walton?”

  “We, the jury, find the defendant, not guilty.”

  I have to fight with my body to stop it from doubling over.

  “How do you find the defendant, Joseph Franks, in the matter of the third charge – murder in the second degree of
Mister Roland Nickles?”

  “We, the jury, find the defendant, not guilty.”

  I feel a hand on my shoulder. Landon pulls me off the bench in the back row and out the door as the juror’s words continue to pound into my skull.

  “Nothing…he’s going to get nothing!” I scream. Landon’s fist connects with my jaw, knocking me sideways.

  “Shut the fuck up,” he commands. “Gunter is going to get life. He’ll be fucked up the ass and probably killed off in the first week. You can’t have everything.”

  I’m hauled outside into the bright sunlight. There is a cab waiting.

  “What the fuck?” I question.

  “It’s been fun,” Landon shrugs. He looks at me for a moment. “Don’t ever try to contact me again, son.”

  There’s a duffle bag in the back of the cab, cash in bundles, account information for a bank in the Cayman Islands, and a passport in the name of Daniel Greene…

  There was something cold on my face. Cold, soft, and wet. I tried opening my eyes, but it was so bright, and my eyes felt heavy. I could hear a voice, and I knew the voice to be Raine’s, but the words were incomprehensible. I was swallowed up by the darkness again.

  Vodka burns down my throat. I’ve been here in this same place for what feels like days. Showgirls walk around in ridiculous outfits while businessmen chat up businesswomen and an Elvis impersonator leads happy couples to an alcove where they can be wed in a makeshift gazebo right next to the casino. I throw back another shot, lose a grand in another hand of blackjack, and start looking for someone to fuck…

  …blood is everywhere – the bathroom floor, the shower, all over her hands and wrists…oh fuck, she nearly went down to the bone…

  …an owl flies past me, soaring high above the beach. I walk down the sand as the sun begins to set. They’re holding her down there – down by the water. They’re touching her, and she’s screaming, and I’m watching the owl as it flies over the tidal pools…

  Opening my eyes took way too much fucking energy. I closed them again, but I knew I didn’t want to go back to sleep either because every dream was worse than the last. I could hear a mumbled voice, which switched into actual words and eventually into someone telling me not to sleep anymore. Raine.