Decline and Fall of Alternative Civilization

  ~ ~ ~

  She found June in the ladies room stripping out of the wet tee and pulling on the flannel. They didn't speak until outside in the middle of the parking lot.

  "I thought it was a pretty good gig last night," said Dedra.

  "It wasn't bad."

  "You were playin' some really good stuff. Like those times when you fucked up."

  "Thanks."

  "June, what's eating you?"

  "Nothing."

  "Is it Bryan?"

  "Gimme a break."

  "Is it me?"

  "No, it's?nothing."

  "It's something."

  "Look, we played a really good set last night. You got laid. Bryan got laid. I didn't and I wasn't trying to and I don't care. You've both got big headaches because of it now and I don't, so please don't try to put one on me!"

  "Gee. I'm sorry." Dedra turned away and sat on a curb. She hung her head between her knees and stared at the ground. June stared at the van until Bryan and the others issued forth from the Denny's, then she sat next to Dedra.

  "Are you OK?"

  "Just a little dizzy."

  "I shouldn't be surprised."

  The air was bright and full of briskness that hammers hangovers like a stonecutter on granite. The highway hammered with sounds of big diesels and June hammered with a fervor she could not hang a name on. The two of them sat for a few minutes, watched the others dawdle around their respective vehicles, June shifted her feet around on bits of gravel.

  "De?"

  "What?"

  "Have you ever really looked at your shit?"

  "Oh, c'mon," she groaned. "Let's not start with the self-help program."

  "No, that's not what I mean. I mean real shit-the ol' fecally curds-and-whey matter."

  "Uh huh." Dedra chuckled. "Shit that comes out yer ass."

  "Yeah."

  "You think I'm crazy? Of course I do."

  "Ever take one of those shits where it feels like you only pooped a tiny little one and when you look at it?"

  "It's a big ol' Loch Ness monster."

  "Yeah. Two feet long and growing. I just did."

  The little blonde pinched her nose and laughed. "I thought the bathroom smelled kinda rank."

  "And proud of it. I feel a whole lot better, too. All of last night's pizza outta me."

  "I did my shitting back at the house. God!" She waved a hand in front of her nose. "Why don't guys ever clean their bathrooms?"

  "Cuz they don't have to sit on it all the time or use it for stickin' things inside 'em."

  "Hmmm. I don't know. I think there's some deeper Freudian reason."

  "Could be. But sometimes I think we look for too much meaning in the wrong places."

  Voices traveled from across the parking lot, fragmenting through the Arizona air. "I'm not sure if I understand you."

  "I don't know if I understand me either but"-June's feet ground the gravel-"I think we're pretty stupid most of the time."

  "I'll go along with that."

  "When I was about fourteen, when I finally got used to the idea of menstruating, I once, uh, dumped my bloody tampon right on top of a big ol' turd."

  "OK." Dedra raised her eyes to the heavens. "So was that stupid or Freudian?"

  "Hell, it wasn't either. I know it's bad for the plumbing but it was something I kinda did. It was kinda like baking-adding a cherry filling to a chocolate danish."

  "Baking? Grrross. You are so sicko."

  "Not really." With a smile, June said, "It was something I made. But I never could show anybody. That made me kinda sad."

  "I bet it made 'em glad."

  "Maybe. But I was still kinda sad about it. Didn't you ever do anything like that?"

  "Nuh uh. Not with my periods I didn't."

  "Too bad."

  "Jesus, June. I keep having to discover new sides to you."

  June closed her eyes tightly. "Y'know, my husband did the same thing once."

  "Huh?"

  "Well, not exactly like me but?"-her eyes reopened-"?remember when I told you about that accident he had? Had all that internal bleeding? I had to take him to the bathroom. I had to look at his shit."

  "Oh god, June."

  "Any way you slice it, a chocolate cherry danish. It was a man's chocolate cherry danish and for the first time I realized that anyone could make one."

  "Your poeticism astounds the hell outta me." Dedra shook her head. "Even in the face of shit."

  "And y'know something funny?"

  "What?"

  "After that he was a lot better at keeping the bathroom clean."

  Dedra's laugh dangled over Arizona like a painted rock ready to drop toward the highway. She screwed up her mouth before asking, "Does that have anything to do with why your marriage broke up?"

  "No, not even. You know why it broke up." June stretched her arms out behind and leaned back. "Funny you should even ask that question."

  "Well?it just made me think."

  "About what?"

  "Well, y'see?I knew this guy once who always kept his bathroom real clean. Absolutely spotless. He kept everything clean." Dedra smiled. "I finally realized I didn't really like him. And that was part of the reason why."

  "Hmmm. That could be Freudian."

  "Yeah. Who knows?"

  June yawned and sniffed at the damp T-shirt slung over her shoulder. A throng of people gathering at the van, she saw Bryan unlock the doors. "We better go. They probably think we're talking about 'em or something."

  They didn't move. Dedra burped. "Y'know, they're probably talking about us right now."

  "Ya think so?"

  "Well?they could be."

  "And why would they be?"

  "Cuz we're the only pastries in this breadvandango. Big Danish and Little Vatrushka. Chompin' cherries on the Chisholm Trail!"

  "We're not chomping cherries on any trail, goddamit!" She hung down her head. Tom Dooley would cry, but she laughed. The way to a woman's twat was through her heart. Vatrushka was making piggy grunts but Danish stood up on cue. The Big one didn't want to give the Little one any excuse to touch her. "C'mon, let's go, ya little freak."

  Little got up and followed Big, bouncing along a short distance behind her, squealing, "wee wee wee" all the way to the van.