Decline and Fall of Alternative Civilization

  ~ ~ ~

  Prez drove, Bryan shotgunned, the girls lofted it, not much was said until an hour down Highway 290 when Bryan reminded Dedra about his marriage proposal. She didn't respond. Theatrically, he said, "At least I'd have something to show for the trip, darling."

  "I love you, Bryan, but?nuh uh."

  "I'm crushed," he said, "Someday you'll kick yourself and reconsider. Just as long as you know that I would marry you, OK?"

  "Awwww. You're so sweet."

  "Cuz if you don't I guess I'll hafta marry June. I don't know if I can afford the shots for that."

  "I don't know if interspecies marriage is legal yet," was June's rebuttal.

  Silence. Neither tapes nor the radio played. Nightfall had fully descended.

  "Junie?"

  "De?"

  "I really wish we could've stayed. I know you wanted to."

  "Don't worry about me. I'm sad. But I'll live."

  For a while they all talked soberly about the whole Austin escapade and concluded it was almost worth it. Everything up until the showcase had been positive, then?boom. They made some friends, and at the SADS show folks took them seriously as a band but, all in all, music conferences seemed a waste of motion and time. At best, there was a good tale to tell and a cool flashlight to show for it. Dedra hoped her black badge of courage wouldn't fade before getting home. At long last, eyes on the road ahead, Prez said, "So what now?"

  "No shit. What now?" Bryan dug through the music stash and pulled up a Dead Moon tape. He jammed it into the stereo at a low volume.

  "Guys?" Dedra said at the start of the second tune, "I just hope none of you are too mad at me since it's all pretty much my fault."

  "Naaah, De, that's really not the issue. We're just wondering what happens from here. And, actually, this whole thing is both of your faults."

  "No, Bryan, it's me. I'm the bitch who has to take responsibility. I created the mess to begin with and then pulled you guys into it. Blame me."

  "If you say so. But what I'm trying to say is?do you wanna keep this going?"

  "The band?"

  "Duh, yes?"

  "If it were up to me alone, yes. I do."

  "Well, y'know, we were kinda hoping that."

  "Really? Are you sure?"

  "I'm not sure of anything right now," Prez chimed in, never straying his eyes from the highway, "But we do work pretty well together when the pie gets thrown."

  "I agree," said Bryan, keeping his eyes focused dead ahead, "It might not mean anything but I think I've had more fun with this than most other bands I've done."

  "Wow. I was really afraid to bring this up so soon," she said.

  "Me too. But, hell, I'm just putting it out there."

  "I think we should wait til we get home to really talk about it. June, what do you think?"

  "That's great," she answered, "But I'm really not a good person to ask about this right now."

  Talk ceased within the van; Dead Moon serenaded.

  After a minute, Dedra reached out and held her friend's hand. June finally loosened from the grip and rolled onto her side, facing away. Enveloped in the pure sensation of the road, the gyroscopic lurchings of crude motion, that incredible sense of loneliness crept over her again. The beauty was more acute and seemed to cast an imperceptible light within the loft. She could not get Doug off her mind. Nor could she forget the delicious sleeping positions they had found with one another. It had only been one night and he had only been one man amongst a menu of others. A drowsy passageway led to the hall of dreams and the delicate conversations she had with its doorman where someone might be listening and building his or her own dreams on ideas she could not control. She prayed she would not begin talking in her sleep.