Z

  When he was fully inside her, their bodies connected, a strange, incredible energy seemed to form a circuit between them. Her brain shorted out, flashing not images, but emotions that they had once shared. Together. And that was when she knew. Knew that this was a moment over a hundred years in the making. Whatever minor doubts she’d had were gone. Vex had never believed in soul mates, but as her soul touched Zhubaal’s, she knew the truth.

  They belonged together.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Perfection. There wasn’t another word that could so adequately describe the feeling of being joined with Vex this way. Watching him with half-lidded eyes, she undulated beneath him, her soft, panting breaths matching his. He could still taste her on his tongue, could feel her hot core clenching around him, and he let himself drown in the moment he’d begun to doubt would ever happen.

  It had been so worth the wait.

  He had no experience at this, but his body knew what to do even if his mind didn’t. Very slowly, he pumped his hips, hissing as her silken sheath rippled and contracted, squeezing his length with every leisurely thrust.

  “You feel...incredible.” Dropping to his elbows, he took her nipple between his lips and teased it with his tongue. She made the sexiest sounds when he did that, and she made an even sexier one, a breathy groan, when he scraped a fang over the plump swell of her breast.

  Arching, she took him deep and clawed his back with her nails. Ah...damn, that was good. The pain and pleasure combined to make everything more intense as he moved against her, savoring every sensation. He wanted to spend forever like this, but after a hundred and forty years of celibacy, this felt too good. He knew he wouldn’t last long.

  He dropped his mouth to hers and kissed her with renewed urgency. A sound broke from her, needy and passionate, as she wedged one hand between their writhing bodies and cupped his sac. Her fingers were magic, rolling his balls between them, pinching the taut skin.

  Perspiration bloomed on his forehead and his blood pounded through his veins as he picked up the pace, his body taking over as his thoughts scattered.

  “You’re mine,” he rasped. “Finally, you’re mine.”

  “Zhubaal...Z...yes, oh, yes...” She arched, pressing her breasts against him and crushing his hips between her powerful thighs. “Now,” she gasped. “I want to see you come.”

  Her words, her use of his casual nickname, all of it triggered a primal response, obliterating his ability to think. All he could do was feel as he lunged into her, pumping and churning, powerless to control his body as the orgasm crashed over him in a violent, euphoric tidal wave. His body bucked, reaching for another peak. It struck him before the first one died down, and when the third hit him, he was sure they’d been transported to Heaven again.

  Oh, yeah, this was way better than the sad, single orgasms he had by himself.

  Beneath him, Vex went full noodle, her legs falling to the sides, her arms splayed out on the mattress. “I don’t think I can move,” she breathed.

  He collapsed beside her, his chest heaving, his skin damp with sweat. Damn, that had been beyond his expectations, which was saying something, since he’d been fantasizing about his first time since the day he’d popped his first erection.

  “Well.” Shifting so she was facing him, Vex twined their fingers together, and for some reason, that struck him as more intimate than anything they’d just done. Maybe because sex, even if considered an expression of love, still became about strict biology at some point in the act. Holding hands was about affection. Had she finally accepted the inevitability of their relationship? “Was it all you imagined?”

  Closing his eyes, he brought her hand up to his mouth and pressed his lips to her knuckles. “It was more. Way more.”

  “So, what now? In your losing your virginity scenario, what happened next?”

  Next? He’d never gotten past this part. Before Laura lost her wings, they’d been wed in his fantasies, but after that...

  “Marry me,” he blurted.

  “What?” Vex blinked. “Whoa.” She sat up, releasing him. “Slow down there, Slick.”

  Frowning, he propped himself on one elbow. “What’s the matter? It’s what we always wanted––” He cut himself off, realizing his mistake even as frost formed in her eyes.

  “We?”

  He winced. “I know, you don’t remember.” It was probably a good thing since Laura had wanted a big, frilly celebration, the thought of which had given him hives. Still did. “We have time to figure it out.” He reached out and trailed his fingers along the seam of her legs where they were pressed together, remembering how they’d gripped him as he’d thrust inside her. Her inner thigh was wet with the evidence of their lovemaking, and his cock stirred again, eager to make another mess. No wonder people were so obsessed with sex.

  It was awesome.

  “You could move in with me,” he said, because hey, he hadn’t just humiliated himself enough by proposing before they’d even caught their breath.

  “I might have to,” she muttered, shifting so he had access to anything he wanted. He loved that about her, how freely she gave him her body and how unself-conscious she was. “Everything I have in the human world is being repossessed thanks to the soul market crash.”

  “Well, it’s good that you won’t be doing that kind of work anymore.” He leaned over and kissed her thigh, tasting them both on her skin. “It’s dangerous.”

  “It is,” she hedged, nudging his head toward her core. Oh, yeah. “But that was my choice, and I don’t regret it. I had to make a living, and it was either that or porn.” He jerked his head up to stare at her. She grinned, but he wasn’t amused. “What? Why are you making that judgey face again?”

  He sat up, his desire dulled by the topic of Vex with other males. “There are things that are hard for me to accept,” he said roughly. “I’m used to the Laura who wouldn’t pull petals off a flower because it would damage them. To hear you talk about capturing souls and selling them, or starring in skin flicks...it’s...hard to grasp.”

  She ran her hand through her sex-mussed hair, leaving even more spikes and grooves. “You said you didn’t care about the porn. Was it okay because you didn’t know my soul was also Laura’s? But now that you know we’re the same...”

  “You didn’t do any porn. I know you were teasing. My point is that Laura wouldn’t have even teased. The subject would have been...unseemly...to her.”

  Vex barked out a laugh. “Oh, my God, Laura was a freaking prude. How could you stand her?”

  Abruptly, anger replaced the last echoes of arousal, and he swung out of bed. “You don’t know her. And you aren’t even trying.”

  She sighed. “That’s because you want me to be her, and as much as you wish I was, I’m not.”

  That wasn’t true. Not really. But it would be nice if she would at least make an attempt to recall some of their life together. Or not make fun of it. “Don’t you remember any of it?”

  “Nothing.” She hurled the word at him like a rock, and sure enough, it struck its mark and left a bruise.

  “There are people we can see.” His voice was clipped, his frustration evident as he yanked open his armoire and tossed a robe to the bed for her. “Demon psychics who could help you remember––”

  “No.” She swung her legs over the side of the bed and shoved to her feet. “Don’t you get it? How many times do I have to say it? I’m not Laura. And I don’t want to be Laura. I only know this life, the one given to me by parents who weren’t perfect, but who I loved. Denying my life would be denying them. I like my life, Zhubaal.”

  “You like it?” Was she serious? She used to be an angel. An elite angel. Even if she wasn’t very good at it. “You like being the generic offspring of two fallen angels? You like having so few abilities and little power?”

  “You’re one to talk.” She snatched up the robe with an angry sweep of her hand. “Do you like being a fallen angel? Are you proud of the things you’ve done in t
he name of evil?”

  He swiped a pair of sweat shorts from his drawer. “I did it for you.”

  “Oh, fuck off,” she snapped, clutching the robe to her chest. “You do not get to lay the blame for all of this on me. You did it for yourself. Maybe you sucked at being an Ipsylum and were looking for an excuse to get out of it. Or maybe you weren’t happy with yourself and used Laura’s fall from grace to avoid facing that fact. I don’t know. But what I do know is that you need to understand that my name is Vex, not Laura. And I’ve done a lot of things Laura would probably never have done, and I’m not sorry. I told you I like my life, but apparently Laura didn’t like hers.”

  “She loved her life,” he shot back, but even as he said it, the words rang hollow, and Vex called him on it.

  “Really?” she taunted him. “Because if Saint Laura was so happy, why was she so eager to give up being an angel? If she was so content, why didn’t she marry you when she had the chance?”

  He ground his teeth, vexed––literally––by the argument and the fact that he felt like he was losing it. “Ipsylum can’t marry until they pass their fiftieth birthday. We had ten years to go when she was kicked out of the Order.”

  Sighing, she shook her head. “Look, maybe we should just relax for a while. Feel like a dip in the hot tub?” She tossed the robe on the bed once more before walking across the room and dipping a toe into the steaming water. “We can play Hot Tub Time Machine.”

  “Is that a sex game?” The thought that she might have played it with another male was enough to flip his jealousy switch again.

  Laughing, she splashed at the water with her foot. “It’s a movie. Something you might know if you had decent cable down here.” She beckoned to him, making her breasts bounce hypnotically. “Come on. You can go first. If you could go back in time in your bubbling time machine, where would you go?”

  “That’s easy,” he said with a shrug. “I’d go back a hundred years and stop you from losing your wings.”

  She’d started to get into the pool, but froze with one foot on the top step. “Excuse me?”

  Her tone, so shocked and defiant, pissed him off. He’d understood why she’d resisted her past, but damn it, why was she so determined to completely deny who she used to be and who they were to each other?

  “If I could go back in time, we wouldn’t be in the situation we’re in,” he pointed out. “We’d be who we’re supposed to be.”

  “You bastard,” she whispered. “You bastard!” She wheeled around, her face mottled with fury. “You still don’t get it, do you? You still think your precious Laura is perfect. But I have news for you, asshole. You might have made love to Laura, but it wasn’t Laura who made love––no, I take that back. It wasn’t Laura who fucked you. It was me. It wasn’t Laura who has been living in the human and demon realms for the last thirty years, who grew up with parents she loved in a life that was happy. You want to erase all that? You want to erase me?”

  “I don’t want to erase you,” he shouted. “I want you to...fuck, I don’t know. I just can’t understand how you didn’t know about me. On some level, you should have felt that there was something missing in your life. That all those guys trying to get in your pants weren’t the right ones.” Bottled up anger rose like steam from the hot tub as he clenched his fists at his sides to keep himself from shaking sense into her. “I waited all this time for you. I sacrificed my wings for you. And what did you do? You bopped around your happy little life, fucking God only knows how many males, while I spent every waking moment of every day searching for you like a damned idiot!”

  Tears shimmered in her eyes as she looked around, presumably for her clothes, but they’d been left in a ball on Rowan’s floor. “So that’s who you want me to be? The innocent, sweet, shy girl you say I was?” She stormed over to the bed and snatched up the robe again. “Because I can’t be her. I can’t be anything but me. I love you, but I won’t change who I am for anyone.” She tied the robe around her waist and spread her arms wide. “This is me. You either love me for who I am, or you find someone else to love. But either way, Laura is gone. And right now, so am I.”

  She slammed out of the room, leaving him alone with nothing but his memories and his misery.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Vex had been gone from Sheoul-gra for two days, and in that time, Zhubaal had done nothing but sit in his quarters and get drunk. Razr had come by twice, only to get empty alcohol bottles lobbed at his head. Lilliana had come by as well, but Z didn’t let her in. Even Cat had tried to talk to him, but seeing how she was the only other female besides Laura/Vex he’d kissed...ever...he shut her down. He didn’t need to be reminded of yet another romantic failure.

  It wasn’t until Azagoth sent word that Revenant was finally on his way that Zhubaal emerged from his quarters. On the bright side, his hangover was pretty mild.

  Zhubaal approached the landing pad, surprised to find Lilliana already there. She didn’t usually meet visitors, but hey, apparently he was clueless about females.

  Light blasted the pad, and Revenant appeared, his massive wings extended as if he’d flown in. As the most powerful being in Sheoul, he could have flashed into Sheoul-gra, but he and Azagoth had worked out a deal of mutual respect, and as long as Azagoth toed the line, Revenant was willing to follow the rules and not squash them all like bugs.

  Zhubaal liked that in a demigod.

  Azagoth appeared next to Lilliana and greeted Revenant with a handshake. The King of Hell had changed his look since Z had seen him last. Sometimes he was bald, sometimes blond, but today his hair, waist-length and so black it hurt to look at, wasn’t the change. Neither was the full suit of wicked-looking matte charcoal armor, the shoulders and elbows adorned with sharp spikes, all of which Z had seen before. But the black cape was new. It hung heavy, as if it were made of rubber, but only when he got closer did he realize that it definitely was not made of any common material.

  Azagoth shook his head as he eyed the new addition to Revenant’s wardrobe. “Capes are stupid. They’re nothing but liabilities during a fight.”

  “Oh, hey,” Lilliana said, elbowing her mate lightly in the ribs. “Don’t say exactly what you’re thinking or anything.”

  Revenant laughed. “He’s an asshole, but he’s right. Which is why this is no ordinary cape.” He nodded at Z. “Grab it. I dare you.”

  Curious, but hoping he didn’t get vaporized, Z reached for it, only to have it slip through his fingers as if it were nothing but air. But a moment later, his hand stung like he’d been bitten by a venomous fire imp.

  “Damn,” he breathed as he shook his hand out. “What the fuck is that?”

  “It’s made from the hide of a Darquethoth.”

  Lilliana winced. “Ew.”

  “Ah, don’t shed a tear for him,” Revenant said as he admired the cape. “He was a douchemonkey. He should have thought a little harder about betraying me.” He turned around, and for a moment, he seemed to disappear from the neck to his boots. “Cool, huh? It repels magic and it’s impenetrable by sharp objects and bullets. Everyone should have one.”

  “Aren’t you immune to that stuff anyway?” Zhubaal asked.

  He wagged his finger. “Nearly immune. A spear or bullet can impale me, but they won’t kill me. It’ll hurt like hell and piss me off, though.” He glanced between the three of them. “So what am I here for? Azagoth said it was urgent. It better be, because I have a birthday party to go to.”

  “A birthday party?” Zhubaal wasn’t quite sure he’d heard that right. The guy didn’t seem like the cake and balloons type. “You go to birthday parties?”

  “When it’s for my niece and nephews, fuck yeah. There’s always at least one brawl at Horsemen parties.” He waggled his brows. “Good times.”

  “You’ll have to tell me what they thought of my gift,” Azagoth said, and his smirk was about as evil as it got.

  “I’m afraid to ask.” Lilliana sighed.

  Zhubaal wasn’t.
“What did you send?”

  Azagoth’s green eyes sparkled with mischief. “I hired a clown. One of those summoned ones that wreaks havoc until you kill it.” He shrugged. “I figured the least I could do would be to provide some entertainment.”

  “That’s terrifying,” Lilliana said, shooting her mate a glare.

  Revenant laughed. “It’s hilarious.” He clapped Azagoth on the back. “Let’s get this over with so I can get to the party and watch the show.”

  As Azagoth and Revenant flashed to what Z assumed would be Azagoth’s office, he wondered why the hell he’d been required to greet Revenant. But when Lilliana gently laid her hand on his arm, he realized he’d been duped, and she was probably the architect of the dupery.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked. “You’ve been locked away in your room, and Vex hasn’t been back. We’re all worried.”

  Worried? They were worried about him? No one but Laura had ever worried about him. Not even his parents. As pitiless and efficient warriors, Ipsylum took a survival-of-the-fittest approach to life, something he’d rejected as Laura fell further and further behind in their studies and training. Gradually, their brethren began to shun her. Z had stood by her side, helping where he could, cheating if he had to, all to keep her from being banished from their Order.

  But when her own family cast her aside like an injured hell mare that couldn’t keep up with the herd, he hadn’t been able to protect her anymore. He’d fought like hell, fought until his bones were broken and his skin was blackened by holy fire, but Laura had been ripped away from him by the people they’d both trusted most.

  “I’m fine,” he lied. He wasn’t even close to being fine. Every beat of his heart hurt, as if it didn’t know why it was bothering to pump lifeblood through his dead body. He hadn’t felt this way since Laura died, and in a way, this was even worse, because the female he loved was still alive. She just wasn’t his.

  “Zhubaal,” Lilliana began as she steered him toward the courtyard fountain, “what happened between you and Vex?”