Dirty

  My own life was forfeit. I had nothing left to gamble with… apart from my body.

  It was inviting disaster, knowing it would end in tragedy, but not caring in the slightest.

  It was reckless and irresponsible, and I wasn’t too sure if I gave a damn about the consequences, come as they may.

  As I lay in the darkness, a small smile pulled at my lips. Pushing the boundaries was sounding more and more thrilling by the minute.

  It was exhilarating, even, to do something that wasn’t for the good of the family.

  I was on my own, responsible for no one and nothing apart from my own ass, and I would do what I needed to make sure I lived another day.

  Tomorrow, I’ll lean my hands against the wall that is Julius, and I’ll push.

  Ling returns just after dawn, and the visible relief in Julius’s body language has me furious on the inside.

  I woke sometime after sunrise and didn’t bother rousing Julius. Instead, I slid out of bed and moved silently to the bathroom, leaving the door open just a sliver. I showered quickly, noticing that somebody had placed conditioner where there was none the day before. Thanking the heavens, I slathered a whole heap onto my thick hair, massaging it in and leaving it to work for a minute while I soaped up and rinsed off.

  After I washed out the conditioner and stepped out of the shower, it was time for me to start pushing.

  I took my time drying off with the large bath towel hanging by the shower stall, using the spare as a turban for my wet hair. Making my way to the vanity, I used my hand to wipe off the condensation from the mirror and took a look at myself.

  My body was… Well, it wasn’t pleasant. It was damaged in more ways than a person could count, not all injuries visible to the naked eye. Body language had a lot of pull with what I was about to do, and I needed to be tactful.

  Wrapping the towel around myself high up on my chest, I spied the toothbrush hanging by the sink and smiled. Running water over it, I put a small amount of toothpaste on it and, still grinning, placed it in my mouth, using it to brush my own teeth. Forcing myself to sober, I called out to him, purposely using the nickname his sister had called him. “Jay?”

  He answered immediately, gruffly, letting me know he was well aware of where I was. “Yeah.”

  My feet took me to the bathroom door and, with my fingers on the handle, I pulled it open a fraction, sticking my head out to him. My expression neutral, I told him, “I don’t have any underwear.”

  He stood without looking at me and left the room. I knew where he was going and, by God, he was going to give me his attention when he returned.

  I threw the towel off my head, working my fingers through the long, wavy strands and checking myself in the mirror. The towel around my chest I loosened slightly, just enough to dip into the valley between my breasts. I licked the excess toothpaste off my lips, leaving them glossy and pink.

  When he stepped back into the room and turned to leave the clothes in the closet as I had asked the day prior, I called out, “In here, please.”

  A moment later, the door opened wider, and his sleep-hooded eyes met mine, widening ever so slightly before moving down, then even farther, to my now-chipped pedicure then up again, resting on my almost non-existent cleavage before reaching my face.

  Yeah. Ignore me now, you son of a bitch.

  But then a mild look of aggravation crossed him. “That’s my toothbrush.”

  I left it in my mouth as I took the clothing offered from his outstretched hand. Holding the bundle in my arms, I blinked innocently at him, removing the blue toothbrush from my mouth before licking my lips clean very, very slowly. “I don’t have one of those either.”

  I knew I was attractive. That wasn’t me being a pompous asshole, that was a mere fact. It was just about the only thing I had been complimented on for all the years of my life. Who gave a shit that I got straight As in high school? Not my family. I was always the pretty one, whatever that meant.

  It was hard to miss, the way men looked at me. Those looks normally made me uncomfortable. It was the way Julius looked at me at our first meeting at the house, the day Dino was removed from my life, the first time those looks were welcomed. That was the day Julius no longer spared such glances for me, and I would curse it forever.

  He would come around.

  Hell, he already was.

  Pretending I didn’t see the way his eyes roamed me was difficult but I returned to the mirror, no longer looking at him, allowing him to look his fill. “Thanks for the conditioner.”

  No response.

  “I’m going to need a few things, if you don’t mind.”

  Still no response.

  “Nothing too fancy, just a razor for my legs and underarms, maybe some female deodorant,” I emphasized, as I took his and liberally sprayed my armpits, “bras, panties, and a pair of scissors so I can cut my hair.”

  The buzz of anger in the air had me forcing down a knowing grin. I was intentionally being a brat. I wanted a reaction, and I wasn’t at all prepared for the one I was about to get.

  He stepped into the bathroom one menacing step, and I turned, my back to the vanity, anticipating his approach. With a short look at his bare feet and long, muscled legs, my heart beat faster. His brow low, he searched my face, and the silence was killing me.

  “You think this is a goddamn hotel?”

  Another step closer, and as I moved to retreat, my towel-covered lower back came into contact with the cool marble of the vanity. I was stuck. There was nowhere to retreat to.

  My lips parted in surprise at the aggression that came off that calmly spoken question.

  Cheeks flushed, I shook my head.

  “You think I’m your fucking butler?” His jaw steeled with that one.

  I swallowed hard, my voice weak. “I’m not asking for much. I didn’t ask to be here, Julius. Don’t be unreasonable.”

  He took one more step, this one larger than the others, and stood toe to toe with me, looking down at me with eyes so cold they could only be described as glacial. “Let’s recap, shall we?” Oh, I didn’t like the sound of that. He leaned down, getting into my face, and his quiet words were somehow louder to me than a shout. “You force yourself into my life, ending an innocent man’s life for reasons you won’t reveal to me, fuck up my reputation and mess with my business all in the span of an hour, and embarrass me, have me chase you halfway into the next county, burden my life with your mere presence and take over my space, my personal haven, where I go to be relieved of shit like you”—Jesus, that hurt more than it should’ve—“and you feel you have the right to ask anything of me?” His nostrils flared with his barely concealed fury and his eyes blazed. “Bitch, please. I beg you to give me an excuse to pop your ass and, right now, you’re coming close.”

  What he whispered next was somewhat baffling.

  His hand came up slowly, and he gently fingered a strand of my hair, accidentally touching my upper arm, causing it to break out in gooseflesh. His warm breath on my cheek, he muttered, “You’re not cutting your hair. Don’t ever fucking ask me again.”

  With that, he spun on his heel and left the bathroom, shutting it closed behind him with a light slam.

  The hurt in me throbbed through my entire body, my breathing stiff, making my limbs weak. Raising my fingers to my lips, I held them there.

  I’d wanted a reaction and, yes, I’d gotten one. And this reaction rocked me.

  But then, why did it seem I was more affected than Julius?

  I shook off the thought and turned slowly, brushing my teeth in thick silence, hoping the morning would improve from here on out.

  Now, about an hour has passed before the sound of the front door opening slowly, quietly, sounds. It closes with a hush, and soft, muted footsteps move down the hall.

  When she moves to pass the kitchen, she glances in, stopping in surprise with her heels in one of her slender hands. The look of shock is quelled quickly and, lifting her nose in pride, she makes her w
ay into the kitchen as if nothing happened the day before.

  A cat-like smile on her pretty, bare face, she walks right past me without a backward glance and moves toward the coffeemaker, where Julius stands. “Morning.”

  Dressed in blue jeans and a white long-sleeved tee, his shoulders loosen as the worry of not having his precious Ling nearly disappears, and he brings his mug of coffee to his lips and sips. “Have fun?”

  Her tone is non-committal. “Yep, sure.”

  He glances at her over his mug. “So, who was it this time? Chip? Norman?”

  I watch her watch him thoughtfully before she responds daringly, “I never got his name, but I got a hell of a response when I called him Daddy.”

  I’m sure he’s going to tear her apart with that smartass comment. Instead, much to my despair, he dips his chin, shaking his head lightly as his body shakes with his silent laughter.

  “All things with Ling are a thing… You either love her or hate her, no in-between.”

  Wasn’t that what he’d said?

  One thing I knew for sure, Ling and I would never be friends. And what I was about to do was going to cement our hatred for one another.

  I stand from my position at the dining table, bringing my empty coffee mug over to the kitchen sink and rinsing it. From my peripheral vision, I see the very moment she notices the clothes on my body.

  “Yo, bitch. You raid my closet?” she asks, scarcely hiding her anger at the thought.

  Wearing an expression of angelic innocence, I look down at the wide-leg linen pants and toffee cashmere sweater before looking up at her and responding, “Uh, no. Jay got them while I was showering this morning. I hope that was okay.”

  Tone. Innuendo. A false sense of closeness. The short declaration had it all.

  I aim for a hit.

  And my belly warms as I see my arrow meets its mark.

  Ling’s smug expression falters. Her eyes narrow at me then she turns the same look on Julius. “Oh, ‘Jay’ is it now?” Pushing herself off the counter by her hip, she moves to exit the kitchen. “Well, I’m tired. I’ve been up all night.” She glances from me to Julius. “I’ll let you and Jay get back to whatever it was you were doing before I got here.”

  We watch her ascend up the stairs, and a full minute passes before Julius comments, “I don’t know what the hell that was about but don’t play with her, Alejandra. She doesn’t do games well, and when she decides she wants to play, it’s only because she plans to win.”

  Don’t we all?

  My face turns hard as I remark, “Thanks for the warning, but I’m not playing games.”

  My life is not a goddamn game. This is serious.

  He calls me out with little fire, “Sure are. You did it with me just before in the shower, and now you’re doing it with Ling.”

  “No, I’m not,” I speak too fast, my guilt evident.

  His full lips tilt in the corner and, raising his hand, he scratches at his five o’clock shadow. “Baby,” he starts. “People like me and Ling invented manipulation tactics. Can’t nobody do ‘em better than us. You’re making rookie mistakes and giving yourself away.” His semismile softens his entire face, and it’s beautiful. “Just stop, and we’ll all get along just fine.”

  I frown and turn so he can’t see the internal struggle building behind my eyes.

  I was giving myself away? How?

  My shoulders droop with the knowledge that he’s been onto me from the moment he woke. The soft clink of his mug being placed in the sink sounds and I feel him at my back.

  What he says next has my entire body turning cold with dread. “Want me to off your dad for you?”

  My eyes wide, I spin on him and gape, before rushing out, “What? No! Don’t you dare!”

  His face expectant, he nods softly, then states, “That right there. That’s who you are, Alejandra. You’re not a seductress. You’re not a schemer. You wear your heart on your sleeve. So whatever you’re thinking, stop, and just be your sweet self.”

  He was killing me with his words, and I was ashamed at the hot sting of tears burning my eyes. I blinked them back. “I’m not weak.”

  “No,” he agrees without hesitation, but looks at me from a different angle. “And I’d love to get inside that head of yours.” He straightens, taking a lock of my hair between his fingers and tugging gently. “But you won’t let me in, baby.” He let the strand of hair fall to rest on my shoulder and shrugs. “I want to help you, but I can’t do it without what you know. You don’t have a lot of time, so you need to decide what’s worth more to you… your life,” he urges, as he takes a number of steps back toward the stairs, “or your pride.”

  As he follows Ling upstairs, he leaves me there, alone, unsupervised, and it’s then that I realize he isn’t insincere. He is confident I won’t leave, and he’s right, because I have no one. No one but him.

  Perhaps he really wants to help me. Or maybe…

  A cold feeling spreads throughout me from the toes up.

  “People like me and Ling invented manipulation tactics. Can’t nobody do ‘em better than us.”

  I shake my head at the comprehension that I had just been played like a finely tuned violin.

  Julius does not want to help me. He wants to get rid of me. He wants to save his own ass, as I planned to do for myself, not that I blame him. If it were a choice between you or me, I would almost always choose myself.

  He’d all but told me the truth in his anger-filled speech this morning that I was nothing but a piece of shit.

  If only I could be like Ling, someone with backbone, someone capable. Maybe then I could find my place in this messed-up world of mine. Maybe if…

  A light bulb goes off in my head, illuminating my thoughts, making them crystal clear.

  Just like that, my plan changes from A to B.

  I’m not going to become like Ling.

  A secret smile glances my lips.

  I’m going to replace her.

  “Don’t walk away from me,” I growl, following her through the house. Goddamn little sparrow is making my head implode with every silent glare. If she wants to continue to hold her tongue, I will make her talk. Maybe telling her that I should have just let Gio have her was fierce, but her reaction was one I needed to see. The only person she had that kind of reaction to was whenever Dino’s brother was mentioned.

  My lip twitching in anger, I fight the urge to reach out and grab her by the wrist to keep her still, and I accuse, “You were having an affair with him, with Gio? Weren’t you? That’s why you wanted Dino dead.” I pause to gauge her reaction, but she’s off, as far away from me as she can possibly get. “I should’ve guessed. He didn’t look all that upset about the death of his brother.” I glare at her retreating back. “I’ll bet my left nut that’s why he offered to find you himself. Is that it?” She keeps walking and my stomach burns, tight and coiled in agitation, and fury blazes, singeing my insides. “Talk to me.”

  She limps as she power walks, not as badly as she did the day before, but bad enough that my stomach tightens with the need to pick her up and carry her to the sofa, somewhere soft and comfortable. My pride, of course, will never allow that to happen, but for the record, I want to.

  “Fuck you,” she snarls, doing laps around the house, this being our second time through the kitchen. I smile secretly, knowing she has no idea where to go, but this doesn’t slow her pace.

  I try a gentler approach.

  “Alejandra.” Shit. My tone is still too harsh. I try again. “Baby, stop. Let’s talk.”

  At my calling her baby, she spins on her heel, wincing slightly, and I nearly run her down at the sudden stop. She glowers up at me, raising a hand and poking me in the chest with one solid finger. Her eyes flame and she speaks through gritted teeth.

  “Stop.” Poke. “Calling.” Poke. “Me.” Poke. “Baby.” Poke, poke, poke.

  Fuck.

  The attitude.

  It does things to me.

  My di
ck stirs from behind my black pants and I shift on my feet, throwing her a menacing look. “I’ll call you whatever I feel like, baby.” I move slowly, getting down into her space until we’re nose to nose. “For all intents and purposes, you belong to me.”

  And, dear God, I wish that were the honest truth, that I could use her the way I really want to. Sleeping beside her is hard enough. My dick cries wet, thick tears every morning in the shower, but it hardly satisfies me.

  Ling called me out the night before, and although I denied the accusation, she was right. I’m getting attached to her. It was a rookie mistake giving her access to my space. And as much as I want to get rid of her, my chest tightens at the thought of… of…

  My mind utters the words I wouldn’t dare.

  Of being alone again.

  Ling is also a friend, but she is more an associate. She has her own interests, and they don’t involve me. Honestly, I don’t dig the shit Ling is into. We don’t interact socially, don’t go out to dinner, and we don’t get deep and meaningful. Not that Ling has it in her to do deep and meaningful. She has her space upstairs, and I have mine downstairs. We eat together on occasion only because it’s convenient, but we do this in silence for the most part, intermittently talking shit about work.

  Alejandra is a complicated creature and, Lord have mercy, I find myself drawn to her. All day, she doesn’t stop with the talking, but as soon as we move toward the bedroom to sleep, she shuts down, becoming jittery and stiff. And it fucking kills me.

  I get it. She doesn’t know me from Adam and, at night, I might fantasize about all the different ways I can make her scream in pleasure, but I won’t go there. Not even if she wants me to.

  Well, damn.

  Okay, I’d likely resist a while but, fuck, I’m only human. I don’t know if I’d have it in me to deny a woman like Alejandra. She’s petite, something I’ve always loved. She’s beautiful, a bonus. And she’s smart, not at all the ditz she’d have me believe she is.