Chasing Bliss

  She’d thought he was too far gone and didn’t know what he’d been saying. She’d thought he was telling her what he wanted. That he wanted to live.

  He was begging her. He was pleading with his too-intellectual daughter.

  Live. Live. Live.

  For so long she’d clung to that vision of her father, a dying man, clinging to something far gone. It had influenced her life, driving her to goals that had nothing to do with emotion. Her life had been a checklist, devoid of true passion. Absent of feeling. As she’d lain there clutching Cade’s hand and praying for Jesse to come, she’d understood what he meant.

  Live. Live. Live.

  She’d pursued wealth and cultivated ambition. But she knew what she wanted now. And she knew something else. She was Gemma Wells. And she would get it. Come hell or high water. She wanted Jesse McCann and Cade Sinclair, and she wanted to practice law in Bliss, Colorado, where they had an actual injunction against lawyers.

  And that wouldn’t stop her.

  “Baby, are you sure?”

  Gemma knew he was asking about whether or not her small-penised, couldn’t-please-a-woman-if-someone-gave-him-a-road-map-to-her-clitoris ex had actually intended to kill her, but she meant something else. “Yes. I’m sure.”

  There would be no more New York. No big city to conquer. Just Bliss. But she would find her place. She would build her home with a single-minded passion that had been lacking for years.

  “Take me to Cade.”

  * * * *

  Cade started when the door opened. He’d been sitting there for so fucking long, he’d kind of expected no one would ever show up, but the door opened and Gemma walked though, her blonde hair swaying around her shoulders.

  “There you are.” It wasn’t the greeting he’d expected. She sighed and her eyes narrowed, but there wasn’t any anger in her gaze. There was a soft satisfaction there. “I thought you were still in jail, but the Creede boys said you had been gone for a while. I was just about to go wake up Nate when I saw your bike outside.”

  He stood, looking around the cabin. He’d cleaned. Though she kept the place precision-perfect neat, she sometimes forgot to dust. He’d stocked the fridge. He couldn’t stand the thought of her having nothing to eat. He’d busied himself when he should have had the courage to go to the hospital and tell her good-bye. “They let me go. Your ex pissed off Stef Talbot and everyone decided to leave well enough alone.”

  Jesse’s eyes became hard. “Where did that little fucker get to?”

  “I don’t know. Nate warned me to leave him alone.”

  “Nate can bite my ass,” Jesse said on a growl.

  Gemma sent him a nasty look. “You promised.”

  “Only for tonight. Tomorrow, he’s mine.”

  Cade wasn’t sure what that was about. Now that Gemma was all right, it seemed like Jesse wanted a piece of Patrick. And it was Jesse’s right. Gemma belonged to him.

  Gemma. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. The last time he’d seen her, she’d looked dead. Now she just looked tired. He would never be able to forget that she was fragile. No matter how much of a force of nature Gemma appeared to be, she was just a woman at heart, and she was just as fragile as the other women in his life had been.

  He should have left. Gotten on his bike and fled the fucking scene of the crime. But he’d stayed because he couldn’t leave without making sure she was fine. He’d spent hours cooking for her, making sure that at least she would be well fed. And then he would face her. He would see the look in not only hers but Jesse’s eyes, and then he would hop on his bike and go. He wouldn’t look back. He would know that Jesse would take care of her, and he could just fucking drink and party himself to the death he deserved.

  Except she walked right up to him and wrapped her damn arms around him, snuggling her head against his chest. “When they told me you’d been arrested, I was so worried about you.”

  Worried about him? She was the one who’d almost died. And he didn’t understand a Gemma who didn’t spit and claw like a riled-up cat. Shouldn’t she be mad? “Gemma? Are you okay? What did the doctors say?”

  Jesse moved behind Gemma, his eyes finding Cade’s. He frowned, but Cade couldn’t tell what was going through his head.

  “I’m fine. Mom and Naomi drove me home, but we went to the station first. They told us that you were cleared and Pat was gone, so no one has to kill him, but we need to figure out why my sad-sack, scared-of-his-own-shadow ex would try to kill me. I don’t want to do that tonight, though.”

  He stopped. “Kill you? I thought it was an accident.”

  Her chin came up. “Do you honestly believe I would steal his fork?”

  Gemma was a little OCD. When he’d cooked what seemed like a week’s worth of food earlier, he’d made damn sure every single dish was sparkling clean. She might not dust the bookshelves, but her kitchenware was immaculate. Even when she never used it. His heart rate started to speed up.

  She sighed. “There it is. Did you know you get this little tic over your right eye when you get mad?” Her fingers brushed the place, as though trying to soothe him.

  “I never had it before I met you.” Gemma had given him a damn tic. And it wasn’t just when he was mad, though he was pretty freaking mad right now. Before he went off to drink himself to death, he would find that fucker, force a goddamn fork into some soft part of him, and then the asshole would know how wrong it had been to mess with Cade Sinclair’s girl.

  Because even though he was leaving, she would always be his girl.

  “Stop. I know what you’re thinking, but this is going to require more thought than just beating the crap out of him.” She pulled away just a bit. “I don’t want to think about Pat anymore tonight. I want you to come outside with me.” She pulled on his hand, and he wondered if she hadn’t been damaged by the whole “poisoning by strawberry” incident. He’d cooked her a week’s worth of food, carefully avoiding anything that looked like a berry.

  She grasped his hand, tugging him out.

  “Gemma, baby, I need to talk to you before I go.” He just had a few things to say to her and then he would leave her to Jesse.

  She utterly ignored him, walking toward her front door.

  Cade looked at Jesse. “What’s going on?”

  “No idea, but I’m going along with it.” Jesse followed them out the door. “Gemma and I have completely different ideas on how you should behave when someone tries to kill her.”

  Cade tried to stop. “I still don’t completely understand that.”

  “She’ll explain it later.” Jesse followed them. “She’s not up on our vigilantism. I already tried. Tonight, we just need to let it be. Tomorrow we can talk, my brother.”

  The fact that Jesse was still calling him brother gave him a deep sense of peace. It didn’t change what he needed to do, but he felt better about it. Jesse had done the right thing. Cade had lost it, proving once again that he didn’t deserve joy and happiness.

  Jesse continued, “Tonight, just follow her. She’s made some crazy breakthrough. I would spank her ass, but I saw her all bloated and near dead and I’m just happy she’s here. I can’t fucking Dom her tonight. I just want to hold her. I just want to think we can work.”

  She kept pulling at him, drawing him out. He should pull away, but he couldn’t let her hand go. He knew he should, but he just held her tighter as she walked on to her porch and then to the grass. She turned the porch light off, sending the entire yard into complete gloom. Darkness pervaded. Black was everywhere and still he followed her.

  “Look up.”

  He pulled back, trying to get her to stop. They needed to talk. He needed to explain to her why he should leave. It was the only thing to do. He would get on his bike and head out, leaving her to Jesse, who could love her with a whole heart with no crazy fucking violent rage between them.

  She let go of his hand, the loss of her warmth a deep sadness in his soul. She walked away from him, turned, and laid her body down o
n the grass, turning her face up. A look of wonder crossed her face. “Look up. I never look up. I wouldn’t think to. Up didn’t matter, but look at it. Tell me that doesn’t matter. Tell me that is meaningless.”

  She might have gone over the edge. Gemma almost always rode that fine line between perfectly normal and neurotic nut job, and nearly dying seemed to have pushed her over.

  “Gemma, baby, I only hung around so I could make sure you were okay. I need to go. I’m not good for you.”

  But she was staring up. Jesse got to the ground and lay down beside her in the grass. A chill ran across his skin. It was damn cold, and she’d been sick, and she was lying in the grass in the middle of the night.

  “You can leave tomorrow,” she said, a smile on her face. “Please stay with me tonight. Come on, Cade. I just want one night. I want you to lie down and look up with me.”

  Frustration welled. Stay with her? Didn’t she know how hard it was to leave her? Couldn’t she see that the last few hours had been a living hell? He wanted to get it over with, to move on with his life. But he couldn’t deny her. He couldn’t look at those big, bright eyes and get on his bike and drive off. He sighed and gave in, getting to his knees and sinking down on his back beside her.

  And he saw what she was talking about. A million stars blanketed the sky, brighter than anything he’d seen. They twinkled and winked like diamonds. He found himself staring up, wondering how he’d never seen it before.

  “Isn’t it beautiful?” Gemma’s voice was a contented sigh. She reached out, linking her hand to his, pulling it over her heart. He felt another hand there. Jesse’s. She held both hands over her heart.

  “Of course it’s beautiful. It’s Colorado. Do either of you look around?” Jesse grumbled a little, but Cade could feel him clutching Gemma’s hand. “Am I the only one who smells the freaking roses? Gemma, baby, you like lists. Well, you’ve got to spend the next couple of days resting, and I’m going to make sure you really look around and see the place we’ve been blessed with.”

  Jesse was right. Cade didn’t look around. Not really. He didn’t just stop and stare at the beauty around him. During the day he worked, and at night he partied. He hadn’t spent a ton of time looking around at the mountains and the stars above. In many ways, he’d been as single-minded as Gemma, focusing on how to have fun and keep the ghosts at bay.

  He looked back up at those night lights. Millions of miles away. Some were dead already, their light a mere beacon, proof that once the star had lived. Some still-thriving suns. Those stars were always there, always above him, but the harsh light of the sun masked their existence. In the city, they were tiny, insignificant things, covered up by human lights, but here Cade could see the infinite.

  He stared up. It should make him feel small, but somehow, with Gemma’s hand in his, those stars above gave him comfort.

  “Isn’t it beautiful?”

  Cade turned his head. It was pitch black, but he could see Gemma’s face, the curve of her cheek, the stubborn tilt of her chin. He rolled toward her. The stars were beautiful, but she was gorgeous. He laid his head close to her shoulder and just let himself be still for a moment.

  One more night. He could handle one more night. And then he would go. He was still bad for her.

  But for tonight, he would rest and watch the stars.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Three days later, Cade had no damn idea what he was doing.

  Oh, he was replacing Mel’s ancient artifact of an alternator. It had blown due to its extensive old age and not, as Mel had claimed, because of alien vibrations from its recent abduction. This time, he claimed, they had taken his whole 1972 Ford pickup truck. He’d left it at Beaver Creek when he’d gone on a fishing trip. The next morning, he’d told the sheriff aliens had taken his truck. They’d done an exhaustive search and the truck had turned up later that day in the woods near Mel’s cave.

  Mel was certain that the aliens were now abducting precious vehicles, but Cade kind of thought Mel needed to lay off the “special” tonic he took when he was fishing. It was rotgut whiskey. Cade had tried it once, and he hadn’t remembered where he’d left his car either.

  No, he totally knew what he was doing with the truck. Gemma was another story altogether.

  “I’m going on a run into Alamosa,” Jesse said, picking up his helmet.

  “You call if you find anything.”

  Jesse nodded, palming his keys. “Let Roger know where I’ve gone. I’ll pick up the new parts to the snowmobile on my way back. And I promise, I’m just looking. If I find the fucker, I’ll let you know.”

  Patrick. He’d disappeared the night of Gemma’s accident, and they couldn’t find him. Nate claimed he didn’t have enough evidence to put out an APB. They were stuck in limbo until they tracked him down.

  Limbo. That was exactly where he was. He should be halfway to California, but Gemma had changed tactics and he had no idea how to handle her.

  “I’m taking Princess Two to the dog park,” Roger said, walking out with his baby thing in his arms. He’d dressed the dog today. In deference to the coming winter, Princess Two had on a pink and white sweater. “And then we’re going to have a nice lunch at Stella’s. Yes, we are. Yes, we are. Is Jesse picking up the snowmobile parts?”

  “Yep. We’ll have them this afternoon.”

  “Good.” Roger was almost out the door when it opened. “Well, hello, Miss Gemma. You are looking mighty healthy. Princess and I were real upset to hear about your little trouble. Weren’t you, girl?”

  Princess answered with a weird little howl.

  Gemma stood in the doorway wearing jeans and a light V-neck sweater that showed off the beginnings of the slopes of her breasts. The jeans hugged her hips, nipped in at her waist. The sunlight came through, illuminating her hourglass figure. Cade had been stuffing her every chance he got, feeding her to make up for years and years of harsh diets, and those curves were finally filling out. She looked soft, healthy, and so fuckable his dick threatened to burst free and make a run for her.

  Two days of cuddling that sweet body and not sinking in were taking their toll.

  Of course, if he’d had his way, he would be on the road and not forced to look at what he couldn’t have again.

  She talked to Roger for a moment, and then he left, the door closing behind him. Cade was all alone with Gemma.

  “Hi.” That voice went straight to his gut.

  Maybe now was the time to talk to her. After he got one little thing out of the way. “You’re supposed to be with Naomi.”

  “She’s getting the full smackdown at Polly’s Cut and Curl. I think it sounds horrible, but Polly’s got a whole wrestling theme going right now. A smackdown is a full mani-pedi with a deep hair conditioning, a cut, and a blow out. She could be there for hours.”

  Hours. Hours alone with Gemma when he needed to keep his dick in his pants because she wasn’t his and she never would be. He was wrong for her. She belonged with Jesse. Jesse hadn’t fucked up the way Cade had. Jesse deserved a future.

  Cade just had to find a way to ease out of the relationship without hurting Gemma.

  Gemma walked across the floor, her hips swaying. “Whatcha working on?” She walked into the bay and leaned over, looking into the engine. It put her heart-shaped ass on full display. His hands itched to cup those curvy cheeks.

  “I’m replacing an alternator.” The words came out on a high squeak that would have done a virginal schoolboy proud. He cleared his throat. “Jesse’s gone into Alamosa.”

  “I know. I talked to him on my way in.” Her head turned back, just a little, a smile playing on those lips that looked so good wrapped around his dick. “Looking for Patrick?”

  And she was too smart for their own good. They’d tried to keep her out of the loop. “Nah, he’s picking up some parts.”

  She stood back up, crossing her arms under her breasts and shooting him a deeply cynical look. He only caught a tiny piece of the cynicism because her arms
pushed her boobs up so they formed a glorious rack. “I’m not dumb, Cade. I know you’re looking for him. I would be depressed if you weren’t.”

  He felt his eyes narrow. Shouldn’t she be yelling at him? “I thought you would be mad.”

  “I figured out that you and Jesse are different from the other men I’ve dated.”

  Since she’d dated insane douchebags, he was pretty satisfied with that. “How?”

  She leaned against the truck. “In just about every way, but in this case, you like to take matters in your own hands, so to speak. Most of my other boyfriends, and I use the term loosely, would be happy to have the police looking. You and Jesse want to deal with it on your own.”

  “Well, there’s not a lot Nate can do. Me and Jesse don’t have to work within the confines of the law.” Despite the fact that it was chilly outside, his skin was heating up.

  She leaned over, closing the distance between them. “Because you care about me.”

  Because he was mad about her, thought about her every second of the goddamn day, and dreamed about her at night. Her hand touched his chest, and he had to back away because, damn, he wanted to lay her out on the hood of one of the cars and pound away at her. And he couldn’t because she was fragile and he was leaving.

  “Gemma, baby, we need to talk.”

  She hadn’t let him have his little talk with her. Every time he tried, she changed the subject or sighed and put her head on his chest and looked generally wounded to the point that he just gave in and held her. Two nights of cuddling her in front of the TV had yielded nothing.

  Even Jesse wasn’t listening to him anymore. He’d tried to talk to Jesse, but Jesse seemed as stubborn as Gemma.

  She stalked after him, backing him up to where he had no place to go. His back hit the wall. “I saw Caleb today. He cleared me for…everything. I think Jesse intends to make another stop before he comes home tonight. Something about toys.”

  Damn. Damn. Damn. Everything. Everything meant sex and stuff. She’d been all horny and kissy and lovely, but Jesse wouldn’t let her play until Caleb gave her the okay. Toys. Sex toys. Dirty little things to use on his girl.