Dark Surrendering

  “And I'm just thrilled she wants to be with me at all,” Lucah said.

  “Aw, of course I want to be with you. Who wouldn’t want to be with you?” Rory said. They were getting a coupley again and it made me feel like a third wheel.

  “Yes, but I don’t want anyone but you, Miss Clarke,” Lucah said, sticking his tongue out at her. He had the metal barbell in today. Usually he wore a clear one that wouldn’t show when he was at work.

  “Don’t do that to me. That’s not fair,” she said, staring at his tongue as he slipped it back into his mouth and gave her a wink. I sensed that it might be time for me to head back to my own apartment.

  “Well, I think I’m going to go get started on your dress,” I lied. I didn’t have any of the materials at home with me, but Rory and Lucah didn’t need to know that. I was always working on something. Lately, I’d been thinking of making some things for Ryder. His jeans were always torn, and not on purpose. I had his measurements, and I’d already made him a suit. Might as well complete the wardrobe. And I figured he couldn’t refuse them, since I’d made them specifically for him.

  “Okay,” Rory said as she drew closer to Lucah. Yup, definitely time for me to go.

  “See you later,” I called as I shut the door, but neither of them was paying attention to me. I headed back down the hall shaking my head at them. No way those two were breaking up. Some people were just meant to be.

  I went a little overboard on Ryder’s clothes. But to be fair, I hadn’t been sleeping much, so I had extra hours in my day. I also had a lot on my mind, so I needed something easy to think about. I hadn’t really talked to him since the night we’d gone out. Things had been somewhat awkward during dinners. He wasn’t ignoring me, but he continued to treat me like I was someone he wasn’t sexually attracted to. So I called him the next Saturday.

  “I have something for you.”

  “Oh, really?” he said, clearly interested.

  “Yup. Want to come over and see?” I knew what he would assume the surprise was, and I kind of wanted to lead him along for a little bit.

  “Is that really wise?”

  Of course he thought it was about sex, or something sex-related.

  “It has nothing to do with me, or me getting naked,” I said.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” he said. I was enjoying this a little too much.

  “Only because it’s not what you think it is. Just come over and see. I swear, it’s nothing sexual. I just . . . I made something for you.” A lot of somethings, including jeans, slacks, shirts, and a jacket. But it was fun to experiment with menswear. I didn’t usually get to try that, so it was interesting working with different proportions and cuts.

  “You made me something?” he asked.

  “Yeah. Come on, you know you’re curious.”

  “It’s not a sexy little lace number is it? Because I don’t think lace really works for me,” he said, and I laughed.

  “Nope, no lace involved. But you’ll have to come and see to make absolutely sure. I’m not giving you any details.”

  He sighed. “How about we meet at your studio?”

  I tried not to feel disappointed but failed.

  “Yeah, we could do that.” I’d have to take a cab there to carry everything, but I couldn’t blame him for wanting to meet on somewhat neutral territory.

  “Great, see you in like an hour?”

  “Fucking fantastic,” I said, and then we hung up.

  I packed all the clothes in garment bags and in one of my suitcases. I’d have to steam and iron some of them when I got there, but I had time.

  The studio was blissfully empty when I arrived. Sometimes Inari came on weekends to finish things and do extra work. She was like one of those elves that came in during the night and finished what others hadn’t bothered to.

  I got everything all set up, including putting the dress forms in complete outfits and lining them up near the mirror so he could get the full effect. I didn’t have shoes, which was a pain, but I didn’t fancy becoming a cobbler. That was a whole other kind of thing that I didn’t have experience with.

  He rang the bell, even though I’d left the door unlocked.

  “Hey,” I said, rolling the door open. It was one of those industrial metal things and not so easy to push, but I managed.

  “I would have helped you,” he said when I finally got it open.

  “Nah, I can manage. I’m a big girl.” I crooked my finger at him and led him over to where his new wardrobe was on display.

  “This? This is the surprise?” he said. “Is it just the pants? Or the shirts, or . . .” He trailed off as he walked around the dress forms and looked at the clothes.

  “All of it,” I said. “Sorry there aren’t any shoes, but I figured you could supply those on your own.” I hurried to get rid of a stray thread on one of the shirts.

  “Sloane,” Ryder said in a way that made me look up. Now that I was showing him the clothes, I was embarrassed. Who did this? Who made an entire wardrobe for someone they were just sort of friends with? Sometimes I took things too far. This was definitely one of those times.

  “Yeah?” I said, waiting for him to tell me what he thought.

  “This is crazy.”

  “I know,” I said, looking down, wishing I could hide my red face. Ugh, I’d really missed the mark on this one. Totally and completely.

  “Hey,” he said, stepping around one of the dress forms and coming to stand in front of me. I wouldn’t look up, so he put his hand under my chin and tilted my face up.

  “I’m sorry. I can, um, undo it all,” I said. I could rip the stitches out and reuse the fabric and . . .

  “Hey,” he said, his voice softer as he looked down into my eyes. I couldn’t help but notice that I’d exactly matched one of the shirts to the color of his irises. Accidentally on purpose.

  “Yeah?”

  “It’s amazing, Sloane. Crazy amazing. I just . . . I can’t even imagine how much this costs, let alone the time it took you to make everything. No one but my mother has ever done anything like this for me.” He was totally serious. No jokes. No innuendos.

  “Really?”

  “Really. I can’t even believe this,” he said, finally letting go of my face and stepping back. “I don’t even think I can wear them. I’d be too afraid to get something on them.”

  “That’s okay. There’s this fantastic thing called a washing machine and it takes the stains out of clothes,” I said, and he stuck his tongue out at me. Being the more rebellious of the three brothers, I expected him to be the one with the pierced tongue. But alas. Still, there were a lot of things he could still do with it.

  I had to shake myself and get back to the clothes and get my mind out of the gutter.

  “Ha-ha. I know how to wash clothes, but I’m still scared I’m going to ruin them.”

  I rolled my eyes and started stripping one of the dress forms.

  “Get behind the curtain and strip,” I said, tossing him a shirt and a pair of pants. I hadn’t made him any underwear. That just seemed a little too . . . intimate. I was sure he was covered in that department anyway.

  “Yes ma’am,” he said, and headed behind the screen I’d set up. He threw the clothes he’d been wearing over it, and I tried not to listen as he put on the new things.

  “How’s it going?” I asked, lurking on the other side of the curtain. It was a little silly, since I’d already seen him naked, but I wanted to show him that I respected his boundaries.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re a genius,” he said, stepping out from behind the curtain. I nearly tackled him with glee. I’d been absolutely right with my measurements. Everything was perfect.

  “Well, if the shoe fits,” I said, twirling my finger so he’d spin around and I could check out the back. I also checked out his ass, which was so perfectly cupped by the jeans that I nearly fainted. Suddenly I realized that I’d made him look so good, I didn’t want him to leave the studio. He would cause ma
ss chaos. Women would stop whatever they were doing and mob him. It would be like The Beatles all over again. Ryder was dangerous in those clothes. Curse me and my sewing abilities!

  “Well?” he said, spreading his arms out and turning slowly in the mirror.

  I sighed. “I’m really good, aren’t I?”

  He chuckled and turned to the side to check himself out, and I laughed.

  “You are. You’re the best,” he said. Our eyes met in the mirror, and I had the feeling we weren’t just talking about the clothes.

  “Okay,” I said, clearing my throat. “Those obviously work, so let’s try something else.” I tossed him the second outfit, and he tried that on. It was even more perfect (if that was possible) than the first. He could probably cause spontaneous pregnancies with that one. Then it was time for the fancier clothes, and I was kicking myself for this insane idea. Ryder was right. I was crazy.

  Bad, bad idea.

  Finally, he’d tried everything on and not a single stitch needed to be altered. I’d never sewed anything quite so perfectly. Things almost always needed to be fitted to the person. But I didn’t tell Ryder that.

  He put his regular clothes on, and I started packing everything up.

  “I really don’t know what to say, or what I can do to thank you. This is way too much,” he said. I looked up from my folding to find his face was a little red, and his ears were scarlet. God, I loved it when redheads blushed. I especially loved it when Ryder blushed. Okay, I loved it when Ryder did anything.

  “You don’t have to. This is what I do. It’s my contribution to the greater good, or something like that. I like making things for people. And I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately, so this gave me something to do.” I shut my mouth so I wouldn’t elaborate.

  “Why haven’t you been sleeping?” he asked, leaning against the table just mere inches away from me. His scent washed over me and made it hard to think.

  I shrugged. “No reason. Just sometimes I have a lot on my mind.” I looked up from my folding and met his eyes before I had to look away again. Too intense.

  “I wouldn’t be contributing at all to that insomnia, would I?” he asked.

  I kept folding and shook my head. “Nope.”

  He chuckled. “Did that sound convincing to you? Because it sure as hell didn’t sound convincing to me,” he said.

  “You’re not the only thing I think about, Ryder. My brain has room for other things.” I finished wrapping up the clothes again and shoved them across the table in his direction.

  “Oh, I know you have other things in your brain. I just like knowing I have at least a little bit of real estate there.” And then he had to smile in a way that made my stomach flip flop and wish I hadn’t made him any clothes at all.

  “Yeah, well,” I said. I sounded like a moron. I needed better comebacks. He always seemed to have good ones like he practiced ahead of time.

  “Okay,” Ryder said, picking up the pile of clothes and slinging the garment bags over his shoulder. “I think I’ve done enough damage for one day. I should get back to my part of the city. Thank you so much for this, Sloane. I’ll find some way to show you how much this means to me. Just give me some time. I’ll figure something out.” He didn’t mean it to sound dirty, but I definitely took it that way. I didn’t seem to be able to help it around him.

  “Need any help?” I said before I could stop myself. “Getting back to your place, I mean. That’s a lot of stuff. I had to bring a suitcase with me.” He was already struggling to hold everything. The garment bags kept sliding off his shoulder.

  “Nah, I think I can manage. But maybe you could help me get downstairs and into a car.”

  “I can do that.”

  He handed me the garment bags, and we walked back down to the front of the building. We weren’t going to get a cab waiting here, so I suggested going up the street where chances were better.

  “What?” I asked. Ryder had been chuckling to himself.

  “You. You’re so fucking talented, Sloane. It constantly blows my mind.”

  Well, if that wasn’t a compliment, I didn’t know what was.

  “Thanks. If you keep that up, my head is going to be so huge I’m going to need a cart to drag it around in.”

  “Well, we can’t have that. Maybe I should follow up all my compliments with an insult. You know, even things out.”

  I elbowed him in the ribs, and he nearly dropped all the packages I’d wrapped so carefully.

  “Hey, don’t mess those up. I’ll hunt you down,” I said. “And the way to a girl’s heart isn’t by insulting her.”

  “Who says I’m trying to get to your heart?”

  Shit, I’d walked right into that one.

  “You know what I mean,” I said, walking faster and fumbling with the garment bags. Bastards were determined to slide right off my shoulder and onto the ground. At least they were somewhat protected.

  “Uh huh,” he said. I didn’t say anything else so we walked in silence until we got to an intersection where it was much busier. I raised my hand and dropped the bags.

  “Shit,” I said, leaning down to get them. I was piling them back on my shoulder when my head collided with something hard.

  “Shit!” We both said at the same time. I looked up and glared at Ryder. He’d bent down to help me but had only succeeded in conking my head and making me drop everything again.

  “Okay, I guess that wasn’t very helpful,” he said, rubbing his forehead.

  “Not exactly,” I said, doing the same thing. “Jesus, you have a hard skull.”

  “Why, thank you,” he said, reaching out to help me up after I’d gotten everything off the ground. The cab I’d signaled was gone.

  “I’ll do it this time,” he said, extricating one of his arms from the pile of stuff. Within seconds, a cab pulled up.

  “Well, so, thank you for the clothes and for helping me carry them.” He stood with the cab door open as the cabbie put the packages in the trunk and then added the bags.

  “You’re welcome. Oh, and I put washing instructions in there as well. Treat your clothes right and they should last. If you have any laundry-related questions, let me know. I’d rather have you come to me than fuck it up and come crying to me later. So.”

  He nodded and gave me a half-smile. “I’ll be sure to do that. Thanks. Again.” There was one of those little pauses. One of those moments where I could just lean up a little and kiss him. I wanted to. He looked like he wanted to, and moved forward just a fraction before changing his mind.

  I couldn’t take that next little step either. Couldn’t cross that minute distance.

  So we just stood there, staring at each other while the cabbie ran the meter and huffed in the front seat.

  “I’ll see you for dinner,” Ryder finally said.

  “Yup.” I nodded and stepped backward, nearly tripping over my own feet.

  “Until we meet again,” he said, getting in the cab.

  “Until we meet again,” I echoed as he pulled away.

  “You really have a thing for him, don’t you?” Inari said on Monday when I told her all about Ryder’s reaction to the clothes. “I mean, I know you talked all about banging him and everything, but it’s definitely more than that. You like him, like him.”

  “God, are we twelve?” I said, sipping the coffee she’d just brought me.

  “Don’t try and change the subject with your snark,” she threw back at me.

  “I’m not. I just think it’s a silly thing to say. Yes, I like him. I can like him without liking him like that.”

  Inari gave me a look. “But you do like him like that.”

  Yes, I did, but I didn’t need someone pointing that out. I gave Inari a scathing look.

  “Okay, then. I’m going to go and check on everyone and give you a progress report.” She scurried out of my office and went to gather my morning report. To avoid slacking, each morning I had everyone make goals for the day, and then at the end, they would
report on how they did. I made goals as well, and sometimes if we had to get a lot done, we’d write them on this gigantic whiteboard I’d found. It reminded me of those boards they used in crime shows to figure out who the murderer was.

  I got started on my emails and boring stuff before getting the report from Inari and starting on my list of tasks for the day.

  “We really need someone to do full-time accounting,” she said for the hundredth time. I knew I needed a full-time accountant. Everyone else knew it, too. I was just going to have to bite the bullet and hire someone, even if I’d take a financial hit. Inari and I had been keeping the books, and I’d made some of the interns help, but it was no match for someone who actually knew what they were doing. Every year when I went to do my taxes, my accountant would shake his head and make this annoying tutting sound that drove me nuts.

  “I know, I know. Hey, could you do me a huge favor and do some looking around? I don’t want to put an ad out yet, because that’s admitting we really have a problem.”

  She smiled and said she’d get on it. She had a whole network of friends that were always looking for jobs. Inari was only two years out of school, but she acted like someone who had much more experience. I was practically in love with her and I didn’t swing that way.

  “Thanks. You’re the best.”

  “I know,” she said with a wink.

  The rest of the day passed without too much drama, apart from a few sewing and fitting mishaps that I was able to correct. We took part of the afternoon off for Marina’s birthday. She was currently in a gluten-free phase, so we got her a cake that wasn’t actually as terrible as I thought it would be and it inspired me to maybe expand my baking horizons and try out some new recipes.

  Everyone left and I stayed to work on Rory’s dress. I’d neglected it for Ryder’s clothes, and I felt bad about it.

  I’d just started cutting the pieces out after pinning my pattern to the fabric when there was a knock at the door. Thinking it was probably just someone who forgot their key, I slid the door open.