Harvest Hunting

Page 2

 

  The plume of fur was so pretty and tempting that I forgot my manners and pounced.

  The creature swung around, turning its butt toward me.

  Oh shit! Skunk!

  Just as I remembered what it was, it took aim, shook its ass, and a wide spray came shooting toward me. I yowled and bounded away, but not before getting drenched by the foul-smel ing perfume. At least it managed to miss my eyes, but I didn't wait around for the skunk to get in a second shot. I hightailed it back toward the mansion.

  As I reached the steps, I slowed, sneezing violently. What the hel was I supposed to do? If I ran in there as a cat, I'd stink up the joint. If I ran in as myself, it would be worse, because I'd be bigger, hence, giving off more of the odor. I paced nervously in front of the steps, wanting the nasty scent gone. Now.

  Luck was with me. Vanzir was standing there, watching me. As I stared at him, eyes wide and praying he wouldn't start laughing, he slipped back through the door. A moment later, he reappeared, Iris and Bruce in tow. Iris glanced around, her nose wrinkling, and I let out a plaintive yowl.

  "Oh good heavens!" Iris shoved her flute of champagne into Bruce's hand and came racing down the stairs, a look of horror on her face. She stopped just out of reach. "You poor thing. Oh dear, how are we going to get you home?"

  Just then, Rozurial slipped outside. He looked at Vanzir, then Bruce, who was stil holding the champagne, and then down at Iris and me.

  "That's not who I think it is, is it?" He barely muffled his laughter, and I hissed at him. "Oh, yeah, babe. You have a little BO problem, know that?"

  "What should we do with her?" Bruce asked.

  Iris stared at me, cocking her head, and I could see the wheels turning. "Rozurial, you take her home through the Ionyc Sea. I'l head home with Bruce in the car, and we'l get her cleaned up. "

  She leaned down and shook her finger at me. It was tempting, but I had learned not to swat Iris while in cat form. She wasn't above scruffing me and holding me off the floor, even though she was barely four feet tal .

  "Listen to me, Delilah, and I know you can understand me, so you'd better do as I say. Don't you dare turn back into yourself until we take care of this. I guarantee it wil be far worse with al six foot one of you skunked, rather than just yourself as a little pussycat. Got it?"

  I stared at her and blinked. If I disobeyed her on this one, she'd have my hide. Slowly, I let out a complacent meow.

  "Good. Now, Rozurial, you take her home. And I don't want to hear any fuss about it-- just do it. Honey, wil you let Camil e know where we're going?" Iris motioned to Bruce, who hurried back inside.

  "I'l come with," Vanzir said to her. "I'm not al that comfortable in a tux. "

  "Good. I can use your help. "

  Roz picked me up, and I snuggled against the incubus, rubbing my chin on his chest. I had the feeling I wasn't going to like what Iris had in store for me, and I wanted comfort. Purring loudly, I gave him my best good-kitty look, and he snorted, rubbing my ears.

  "Eat it up, beauty. Eat it up. Come, you'l be safe enough, just don't try to jump out of my arms. " And in the blink of an eye, we leapt into the Ionyc Sea and crossed a world to travel fifteen miles.

  Roz set me down outside, warning me not to enter the house until Iris had tended to me. "I'l be back in a moment to keep an eye on you, though smel ing like you do, I doubt anybody's going to be a bother. "

  He vanished into the studio-cum-shed that he shared with Vanzir and my cousin Shamas. With Camil e's three men staying with us now, and Bruce shacking up with Iris part of the time, we had built ourselves quite the extended family.

  I tried to sniff out if there were any enemies near, but the scent of skunk infiltrated every pore. My eyes hurt, my nose hurt, my throat hurt, and I was queasy. It felt like the mother of al hairbal s was churning in my stomach. I hunched near the porch, trying to avoid being seen by any would-be heroes of the animal world.

  Roz came back after awhile, dressed in a pair of skintight jeans and a muscle shirt, and he sprawled on the ground near me, on his back, staring up at the stars, his long curly hair spreading on the ground beneath him.

  "Look at the sky, fuzzbal . " He ruffled my head. "Look at al the stars whirling around . . . I've walked among them, you know. " His voice dropped and took on a sinuous cadence. Even in cat form, I found it soothing and seductive.

  "I've danced through the aurora borealis, skated my way through the Ionyc Lands. When I was searching for Dredge, I fol owed any and every lead, wherever the wind blew me. I journeyed from the Northlands to the Southern Wastes, from Valhal a to the gates of Hel, looking for that motherfucker. I've seen so much beauty and terror in my life that you'd think nothing would faze me . . . but the stars . . . they're stil the ultimate treasure. Pristine, luminous, and always out of reach. "

  He rol ed over on his stomach and plucked a long blade of grass, tickling my bel y as I stretched out beside him. "I know you're worried about Chase.

  But, Delilah, you have to let go, if that's what he needs. The Nectar of Life plays havoc with humans when they aren't prepared. You saved his life, but he lost something he wasn't ready to lose. His mortality--in the human sense--is a huge part of what makes humans . . . wel . . . human. When you have such a short time to live, you make the most of it. Now, you need to stand back and let Sharah help him. She knows what to do. "

  I knew he was speaking the truth; I just didn't want to hear it. But he was right. Camil e and Menol y had been tel ing me that for days, but coming from them, it felt like sisterly meddling instead of advice. I let out a little yowl.

  "Yeah, I know you know, and I know you don't like it, but take my advice this time, okay? I understand what it means to have life ripped apart and drastical y changed. "

  And I knew that Roz did understand. He'd lost his family to Dredge, he'd lost his wife when Zeus and Hera decided to use them both as pawns. He'd been changed from Fae to incubus in the blink of an eye. Chase's life had been turned upside down in that same fraction of a second, though not as harshly as Roz's.

  A car pul ed into the driveway. Bruce and his driver. And Iris. They jumped out, and I saw they'd brought Vanzir home, too. Probably a good thing. He wasn't the most decorous guest, and I had a feeling he'd be happier here than hanging out til late at a party where most of the guests avoided him.

  Iris ran inside, and in less than ten minutes, she dashed down from the back porch, wearing a rubber apron over what I recognized as a dress she kept for the grungiest chores. She stood over me, hands on her hips.

  "Wel , I don't know how you got yourself in this fix, but let's take care of you. " She leaned over and scooped me up in her arms, her nose twitching. "You reek, girl. What did you say to that skunk?"

  I wanted to protest-- it hadn't been my fault; I hadn't done anything. But I knew that Iris would cal me on it. Truth was, I'd invaded the skunk's territory and threatened it by pouncing.

  Holding me against one hip, Iris carried me up the back steps and into the enclosed porch, where I saw something so horrible that I squirmed, desperately trying to get away: a bath ful of what looked like dark, thick water.

  Iris struggled, her thick rubber gloves losing their purchase on me. The minute her grip weakened, I bolted for the door to the kitchen, which was standing open.

  "Come back here! Delilah, get your fuzzy butt back here right now!"

  I gal oped toward the stairs, but before I could get there, Vanzir was standing in front of me, snickering. Faster than I could blink, he reached out and snagged me up.

  "Gotchya, puddy tat. "

  I squirmed, but he held fast and carried me at arm's length to the porch, where he unceremoniously dumped me in the water. Iris slammed the door so I couldn't get into the house again. Resigned, I huffed and patiently waited. I was already wet; I might as wel let her give me the bath. The scent of tomato juice cocktail broke through the smel filtering into my
nostrils, and I took a cautious lick of the water.

  Not bad, not bad.

  Iris began to scrub me with the juice, and I hated to admit it, but it felt good. I detested the smel of skunk--it was making me nauseated--and if Iris thought that a bath in V8 would help, then I'd let her bathe me. I even relented enough to let her scrub my tummy. She took off my col ar, and I suddenly felt naked. After al , that col ar contained my clothing. When I changed back, if it wasn't on me, my clothes wouldn't be either.

  After about ten minutes Iris motioned to Roz, and they moved to the side, leaving Vanzir to hold me in the tub.

  "Puddy tat like her bath? Puddy happy?" he crooned.

  Good for you I know you're just teasing, I thought. Or you'd be dead by now. Vanzir was our slave, and if we chose, he'd die. Enslaving him had been the only way to keep from kil ing him when he defected to us in the first place, and there was no undoing the deed. He was ours. Forever.

  I settled for chomping on his thumb. He raised his eyebrows, but that David Bowie-Ziggy Stardust platinum shag barely moved. I wondered how much gel he used to get it to stay in place.

  Iris and Roz came back, and she lifted me out of the bath and dipped me in a bucket of warm, clear water to rinse off the tomato juice.

  "Uh-oh," she said.

  That didn't sound good.

  "Oh Mama. " Roz let out a snort. "She's not going to like that at al . I wonder if . . . wil it translate over?"

  What? Will what translate over? What the hell was going on?

  "Delilah, honey, I think you better shift back now. Vanzir, would you fetch a towel? She's not going to want those clothes, I guarantee you that. What a pity--your beautiful gown. You'l have to replace it. "

  My gown! Oh no! I hadn't even thought about that, but Iris was right; the skunk had ruined my most elegant evening dress. My only evening dress.

  She sat me down, and I sniffed the air. Hey--what the hel ? I stil smel ed like skunk! Letting out a huff, I shook my head, and water flew everywhere. Iris jumped back.

  "I know you're not happy, but please--mind your manners. I would prefer to smel as little like skunk as possible. Now, here's the towel. Boys, be nice and quit teasing her. "

  She took the large beach towel from Vanzir, who was grinning ear to ear by now. Oh, he was going to get his. Iris held one end while Roz held the other.

  She stared pointedly at both of them until they averted their eyes. Normal y I wouldn't give a damn, but right now I was in a pissy mood, and the Talon-haltija knew it.

  I shifted back slowly, because I was in no mood for any nasty muscle spasms, and the slower I shifted, the easier it went. As I stood up, feeling rank, I wrapped the towel around me. Iris's gaze traveled up to my face.

  "Oh my stars," she whispered, her eyes wide. "I had no idea that was going to happen. "

  "What? What's going on? If somebody doesn't tel me soon, I'm turning back into a cat and going on a shredding binge. "

  "Hey, Red," Vanzir said, once again ruffling my hair. Only this time he had to reach up to do it.

  Red?

  "No. . . . no . . . you don't mean what I think you mean, do you?" I took off for the bathroom, the smel of skunk with a side of tomato fol owing me.

  As I flipped on the light and stared in the mirror, I let out a groan. My beautiful golden hair was now rife with bril iant highlights. I looked like Ronald McDonald, only tiger-striped. The tomato juice had dyed the lighter parts of my hair, and now I was a patchwork of pink, rust, and burnt orange. And none of it looked good.

  "Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck me. "

  Iris peeked around the corner. "I'm so sorry, Delilah. I had no idea tomato juice would do that. And it didn't take care of the smel , either. "

  "I reek, and my hair looks like a dye bomb went off in it!"

  I dropped to the edge of the tub. I loved my hair. It wasn't fancy, it wasn't anything super special, but it was mine. Now I looked like I was doing a bad Lil'

  Kim impersonation.

  "Wel , hop in the shower; maybe you can scrub some of the skunk scent off. Meanwhile, I'l see what I can find out. I've never had to deal with this before-

  -no one I've ever known got skunked. Not that I remember. " She headed out of the bathroom, muttering to herself.

  I grimaced, then looked at myself in the mirror again. I'd always loved the combination of my emerald eyes and golden hair, but now I looked like I'd gone punk. Bad. Very bad. Splotches of pink to orange dappled the gold, and even where it hadn't, my natural color had become brassy. And not only my hair up top had decided to turn calico, but everywhere on my body. Eyebrows, razor stubble on my legs, and . . . oh yah, I had a burning bush, al right. For the first time in my life, I foresaw begging Camil e to teach me how to go Brazilian.

  "Crap. One more thing to deal with. " But right now, I needed to focus on getting the stench off me.

  "Here we go," Iris said, coming back with a basin fil ed with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, a box of baking soda, and some dish soap. "Fil the bathtub. "

  Mutely, I did as she ordered, backing off as she poured a cup of the baking soda into the churning water. Then she added the quart of peroxide and about a quarter cup of dish soap. I stared at the briny bath and gingerly stepped in when she gave me a little shove.

  Far from a nice, fresh, minty bubble bath, which I'd wil ingly take, this felt more like she was scrubbing off the last seven years of skin. By the time we finished washing me and my hair, I was bright pink from the vigorous use of the loofah. As I rinsed off under the shower spray, I could stil smel the skunk, but at least it was muted. A little.

  "Oh, dear," she said, looking up at me.