Centaur Aisle

  Sleep was not comfortable on the water, but it was possible. Dor lay down and stared at the stars, wide awake; then the stars abruptly shifted position, and he realized he had slept; now he was wide awake. They shifted again. Then he was wide awake again--when Grundy woke him to take his turn at the helm. He had, it seemed, been dreaming he was wide awake. That was a frustrating mode; he would almost have preferred the nightmares.

  In the morning they were at the monstrous river delta--a series of bars, channels, and islands, through which the slow current coursed.

  Now Smash had to unship the two great oars he had made, face back, and row against the current. Still the boat moved alertly enough. Irene grew pastry plants and fed their pastry-flower fruits to the ogre so he would not suffer the attrition of hunger. Smash gulped them down entire without pausing in his efforts; Dor was almost jealous of the creature's sheer zest for food and effort.

  No, he realized upon reflection. He was jealous of the attention Irene was paying Smash. For all that he, Dor, did not want to be considered the property of any girl, especially not this one, he still became resentful when Irene's attention went elsewhere. This was unreasonable, he knew; Smash needed lots of food in order to continue the enormous effort he was making. This was the big thing the ogre was contributing to their mission--his abundant strength. Yet still it gnawed at Dor; he wished he had enormous muscles and endless endurance, and that Irene was popping whole pies and tarts into his mouth.

  Once, Dor remembered, he had been big--or at least had borrowed the body of a powerful barbarian--maybe an Avar or a Bulgar or a Khazar--and had discovered that strength did not solve all problems or bring a person automatic happiness. But at the moment, his selfish feelings didn't go along with the sensible thinking of his mind.

  "Sometimes I wish I were an ogre," Grundy muttered.

  Suddenly Dor felt better.

  All day they heaved up the river, leaving the largest channel for a smaller one, and leaving that for another and still smaller one. There were some fishermen, but they didn't look like A's, B's, or K's, and they took a look at the size and power of the ogre and left the boat alone. Arnolde had been correct; the ordinary Mundane times were pretty duff, without rampaging armies everywhere. In this respect Mundania was similar to Xanth.

  Well upstream, they drew upon the shore and camped for the night. Dor told the ground to yell an alarm if anything approached--anything substantially larger than ants--and they settled down under another umbrella tree Irene grew. It was just as well, for during the night it rained.

  On the third day they forged up a fast-flowing tributary stream, ascending the great Carpet range. Some places they had to portage; Smash merely picked up the entire boat, upright, balanced it on his corrugated head, steadied it with his gauntleted hamhands, and trudged up through the rapids.

  "If you don't have your full strength yet," Dor commented, "you must be close to it."

  "Ungh," Smash agreed, for once not having the leisure to rhyme.

  Ogres were the strongest creatures of Xanth, size for size--but some monsters were much larger, and others more intelligent, so ogres did not rule the jungle. Smash and his parents were the only ogres Dor had met, if he didn't count his adventure into Xanth's past, where he had known Egor the zombie ogre; they were not common creatures today. Perhaps that was just as well; if ogres were as common as dragons, who would stand against them?

  At last, on the afternoon of the third day, they came to the Kingdom of Onesti, or at least its main fortress, Castle Onesti. Dor marveled that King Trent and Queen Iris, traveling alone without magic, could have been able to get here in similar time. Maybe they underestimated the arduousness of the journey. Well, it would soon be known.

  Dor tried to question the stones and water of the river, but the water wasn't the same from moment to moment and so could not remember, and the stones claimed that no one had portaged up here in the past month. Obviously the King had taken another route, probably an easier one. Perhaps the King of Onesti had sent an escort, and they had ridden Mundane horses up a horse trail. Yes, that was probably it.

  They drew up just in sight of the imposing castle. Huge stones formed great walls, leading up to the front entrance. There was no moat; this was a mountain fastness. "Do we knock on the door, or what?" Irene asked nervously.

  "Your father told me honesty is the best policy," Dor said, masking his own uncertainty. "I assume that wasn't just a riddle to suggest where he went. We can approach openly. We can tell them we're from Xanth and are looking for King Trent. Maybe they have no connection to whatever happened--if anything happened. But let's not go out of our way to tell them about our magic. Just in case."

  "Just in case," she agreed tightly.

  They marched up to the front entrance. That seemed to be the only accessible part of the edifice anyway; the wall passed through a forest on the south to merge cleverly with the clifflike sides of the mountain to the west and north. They were at the east face, where the approach was merely steep. "No wonder no one has conquered this little Kingdom," Irene murmured.

  "I agree," Arnolde said. "No siege machinery could get close, and a catapult would have to operate from the valley below. Perhaps it could be taken, but it hardly seems worth the likely cost."

  Dor knocked. They waited. He knocked again. Still no response.

  Then Smash tapped the door with one finger, making it shudder.

  Now a window creaked open in the middle of the door. A face showed behind bars. "Who are you?" the guard demanded.

  "I am Dor of Xanth. I have come to see King Trent of Xanth, who, I believe, is here."

  "Who?"

  "King Trent, imbecile!" one of the bars snapped.

  The guard's head jerked back, startled. "What?"

  "You got a potato in your ear?" the bar demanded.

  "Stop it," Dor mumbled at the bars. The last thing he wanted was the premature exposure of his talent! Then, quickly, louder: "We wish to see King Trent."

  "Wait," the guard said. The window slammed closed.

  But Smash, tired from his two days' labors, was irritable. "No wait, ingrate!" he growled, and before Dor knew what was happening, the ogre smashed one sledgehammer fist into the door. The heavy wood splintered. He punched right through, then caught the far side of the door with his thick gauntleted fingers and hauled violently back. The entire door ripped free of its bolts and hinges. He put his other hand on the little barred window and hefted the door up and over his head, while the other people ducked hastily.

  "Now see what you've done, you moronic brute," Arnolde said.

  But somehow the centaur did not seem completely displeased. He, too, was tired and irritable from the journey, and the welcome at Castle Onesti had not been polite.

  The guard stood inside, staring, as the ogre hurled the great door down the mountainside. "Take us to your leader," Dor said calmly, as if this were routine. All he could do, after all, was make the best of the situation, and poise counted for a lot. "We don't want my friend to get impatient."

  The guard turned about somewhat dazedly and led the way to the interior of the castle. Other guards came charging up, attracted by the commotion, swords drawn. Smash glared at them and they hastily faded back, swords sheathed.

  Soon they came to the main banquet hall, where the King of Onesti held sway. The King sat at the head of an immense wooden table piled with puddings. He stood angrily as Dor approached, his huge belly bulging out over the table. "H edlzme sn jmny sgd ldzmhmf timesghr hmsqtrhnm--?" he demanded, his fat face reddening impressively.

  Then Arnolde's magic aisle caught up, and the King became intelligible. "...before I have you all thrown in the dungeon!"

  "Hello," Dor said. "I am Dor, temporary King of Xanth while King Trent is away." Of course, the Zombie Master was temporary-temporary King now, while Dor himself was away, but that was too complicated to explain at the moment. "He came here on a trading mission, I believe, less than a month ago, and has not returned. So
I have come to look for him. What's the story?"

  The King scowled. Suddenly Dor knew this approach had been all wrong, that King Trent had not come here, that the people of Onesti knew nothing about him. This was all a mistake.

  "I am King Oary of Onesti," the King said from out of his glower, "and I never saw this King Trench of yours. Get out of my Kingdom."

  Despair struck Dor--but behind him Arnolde murmured: "That person is prevaricating, I believe."

  "On top of that, he's lying," Irene muttered.

  "Glib fib," Smash said. He set one hamhand down on the banquet table gently. The, bowls of pudding jumped and quivered nervously.

  King Oary considered the ogre. His ruddy face paled. His righteous anger dissolved into something like crafty cunning. "However, I may have news of him," he said with less bellicosity. "Join my feast, and I will query my minions."

  Dor didn't like this. King Oary did not impress him favorably, and he did not feel like eating with the man. But the puddings looked good, and he did want Oary's cooperation. He nodded reluctant assent.

  The servants hurried up with more chairs for Dor, Irene, and Smash. Grundy, too small for a chair, perched instead on the edge of the table. Arnolde merely stood. More puddings were brought in, together with flagons of beverage, and they all pitched in.

  The pudding was thick, with fruit embedded, and surprisingly tasty. Dor soon found himself thirsty, for the pudding was highly spiced, so he drank--and found the beverage a cross between sweet beer and sharp wine from indifferent beerbarrel and winekeg trees.

  He hadn't realized that such trees grew in Mundania; certainly they did not grow as well. But the stuff was heady and good once he got used to it.

  The others were eating as happily. They had all developed quite an appetite in the course of their trek up the mountain river, and had not paused to grow a meal of their own before approaching the castle. Smash, especially, tossed down puddings and flagons of drink with an abandon that set the castle servants gaping.

  But the drink was stronger than what they were accustomed to.

  Dor soon found his awareness spinning pleasantly. Grundy began a little dance on the table, a routine he had picked up from a Mundane immigrant to Xanth. He called it the Drunken Sailor's Hornpipe, and it did indeed look drunken. King Oary liked it, applauding with his fat hands.

  Arnolde and Irene ate more diffidently, but the centaur's mass required plenty of sustenance, and he was making good progress.

  Irene, it seemed, loved puddings, so she could not hold back long.

  "Zrne vgn lhfgs wt ad, ezhq czlrdk?" King Oary asked Irene pleasantly.

  Ooops--they were seated along the table, with the King at the end.

  The King was beyond the aisle of magic. But Arnolde grasped the problem quickly, and angled his body so that he now faced the King. That would extend the magic far enough.

  Irene, too, caught on. "Were you addressing me, Your Majesty?" she asked demurely. Dor had to admit she was very good at puffing on maidenly ways.

  "Of course. What other fair damsels are in this hall?"

  She colored slightly, looking about as if to spy other girls. She was getting more practiced at this sort of dissemblance. "'Thank you so much, Your Majesty."

  "What is your lineage?"

  "Oh, I'm King Trent's daughter."

  The King nodded sagely. "I'm sure you are prettier than your mother."

  Did that mean something? Dor continued eating, listening, hoping Irene could get some useful information from the obese monarch.

  There was something odd here, but Dor did not know how to act until he had more definite information.

  "Have you any news of my parents?" Irene inquired, having the wit and art to smile fetchingly at the King. Yet again Dor had to suppress his unreasoning jealousy. "I'm so worried about them." And she pouted cutely. Dor hadn't seen her use that expression before; it must be a new one.

  "My henchmen are spying out information now," the King reassured her. "Soon we should have what news there is."

  Arnolde glanced at Dor, a fleeting frown on his face. He still did not trust Oary.

  "Tell me about Onesti," Irene said brightly. "It seems like such a nice little Kingdom."

  "Oh, it is, it is," the King agreed, his eyes focusing on what showed of her legs. "Two fine castles and several villages, and some very pretty mountains. For centuries we have fought off the savages; two thousand years ago, this was the heartland of the battle-axe people, the Cimmerians. Then the Scyths came on their horses, driving the footbound Cimmerians south. Horses had not been seen in this country before; they seemed like monsters from some fantasy land."

  The King paused to chew up another pudding. Monsters from a fantasy land--could that refer to Xanth? Dor wondered. Maybe some nightmares found a way out, and turned Mundane, and that was the origin of day horses. It was an intriguing speculation.

  "But here at the mountains," the King resumed, wiping pudding crust from his whiskers, "the old empire held. Many hundreds of years later the Sarmatians drove out the Scyths, but did not penetrate this fastness." He belched contentedly. "Then came the Goths--but we held the border, then from the south came the horrible Romans, and from the east the Huns

  "Ah, the Huns," Irene agreed, as If she knew something about them.

  "But still Onesti survived, here in the mountains, unconquered though beset by barbarians," the King concluded. "Of course we had to pay tribute sometimes, a necessary evil. Yet our trade is inhibited. If we interact too freely with the barbarians, there will surely be mischief. Yet we must have trade If we are to survive."

  "My father came to trade," Irene said.

  "Perhaps he got sidetracked by the dread Khazars, or their Magyar minions," King Oary suggested. "I have had some dealings with those; they are savage, cunning brutes, always alert for spoils. I happen to speak their language, so I know."

  Dor decided he would have to do some searching on his own, questioning the objects in this vicinity. But not right now, while the King was watching. He was sure the King was hiding something.

  "Have you been King of Onesti for a long time?" Irene inquired innocently.

  "Not long," Oary admitted. "My nephew Omen was to be King, but he was underage, so I became regent when my brother died.

  Then Omen went out hunting--and did not return. We fear he strayed too far and was ambushed by the Khazars or Magyars. So I am King, until we can declare Omen officially dead. There is no hope of his survival, of course, but the old council moves very slowly on such matters."

  So King Oary was in fact regent during the true King's absence, much as Dor was, in Xanth. But this King was eager to retain the throne. Had there been foul play by other than the Khazars?

  Dor found his head on the table, contesting for space with a pudding. He must have gotten quite sleepy? "What's going on?" he mumbled.

  "You've been dragged, you fool, that's what," the table whispered in his ear. "There's more in that rotgut than booze, I'll tell you!"

  Dor reacted with shock, but somehow his head could not move.

  "Drugged? Why?"

  "'Cause the Imposter King doesn't like you, that's why," the table said. "He always drugs his enemies. That's how he got rid of King Omen, and then that fake Magician King."

  Magician King! It was funny, whispering with his head on the table, but fairly private. Dor's nose was almost under the pudding.

  "Was that King Trent?"

  "That's what he called himself. But he couldn't do magic. He drank the drink, all-trusting the way they all are, the fools, and went to sleep just like you. You're all such suckers."

  "Smash! Grundy!" Dor cried as loudly as he could, his head still glued to the table. "We've been betrayed! Drugged! Break out of here!"

  But now many guards charged into the hall. "Remove this carrion," King Oary commanded. "Throw them in the dungeon. Don't damage the girl; she's too pretty to waste. Put the freak horse in the stable."

  Smash, who had gulped
huge quantities of the drugged drink, nevertheless had strength to rouse himself and fight. Dor heard the noise, but was facing the wrong way. Guards charged, and screamed, and retreated. "Give it to them, ogre!" Grundy cried, dancing on the table. "Tear them up!"

  But then the violence abated. "Hey, don't slow down now!"

  Grundy called. "What's the matter with you?"

  Dor knew what had happened. Smash had wandered outside the magic aisle, and lost his supernatural strength. Now the flagons of drugged drink took their toll, as they would on any normal creature.

  "Me sleep a peep," Smash said, the last of his magic expended in the rhyme.

  Dor knew this fight was lost. "Get out of here, Grundy," he said with a special effort. "Before you sleep, too. Don't let them catch you." Then unconsciousness overcame Dor.

  Dor woke with a headache. He was lying on sour-smelling hay in a dark cell. As he moved, something skittered away. He suspected it was a rat; he understood they abounded in Mundania. Maybe that was a blessing; the magic creatures of the night could be horrible in Xanth.

  There was the sound of muted sobbing. Dor held his breath a moment to make certain it wasn't himself.

  He sat up, peering through the gloom to find some vestige of light.

  There was a little, which grew brighter as his eyes acclimatized; it seemed to be a candle in the distance. But there was a wall in the way; the light filtered through the cracks.

  He oriented on the sobbing. It was from an adjacent chamber, separated from his own by massive stone pilings and huge wood timbers.

  This must be the lower region of the castle, these cells hollowed out from around the foundations. There were gaps between the supports, big enough for him to pass his arm through but not his body.

  "Irene?" he asked.

  "Oh, Dor!" she answered immediately, tearfully. "I thought I was alone! What has become of us?"

  "We were drugged and thrown in the dungeon," he said. "King Oary must have done the same to your parents, before." He couldn't quite remember where he had gotten that notion, or how he himself had been drugged; his memory was foggy on recent details.