Watched

My frizzy hair stuck out all over the place. Blasted rain! Why hadn’t Rick told me I looked like a freak? How could anyone like me with hair like this? A pony tail would have to do. It wasn’t the hairstyle I was sure people wore to clubs, but I had no time. I tried to make it look more stylish, like Kira and Summer always managed to do, leaving strands of hair framing my face.

  My clothes were the bigger problem. I couldn’t wear long pants and a button-up shirt to the club. In fact, nothing hanging in my closet here would be good to wear to the club. Thanks to TV, I imagined people in clubs wearing skirts for some reason. I thought of waking Marybeth, but I really didn’t have time for that, and I’m not sure she would want to help me at the moment, and she could try and talk me out of going to the club. I really didn’t want that. A cute skirt and top that Marybeth had worn flashed across my brain. Should I borrow it? I opened the bathroom door slightly, to let in a little bit of light. I looked over at Marybeth, her breathing even. Would she care? She’d loaned me so many things over the last week. Surely, she wouldn’t mind. She had so many clothes, she probably wouldn’t even notice. But, should I?

  A faint voice in my head said, “No.”

  I could clean it and return it before she even knew.

  “Wake her up and ask her,” the voice in my head said.

  She’s sound asleep. I could just tell her in the morning. I took one last look at her and decided she wouldn’t care if I raided her closet even though my stomach was on fire. Deep down, I knew it was wrong. But I did it anyway.

  With the little bit of light coming from the bathroom, I could barely make out what was in Marybeth’s closet. I used my hands to feel for the skirt and shirt she’d worn.

  I grabbed two pieces that I thought were them and crept back to the bathroom. What luck! I had grabbed the right skirt, wrong shirt, but I thought it may have actually been a better choice anyway, and I put them on as fast as possible. They fit without any tugging or pulling.

  Was I as skinny as Marybeth? No way. I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face.

  I looked at Marybeth’s open closet door and felt a pang of guilt. I glanced down at Marybeth’s clothes on my body and took a deep breath.

  She wouldn’t want me to wake her. It’ll be okay. She would want me to look good for this, I convinced myself.

  I had left the bathroom light on and hurried to turn it off, then reached into Marybeth’s open closet and took out a pair of shoes. One more thing wouldn’t matter. They’d be back before she even woke up. My face felt hot. I carefully closed the closet door while looking in Marybeth’s general direction, and with great care, opened the door to the hallway and stepped out.

  I slid the shoes on as I tried to run the short distance to the elevator. I don’t do heels. I stumbled the entire way, hoping I wouldn’t break an ankle on my lucky day. I tapped my foot impatiently during my descent to the lobby. I was late.

  Please let Alex be there still. I tried to look natural leaving the building and felt that by the time I hit the doors, I was walking considerably better, and had found my balance in the heels for the most part. Alex stood at the bottom of the steps, more hot than ever. His eyes sparkled when he saw me, (or I imagined they did) and he walked up a few steps to meet me. I was all fluttery inside, and my mind went blank, so I simply smiled.

  “Christy, you made it,” he said, as he grabbed my hand. Shock waves spread up my arm from his touch. The warning I’d been feeling, silenced.

  Was this really happening? I had to ask myself over and over. Then a terrible thought crossed my mind. Was this a set up? Were they going to take me somewhere and make a fool out of me, like kids at home had done? I pushed the thought out of my mind, remembering the sparkle in his eye and seeing the cab waiting for me.

  The back door was open, and Alex held it. I heard that voice in my head saying, “Danger, danger.”

  “Sorry I’m late,” I said, trying to look sincere while blocking out the voice in my head.

  “No worries, Christy,” he said, leading me to the door. I climbed in, only to find I sat next to Summer. She gave me a crusty look and said, “Ugh!” turning to face Josh, who sat on the other side of her. She immediately started whispering to Josh, who leaned just enough to the side to have one of his eyes peer over at me. Definitely not a set up. She would have been delighted to see me if it had been.

  To my relief, Alex opened the front door and climbed in next to the driver. He turned and winked at me. I smiled, sighing quietly.

  We drove to the club in Georgetown and a long line snaked its way to the door. I wondered how long we would wait, only to have them deny me entrance. I was only fifteen, after all. I stared at my shoes. What if they didn’t let me in? What if I was the only one they didn’t let in? I felt all shaky inside.

  We didn’t stop at the end of the long line, though; we went straight up to the steps that led to the door. A guy with spiky, sandy blonde hair and super tan skin, who was part of another mini-group at our hotel, talked to a very large man with short-cropped brown hair and a stern face, who blocked the door. Josh walked right up to the guy with spiky hair and spoke with him for a minute, giving a him a cool-looking handshake and then glancing at me. He waved us in. The large man stepped to the side, completely ignoring us, scowling over the ever-expanding line before him. Relief spilled over me. They didn’t stop me. They didn’t even look at me.

  Inside, the guy with the blonde hair said, “You guys are late. It’s about time.” Josh punched Alex as the guy waved to the cashier, who signaled for us to go through a second set of doors. The moment the second set of doors opened, deafening music crashed into my ears. I resisted the urge to cover them. What was I doing here?

  I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was like walking onto a TV set. The large room felt a bit cramped packed with all sorts of crazy looking people. Don’t get me wrong, they were the beautiful people, only they were contorting their bodies in such random ways, they looked almost fake as the multi-colored lights passed over them—like an animated dance video. Most girls were super-skinny with short, short skirts or dresses that had necklines that plunged to their waists in either the front or the back. I could see more skin on a lot of them than clothes. I felt way overdressed.

  The guys, in contrast, were mostly dressed, with jeans and tight T-shirts. The dance floor itself was semi-dark with bursts of light from several spotlights moving about. Instead of going down the few steps needed to get the dance floor, we turned left and climbed some stairs. At the top, round tables surrounded by chairs and even a few couches filled the space. Our tour friend led us to a table with a reserved sign sitting in the middle of it. He smiled at us and then moved on to the next table, joining five others that I recognized from our question and answer sessions with Mrs. J.

  Alex offered me a chair. The one couple already sitting at our table, hit knuckles with Alex, while Josh leaned over to the guy and punched his arm in a playful gesture. I guess they came from the tour too, I just couldn’t remember them.

  Alex leaned into me, putting his lips next to my ear and said, “Isn’t this great!” My heart skipped a beat.

  I nodded, trying to convince myself that it was. I had really gotten myself into a jam. What was I thinking when I said yes to going to a club? I never thought I would ever go to a club my whole life and here I was.

  Alex started talking and my worries vanished. I couldn’t help but notice how good he smelled. I breathed in to capture as much as I could. His cheek, resting on mine, sent tingles throughout my body.

  “The owner of this club is Zach’s Uncle,” he said. “Zach’s the guy who met us at the door with the spiky hair. We’re pretty lucky to be here. Encha is playing here tonight, so they’ll have a packed house.”

  I wondered who Encha was.

  “Cool,” I said. I felt like I had to scream for him to hear me. Then I felt him take my hand. At the feel of his touch, I had to take a quick breath in.

  A waitress bent over to ta
lk to Josh and Summer, and write their orders on a small piece of paper. She came over to Alex, they talked, and then she scribbled something down and walked away. I felt hot and needed something to drink. Summer leaned over to Alex, and they talked and laughed for a few minutes. He held my hand tight as he leaned into her.

  The next thing I knew, the waitress set everyone’s drinks on the table. She placed a skinny glass filled with a red liquid in front of me, and Alex had what looked like a beer, amber colored liquid with foam on top. It must have been fake beer or something, I told myself. What was the red stuff in my glass? It couldn’t be alcohol, could it? No way. We’re minors. Sure, I could see them letting us in to the club, but to serve us alcohol would be going too far. Wouldn’t it? I stared at my drink, not daring to ask what it was.

  Summer’s glass was the same as mine, skinny, with red liquid. She lifted her glass toward the middle of the table, and Josh and Alex brought theirs up to meet hers. Alex motioned for me to do the same. My heart raced. What should I do? I picked up the glass, trying not to visibly shake, and softly tapped my glass against theirs. My insides burned.

  They all took a sip from their drinks. I had never drunk before, and stared at the red liquid, still wondering if it was alcohol. The voice in my head warned me not to drink. I shouldn’t have come. How could I get out of this? The others looked at me, as if they were watching to see if I would drink it. Alex even nodded at me.

  Here’s the thing: I’d promised myself that I would never drink. No one in my family drank alcohol, and it scared me. I didn’t want to lose control of myself or become an alcoholic; but they were watching me. How could I not? I also knew that if I drank, my choices after that would be limited forever, just like the kiss that I could never take back. I would never be able to say that I didn’t drink. I would be a drinker forever. A fever seemed to grip me.

  In a last second decision, I pulled the glass to my lips, but instead of drinking, I pursed my lips against the glass and pretended to drink, tipping the glass up and pretending to swallow. I put the glass on the table, and they all smiled and took another drink. I mimicked them, except I didn’t really drink any of it. It smelled sickly sweet, yet somehow fermented. Yuck! My lips were sticky and I didn’t want to lick them, but after a few minutes, I had to. They tasted sweet. Great. I’d tasted alcohol. I wished I had some water. I never should have come here, but I couldn’t leave now, Summer would have a heyday with that.

  Everyone at our two tables stood, in unison it seemed, and headed for the stairs. I stood as quickly as I could, trying not to look out of place. Alex stood behind me with his hands on my waist, pushing me gently forward. It tickled and made all my nerves hyper-active.

  The dance floor was more than crowded, it was packed now. Alex crammed us in the middle of a bunch of people we didn’t know, and we could barely move. So much for worrying about how I danced. I was being pushed and bumped on every side, and I wondered why people thought this was fun. Alex wrapped his arms around me and grinned. He loved this. I felt his whole body against mine, and I blushed. Our heads leaned together, and we just sort of swayed, like dancing to a slow dance, without the slow music. I now knew why people liked this. It felt amazing to have him so close to me.

  Sweat dripped down my back, which intensified the fact that my mouth was incredibly dry. We danced, or rather moved to a few more songs and then I couldn’t take it any longer, my tongue even felt dry. I didn’t want to go back to the table and the alcohol, and I certainly didn’t want to ask him to buy me water. I felt trapped. Then I thought of a way around it—the bathroom. I told him I needed to go the bathroom, and he responded by grabbing my hand and leading me off the dance floor.

  Uber-cool. He took me there, like a perfect gentleman. He opened doors, ordered for me, and watched out for me. I couldn’t have asked for more. I entered a stall and made myself go. I looked around, while washing my hands, to see if anyone from our group was in there. No one was. I cupped my hands, catching water in them and drank until I couldn’t drink anymore. I patted my face dry with a towel and hurried out, feeling much better.

  Alex stood, in all his glory, looking at the dance floor, and I decided to be bold and walked straight up to him and took his hand in mine, giving him a big smile when he looked at me. He smiled back, and my heart raced faster. He pulled me back onto the floor and put his hands on my waist, holding me close. After a few minutes in that spot, he grabbed my hand and threaded me through the crowd in the direction of the stage. I had to really hold tight not to lose him.

  We joined the kids from the tour-group right in front of the small stage, and I felt the excitement in the room suddenly skyrocket, with more yelling, jumping, pushing and even more crowding, if that was possible. At the end of the song, the disc jockey screamed into the mic, “Show ‘em how much you want ‘em here. Everybody, heeeere’s Encha.”

  The crowd went wild, with everyone screaming and jumping. The stage lit up with a mini-firework show including lots of smoke, and then Encha ran on singing some song I’d never heard before. The cacophony was mind-numbing. I wondered if I would be able to hear tomorrow. Alex looked down at me, puzzled, and I realized I wasn’t moving. The dizzying noise had frozen me. I smiled and put my hands into the air and started screaming, too. I couldn’t believe I was able to get rid of all the tension and fear that wound up inside me from being at the club. How I could reconcile this in the morning with what I believe, I couldn’t imagine. It must have been what he wanted me to do, because a grin slid across his face, and he turned and started screaming, too. Playing along turned out to be a lot of fun. The excitement was contagious and the movement insane.

  After a while, I felt my voice crack and my throat dry out and become ragged. I swallowed hard and then just opened my mouth, pretending to scream. No one would notice the difference, anyway.

  After being poked, prodded and manhandled by people behind us for a good ten minutes, Alex pulled me in front of him. A wall, protecting me.

  How could I be so lucky?

  After forty-five minutes of total bedlam, over-heated and more thirsty than I could ever remember being, Alex pulled me through the crowd in record speed. I thought the stairs must’ve become longer, because I was huffing by the time we reached the top. Before we even sat down, Alex tapped the waitress on the arm and told her something. I hoped he had ordered water.

  We’d barely sat down, before she set another one of the slender, red drinks in front of me and a foamy amber one in front of Alex. Then, to my relief, she put two empty glasses and a large bottle in front of us. I saw the word water on the front.

  Could it be? I was saved.

  While Alex talked to the waitress some more, I took my glass, making sure no one was watching, and poured some of the red liquid into a plant that stood behind us and put the cup back on the table. Almost half was gone. Alex turned and went straight for the water, opening it and pouring it into our glasses. I noticed that it looked carbonated, and I tried to see if my mind had played tricks on me, making me see the word water, when it was really champagne or something. He handed me my glass, just as I saw the word water on the bottle again. So I drank, thirstily. He watched me, smiling, until I pulled it away and made a sour face.

  That wasn’t water! I grimaced at the bottle. I had failed, I had drunk alcohol.

  Alex leaned in, pulling the bottle toward me to read. “It’s mineral water, Christy. Haven’t you ever had mineral water before?”

  I didn’t want to look stupid, but I couldn’t help it. I took the bottle from his hands and read the ingredients, mineral water. I let a deep burst of air out of my mouth in relief that I hadn’t had alcohol after all.

  I pulled my eyebrows together, and Alex laughed. I pulled him to me, “That’s the worst water I’ve ever drunk,” I said.

  He laughed again, leaning his head back and laughing at the ceiling. Then, he pulled me to him and said, “You’ll get used to it. It’s really healthy.”

  I stared a
t my glass of water, carbonated nasty water, and had to drink it. I held my nose internally shut as I drank, preventing the bitter liquid from reaching my taste buds. It was my only option, and it was refreshing. Alex filled my glass again, and I drank another whole glass. He did too. He filled my glass again, and I noticed that he gave me the last of the water, so I decided I better drink it slowly.

  Alex drank his beer and as everyone trickled back to the tables and ordered more to drink, they began mingling and talking. No one stayed in any one particular spot, except for me and Alex. Constantly bombarded with people coming over to him and chatting, Alex rested his hand on my leg, and it felt like it burned where he touched it. I couldn’t do anything but smile. Happiness consumed me.

  I didn’t know if the music had been turned down after the band left, or if I’d just gotten used to the blaring noise, but I could hear people talking and laughing now, where I couldn’t before. I thought about how lucky I was to be there with Alex. Any girl would’ve died to be with him at this club, and he had chosen me. That dizzying idea made my body buzz with excitement.

  Alex turned his chair to face me and then pushed my chair around so that I faced him. His legs cradled mine and he gently brought my hands in his, moving his face toward mine. My heart pounded hard, and I felt weak. Not here. Don’t kiss me here. Instead, his cheek pressed against mine and nothing more. Surprisingly, I felt a strange mix of relief and sadness. We stayed like that for several minutes, my heart racing out of my chest.

  I’d finished all my water and had to go the bathroom. I didn’t want the moment to end, but I couldn’t wait any longer and pointing to my empty glass, said, “I’ve got to go to the bathroom.”

  He nodded and stood up with me, twirling me around as I stood. So cute! We walked side by side, holding hands. Everything was good; Alex McGinnis was holding my hand.

  The dance floor seemed empty compared to before, but a lot of people still danced out there. Moving about was a ton easier. When I came out of the bathroom, Alex waited right there, his mischievous smile taunting me. He held his hand out, and I took it, saying, “What?”

  “You’ll see,” he said, pulling me down a hall past the bathroom. It was lined with doors on one side that had signs reading, no admittance. My heart pounded. He stopped and took my other hand in his, pushing my back against the wall. A dropping feeling filled me. He moved in close to me and pulled my hands and arms above my head. My heart stuttered as I watched his face come closer and closer.

  Wait. This wasn’t how I’d imagined it. He pushed me hard into the wall and it kind of hurt. His hot breath smelled bitter. I stiffened as his lips pressed hard against mine. This wasn’t really happening was it?

  My first instinct was to pull away, but he was kissing me. His fingers moved over mine, and his kiss softened. He coaxed my hands back down to my sides and grabbed my waist, pulling me in closer to him. Despite his breath, I couldn’t believe how good he still smelled after all that dancing. I just wished he tasted good.

  I felt his lips trace my jaw bone, all the way to my ear. It sent shivers up my spine, causing all the hairs on my arms to stand up.

  His hot breath hit my ear as he said, “Now you can’t say you’ve never been kissed.”

  My forehead crinkled. Had I heard him right? His touch felt tenuous-empty. What did he mean by that?

  His lips found their way back to mine, soft and giving, but I didn’t want them on mine any longer. Before I could turn my head away, he turned his, letting go of my waist and grabbing my hand. He led me back to our table.

  I felt numb. Taking a steadying breath, I looked at him while he talked to a few guys at the other table. I had to find out what he meant exactly. Did he just kiss me to rid me of my virgin lips? Was I some kind of conquest? My teeth ground together, and I sat back and crossed my arms. I felt used somehow, and I didn’t like it at all. I wished I’d pushed him away.

  “Time to go,” Zack announced.

  Everyone grumbled but headed for the stairs.

  My stomach felt heavy, like a rock sat in it, preventing me from moving. Alex grabbed me from behind, turning me and pulling me up into his arms, his face only inches from mine. He smiled. I turned away, my head swimming. He tugged me forward.

  The fresh air outside seemed to clear my head a bit, I just needed more of it. I leaned against the outside wall of the building and bent over, taking my ankles in my hands and breathing deeply. Questions nagged at me. Questions that would probably never be answered, because I was too chicken to ask them. Why had I come? I should have listened to that voice in my head. Nothing good came from tonight. He only asked me here so he could be the conqueror.

  I looked the opposite way of the club, still upside-down and saw a dark-skinned man quickly look away when I looked at him. I felt my heart skip a beat. I pulled up slowly, looking across the street and all around to see if I could spot an FBI agent. Another dark haired Arab-looking guy was across the street. I thought he looked at me, but from that distance, I couldn’t be sure. Something crawled down my spine, and I shivered.

  Alex, beside me, asked, “You cold?” as if he had seen me shiver. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my arms with his hands.

  “A bit,” I answered. Oddly enough, his warm hands seemed to chill me even more.

  He held me until our taxi came. The seating arrangement stayed the same, and I was glad. I didn’t want to be next to Alex right then.

  Summer said, “You’ve seen the other side now. Don’t expect it to last.”

  Ignoring her was getting easier, but not knowing what Alex’s real intentions were ate at me, and yet a part of me didn’t want to give Alex up.

  I had to look out the windows to get another look at the two guys I thought watched me. They weren’t there. I craned my head all around the areas they had been in and finally saw one jumping into a car. “Hmm,” I mused, “I wonder if they really are following us.”

  Then it hit me. Had the FBI even known that I wasn’t in my hotel room asleep? Were they there at the club somewhere, and I couldn’t see them? Or had we been on our own? We went through the intersection and heard a loud crash. We all looked out the back window. There had been a huge crash right behind us. Our cab driver kept driving as if nothing had happened. I saw shadowy, dark figures jump out, yelling, pointing at our cab. I looked back again, but we were too far away to see anything anymore. Dread spread throughout my whole body. I had an icy feeling the FBI had been at the club and had just saved us.

  When we got to the hotel, we snuck up the back stairs, instead of using the elevator, in hopes that we would lessen the chance of running into any adults from our group. Before going in, I kept looking down the stairs to see if we were being followed. I would tell Rick about the crash tomorrow. I didn’t want to tell Alex anything after that kiss.

  Josh and Summer went giggling into his room together. I wondered why they did so much in secret. You could tell they were close friends when you were with them, but they never held hands or acted like boyfriend/girlfriend during the day. But, in the dark or in secret, they let it all loose.

  Alex stopped at his room, slid in his key, opened his door and started to pull me in. I planted my feet and leaned back. My icy feeling was replaced with a deep heat.

  He looked back at me with a puzzled look on his face. “What’s up? Aren’t you gonna come in?”

  “No,” I said. “I’m so tired and Mrs. J. has me doing some crazy thing with a senior staffer tomorrow.”

  “You can sleep here.” His smile was soft.

  I looked at my feet.

  “It’s no big deal, Christy, come on in.”

  “No,” I said, jerking my hand out of his and walking toward my room. While I was fishing for my key card, he touched my shoulders.

  I kept my back to him and cursed at myself for not being able to find my key card fast enough. My face burned with anger.

  “Christy, what gives?” He moved around to face me. “Why are you running
from me? I thought we had a great time.” His fingers brushed my cheeks and tingles lingered where he had touched it. Why did I have to respond like that? I wanted to be mad.

  This felt like bad déjà vu. Hadn’t I just heard the same words coming from Rick?

  “Alex, I did have a great time, I just want to go to bed, that’s all. Forget about it.”

  “Look, nothing has to happen in my room. We can just sleep. I want to get to know you better, and I thought it would be nice to spend more time together.”

  I had had enough. While it was tempting, the better part of me pulled away from him, my heart thudding so loudly, I was sure he could hear it. “Why did you kiss me at the club?” I spat, my voice harsh, but low. I glared up at him.

  “Whye asked. His eyes scanned my face. My glare softened. I couldn’t look into his liquid eyes without losing a bit of clarity of thought. “Because I think you’re great. Because I liked kissing you. . .Because I wanted to.” He touched my hand, and I felt that his was trembling. It caught me off guard.

  All I could do was stare. He stared back. I listened for the voice to tell me if he was a good guy or a bad one, but the voice was silent. Maybe ignoring the voice, made it ignore me back. I was alone.

  “Did you kiss me only because I had never kissed anyone?” I squeaked, hardly believing I had the guts to say it. Like he would tell me the truth anyway.

  “Oh, that’s what this is all about—what I said to you after I kissed you?”

  I just stared, sure he could feel my heart beating at the sound waves between us.

  “That’s not why I kissed you. I like you, Christy. You’re different from the girls I know. I wanted to spend time with you to see if we clicked. I thought we did, so I kissed you. Being your first kiss was only a bonus.”

  Should I clue him in that someone beat him to the punch? I finally looked up at him, his eyes gloriously intense. I couldn’t remember how to breathe at that moment. Could I believe him? His eyes said yes and my body wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, but I didn’t move to him. I stayed back, still unsure, but wanting to believe.

  He reached out for my other hand, and now, I was trembling.

  “Come on,” he said, leaning his head in the direction of his room.

  “No,” I answered. “I can’t. Thanks for tonight. It was a lot of fun.” I managed to smile at him, even if it was half a smile. I pulled one of my hands out of his, unable to look away. Where my resolve came from, I’ll never know. Maybe it was as simple as having made up my mind a long time ago what was most important to me—that I wouldn’t put myself in a position to compromise my core beliefs.

  “Please, Christy. I’ve never been around anyone like you. I don’t want to blow it.” His fingers slid into my hair and gently pulled me closer, I could smell mint on his breath. “I’m sorry,” he said, and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry.” He continued and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry, he said, and kissed the tip of my nose. “I’m sorry,” he said, and I closed my eyes, letting his lips press against mine. This was how I’d imagined it.

  Still, I would not join him.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN