The Grass Harp

  "And that's what they think is shameful?" said Dolly, more piqued than indignant. "Because you've helped keep company a lonely little child in Alaska? It snows there so much."

  Judge Cool closed his hand over the nugget. "Not that they've mentioned it to me. But I've heard them talking at night, my sons and their wives: wanting to know what to do about me. Of course they'd spied out the letters. I don't believe in locking drawers-seems strange a man can't live without keys in what was at least once his own house. They think it all a sign of..." He tapped his head.

  "I had a letter once. Collin, sugar, pour me a taste," said Catherine, indicating the wine. "Sure enough, I had a letter once, still got it somewhere, kept it twenty years wondering who was wrote it Said Hello Catherine, come on to Miami and marry with me, love Bill."

  "Catherine. A man asked you to marry him-and you never told one word of it to me?"

  Catherine lifted a shoulder. "Well, Dollyheart, what was (he Judge saying? You don't tell anybody everything. Besides, I've known a peck of Bills-wouldn't study marrying any of them. What worries my mind is, which one of the Bills was it wrote that letter? I'd like to know, seeing as it's the only letter I ever got. It could be the Bill that put the roof on my house; course, by the time the roof was up-my goodness, I have got old, been a long day since I've given it two thoughts. There was Bill that came to plow the garden, spring of 1913 it was; that man sure could plow a straight row. And Bill that built the chicken-coop: went away on a Pullman job; might have been him wrote me that letter. Or Bill-uh uh, his name was Fred-Collin, sugar, this wine is mighty good." ^ "I may have a drop more myself," said Dolly. "I mean, Catherine has given me such a..."

  "Hmn," said Catherine.

  "If you spoke more slowly, or chewed less..." The Judge thought Catherine's cotton was tobacco.

  Riley had withdrawn a little from us; slumped over, he stared stilly into the inhabited dark: I, I, I, a bird cried, "I- you're wrong. Judge," he said.

  "How so, son?"

  The caught-up uneasiness that I associated with Riley swamped his face. 'I'm not in trouble: I'm nothing-or would you call that my trouble? I lie awake thinking what do I know how to do? hunt, drive a car, fool around; and I get scared when I think maybe that's all it will ever come to. Another thing, I've got no feelings-except for my sisters, which is different. Take for instance, I've been going with this girl from Rock City nearly a year, the longest time I've stayed with one girl. I guess it was a week ago she flared up and said where's your heart? said if I didn't love her she'd as soon die.

  So I stopped the car on the railroad track; well, I said, lets just sit here, the Crescent's due in about twenty minutes. We didn't take our eyes off each other, and I thought isn't it mean (hat I'm looking at you and I don't feel anything except..."

  "Except vanity?" said the Judge.

  Riley did not deny it. "And if my sisters were old enough to take care of themselves, I'd have been willing to wait for (he Crescent to come down on us,"

  It made my stomach hurt to hear him talk like that; I longed to tell him he was all I wanted to be.

  "You said before about the one person in the world. Why couldn't I think of her like that? Ifs what I want, I'm no good by myself. Maybe, if I could care for somebody that way, I'd make plans and carry them out: buy that stretch of land past Parson's Place and build houses on it-I could do it if I got quiet."

  Wind surprised, pealed the leaves, parted night clouds; showers of starlight were let loose: our candle, as though intimidated by the incandescence of the opening, star-stabbed sky, toppled, and we could see, unwrapped above us, a late wayaway wintery moon: it was like a slice of snow, near and far creatures called to it, hunched moon-eyed frogs, a claw-voiced wildcat. Catherine hauled out the rose scrapquilt, insisting Dolly wrap it around herself; then she tucked her arms around me and scratched my head until I let it relax on her bosom-You cold? she said, and I wiggled closer: she was good and warm as the old kitchen.

  "Son, I'd say you were going at it the wrong end first," said the Judge, turning up his coat-collar. "How could you care about one girl? Have you ever cared about one leaf?"

  Riley, listening to the wildcat with an itchy hunter's look, snatched at the leaves blowing about us like midnight butterflies; alive, fluttering as though to escape and fly, one stayed trapped between his fingers. The Judge, too: he caught a leaf; and it was worth more in his hand than in Riley's. Pressing ft mildly against his cheek, he distantly said, "We are speaking of love. A leaf, a handful of seed-begin with these, learn a little what it is to love. First, a leaf, a fall of rain, then someone to receive what a leaf has taught you, what a fall of rain has ripened. No easy process, understand; it could take a lifetime, it has mine, and still I've never mastered it-I only know how true it is: that love is a chain of love, as nature is a chain of life."

  "Then," said Dolly with an intake of breath, "I've been in love afl my life." She sank down into the quilt. "Well, no," and her voice fell off, "I guess not. I've never loved a," while she searched for the word wind frolicked her veil, "gentleman. You might say that I've never had the opportunity. Except Papa," she paused, as though she'd said too much. A gauze of starlight wrapped her closely as the quilt; something, the reciting frogs, the string of voices stretching from the field of grass, lured, impelled her: "But I have loved everything else. Like the color pink; when I was a child I had one colored crayon, and it was pink; I drew pink cats, pink trees-for thirty-four years I lived in a pink room. And the box I kept, it's somewhere in the attic now, I must ask Verena please to give it to me, it would be nice to see my first loves again: what is there? a dried honeycomb, an empty hornet's nest, other things, or an orange stuck with cloves and a jaybird's egg-when I loved those love collected inside me so that it went flying about like a bird in a sunflower field. But it's best not to show such things, it burdens people and makes them, I don't know why, unhappy. Verena scolds at me for what she calls hiding in comers, but I'm afraid of scaring people if I show that I care for them. Like Paul Jimson's wife; after he got sick and couldn't deliver the papers any more, remember she took over his roulte? poor thin little thing just dragging herself with that sack of papers. It was one cold afternoon, she came up on the porch her nose running and tears of cold hanging in her eyes-she put down the paper, and I said wait, hold on, and took my handkerchief to wipe her eyes: I wanted to say, if I could, that I was sorry and that I loved her-my hand grazed her face, she turned with the smallest shout and ran down the steps. Then on, she always tossed the papers from the street, and whenever I heard them hit the porch it sounded in my bones."

  "Paul Jimson's wife: worrying yourself over trash like that!" said Catherine, rinsing her mouth with the last of the wine. "I've got a bowl of goldfish, just 'cause I like them don't make me love the world. Love a lot of mess, my foot. You can talk what you want, not going to do anything but harm, bringing up what's best forgot. People ought to keep more things to themselves. The deepdown ownself part of you, that's the good part: what's left of a human being that goes around speaking his privates? The Judge, he say we all up here 'cause of trouble some kind. Shoot! We here for very plain reasons. One is, this our tree-house, and two, That One and the Jew's trying to steal what belongs to us. Three: you here, every one of you, 'cause you want to be: the deepdown part of you tells you so. This last don't apply to me. I like a roof over my own head. Dollyheart, give the Judge a portion of that quilt: man's shivering like was Halloween." Shyly Dolly lifted a wing of the quilt and nodded to him; the Judge, not at all shy, slipped under it. The branches of the China tree swayed like immense oars dipping into a sea rolling and chilled by the far far stars. Left alone, Riley sat hunched up in himself like a pitiful orphan. "Snuggle up, hard head: you cold like anybody else," said Catherine, offering him the position on her right that I occupied on her left. He didn't seem to want to; maybe he noticed that she smelled like bitter-weed, or maybe he thought it was sissy; but I said come on, Riley, Catherine's good and warm, better tha
n a quilt. After a while Riley moved over to us. It was quiet for so long I thought everyone had gone to sleep. Then I felt Catherine stiffen. "It's just come to me who it was sent my letter: Bill Nobody. That One, that's who. Sure as my name's Catherine Creek she got some nigger in Miami to mail me a letter, thinking I'd scoot off there never to be heard from again." Dolly sleepily said hush now hush, shut your eyes: "Nothing to be afraid of; we've men here to watch out for us." A branch swung back, moonlight ignited the tree: I saw the Judge take Dolly's hand. It was the last thing I saw.

  Four

  Riley was the first to wake, and he wakened me. On the skyline three morning stars swooned in the flush of an arriving sun; dew tinseled the leaves, a jet chain of blackbirds swung out to meet the mounting light. Riley beckoned for me to come with him; we slid silently down through the tree. Catherine, snoring with abandon, did not hear us go; nor did Dolly and the Judge who, like two children lost in a witch-ruled forest, were asleep with their cheeks together.

  We headed toward the river, Riley leading the way. The legs of his canvas trousers whispered against each other. Every little bit he stopped and stretched himself, as though he'd been riding on a train. Somewhere we came to a hill of already about and busy red ants. Riley unbuttoned his fly and began to flood them; I don't know that it was funny, but I laughed to keep him company. Naturally I was insulted when he switched around and peed on my shoe. I thought it meant he had no respect for me. I said to him why would he want to do a thing like that? Don't you know a joke? he said, and threw a hugging arm around my shoulder.

  If such events can be dated, this I would say was the moment Riley Henderson and I became friends, the moment, at least, when there began in him an affectionate feeling for me that supported my own for him. Through brown briars under brown trees we walked deep in the woods down to the river.

  Leaves like scarlet hands floated on the green slow water. A poking end of a drowned log seemed the peering head of some river-beast. We moved on to the old houseboat, where the water was clearer. The houseboat was slightly tipped over; drifts of waterbay sheddings were like a rich rust on its roof and declining deck. The inside cabin had a mystifying tended-to look. Scattered around were issues of an adventure magazine, there was a kerosene lamp and a line of beer empties ranged on a table; the bunk sported a blanket, a pillow, and the pillow was colored with pink markings of lipstick. In a rush I realized the houseboat was someone's hide-out; then, from the grin taking over Riley's homely face, I knew whose it was. "What's more," he said, "you can get in a little fishing on the side. Don't you tell anybody." I crossed an admiring heart.

  While we were undressing I had a kind of dream. I dreamed the houseboat had been launched on the river with the five of us aboard: our laundry flapped like sails, in the pantry a coconut cake was cooking, a geranium bloomed on the windowsill -together we floated over changing rivers past varying views.

  The last of summer warmed the climbing sun, but the water, at first plunge, sent me chattering and chicken-skinned back to the deck where I stood watching Riley unconcernedly propel himself to and fro between the banks. An island of bamboo reeds, standing like the legs of cranes, shivered in a shallow patch, and Riley waded out among them with lowered, hunting eyes. He signaled to me. Though it hurt, I eased down into the cold river and swam to join him. The water bending the bamboo was clear and divided into knee-deep basins-Riley hovered above one: in the thin pool a coal-black catfish lay doz-ingly trapped. We closed in upon it with fingers tense as fork-prongs: thrashing backwards, it flung itself straight into my hands. The flailing razory whiskers made a gash across my palm, still I had the sense to hold on-thank goodness, for it's the only fish I ever caught. Most people don't believe it when I tell about catching a catfish barehanded; I say well ask Riley Henderson. We drove a spike of bamboo through its gills and swam back to the houseboat holding it aloft. Riley said it was one of the fattest catfish he'd ever seen: we would take it back to the tree and, since he'd bragged what a great hand he was at frying a catfish, let the Judge fix it for breakfast As it turned out, that fish never got eaten.

  All this time at the tree-house there was a terrible situation. During our absence Sheriff Candle had returned backed by deputies and a warrant of arrest. Meanwhile, unaware of what was in store, Riley and I lazed along kicking over toadstools, sometimes stopping to skip rocks on the water.

  We still were some distance away when rioting voices reached us; they rang in the trees like axe-blows. I heard Catherine scream: roar, rather. It made such soup of my legs I couldn't keep up with Riley, who grabbed a stick and began to run. I zigged one way, zagged another, then, having made a wrong turn, came out on the grass-field's rim. And there waa Catherine.

  Her dress was ripped down the front: she was good as naked. Ray Oliver, Jack Mill, and Big Eddie Stover, three grown men, cronies of the Sheriff, were dragging and slapping her through the grass. I wanted to kill them; and Catherine was trying to: but she didn't stand a chance-though she butted them with her head, bounced them with her elbows. Big Eddie Stover was legally born a bastard; the other two made the grade on their own. It was Big Eddie that went for me, and I slammed my catfish flat in his face. Catherine said, "You leave my baby be, he's an orphan"; and, when she saw that he had ms around the waist: "In the booboos, Collin, kick his old boo-boos." So I did. Big Eddie's face curdled like clabber. Jack Mill (he's the one who a year later got locked in the ice-plant and froze to death: served him right) snatched at me, but I bolted across the field and crouched down in the tallest grass. I don't think they bothered to look for me, they had their hands so full with Catherine; she fought them the whole way, and I watched her, sick with knowing there was no help to give, until they passed out of sight over the ridge into the cemetery.

  Overhead two squawking crows crossed, recrossed, as though making an evil sign. I crept toward the woods-near me, then, I heard boots cutting through the grass. It was the Sheriff; with him was a man called Will Harris. Tall as a door, buffalo-shouldered, Will Harris had once had his throat eaten out by a mad dog; the scars were bad enough, but his damaged voice was worse: it sounded giddy and babyfied, like a midget's. They passed so close I could have untied Will's shoes. His tiny voice, shrilling at the Sheriff, jumped with Morris Ritz's name and Verena's: I couldn't make out exactly, except something had happened about Morris Ritz and Verena had sent Will to $ bring back the Sheriff. The Sheriff said: "What in hell does the woman want, an army?" When they were gone I sprang up and ran into the woods.

  In sight of the China tree I hid behind a fan of fern: I thought one of the Sheriff's men might still be hanging around. But there was nothing, simply a lonely singing bird. And no one in the tree-house: smoky as ghosts, streamers of sunlight illuminated its emptiness. Numbly I moved into view and leaned my head against the tree's trunk; at this, the vision of the houseboat returned: our laundry flapped, the geranium bloomed, the carrying river carried us out to sea into the world.

  "Collin." My name fell out of the sky. "Is that you I hear? are you crying?"

  It was Dolly, calling from somewhere I could not see- until, climbing to the tree's heart, I saw in the above distance Dolly's dangling childish shoe. "Careful boy," said the Judge, who was beside her, "you'll shake us out of here." Indeed, like gulls resting on a ship's mast, they were sitting in the absolute tower of the tree; afterwards. Dolly was to remark that the view afforded was so enthralling she regretted not having visited there before. The Judge, it developed, had seen the approach of the Sheriff and his men in time for them to take refuge in those heights. "Wait, we're coming," she said; and, with one arm steadied by the Judge, she descended like a fine lady sweeping down a flight of stairs.

  We kissed each other; she continued to hold me. "She went to look for you-Catherine; we didn't know where you were, and I was so afraid, I..." Her fear tingled my hands: 'she felt like a shaking small animal, a rabbit just taken from the trap. The Judge looked on with humbled eyes, fumbling hands; he seemed to feel in the
way, perhaps because he thought he'd failed us in not preventing what had happened to Catherine. But then, what could he have done? Had he gone to her aid he would only have got himself caught: they weren't fooling, the Sheriff, Big Eddie Stover and the others. I was the one to feel guilty. If Catherine hadn't gone to look for me they probably never would have caught her. I told of what had taken place in the field of grass.