Learning to Live

  Chapter Three: The Dating Game

  Luke

  “Well, Dale, I think I’ve officially ruined any chance of running into Nichole and Connor again.” He howls his displeasure. Rubbing behind his ear, I say, “C’mon, boy, it’s time to admit defeat. This is day two and I’m pretty sure I’ve blown it.”

  As I begin my walk of shame to the car, I hear a familiar voice. “Where ya going?”

  Looking over my shoulder, I see Connor and Nichole walking towards us. They’re both wearing a pair of jeans and a blue and white hoodie. I’m not sure it was intentional or purely accidental that they are dressed alike. She’s also carrying a picnic basket. I watch as Connor throws a ball to Dale and says, “Catch it, Dale.”

  Nichole laughs as Dale catches the ball. “It’s called ‘fetch it,’ Connor.”

  “That’s what I said, ‘catch it.’”

  I walk toward her and she says, “You didn’t answer me.” I’m so glad to see them that I can’t remember the question. “I said, where ya going?”

  Should I tell her I’d given up on them coming today? Nah, I won’t admit that to her, not today, maybe not ever. “We were heading to the food vendors,” I lie. “It’s suppertime.” That part’s the truth.

  “I see,” she says, looking behind me at the street vendors. “Lucky for you, I brought us all dinner.”

  This is a pleasant surprise. “May I?” I ask, reaching for the picnic basket.

  “Yes, thank you.” She hands me the heavy basket, and we walk in the direction of the blanket I brought just in case they came. “Sorry we’re late,” she says, not offering a reason. She doesn’t need one. I’m just glad to see them here. I could assume the dinner is what caused her tardiness. She watches Connor as he plays with Dale. “I hate to rush into a meal, but Connor hasn’t eaten yet. Would you mind if we ate now?”

  “No, not at all. Let me walk over and get him.”

  “Great, I’ll set everything up.”

  Her smile is infectious.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I admit.

  “Me, too.”

  I walk over to get Connor, and he whines because he has to eat before he can play more with Dale. I decide now I should apologize for not being here the day I told him I would. “Connor, I think I owe you an apology.”

  “What’s an apology?” he asks innocently as he kicks a rock.

  This isn’t going to be as easy as I thought. He’s going to make me earn his forgiveness. “It’s when you say you’re sorry for doing something wrong.”

  He throws the tennis ball again and tells Dale to “catch it.” Like the good dog that he is, Dale does.

  “I told you the other day I would be at the park, and I wasn’t here. I hope you didn’t wait long or was upset I wasn’t here.”

  “I don’t ‘member. Momma and I stayed home and watched a movie the other day.”

  “Oh.” That was easier than I thought. If only all apologies were that easy, I think a lot more people would make them. “Let’s eat, and then we’ll play.”

  “Okay.”

  When I look up, Nichole is kneeling on the blanket, smiling. I wonder whether she could hear our conversation. By the grin on her face, I’d say she could.

  We all gather on the blanket and have idle conversation. I’d like to have time to talk more to her on a personal level, but if this is all I can get today, then I’m okay with that.

  She hands me a sandwich. “Against my better judgment, I made a sandwich for Dale.”

  I take the sandwich from Nichole and smile. “Against your better judgment?”

  “There’s something about feeding a dog this, that doesn’t seem right.”

  I give Dale a piece of the bread. “Well, Dale isn’t like most dogs.”

  “No, he sure isn’t.”

  She pulls something out of a bag and hands it to Connor. I watch as Connor stands to feed a dog biscuit to Dale. “We also brought him something nutritious.”

  “I just hope he can digest that.” I’m not half joking about that.

  “Me, too,” Nichole whispers under her breath.

  After dinner, Nichole and I sit on the blanket and watch as Connor plays with Dale.

  “I wasn’t sure you’d be here today,” I finally admit.

  She looks over at me. “Connor didn’t want to leave the house yesterday. I would have called, but I didn’t have your phone number.”

  “He told me you both stayed home and watched a movie.”

  “We did. It’s very seldom we have movie night. So when he asked if we could, I couldn’t say no.”

  “I understand.” I reach into my wallet and hand her my business card. “Now you do.”

  She holds it up and says, “No excuses now.” I watch as she looks at it before placing it into her cell phone case.

  As we sit here, I decide that I should officially ask her out. I like her and I want to get to know her better. “I was wondering if you’re not doing anything on Saturday, that maybe we could go out?”

  She looks up at me and asks, “To dinner?”

  I want to laugh, but I’m a smart man. “I was thinking it would be around dinner time. So, yes, dinner and possibly a movie.”

  She pauses for a moment and I wonder if I should have waited a little longer to ask her. “It’s been awhile since I’ve dated,” she says in almost a warning tone.

  I’m not sure what to say. “Would it help if we called this a date?” I ask, looking at the picnic basket.

  She laughs. “It would and I would love to have another date with you, Luke.” She looks from one of my eyes to the other. “I need to make sure I can get child care before I commit to going out with you Saturday.”

  I’d like for it to just be her and me, but if it doesn’t work out, I’m fine with Connor coming along with us. “If not, we can bring Connor with us.”

  She looks away and watches Connor and Dale playing in the field. “I’ll try to get Skylar or Ava to watch him.” She looks back at me and says, “I’ll ask them tonight, and then I’ll get back with you.”

  “No need, let’s just plan on me picking you up at 6:00 pm on Saturday, whether you have a babysitter or not.”

  “Do you have children, Luke?”

  “No, I don’t. I was never lucky enough to meet someone I wanted to have children with. Why do you ask?”

  “I just wondered if you knew what you were getting yourself into. Date night with a small child can have its challenges.”

  “I think I’m up to the challenge,” I say confidently.

  “Okay, I’ll at least call and let you know whether it’ll just be me or me and Connor.”

  “The only thing it’ll change is where we’ll have dinner and what movie we’ll watch.” I say it because it’s the truth. To know in advance will give me time to plan a kid-friendly evening.

  “Thank you, Luke.”

  A half hour later, I walk Connor and Nichole to their car. I wait and watch as they drive away before Dale and I leave. I’m glad they showed up today and that she agreed to see me a second time.

  I drive home and run five miles for my evening exercise before showering and turning in for the night. My phone rings just before 10:00 pm from an unknown number. I answer it, praying it’s not Monica. No matter how many times I’ve changed my phone number, she still manages to get it.

  “Tanner here,” I answer coldly. “State your business.”

  There’s a pause before someone speaks. “Luke, it’s Nichole. I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”

  I clear my throat and soften my tone. “No, you didn’t. How are you?”

  “I’m good. I just wanted to let you know that I have child care for Connor on Saturday.”

  “Oh, good. Did Ava agreed to watch him for you?”

  “No, actually it was a friend of mine. She works at the bakery with me. Rachael? You may have seen her there.”

  If I did, I don’t remember
her. “Should I pick you up earlier so we have time to drop him off at her house?”

  “No, that won’t be necessary. She and her husband will be picking him up.”

  I want her to know how I feel. “I hope you know I don’t mind dropping him off or taking him with us.”

  There’s another pause. “I know and I appreciate it. I’ll see you at 6:00 Saturday evening.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you then. Have a great week, Nichole.”

  “You, too, and good night.”

  “Good night.”

  Nichole

  I didn’t see Luke at all this week, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Usually he stops in the bakery at least once during the week for a coffee. The closer the weekend comes, the more anxious I get about our date. Am I too old to date? Am I making a huge mistake? Is it too soon for me to be introducing Connor to a man? Is it too soon for me after what I’ve been through with Brett? I have so many mixed emotions.

  “I think you should wear the red dress,” Rachael says, holding it up for me.

  While sitting on my bed, I roll my eyes. “Definitely not the red dress. Is there a black one in there?”

  “You’re not wearing black.” She walks back into the walk-in closet. “You need something with color,” she murmurs.

  I stand from the bed and walk into the closet with her. “What about jeans and a sweater?” I ask while searching through the sweaters folded on the shelf.

  “What if he shows up in a suit and tie?” she asks, stopping to look at me.

  I can’t argue with her, she has a point. “Okay, but not the red dress. Something less flashy.”

  When we finally agree on a dress, I force her to leave. Rachael is my best friend although she is driving me crazy.

  As soon as she leaves with Connor, I open a bottle of wine and take a bubble bath. I try to not think about this as a date, but more like two people having dinner. Something like what we did at the dog park last weekend. It isn’t working. I know this is different. I just hope I’m ready for whatever this night brings.

  I remove the red nail polish I normally wear, and repaint my nails with a clear coat. When I was married to Brett, I was never allowed to wear red nail polish, but since he’s gone, it’s usually all I wear. I guess I’m being defiant in my own way. But there’s something about red that is bold and flashy, and I don’t want to appear to be either on this date.

  I also decide to wear the flowing black dress with black heels that Rachael and I disagreed on. I take another look at the red dress still hanging on the door and smile. I was never allowed to wear anything red when Brett and I were married. Shortly after our divorce, I bought a few red articles of clothing, this red dress being one of them. I also bought a red sweater, red shoes, a red purse, a red pea coat, and some red lingerie. Smiling, I slip into the red lingerie. Not because it’s sexy and I want to be seen wearing it at the end of the night, but because I know Brett wouldn’t approve. Maybe one day I won’t think about him and maybe one day, I won’t give a crap what he would approve or disapprove of. Maybe one day I’ll feel free to wear anything I want whenever I want. But that day isn’t today. I include a tan-colored pressure garment around my stomach. Thanks to Brett that this will always be a part of my wardrobe, no matter what I decide to wear.

  Just as I’m finishing putting on my earrings and a few bangle bracelets, I hear a car pull into the parking lot. Looking outside, I’m expecting to see Luke’s truck, but instead I watch Luke exit an older black Mercedes Benz. He is wearing a black suit and tie, and I’m glad I didn’t decide to wear jeans and a sweater. He adjusts his jacket and struts confidently towards the bakery. He looks handsome and walks with authority.

  I stand back from the window and watch as he walks towards the residents’ entrance of the bakery. I look into the mirror and apply some clear lip-gloss and put my heels on before he knocks. My plan is to be ready when he arrives. I don’t want to keep him waiting. Looking at my watch, I see it’s exactly 6:00. How do people time their arrival to the exact minute? Just as I slip my foot into my last shoe, there’s a knock at the door.

  Suddenly, I feel nervous. I run the lint roller over my black dress one last time before answering the door.

  Before I can say anything, he looks at me and says, “You look stunning.”

  I smile big. He didn’t say nice or pretty. Stunning. When was the last time someone said that to me? I honestly don’t know. “Please, come in.” I open the door wider for him and he walks in. Closing the door behind him, I return his compliment. “You look nice. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a suit and tie before.”

  “I wear them only on special occasions.” My heart beats a little faster and I smile again. “Do you need to be back at a certain time?” he asks. I’m not sure how to answer that. Connor is staying the night with Rachael and Daniel, but do I want Luke to know that? “I’m only asking because there’s this restaurant I wanted to take you to, but it’s about an hour away. We could skip the movie if you needed to be back. Or we could…”

  I interrupt, “No, that’s fine. I don’t need to be back at a certain time.” It sounds like he put some thought into this date. And to be honest, I think I like the idea of spending some time with him. The long drive there will give us some time to talk.

  “Great. Are you ready?”

  “I am.”

  He holds the door open for me, and walks out behind me, locking up and making sure the door is secured behind him. I see a black Jeep with tinted windows drive slowly past the bakery. I get cold chills and I can’t be sure why. It’s a beautiful warm spring day. He offers me his elbow when we reach the bottom of the stairs, and I gladly take it.

  Once we’re on the highway, I ask, “So where is it we’re going this evening?”

  “To Brunswick. There’s a very nice restaurant that my mother, father, sister, and I used to frequent. I haven’t been there in years. I googled it and saw that it’s still owned by the same family. So, I thought we could go there.”

  “I’ve never been to Brunswick. I stopped there to get gas while passing through, but I’ve never been any further than the exit.”

  He tells me he’s been there often and it’s a beautiful area, and then adds, “The restaurant is known for their steaks and seafood, but they also have some wonderful vegetarian meals.”

  “It’s hard to pass up shrimp or scallops.”

  “I agree. I’m glad to see that you don’t eat only salads.”

  I try to hold back a laugh. “Not hardly. But I do like a salad with my seafood.”

  “Good, me, too.”

  When we become quiet, I say, “How long were you in the Army?” I ask.

  “Almost thirty years.”

  “That’s a long time.”

  “It is. It’s all I know.”

  “I wouldn’t say that. You’re constructing your own home. That’s something.”

  “Thank you.”

  On the drive there, we talk about the bakery and my grandson. He doesn’t talk much about himself and I don’t say anything about my past. It isn’t awkward, but it’ll make it hard to get to know each other if we don’t open up about something.

  I remain quiet and take in the sights of Brunswick. The restaurant is situated in the downtown area with outdoor seating. Luke uses valet parking and we are led to a small intimate table outside.

  “I hope this is okay?”

  “It’s perfect,” I say honestly. He pulls my chair out for me and I thank him before sitting.

  Once we order drinks, he says, “So, tell me something about yourself.”

  I was afraid this would come up. How much do I tell him? Anything I say will turn this mood somber. “My past is somewhat hard to explain and it’s difficult to talk about.”

  “So, tell me something about your life now.”

  The only thing I can think of is little Connor. “I’m still getting used to the fact that I’m raising my grandchild
.”

  “How is that going, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  The server comes to the table with our drinks and she takes our dinner order. I remain quiet until she leaves. “It’s scary and wonderful at the same time.”

  “He’s a great kid.”

  “He is.”

  “How long has he been with you?”

  “Just about a year.”

  “Does he ever see his mom and dad?”

  I pause. “No, they’re both deceased.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “Thank you. He doesn’t remember either of them.”

  “No, I guess he wouldn’t.”

  “His father, my son, died before he was born.”

  He looks at me sympathetically. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you. It was quite devastating.”

  Our salads come and I’m grateful for the distraction.

  “I was thinking after dinner, we could ride around and see more sights before heading home.”

  “That is a great idea.”

  Luke changes the direction of the conversation away from me and makes himself the focus. He tells me about his earlier days in the military. He laughs as he recalls his basic training and the years of being a drill sergeant. “I can honestly say that was the best job I ever had.”

  “I don’t know much about it, but it doesn’t seem so great to me.”

  “It was. It’s a lot of hard work but to see cadets turn into soldiers, it was incredible. To be there to witness when a soldier finally sees his potential, it’s pretty incredible and a massive source of pride for the instructors. To see a man transform into a soldier, I don’t have words to describe the feeling.”

  Smiling, I say, “Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly?”

  He laughs, “Maybe it’s more powerful than that, but yeah, you get the picture.”

  I suddenly remember that Skylar and Drew told me that Luke was there during the attack on Drew in Afghanistan. I vividly remember the sadness on Drew and Skylar’s face. I focus my attention back on Luke’s story.

  He’s very knowledgeable and seems to know the area. Just after 10:00 p.m. we get on the highway and head home. I’ve come to realize that conversation doesn’t come easily to either of us. Neither of us likes talking about ourselves.

  “You mentioned having a sister. Does she live around here?”

  “No, she lives in Indiana.”

  “Oh, is that where you’re from?”

  “No, my family is from Georgia.” He stops as if he’s remembering something. “Like me, my sister Angie joined the service right out of high school where she met a soldier; they quickly fell in love. Deciding the military life wasn’t right for them, after their four years of service, they got out.” He takes a drink of his water. “They got married, started a successful business, but after my mother’s death, they sold the business and they both moved to Indiana.”

  “I imagine being in the service would be difficult for a young married couple.”

  “Because of the service you do tend to move a lot.”

  “You moved around a lot, too?”

  He loosens his tie. “Not by choice. About every three or four years, I would get stationed someplace new, someplace different. It came with the job. I never married and didn’t really settle down, so I was always excited about living someplace new, someplace different.”

  We have dinner and keep the talking to a minimum. We decline dessert and he drive around Brunswick showing me some points of interest. On the drive home, he tells me about his childhood. About his mother, his father, and his sister. I also share some stories of my own childhood.

  When we pull up at the bakery, I see the same black Jeep driving down the street. Luke watches in his rearview mirror but says nothing. He parks the car and says, “Stay here, I’ll get the door for you.”

  I watch as he walks around the car, looking around the property before reaching my side of the car. He takes my hand and helps me out. Just when we reach the top of the stairs, he says, “Are you up for dessert?”

  My first thought is something inappropriate. “Excuse me?”

  His eyes get big and he lets out a throaty laugh. “That’s not what I meant, I swear.” He clears his throat and says, “Are you up for an outdoor fire and smores?”

  I look down at the fire pit in the backyard. “I’d love to, but I’m out of firewood.”

  “I have plenty at the new house. We can build it there, where there’s an unlimited supply of wood.”

  It takes me only a second to know that this is what I want. “I’d love to.” I’m hoping the more we get to know each other, the easier the conversation will flow. “I need to change first.”

  “Good. I’ll wait.” I unlock the door and he opens it for me. “I’ll wait for you out here.”

  “You can come in and wait.”

  “It’s okay, I’ll wait here.”

  “Okay, just give me a minute.” I walk into the apartment over the bakery and he closes the door behind me, shutting himself out of the house. I hurry and change into a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. After I brush my teeth and pull my hair into a high ponytail, I’m ready to go. When I open the door, I’m expecting to see him on the porch. When he isn’t there, I see him standing down by his car near the road. He waves and smiles when he sees me. I lock up and meet him down by his car.

  Luke

  The date didn’t go as smoothly as I wanted it to. It’s hard to talk when neither of us likes talking about ourselves. When I turned into the bakery and saw the same Jeep that was there earlier, I became very suspicious. I didn’t want this night to end, and I didn’t feel right about dropping her off when I had a feeling she was being watched. But why would someone be watching her? I can’t imagine that she would have any enemies. I couldn’t say anything to her, and she didn’t seem to have noticed. So I was happy when she agreed to spend more time with me on the farm.

  When she went in to change, I saw the same Jeep circling around the bakery. That’s when I went down to my car to wait for her. I wanted to try to see who was driving and I also wanted the driver to see I was still here and I saw them. As I got closer to the road, the Jeep sped up and left.

  I watch as she walks out onto the porch from the upstairs apartment. Even in jeans and a hoodie, she looks radiant. Opening her car door for her, I say, “I need to stop by my house and change first. I hope that’s all right.”

  “Of course. You’ll be somewhat overdressed if you don’t.”

  When I pull out onto the main road, I say, “If it’s okay, I’d like to get Dale and change vehicles. I don’t usually take my car out to the new house. Not until I get the driveway paved. It’s a little rough out there.”

  “Sure, whatever you need to do, I’m fine with.”

  I laugh and say, “If I was better at this, I would have had everything all planned out and ready.” We drive to my house in silence. It’s a short drive and the ride isn’t uncomfortable. We walk into the house and Dale greets us. My home is small and modest. But it’s clean and orderly. I change quickly into a pair of jeans and a plaid flannel shirt. We then climb into the truck and Dale rides in the cab. “One more stop and I’ll be ready.”

  She laughs. “You need ingredients to make smores?”

  “I do, and some beer and wine. We may get thirsty.”

  Once I get everything we need, we drive past the bakery towards my property at the end of the road. I push the button and the gate opens.

  “I didn’t know this place was here.”

  “Really?” I pull in and close the gate behind us.

  She looks around, into the darkness. “I guess I’ve never been at the end of the street before.”

  When I park the truck, Dale jumps out and barks, indicating he’s home. “As soon as I build a fire, it won’t seem so secluded.”

  She looks around into the darkness. I watch as she warm
s her arms with her hands. “It’s getting chilly.”

  “Here, wear this.” I hand her a jacket from the back of the seat and build a fire. “This will warm you up quickly.” I’m thankful when the dry wood catches easily. Dale sits near Nichole and waits with her. Once the fire catches, it warms the chilly air and lights up the dark area.

  I open the wine and fill a plastic cup for her before opening my beer. “Here’s to warm fires and quiet nights.”

  “Cheers.” She looks back over her shoulder at the new construction of my future home. “This is your house?”

  “Well, if you can call it that. It’s the shell of what will be my new home.”

  “Do you know when it’ll be done?”

  I look back at the building. “I’m hoping in a year or two.”

  She then looks away from the house and scans the flat land and acreage. “Looks like a great piece of land.”

  “It is. We like it, don’t we, Dale?” After a brief silence, I say, “I was hoping this evening would have gone better than it did. I don’t date much and I don’t like talking about my personal life.”

  “Sadly, you’re in good company, but I still had a good time.”

  I take a big drink of my beer. “Makes it tough to get to know each other, doesn’t it?”

  Looking up at me, she says, “It sure does.”

  Dale finds a warm spot near the fire and lies down.

  “I’d like to get to know you better, so maybe we can remedy this.” Before she can say anything, I add, “Maybe every time we see each other, we can tell the other person one personal thing about ourselves. It has to be something significant, or we won’t get anywhere. If either of us wants to talk more about it, we can. If not, we’ll come back to it at a later time.”

  She nods her head. “I’m willing to try that.”

  “Yeah?” I ask hopefully.

  “I’ll go first.” I watch as she gathers her thoughts. “Little Connor is my only living blood relative.”

  Whoa. I didn’t expect that. “I’m sorry.”

  She nods and I see a tear slide down her cheek. “Thank you, it’s your turn.”

  I inhale. “My mother was murdered, and I still feel responsible because I wasn’t there to stop it.”

  Our eyes meet and I know she wants to ask me about it. I’m grateful when she doesn’t.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It was a long time ago.”

  “Feeling responsible for not being there is a lot to put on one person.”

  I don’t reply. She won’t understand and I really don’t want to relive it by talking about it. In reality, I relive it every day whether I speak of it or not. My heart gets heavy, and I hate the direction this evening is going. Maybe this dating game isn’t such a great idea.

  She puts a marshmallow on a stick and hands it to me, and then she gets one for herself. As we both hold our marshmallows over the fire, she says, “I was married to the same man for thirty years. We divorced a few months before he drowned in a boating accident.”

  This is also unexpected. Do I offer my condolences on her deceased ex-husband? “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be, I’m not.” She doesn’t make eye contact as she watches her marshmallow. “He was a jerk, and I should have left him sooner.”

  I have to wonder what he could have done to her for her to feel like this. I don’t dare ask. She took another turn; does this mean it’s my turn? Before I can say anything else, she says, “Would you mind if we didn’t talk about it?”

  “No, of course not.”

  I watch as she pulls the stick to her face and blows on the perfectly brown marshmallow. “Have I scared you away yet?” she asks.

  “No, not at all. Have I scared you away?”

  “Not yet,” she smiles.

  “It’s still early in the relationship,” I say, half teasing.

  She says, jokingly, “Anything can still happen.”

  “You do know for this to work between us, that sooner or later we’ll need to talk about our past.”

  “I know, but does it have to be today?

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  We both smile because it’s the hard truth. We make a smore and I ask her if she’d like to see the inside of the house. “I’d love to.”

  “Wait here while I get a flashlight from the truck.” Dale stands as if he’s going to come with me. “Stay with Nichole.” He lies back down and does what he’s told.

  Once I get two flashlights from the back of my truck, she follows me to the house. I offer her my hand and she takes it. “The foundation, walls, and roof are up, and I’m working on the interior. “It’s hard to tell what the inside will look like when it’s completed.”

  “Large windows on this entire wall?” she asks.

  “That’s right.”

  “It’s too beautiful of a view to cover it up with a wall.”

  “I think so. Part of the reason I bought this property was for the privacy, flat land, and the wooded acreage.”

  I walk over to another part of the house. I’ll put French doors here and in the master suite.”

  “I imagine it’s beautiful here in the daytime?”

  “It is. I need to bring you and Connor here during daylight so you can see it.”

  “We would like that.”

  I look back at her and smile. “Good, me, too.”

  Just before I take her home for the night, I secure another date for next weekend. “Is this something you’d like to do again next weekend?”

  “Luke, I’d love to, but you should know now that childcare could be an issue for me.”

  “I’d be willing to do something with Connor as long as you’re there.”

  I think I see her blush, which makes her all the more beautiful. “You’d be willing to go to Chuck E. Cheese and see a matinee on a Saturday afternoon with little Connor and me?”

  The way she says that, I’m not sure what my answer should be, but I say, “Yes? How bad can it be?”

  She laughs a throaty laugh. “Should I plan on you picking us up around 1:00 pm on Saturday, or should we meet you there?”

  “No, I’ll be there to pick you up.”

  I walk her up to her apartment and wait for her to unlock the door. She doesn’t invite me in, and I wouldn’t expect her to. I also don’t try to kiss her, although I want to.

  “Thank you, Luke. I had a great time, and I can’t wait to learn more about you.”

  “I had a good time, too, and this will be interesting.”

  “Yes, it will.”

  “Maybe I’ll run into you this week at the park.” I’m hoping she’ll tell me a day and a time when she’ll be there.

  “Maybe you will.” That’s not the answer I was hoping for. “Thank you and be careful driving home.”

  “You’re welcome and I will. Walking away I say over my shoulder, “Maybe I’ll be in for coffee this week.”

  “I hope so. Good night, Luke Tanner.”

  “Good night, Nichole Anderson.”

  I listen for her to lock up before walking the rest of the distance to my car. I open the passenger-side door and Dale jumps into the front seat. Before heading home, we drive around the neighborhood looking for the mysterious Jeep I saw earlier. When I don’t see it, Dale and I head home.

  Nichole

  I shower before heading to bed. Learning that Luke’s mother was murdered weighs heavy on my mind. I wanted to ask him about it. His past doesn’t compare to mine, does it? It sounds like he’s lived through some things that are unimaginable, too.

  While lying in bed, I think about my own mother and father and how much I miss them. They died a few years after I was married. Brett got the call about their death. They both died in a house fire. I didn’t even get to attend their funeral. Brett said they were burned beyond recognition. I was their only child and Brett kept me from going; he stopped me from paying my last respects to them. I should ha
ve left him then. I should have packed up my clothes and left when he was at work. I couldn’t. He threatened to kill me if I ever left him. He always knew where I was, whom I was with, and what I was doing. He would have found me. I know it. I feared it. He said he would kill me and bury me in a hole where no one would ever find me. I believed him. I knew he would do it. Maybe I should have left so he would have followed through with his threats. It would have saved me years of torture. I would have been better off dead. Then I remember Connor and how my life is now. That statement about being better off dead doesn’t stand true now. Maybe then, but not anymore. Brett’s dead, and my life is in a good place. If I had died, I hate to think about what would have happened to little Connor. He would have been orphaned. But for how long? Would someone have eventually adopted him? I need that little boy more than he needs me. I can’t imagine my life without him.

  Instead of thinking about what a great time I had with Luke, my mind thinks about my past with Brett, and how much I miss my parents. I had such a great childhood. How could I have been such a bad judge of character? Brett even fooled my parents. I wanted a man like my father. Someone grateful for every new day, a man who cherished his wife and child, a man who freely showed his love to his family and to others. My dad always wanted to help others, he never put himself first, and he always appreciated life.

  Tonight, I dream of family dinners, family vacations, and happy holidays. I also dream of yelling, fear, and painful injuries caused by a man who was supposed to love me. I dream of a boy who wanted to be like his father. A boy who unbeknownst to me was brainwashed into thinking evil was okay. Although I’m asleep, tears fill my eyes, fear takes over my mind, and my body hurts from mental and physical injuries. I want to scream out in pain, but I remain quiet. To not piss Brett off anymore than he already is, I sob silently in my dream. Even in death, I fear him.

  I wake to a noise. My heart races and I try to calm my breathing. I lie still and listen. What woke me? Could it have been a dog or a cat? Is it a robber trying to break into the bakery? I reach for my cell phone and my car keys on the night stand. With shaky hands, I push the panic button on the car’s ignition key. The alarm on my car blares. If someone is outside, I’m certain this will frighten him or her off. After several long seconds I hit the panic button again, shutting it off. I lie in bed with the comforter pulled to my chin. Without making a sound, I listen. Nothing. Complete silence.

  I don’t get up and start my day; instead, I lie in bed awake, too frightened to move. I don’t watch television or read; I listen to the sounds of the night. After several long minutes, thirty to be exact, I decide the noise must have been my imagination. It must have been a part of my dream. I’m thankful when I finally dose off into a dreamless sleep.

  The next morning I eagerly shower, dress, and go to pick up Connor from Rachael and Daniel’s house. I’ve missed him and he always seems to make my days brighter. He brings light into my dark world. Connor makes my past worth living. He’s my rainbow at the end of a horrific storm.

  On Wednesday morning, Luke comes into the bakery for a black coffee and a raspberry Danish. I’m surprised when he doesn’t get it to go, but instead takes a seat. He sits facing the counter, looking away from the door. I can’t help but smile.

  “That’s Luke Tanner, isn’t it?” Rachael asks.

  “It is.”

  “I need to thank him for what he’s done for Drew. My son might not be here today if it wasn’t for Luke coming to his aid in Afghanistan.”

  Her words are true. Drew could have easily bled to death if Luke wasn’t there. From what I understand, his leg was nearly severed.

  “Take all the time you need. I have this covered.”

  She slowly walks up to his table and he stands to greet her. I can’t hear them, but I watch as she sits down across from him. I tend to the customers and to the display cabinet. I’m not sure how he’ll take to her. In the short time I’ve known him, I can tell he’s very humble. I wipe off the few tables as the guests leave, and I refill the coffee carafe.

  I watch as they both stand and embrace in a hug. When Rachael walks back to the counter, she says, “Luke would like to see you.”

  I dry my hands and walk over with the coffee pot to refill his mug.

  “Thank you,” he says with a smile.

  “You’re welcome.”

  He says, “I’ve been in the hospital three times, and I’ve been in four car accidents during my lifetime.” Surprised, I look at him, and he adds, “Of which none was my fault.”

  His statement catches me by surprise until I remember this is his way of us getting to know each other, a little bit at a time.

  “So, I guess now it’s my turn?”

  “It is. You need to share two things about yourself.”

  “Two? I thought it was one?”

  He laughs. “I shared two. I’d like to learn more about you.”

  I have to think about what I want to share with him. “I’ve been rear ended once not long ago, and I’ve had stitches fourteen times.” Before he can ask me anything else, I turn to leave.

  He doesn’t leave right away. He sits there, drinking his coffee and watching me. I busy myself so I don’t have to look at him. I can only imagine what he’s thinking about. Maybe he thinks I’m clumsy. Probably not, he’s too smart for that. Maybe I should have said I like to cook, or bake, or crochet. Too late now.

  He stands and walks up to the counter to say his goodbyes. “Thank you for the coffee and I’ll see you and Connor Saturday.”

  Relief washes over me when he doesn’t mention anything about my injuries that required stitches. “Okay, we’re looking forward to it.”

  “Good, so am I.” He turns his attention to Rachael and says, “It was nice meeting you.”

  Before either of us can say anything, he turns to leave. Rachael and I watch as he walks out of the bakery.

  “You’re not having any doubts about going out with him are you, Nichole?”

  I look at Rachael and I know she’s referring to Brett. I’m not sure why, but I’ve never compared Luke to Brett. I know Luke’s different. “No, I’m not. I’m actually looking forward to getting to know him more.”

  “He’s a good man,” she says.

  “I think he is, too.”

  Rachael Jamison

  “I saw Luke Tanner at the bakery the other day.”

  Skylar and Ava stir their tea.

  “Did you talk to him?” Skylar asks.

  “I did. I needed to thank him for what he did for Drew and his comrades.”

  Ava asks, “What did he say?”

  “He said it was nothing and no thanks was needed.” I take a sip of my tea and say, “He’s very humble. I believe he really thinks what he’s done for others isn’t worthy of a thank you.”

  Skylar says sadly, “Drew said that Luke feels responsible for what happened.”

  “To Drew?” I ask.

  “Not just what happened to Drew, but for the deaths of the other soldiers.”

  “How do you know that?”

  She looks at me sadly, “After the night of the veterans benefit, Drew called a few of the guys in his platoon who weren’t there the night of the attack. He talked to them about Luke Tanner. They all confirmed the same story.”

  Luke’s been in the service for a long time, and Drew’s accident was only a few years ago. I thought the longer you were in the service, the less you got deployed, if you got deployed at all. I guess someone has to go over with the soldiers to guide them and give orders. Someone of a higher rank will need to lead them.

  “What story is that?” Ava asks before I can get the words out.

  “That Luke Tanner carries the burden of the deaths of the soldiers killed in combat.”

  “For the night of Drew’s attack?” I ask.

  “No. For all the deaths of every soldier.”

  “How can he feel responsible for that?”

  ?
??Drew said he was a Drill Sergeant for years. He trained these soldiers and he feels like he’s failed them in their fighting and survival skills.” That’s ridiculous. He can’t save everyone. “They also said he suffers from P.T.S.D. and because of it, he retired early from the Army.”

  “He’s a hero if you ask me. If he wasn’t there that night, Drew wouldn’t be here with us today.”

  “I agree,” Skylar says.

  After a few minutes of silence, Ava asks, “You said you saw him at the bakery?”

  “I did.”

  “Was he there to see Nichole by any chance?” Skylar asks.

  I try to hide my smile behind my teacup. If Nichole wants them to know she’s seeing someone, I’m sure she would have told them. “He was there having coffee,” I say before taking a long sip of my warm tea.

  Skylar smiles. “Rachael, you know something.” She looks at Ava, who is also smiling. “Spill it.” Skylar laughs.

  “It’s not my story to tell. If you want to know something about Nichole, you should ask her.” Ava picks up her cell phone. “Who are you calling?”

  “Nichole. I need to know.”

  “No, don’t call her. Let’s go over there and ask her face to face,” Skylar says, standing from the table.

  Ava and I also stand. “I’m heading home. Try to be subtle, this is new to her.”

  “We already know the answer, I just want her to say it.”

  Skylar Jamison

  While I wait in the car for Ava, I call Luke Tanner. After I tried to fix Luke and Nichole up and I realized he was the person who was responsible for bringing my husband home alive, I searched the internet until I found Luke Tanner’s phone number. I wasn’t sure at the time why, but I felt the need to have it. Now I’m glad I do.

  “Tanner here, state your business.”

  I’m startled by the tone he uses to answer his phone. I decide to play along. He might be a big deal in the military, but to me, he’s just a great catch for my friend Nichole. Nothing intimidating about that. “Skylar Jamison here. My business is I’d like to see you.”

  He laughs. I think he might be remembering my first encounter with him, the time when I tried to fix him up with Nichole; he wanted nothing to do with it.

  “Skylar, how are you?” he asks in a softer, friendlier tone.

  “I’m good, how are you?”

  “Couldn’t be better. What is it you want to see me about?”

  “I hear you might be seeing a friend of mine.”

  “You heard that, did you?”

  “I did. I know you said at one time that you don’t date much, and I don’t want you screwing this up.” He laughs and it makes me giggle.

  “You think you have some advice to help me?”

  I hear a power tool in the background. When it stops, I say, “I do.”

  “Here’s my address, I’m anxious to see what you got.”

  I write down his address and say, “Be there in a few.”

  Ava gets into the car, and I tell her the change of plans about us seeing Luke.

  “I feel like I’m deceiving Nichole.”

  “Try not to look at it that way.” I turn onto Magnolia Street and drive past the bakery.

  “What other way is there?”

  “Try to see the bigger picture. We’re helping them so Luke won’t screw it up. One day they’ll get married and have lots and lots of children, and live happily ever after.”

  Ava bursts out laughing. “Lots and lots of children at their age?”

  “Well, stranger things have happened.”

  “Yeah, like proof of the existence of Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster.” When I get to the end of the road, I cautiously turn into the large field. I see a truck, but I don’t see Luke. “I don’t think this is the right place.”

  “These are the directions he gave. Hard to mess up directions that say, ‘At the end of the road, turn left.’”

  “I think it’s odd that he lives at the end of the road that Nichole’s bakery’s on.”

  “It must be fate.”

  We park the car and start to get out until we hear a dog bark. After a few seconds, Luke comes out wearing jeans and a plaid shirt. “Dale, hush it.”

  I look over at Ava and we both mouth, “Dale?”

  We get out of the car and Luke walks over to us. “Don’t mind him, he won’t hurt you.”

  Luke stops and Dale stands by his side. I want to say something about the dog’s name, but I don’t. Dale? That’s an odd choice of a name. Oh, I get it. Airedale. Just like the movie Air Bud, which of course is about an Airedale.

  Ava walks over and hugs Luke. “It’s good seeing you, again.”

  I hug Luke next. “So, we hear you’re seeing Nichole.”

  “She said that?” he asks, watching me.

  “No, we haven’t seen or talked to her in a few days.”

  “So, you’ve spoken to Rachael.”

  “So, it’s true,” I say with a smile.

  “Please excuse my friend,” Ava says, “She knows no boundaries.”

  “Don’t forget about the filter,” Skylar says proudly.

  “She’s also missing a filter. She’ll say almost anything.”

  We all laugh.

  “I don’t have a chair to offer you, but I can offer you some shade and a bottle of water.”

  “We’ll take it,” Ava says, wiping the sweat from her brow.

  We follow Luke over to his truck where he gets three bottles of water from a cooler. The truck’s parked under a huge oak tree. We talk a few minutes about the land and property.

  “So, what really brings you out here today?” he asks, looking away from Ava and looking at me.

  I decide to get to the point. It looks like he’s busy and I don’t have all day. “I’ve known Nichole for a long time. She’s not your typical girl.” I pause and he doesn’t look away. “She’s been through a lot and she deserves someone kind, patient, and understanding.”

  “I’m listening.”

  Ava says, “We just want you to understand she’s different. She isn’t like other women you’ve probably dated.”

  “I can see that. That’s what I like about her.” I look into his eyes and I can see he’s sincere. “Is there something I need to know, or need to be aware of other than she’s raising her grandson?”

  I look over at Ava for this one. She knows more about Nichole than I do. “She isn’t broken, but she is fragile.”

  He nods his understanding. “She’s a hard person to get to know.”

  Ava frowns. “Just give her some time and she’ll open up to you. She’s been through a lot in her life.”

  “I have nothing but time.”

  I ask, “When are you seeing her again?”

  “Saturday.”

  I’m impressed. “That’s definitely a date night.”

  “I’m picking her up at 1:00.”

  “Why?” I ask, a little disappointed. “What can you do on a Saturday afternoon?”

  “We’re having lunch at Chuck E. Cheese, and then seeing a matinee with Connor.”

  Suddenly, I’m not disappointed in him any longer. I knew I liked him. He’s planning a date that accommodates her small grandson. That’s a win.

  Ava smiles and says, “We’ll keep Connor, and you plan something else to do with her on Saturday.”

  “That’s a good idea and you should look on the Internet to see what’s going on around town Saturday afternoon. But don’t take her to other places you’ve taken others.”

  “Ava’s not a bar-and-club type of person.”

  Luke looks at me; he doesn’t seem surprised. “Anything else I need to know?”

  “Yeah, there’s one more thing. If you get in a pinch and you’re not sure what to do, call me.”

  I can see the amusement in his eyes.

  “And when you take her out again, call us to babysit.”

  Nichole

/>   On Saturday, I usually run the bakery by myself. It’s a day for little Connor and me to hang out together. But today, Rachael showed up at 10:00 to help me. It’s slower than normal for a Saturday. I guess the warm temperatures have our customers out doing other things. We do some light baking and decide to close the bakery a little earlier than usual. I’m surprised when Skylar and Ava show up to get Connor for the day. I never told Connor that we had plans with Luke today. I thought I would surprise him when he showed up at 1:00. Of course little Connor is excited to go with Skylar and Ava. When everyone leaves at 11:30, I decide to text Luke and tell him our plans have changed a bit.

  Nichole: Connor is spending the day with Ava and Skylar.

  Luke: I guess Chuck E. Cheese is out.

  I want to laugh.

  Nichole: Not unless you like that sort of thing.

  Luke: I think I can live without it. I guess I need to come up with something else.

  Nichole: We can cancel it if you want. I know this is short notice.

  Luke: Are you interested in hanging out at Tybee Island this afternoon? They’re having a sweet tea festival this weekend.

  Should I tell him I don’t like sweet tea? No, I’ll keep that to myself.

  Nichole: Sure, sounds like fun.

  Luke: Great, I’ll see you at 1:00.

  Nichole: See you soon.

  Luke: Oh, there’s one more thing. Do you like motorcycles?

  To look at? To ride?

  Nichole: I guess so.

  Luke: Good, I’ll bring you a helmet.

  I look down at my sundress and decide jeans and a tee-shirt would be a better choice. I don’t have riding boots, but I do have boots that will work better than tennis shoes or sandals. I’m a little excited just thinking about riding on a motorcycle. I have to admit this is a first for me. I lay a jacket over the arm of the sofa and wait for Luke.

  When I hear a bike pull up outside, I open the door and watch as Luke backs into a parking spot. When he sees me, he smiles and waves. Walking out further onto the balcony of the apartment, I watch as he removes his helmet.

  “Let me get my jacket and I’ll be right down.”

  “Take your time.”

  I dart into the house and shove some money and my driver’s license into my cell phone case and shove it into the pocket of my jacket. Since being married to Brett, I always have this need to have my own money and some form of I.D. I guess fear will always be a part of who I am. A need to be able to take care of myself in any situation, or at least to get myself to safety.

  After locking up, I meet Luke in the parking lot.

  “Sorry I’m late,” he says apologetically.

  “Don’t be. You’re fine. If you are late, I didn’t notice,” I say because it’s the truth. I look at my watch and it’s just past 1:00.

  “Wow! You look beautiful, by the way.”

  If he was late, this is enough for me to forgive him. “Thank you.”

  “Here, let’s try this on. I want to make sure it fits before we leave.”

  I expect him to hand me the helmet, but he doesn’t. I stand there as he gently slips it on over my head. I think this is the closest I’ve ever been to him. I get a whiff of his cologne as the wind blows. He brushes the loose strands of hair from my face before fastening the helmet. After he moves it side to side, he says, “Perfect fit.”

  “I thought we could take the scenic route to the beach. Is that okay with you?”

  “Sure, that sounds great.” And it does.

  “Have you ever been on a bike before?” I shake my head. “The only two things you need to know are to hang on, and lean with me, not against me.”

  “Got it.”

  “Good.” Just before we pull out of the driveway, he leans back and says, “I love motorcycles.”

  I forgot all about his game. I wasn’t even thinking about what I would expose to him today. Today, he’s making it easy. “I love baking.”

  “I figured as much.” Just before we pull out onto the road, he adds, “Hold on, I don’t want you falling off.”

  Reluctantly, I wrap both arms around him and it feels awkward. I haven’t been this close to anyone in a long time. He’s not Brett and I thank God for that. But it does feel strange being this close to a man.

  I soon realize that while on a motorcycle, conversation is nearly non-existent. It’s hard to talk over a roaring engine. When he sees something he wants me to see, he taps me on my leg and points in the direction he’s looking at.

  He’s very cautious and alert. Savannah’s beautiful and seeing it from a motorcycle is exciting. With the wind blowing on my face, I feel free. This is one date I’ll never forget. We park near Tybee Island and Luke secures our jackets and helmets in the saddle bags before we take off walking around the area. Looking down at me he asks, “Shall we?”

  He offers me his hand and I take it. We have lunch and a sweet tea under a shade tree. We talk about the bakery, his new house, and little Connor. Nothing is brought up about our past, although I know its coming. It won’t be long before he reveals some small thing about himself. I decide to surprise him and go first.

  “I’ve always wanted to take photography classes.”

  He looks pleased that I’ve revealed something without being prompted.

  “My turn?” he asks.

  “Those are the rules you made.”

  Smiling he says, “Let me think.” He pauses as if he’s searching his brain. “I like to sketch in my spare time.”

  “I can’t draw a stick figure,” I admit.

  “It’s not that hard to draw.”

  “Do you have any of your work framed?”

  “I have a few pieces that my mother had framed years ago.”

  I remember him telling me his mom was murdered. I decide to change the subject. “I can’t draw, but I used to have a passion for refinishing and repainting old wooden furniture.”

  “Do you have pieces in your home that you’ve restored?”

  “I don’t. When I moved from Lake City, I started new; I left everything that reminded me of my past there.” I’m not sure why I decided to divulge that information to him. He doesn’t say anything else about Lake City or my past.

  “I could teach you some techniques on photography. Maybe next weekend we could take Connor out and take some photographs.”

  “I’d love to, but I don’t have a camera.”

  “You can use mine. You’ll catch on in no time.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Ready to walk around and browse some of the craft tables?”

  “Sure, I’d love to.”

  We walk past some of the booths and see the different talents of the locals. We make small talk and it’s comfortable. He offers to buy me small trinkets, but I refuse. The woman says that in the Caribbean it’s known for its healing powers. I don’t ask and he doesn’t say who he’s buying it for.

  “Drew and Skylar have a bar down here. Do you want to stop and have a drink?” I ask once he’s made his purchase. When I see uncertainty in his eyes, I remember how Luke and Drew know each other. I’m sure the last thing Luke wants is to be reminded of his military past. Not that he can ever forget it. It would be more difficult with it staring at you in the face every day. That’s why I’m glad when I left, I was able to leave my past and everything reminding me of it in Lake City. Well, the memories and physical scars are still with me. “You know what, we don’t have to.”

  “No, it’s okay. I’ve heard a lot of great things about their business. I’ve just never made it down this way to see it.”

  Still holding hands, we walk in the direction of the beach. As we near the bar, I see a blonde standing near the water’s edge watching us. I see her clearly, but before I can say anything, she disappears into the crowd.

  “What is it?” Luke asks.

  I stare out into the crowd looking for Lorraine. I want to say something, but nothing comes out. M
y legs suddenly feel like Jell-O. It can’t be Lorraine. She’s dead.