Forever Seventeen

CHAPTER TEN: Broken and gone

  I was in my tour bus all alone when I heard a faint tapping noise. I rolled out of bed and tumbled onto the floor. I stumbled to my feet and trudged to my window to see what the commotion was. I saw Hunter standing and tossing pebbles at the side of my bus. He had a big, goofy grin on plastered on his face as if he contained some secret I was unaware of.

  “Good morning, gorgeous!” He cried. I walked to the door and opened it.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “I wanna take you somewhere.” He said, grinning cheekily. I raised an eyebrow and clung a little tighter onto the door frame.

  “Oh, come on! Don't be scared. I promise you'll love it.” He stated, still smiling.

  “Oh, alright, but wipe that goofy grin off your face.” I said.

  “You make me smile.” He stated. I rolled my eyes.

  “Cheesy.” I muttered.

  “Hey, I heard that!” He cried, opening his car door. I slid in and he started the engine up. He had a sharpie, a bunch of paper, and a jar all sitting on his dashboard. His car was usually completely spotless.

  “What's this?” I asked, grabbing the mess up off the dashboard.

  “Nothing.” He said, quickly snatching the items out of my hands.

  “You're making me nervous now.” I said. He just grinned at me. I melted a little when he did. When he smiled his eyes light up and his dimples showed deep within his cheeks. For the first time, I smiled back at him. I hated to smile and to be honest being with Hunter was the most I'd smiled in quite sometime. It was weird how he just accepted me. I didn't even try to impress him. Usually, when I liked someone I was awkward, weird, and even mean sometimes. I just didn't know how to act.

  He patted my knee, snapping me back into attention.

  “I like this song.” I said, humming along. A dark look passed over him.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “It reminds me of someone.” He muttered. I studied the look on his face.

  “Bailey?” I said, after a moment of silence. He jumped a little at her name.

  “How did you know about her?” He almost hissed.

  “I saw an interview.” I replied, quietly. A satisfied smile crossed his lips as he looked at me.

  “You were stalking me?” He asked, looking over at me.

  “N-no, of course not! That's ridiculous.” I replied, quickly. I couldn't look him in the eyes when I said it though because it was completely true. I stalked him because wanted to know about him, but I didn't want to get know him personally. I felt his lips against my cheek. The feeling sent shivers down my spine. He must have felt me shiver because he pulled me closer, his lips pressing a little harder. A horn blared at us making him jump and me scream. The light had turned green. We both laughed as the driver shouted at us. He sped off to catch up with the other cars in front of us, still laughing as he did.

  “Did you love her?” I asked, breaking the silence after a while. He sighed heavily and had a far off look his eyes.

  “Yes... yes, I loved her very much.” He stated.

  “What went wrong then?” I questioned.

  “Everyone thinks that I broke her heart. That I cheated, or I thought I was too good. Mostly, that I couldn't die down and commit to anyone or anything. It's not true. She cheated and she thought she was too good. The things she said to me were enough to make the toughest man in the world cry. Then, I saw her with my best friend. That was the end. She ripped me apart. It's hard to love when someone has shattered every piece of you. I gave her all I had.” He said, his voice breaking a bit. I stared at him not knowing how to comfort him. I lightly touched him. He put his hand on mine, before kissing it.

  “I don't need her.” He whispered. I swallowed hard, staring at his fiery eyes.

  “I have you now, babe.” He whispered. He lightly put his finger beneath my chin and lifting my face. I nodded.

  “You have me. I'm your's.” I whispered back. When I said it out loud, I felt as if it were official. I belonged to him and him to me. There was no more questioning if I was actually good enough or if he really loved me. Because I knew now he did and for the first time I actually felt loved. He slid out of the car, opened my door, then took my hand. I didn't say anything, just let him lead me wherever we were going. He took me onto the beach. The sand felt good against me feet and the wind was lightly blowing his blonde waves. It looked like something off a movie. He started up the highest dune in the entire beach. We both climbed and crawled through the cool sand until we finally reached the top. He offered me his hands. I took them gladly as he pulled me up.

  “It's beautiful.” I whispered. He nodded. We both looked out on the turquoise blue water. The sun set into it, exploding orange and yellow colors into the pink sky. The sun reflected and glinted in the water. Hunter turned me to face me. I looked into his eyes. They were a deep blue that seemed to match the water. He held out a bunch of strips of paper and a sharpie to me.

  “I want you to write down every mean name you've ever been called before.” He said. My jaw dropped practically to the floor.

  “What? Why? No.” I said, stubbornly. I don't want to bring those memories back. They're forgotten. They're painful.

  “Please...just trust me.” He said, putting the sharpie in my hand.

  I crossed my arms and huffed out a stubborn sigh.

  “I won't do it.” I said, shaking my head firmly.

  “Sam, do you not trust me?” He questioned.

  “Not at the moment.” I stated. Hunter looked at me with his big, blue, pleading eyes.

  “Whatever.” I muttered. I set my jaw angrily. I didn't know why he was making me do this. Was he mocking me? Maybe those magazines were right. Maybe he was a jerk. I started sloppily scribbling the mean names I had been called on the strip of paper I'd been given. Ugly. Fat. Stupid. Dumb. Worthless. Odd. Outcast. Unwanted. Unloved. Unaccepted. Idiot. Jerk. Mean. Attention seeker. Before I knew it I had filled up every bit of space on all the papers. When I was done I looked up at Hunter. He was staring off into the sunset, his hair slightly ruffled from the wind. He looked beautiful, right now, breathe taking to be honest. He set his fiery blue eyes on me while holding out his hand. I placed the papers in his hand and watched silently as he shoved them in the jar. He screwed the lid onto the jar and chucked it off the top of the dune. I heard the glass shatter loudly and looked down at the millions of pieces lying in the sand. A gust of wind came and blew the papers away. I watched as the papers flew with the breeze off into the fiery sunset. They blew far, far away from where I stood.

  The tide came in and took every single one of the pieces of glass away with it as well.

  “Those words and things don't have to be in your mind anymore.” Hunter said softly, as he kissed my head. I looked out into the sunset where those words lie, desingrated and ruined. They were burned and never able to be accessed again.

  “As for the pieces that were broken... they're all picked up now.” He said, gesturing to the ocean where the broken shards of glass lie.

  “Broken and gone.” I said, looking far out into the ocean. I felt him lightly lift my wrist with his fingertips. He wrote the word “STRONG” in big, black, bold letters across my wrist. The way he did his letters was beautiful. They curled in a very specific, artistic way. Hunter grinned cheekily at me. He lifted me up, threw me over his shoulder, and bounded down the dune.

  “HUNTER! STOP!” I squealed. He spun around, making me explode into giggles. He then ran toward the ocean.

  “Oh my gosh, you better not!” I cried. He continued running toward it.

  “I'm warning you! I'll kill you!” I screamed. He ran into the ocean and dropped me into the water. I gasped as the freezing water made contact with my skin. He just laughed and pulled me into his chest. I shivered, which only made him cold me tighter. I could feel his body
shivering from the cold as well.

  “I can't believe you!” I cried, shakily. I pushed him off me and splashed him. He fell back a little which was the perfect opportunity for me to grab him and dunk him under. He came back up, his mouth gaping wide open as he gasped for air.

  “Oh, you shouldn't have done that!” He screamed. He ran toward me. I tried to run, but my legs couldn't seem to push through the water fast enough. I felt his arms grab me from behind then he lifted me over my head as if I were weightless.

  “Please don't dunk me.” I said, poking out my bottom lip in a pouty gesture. I batted my eyelashes at him and he grinned a little.

  “You're cute.” He said. I smiled and shrugged.

  “I know.” I said, cockily.

  “But cute won't get you out of this.” He said, as he tossed me into the water. I made a huge splash as my body was catapulted into the water. I gasped for air as I broke the surface.

  “I'm going to kill you.” I said, starting toward him.

  “Go right ahead.” He said, yanking me toward him and kissing my lips. He cupped both sides of my face, his fingers spreading across my jaw to my neck. I slowly pulled my hands out of the water and wrapped them loosely around him. I kissed him back and for once I actually wasn't scared.

  “I'm still mad though.” I stated. He hugged me and tried to make up for his sneaky move. He was playing it tough, but I could feel him shivering too. We both couldn't take the cold much longer. He took my hand and lead me out of the water. He wrapped a towel around my shoulders and hugged me tightly to keep me warm. I nodded my gratitude unable to speak.

  “Your lips are blue.” He said with a shiver.

  “It's cold.” I said shakily. He pecked them softly and I felt the warmth of his when he did. When we got to the car, I stopped short.

  “Hunter, we're gonna get the seats in your car all wet.” I protested. He shrugged and looked at me.

  “So?” He said.

  “But this car is so nice.” I said, looking at it admirable.

  “Then you'll know all the pain I go through for you.” He said, with a smile as he opened the car door. He was such a gentlemen. I eased slowly into the car, hearing the seat squish with water beneath me. I cringed when it made that sound, thinking of how expense these seats were. I hummed along to the radio merrily the whole way home, thinking of how lucky I was to have someone like him. I was lucky really just to have anyone in general.

  The next morning, I woke in New York. The boys were playing a big show here and we had traveled over night. I listened to the blare of horns, the chatter of the bustling people, and breathed the fragrance of various sorts of food. I woke up, got out of the bus, and headed to the stage for rehearsals. As I walked in, I found Kade sitting all alone on the stage.

  “Looks like I'm early.” I said, looking around.

  “Looks like it. Nobody usually gets up at this hour.” He said, setting his dark eyes on me.

  “Eh, the early bird gets the worm.” I stated.

  “You getting used to how things work around here?” Kade asked.

  “I guess so. I mean it's hard to get used to something like this, but I think I'm getting the hang of it.” I replied with a nod. He inched a bit closer with every word I said until he was about at arms length.

  “I've always wanted to know how to playing guitar.” He said, glancing at the guitar neck poking out from behind my back.

  “It's easy. I could show you some time.” I offered. It was an empty offer of course though.

  “How about now?” Kade asked.

  “Oh...of course.” I said, a little taken aback. This guy jumped right into everything. He was different, but a good kind of different. He sat down in one of the arena seats and I hesitantly took a seat beside him.

  “Okay, first put your hands here.” I said, pointing to the guitar neck. He was awful. No matter how I tried to describe it he simply wouldn't place his hand on the right spot of the neck. So I put my hands over his trying to guide him better. He smiled a little when I did and I wasn't sure why. He looked at my wrist and took it softly in his hand.

  “Why does it say that?” He asked, staring at the word. It was the word “Strong” written in bold letters from the day before when Hunter had wrote it there. I shifted uncomfortably, trying to take my wrist away. His grip remained firm though. He pulled up his shirt sleeve to reveal the same word tattooed in the same bold letters on his upper arm. He held my wrist next to his forearm and compared the two. They looked almost identical.

  “We're the same.” He whispered, looking from his arm to my wrist. I nodded, not knowing what to say.

  “Tell me your story.” He said, boldly. He was blunt and straight to the point. I liked that. I liked that a lot actually.

  “How about you tell me your's first?” I asked, challenging his bravery.

  “It's quite a long one.” He informed.

  “I've got time.” I said, with a shrug. He took a deep breathe and stared off at the stage before beginning

  “Well, I was home-schooled pretty much my entire which and as you can imagine that was a problem all of it's own. It works for some people, but not really for me. I wasn't that type. My parents and I fought a lot so it just wasn't working. My mom got a job when I was twelve and decided to put me in public school. Right away, I could tell how incredibly different I was from all the other kids. I dressed different, acted different, learned differently, and even talked differently. They hated me. Never in my life have I felt less accepted than when those school doors opened wide. I was picked last in just about everything. I remember sitting there miserably while they picked teams knowing I'd be last...every single day. I'd run home from school as fast as I could in fear of getting beat up and it actually happened a few times. But all of this changed one day. I met a girl and her name was Jade. I know it sounds cheesy, but the minute I saw her I knew I loved her.” He said with a far away look in his eyes. You could tell just by the way he said her name that he loved her.

  “Jade was the prettiest girl in school with long blonde, flowing hair and crystal blue eyes. When she smiled at me it was kind of like nobody else in the world existed. I was dared one day to ask her out. They knew I'd only embarrass myself and she'd reject me, but I wanted to prove them wrong. Then...she said yes. She told me to pick her up at seven and that I better not be late. All the guys sat there with their jaws hanging to the floor. We dated from sophomore year until senior year. I was positive that was the girl I'd spend the rest of my life with. But then...something happened.” His eyes flickered when he said it and I could tell a dark memory was popping into his head.

  “It was on the year of our third anniversary. I had dinner reservations and that was when I was planning to purpose.” He said, tears beginning to form in his dark eyes.

  “Purpose?! How old are you?” I asked.

  “Nineteen...I know I'm young. But when you love someone like that age doesn't seem to really matter that much anymore.” He said, a smile forming on his lips. I shrugged and leaned forward intently ready for him to continue his story.

  “I was with some friends and we were being really stupid. I had gotten this new car and I was so stoked to drive it. My buddies asked me to race. Jade said it was a bad idea, but I didn't care. I told it would all be okay... I lied. I was going so fast and then I slammed on the breaks. She was the only one not wearing a seat-belt. She went through the windshield and...” His voice started to quiver. He looked away from me. He was trying to be tough. I almost reached out to comfort him, but I stopped myself. I just stayed quiet, the silence willing him to go on.

  “I remember her hands flying out in front of me then her screaming...then silence. I hit my head on the dashboard and collar bone on the dashboard. I knocked out.” Kade said. He pulled down his shirt collar, revealing his deformed collar bone. I always knew that there was something weird about that neck of his.

  “When, I woke up they told me that she was gone. I remember trying to get
out of the hospital bed and get to her. I didn't believe them. I didn't believe that the only girl who actually accepted me was gone. She was my best friend... my only friend.” He said, sighing heavily. He traced his fingertips over his tattoo.

  “I got this tattoo to remember her. To tell myself that I am strong even without her...it's a lie though. I'm weak without her. I'm nothing without her.” He said quietly.

  “How long has it been?” I asked.

  “Two years. I spent a year of that under house arrest for my stupid driving. They make it sound like I did it on purpose...like her death was completely my fault. When all I was trying to do was have a happy ever after. So much for happy ever after.” Kade said.

  “So how did you end up here?” I questioned.

  “Well, my mom decided that I couldn't go back to school during my house arrest session. I didn't really wanna go back either. Because that school was where we first met, where I first asked her out, and where we first kissed. Just every where I went in that school reminded me of her. I was allowed to go to church and school during my arrest and that was it. Seeing as I didn't go to school I spent most of my time at home. That was the worst thing I could have done. All I did that entire year was sit on my bed and think of what I'd done. I wish that they would've locked me up. At least then I would have felt like I was paying for my crime instead of just sitting around killing myself with guilt. After my arrest was over, I decided that I had to get out of there. The house held too many memories and I just couldn’t deal with this anymore. That's when I tried out to be the boy's drummer, spent the year touring with them, and the rest is history.” He said. Silence fell over us for a moment.

  “That's...amazing. You deserve that tattoo more than I do.” I said, pointing to his forearm.

  “So what about you? What's your story?” He asked.

  “Well, to make the long story short. I've been bullied for years, I hate my mom, and my brother completely walked out on our family.” I stated.

  “I feel your pain.” He said.

  “I remember every night just wanting to sleep...forever.” I said quietly.

  “I don't see the difference in that and saying you want to die.” Kade said, setting his dark eyes on me.

  “That's because there is no difference.” I admitted, ashamed. I expected him to judge me for saying that...for saying I wanted to die, but instead he looked at me so tenderly. A look of compassion crossed over his face and he said this,

  “I felt that way too. I remember my mom would keep this little bottle of sleeping pills on the counter and I'd look at it lustfully. I wanted to take every single one and sleep...forever. But whenever I got the courage I chickened out. My heart beat fast, my knees got weak, and I even scared myself a little. It scared me that these weren't just little thoughts in the back of my mind anymore... they now seemed real. So I know what it's like to want to sleep...forever.” Kade said quietly.

  “But I felt like I was just getting used to the idea of being alone and then all this happens.” I said.

  “I think that when we're searching so hard for company we never seem to find it. Because while you're busy working so hard for the attention of others you might just miss what's been right under your nose waiting for you. Don't run so fast in life that you pass by the real friends.” Kade said. Whoa. That was deep.

  “To me it's easier just not to make friends. I feel like I take them for granted then when I really do come to the realization of how much they mean to me and voice it...they leave.” I stated.

  “I think I've come to the conclusion that those kind of people are put in our life for a very specific reason. Once you realize how much you need them they leave because their job is done. They've made a mark in your life and heart that will stay forever. Then God passes them along to someone else so they can change their lives as well... at least that's what I think God did with Jade.” Kade said softly.

  “Yeah, I think I've made some friends like that here.” I said weakly.

  “You're with Hunter aren't you?” He asked. I looked away a little embarrassed not wanting to answer the question. He set his dark eyes on me and I felt like they were boring into my soul...like he looked right through me.

  “Just promise me you'll be careful, okay? They don't call him “trouble” for nothing.” Kade said. I nodded solemnly, but I really wanted to change the subject.

  “You believe in God?” I questioned, referring to his earlier statement.

  “Yeah, I do actually. I used to go to church all the time when I was younger.” Kade replied.

  “I used to also...but then even church became and unsafe place for me.” I admitted.

  “Me too. I was in youth group and I used to love playing the games with the other kids. I'd get up in front of everyone and be so outgoing, but then I stopped. They'd sneer and make fun of me at every mistake and they'd chant for the opposite opponent no matter who it was. They hated me that much.” Kade said softly.

  “I know the feeling.” I admitted, pain crossing over my face at the memories.

  “You understand me.” Kade said.

  “Yeah...I guess I do.” I said quietly.

  “That's never happened before.” Kade whispered.

  “I've never belonged anywhere.” I stated.

  “We belong together. You belong to me.” Kade seemed to blurt out. He looked like he regretted it when he said it, but I have to admit I agreed. We understood each other... we belonged together.

  “Do you know where your brother is?” He asked, trying to change the subject. I shook my head.

  “The last we heard from him he was in some rehab home in Tennessee.” I said with a shrug.

  “You know the boys will be stopping in Tennessee sometime soon. I could help you find him.” He said.

  “You would?!” I cried. He nodded. I looked at him suspiciously.

  “But...why?” I asked.

  “I guess I have to do a whole lot of good to cover up the bad I've done in the past.” He said, setting his eyes at me. He looked at me as if I were glass. As if he could see right through me and that intrigued me. I wanted to get to know him more.

  “So now that we got that out of the way, how about you show me another cord on this guitar?” He asked. I guided his hand to the next cord. Hunter walked in right about then. He cleared his throat loudly, causing me to jump back.

  “Oh, uh...hi, Hunter.” I said, awkwardly.

  “What are you guys doing?” He asked, eying Kade angrily.

  “I was teaching him some cords. Nothing big.” I replied quickly.

  “You don't play guitar, Kade. Maybe you should stick to what's yours.” He said, with such fire in his eyes I thought he'd explode.

  “Yes, sir,” Kade said a bit sarcastically. He set his dark eyes on Hunter's green eyes and their icy stares were enough to kill. He walked slowly past Hunter grazing him a bit harshly when he walked by. His rebellious antics were so intriguing... I liked it. I liked him. I liked being understood.