Breathing Lessons

  “Well? So?” Ira said. “I would think that ought to tell you something.”

  “Tell me what?”

  “Tell you those two are a lost cause, Maggie.”

  “Oh, Ira, you just don’t give enough credit to luck,” Maggie said. “Good luck or bad luck, either one. Watch out for that car in front of you.”

  She meant the red Chevy—an outdated model, big as a barge, its finish worn down to the color of a dull red rubber eraser. Ira was already watching it. He didn’t like the way it kept drifting from side to side and changing speeds.

  “Honk,” Maggie instructed him.

  Ira said, “Oh, I’ll just—”

  He would just get past the fellow, he was going to say. Some incompetent idiot; best to put such people far behind you. He pressed the accelerator and checked the rearview mirror, but at the same time Maggie reached over to jab his horn. The long, insistent blare startled him. He seized Maggie’s hand and returned it firmly to her lap. Only then did he realize that the Chevy driver, no doubt equally startled, had slowed sharply just feet ahead. Maggie made a grab for the dashboard. Ira had no choice; he swerved right and plowed off the side of the road.

  Dust rose around them like smoke. The Chevy picked up speed and rounded a curve and vanished.

  “Jesus,” Ira said.

  Somehow their car had come to a stop, although he couldn’t recall braking. In fact, the engine had died. Ira was still gripping the wheel, and the keys were still swinging from the ignition, softly jingling against each other.

  “You just had to butt in, Maggie, didn’t you,” he said.

  “Me? You’re blaming this on me? What did I do?”

  “Oh, nothing. Only honked the horn when I was the one driving. Only scared that fellow so he lost what last few wits he had. Just once in your life, Maggie, I wish you would manage not to stick your nose in what doesn’t concern you.”

  “And if I didn’t, who would?” she asked him. “And how can you say it doesn’t concern me when here I sit in what’s known far and wide as the death seat? And also, it wasn’t my honking that caused the trouble; it was that crazy driver, slowing down for no apparent reason.”

  Ira sighed. “Anyway,” he said. “Are you all right?”

  “I could just strangle him!” she said.

  He supposed that meant she was fine.

  He restarted the engine. It coughed a couple of times and then took hold. He checked for traffic and pulled out onto the highway again. After the gravelly roadside, the pavement felt too frictionless, too easy. He noticed how his hands were shaking on the steering wheel.

  “That man was a maniac,” Maggie said.

  “Good thing we had our seat belts fastened.”

  “We ought to report him.”

  “Oh, well. So long as no one was hurt.”

  “Go faster, will you, Ira?”

  He glanced over at her.

  “I want to get his license number,” she said. Her tangled curls gave her the look of a wild woman.

  Ira said, “Now, Maggie. When you think about it, it was really as much our doing as his.”

  “How can you say that? When he was driving by fits and starts and wandering every which way; have you forgotten?”

  Where did she find the energy? he wondered. How come she had so much to expend? He was hot and his left shoulder ached where he’d slammed against his seat belt. He shifted position, relieving the pressure of the belt across his chest.

  “You don’t want him causing a serious accident, do you?” Maggie asked.

  “Well, no.”

  “Probably he’s been drinking. Remember that public-service message on TV? We have a civic duty to report him. Speed up, Ira.”

  He obeyed, mostly out of exhaustion.

  They passed an electrician’s van that had passed them earlier and then, as they crested a hill, they caught sight of the Chevy just ahead. It was whipping right along as if nothing had happened. Ira was surprised by a flash of anger. Damn fool driver. And who said it had to be a man? More likely a woman, strewing chaos everywhere without a thought. He pressed harder on the accelerator. Maggie said, “Good,” and rolled down her window.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “Go faster.”

  “What did you open your window for?”

  “Hurry, Ira! We’re losing him.”

  “Be funny if we got a ticket for this,” Ira said.

  But he let the speedometer inch up to sixty-five, to sixty-eight. They drew close behind the Chevy. Its rear window was so dusty that Ira had trouble seeing inside. All he could tell was that the driver wore a hat of some kind and sat very low in the seat. There didn’t seem to be any passengers. The license plate was dusty too—a Pennsylvania plate, navy and yellow, the yellow mottled with gray as if mildewed.

  “Y two eight—” Ira read out.

  “Yes, yes, I have it,” Maggie said. (She was the type who could still reel off her childhood telephone number.) “Now let’s pass him,” she told Ira.

  “Oh, well …”

  “You see what kind of driver he is. I think we ought to pass.”

  Well, that made sense. Ira veered left.

  Just as they came alongside the Chevy, Maggie leaned out her window and pointed downward with her index finger. “Your wheel!” she shouted. “Your wheel! Your front wheel is falling off!”

  “Good grief,” Ira said.

  He checked the mirror. Sure enough, the Chevy had slowed and was moving toward the shoulder.

  “Well, he believed you,” he said.

  He had to admit it was sort of a satisfaction.

  Maggie twisted around in her seat, gazing out the rear window. Then she turned to Ira. There was a stricken look on her face that he couldn’t account for. “Oh, Ira,” she said.

  “Now what.”

  “He was old, Ira.”

  Ira said, “These goddamn senior-citizen drivers …”

  “Not only was he old,” she said. “He was black.”

  “So?”

  “I didn’t see him clearly till I’d said that about the wheel,” she said. “He didn’t mean to run us off the road! I bet he doesn’t even know it happened. He had this wrinkled, dignified face and when I told him about the wheel his mouth dropped open but still he remembered to touch the brim of his hat. His hat! His gray felt hat like my grandfather wore!”

  Ira groaned.

  Maggie said, “Now he thinks we played a trick on him. He thinks we’re racist or something and lied about his wheel to be cruel.”

  “He doesn’t think any such thing,” Ira said. “As a matter of fact, he has no way of knowing his wheel isn’t falling off. How would he check it? He’d have to watch it in motion.”

  “You mean he’s still sitting there?”

  “No, no,” Ira said hastily. “I mean he’s probably back on the road by now but he’s traveling a little slower, just to make sure it’s all right.”

  “I wouldn’t do that,” Maggie said.

  “Well, you’re not him.”

  “He wouldn’t do that, either. He’s old and confused and alone and he’s sitting there in his car, too scared to drive another inch.”

  “Oh, Lord,” Ira said.

  “We have to go back and tell him.”

  Somehow, he’d known that was coming.

  “We won’t say we deliberately lied,” Maggie said. “We’ll tell him we just weren’t sure. We’ll ask him to make a test drive while we watch, and then we’ll say, ‘Oops! Our mistake. Your wheel is fine; we must have misjudged.’ ”

  “Where’d you get this ‘we’ business?” Ira asked. “I never told him it was loose in the first place.”

  “Ira, I’m begging you on bended knee, please turn around and go rescue that man.”

  “It is now one-thirty in the afternoon,” Ira said. “With luck we could be home by three. Maybe even two-thirty. I could open the shop for a couple of hours, which may not be much but it’s better than nothing.”

>   “That poor old man is sitting in his car staring straight in front of him not knowing what to do,” Maggie said. “He’s still hanging on to the steering wheel. I can see him as plain as day.”

  So could Ira.

  He slowed as they came to a large, prosperous-looking farm. A grassy lane led toward the barn, and he veered onto that without signaling first, in order to make the turn seem more sudden and more exasperated. Maggie’s sunglasses scooted the length of the dashboard. Ira backed up, waited for a stream of traffic that all at once materialized, and then spun out onto Route One again, this time heading north.

  Maggie said, “I knew you couldn’t be heartless.”

  “Just imagine,” Ira told her. “All up and down this highway, other couples are taking weekend drives together. They’re traveling from Point A to Point B. They’re holding civilized discussions about, I don’t know, current events. Disarmament. Apartheid.”

  “He probably thinks we belong to the Ku Klux Klan,” Maggie said. She started chewing her lip the way she always did when she was worried.

  “No stops, no detours,” Ira said. “If they take any break at all, it’s for lunch in some classy old inn. Someplace they researched ahead of time, where they even made reservations.”

  He was starving, come to think of it. He hadn’t eaten a thing at Serena’s.

  “It was right about here,” Maggie said, perking up. “I recognize those silos. It was just before those mesh-looking silos. There he is.”

  Yes, there he was, not sitting in his car after all but walking around it in a wavery circle—a stoop-shouldered man the color of a rolltop desk, wearing one of those elderly suits that seem longer in front than in back. He was studying the tires of the Chevy, which might have been abandoned years ago; it had a settled, resigned appearance. Ira signaled and made a U-turn, arriving neatly behind so the two cars’ bumpers almost touched. He opened the door and stepped out. “Can we help?” he called.

  Maggie got out too but seemed willing for once to let Ira do the talking.

  “It’s my wheel,” the old man said. “Lady back up the road a ways pointed out my wheel was falling off.”

  “That was us,” Ira told him. “Or my wife, at least. But you know, I believe she might have been wrong. That wheel seems fine to me.”

  The old man looked at him directly now. He had a skull-like, deeply lined face, and the whites of his eyes were so yellow they were almost brown. “Oh, well, surely, seems fine,” he said. “When the car is setting stark still like it is.”

  “But I mean even before,” Ira told him. “Back when you were still on the road.”

  The old man appeared unconvinced. He prodded the tire with the toe of his shoe. “Anyhow,” he said. “Mighty nice of you folks to stop.”

  Maggie said, “Nice! It’s the least we could do.” She stepped forward. “I’m Maggie Moran,” she said. “This is my husband, Ira.”

  “My name’s Mr. Daniel Otis,” the old man said, touching the brim of his hat.

  “Mr. Otis, see, I had this sort of, like, mirage as we were driving past your car,” Maggie said. “I thought I noticed your wheel wobbling. But then the very next instant I said, ‘No, I believe I imagined it.’ Didn’t I, Ira? Just ask Ira. ‘I believe I made that driver stop for no good reason,’ I told him.”

  “They’s all kindly explanations why you might have seen it wobble,” Mr. Otis said.

  “Why, certainly!” Maggie cried. “Heat waves, maybe, rippling above the pavement. Or maybe, I don’t know—”

  “Might have been a sign, too,” Mr. Otis said.

  “Sign?”

  “Might have been the Lord was trying to warn me.”

  “Warn you about what?”

  “Warn me my left front wheel was fixing to drop off.”

  Maggie said, “Well, but—”

  “Mr. Otis,” Ira said. “I think it’s more likely my wife just made a mistake.”

  “Now, you can’t know that.”

  “An understandable mistake,” Ira said, “but all the same, a mistake. So what we ought to do is, you get into your car and drive it just a few yards down the shoulder. Maggie and I will watch. If your wheel’s not loose, you’re free and clear. If it is, we’ll take you to a service station.”

  “Oh, why, I appreciate that,” Mr. Otis said. “Maybe Buford, if it ain’t too much trouble.”

  “Pardon?”

  “Buford Texaco. It’s up ahead a piece; my nephew works there.”

  “Sure, anywhere,” Ira said, “but I’m willing to bet—”

  “In fact, if it ain’t too much trouble you might just go on and carry me there right now,” Mr. Otis said.

  “Now?”

  “I don’t relish driving a car with a wheel about to drop off.”

  “Mr. Otis,” Ira said. “We’ll test the wheel. That’s what I’ve been telling you.”

  “I’ll test it,” Maggie said.

  “Yes, Maggie will test it. Maggie? Honey, maybe I should be the one.”

  “Shoot, yes; it’s way too risky for a lady,” Mr. Otis told her.

  Ira had been thinking of the risk to the Chevy, but he said, “Right. You and Mr. Otis watch; I’ll drive.”

  “No, sir, I can’t allow you to do that,” Mr. Otis said. “I appreciate it, but I can’t allow it. Too much danger. You folks just carry me to the Texaco, please, and my nephew will come fetch the car with the tow truck.”

  Ira looked at Maggie. Maggie looked back at him helplessly. The sounds of traffic whizzing past reminded him of those TV thrillers where spies rendezvoused in modern wastelands, on the edges of superhighways or roaring industrial complexes.

  “Listen,” Ira said. “I’ll just come right out with this—”

  “Or don’t carry me! Don’t,” Mr. Otis cried. “I already inconvenienced you-all enough, I know that.”

  “The fact is, we feel responsible,” Ira told him. “What we said about your wheel wasn’t so much a mistake as a plain and simple, um, exaggeration.”

  “Yes, we made it up,” Maggie said.

  “Aw, no,” Mr. Otis said, shaking his head, “you just trying to stop me from worrying.”

  “A while back you kind of, like, more or less, slowed down too suddenly in front of us,” Maggie said, “and caused us to run off the road. Not intending to, I realize, but—”

  “I did that?”

  “Not intending to,” Maggie assured him.

  “And besides,” Ira said, “you probably slowed because we accidentally honked. So it’s not as if—”

  “Oh, I declare. Florence, that’s my niece, she is all the time after me to turn in my driver’s license, but I surely never expected—”

  “Anyhow, I did a very inconsiderate thing,” Maggie told him. “I said your wheel was falling off when really it was fine.”

  “Why, I call that a very Christian thing,” Mr. Otis said. “When I had caused you to run off the road! You folks been awful nice about this.”

  “No, see, really the wheel was—”

  “Many would’ve let me ride on to my death,” Mr. Otis said.

  “The wheel was fine!” Maggie told him. “It wasn’t wobbling in the slightest.”

  Mr. Otis tipped his head back and studied her. His lowered eyelids gave him such a haughty, hooded expression that it seemed he might finally have grasped her meaning. But then he said, “Naw, that can’t be right. Can it? Naw. I tell you: Now that I recollect, that car was driving funny all this morning. I knew it and yet didn’t know it, you know? And I reckon it must’ve hit you-all the same way—kindly like you half glimpsed it out of the corner of your vision so you were moved to say what you did, not understanding just why.”

  That settled it; Ira took action. “Well, then,” he said, “nothing to do but test it. Keys inside?” And he strode briskly to the Chevy and opened the door and slid in.

  “Aw, now!” Mr. Otis cried. “Don’t you go risking your neck for me, mister!”

  “He’ll be all right,” M
aggie told him.

  Ira gave Mr. Otis a reassuring wave.

  Even though the window was open, the Chevy was pulsing with heat. The clear plastic seat cover seemed to have partially melted, and there was a strong smell of overripe banana. No wonder: The remains of a bag lunch sat on the passenger seat—a crumpled sack, a banana peel, and a screw of cellophane.

  Ira turned the key in the ignition. When the engine roared up he leaned out toward Maggie and Mr. Otis and said, “Watch carefully.”

  They said nothing. For two people who looked so little alike, they wore oddly similar expressions: wary and guarded, as if braced for the worst.

  Ira put the car in gear and started rolling along the shoulder. He felt he was driving something that stood out too far on all sides—a double bed, for instance. Also, there was a rattle in the exhaust system.

  After a few yards, he braked and cocked his head out the window. The others had not moved from where they stood; they’d merely turned their faces in his direction.

  “Well?” he called.

  There was a pause. Then Mr. Otis said, “Yessir, seem like I did see a bit of jiggling motion to it.”

  “You did?” Ira asked.

  He quirked an eyebrow at Maggie.

  “But you didn’t,” he said.

  “Well, I’m not certain,” Maggie told him.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Maybe I just imagined it,” she said, “but I thought there was a little, sort of, I don’t know …”

  Ira shifted gears and backed up with a jolt. When he was alongside them once more he said, “Now I want you both to watch very, very closely.”

  He drove farther this time, a dozen yards or so. They were forced to follow him. He glanced in the side-view mirror and saw Maggie scurrying along with her arms folded beneath her bosom. He stopped the car and climbed out to face them.

  “Oh, that wheel is loose, all right,” Mr. Otis called as he arrived.

  Ira said, “Maggie?”

  “It reminded me of a top, just before it stops spinning and falls over,” Maggie said.

  “Now listen here, Maggie—”

  “I know! I know!” she said. “But I can’t help it, Ira; I really saw it wobble. And also it looked kind of squashy.”